Made To Love You

by Megan Smith

  I’m in action before she even turns around. I position Jaylinn so she’s cradled in my arms with the two nurses on either side of me.

  One of the nurses turns around. “You all stay here until we get her situated downstairs.”

  We step into the elevator as Jaylinn starts to moan. My body sags in relief, she’s coming to. “Jay, baby, can you hear me?”

  She moans louder and tries moving her head. “Hang on. We’re getting you downstairs to get checked out.”

  The doors ding and open. A nurse is there with a bed. I lie Jaylinn down on it and they wheel her down into an empty room and it’s a flurry of activity. I stand to the side as they work on connecting wires and other things to Jaylinn. Her eyes are pinned to mine and I see the tears that slip out. I take a step closer and the heart monitor spikes a little.

  She mouths the words I’m sorry but I shake my head. She has nothing to be sorry for. I should have seen this happening. I should have known better then to let her walk into a room like that. I should have went and found her.

  An older doctor steps into the room and Jaylinn starts crying harder. She’s almost to the point of hysteria. The doctor takes a look at the computer screen that a nurse is typing into then glances over at Jaylinn.

  “How are you feeling?”

  She tries to talk but she can’t get the words out.

  “We were upstairs and just got news that a friend of ours passed away and she fainted,” I explain and Jaylinn sobs so loud that the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

  “Okay,” the doctor nods and turns towards the nurse. “Let’s get her something to calm her down and then we’ll reevaluate.”

  “No,” Jaylinn cries. “You can’t.”

  The doctor and nurse both turn to look at her. Jaylinn turns her head and pierces me with the two words that come out of her mouth. “I’m pregnant.” It comes out like a whisper but the words are like a scream to me.

  “You’re pregnant?” I ask just to make sure I heard her correct.

  Her face pinches in pain and the crying continues. “I’m sorry.”

  I take the last step to her bed and cup her face with both my hands. I wipe some tears away with my thumbs. “You’re going to have my baby.”

  She nods, the tears are never ending.

  I hear the doctor ask the nurse to call OB down.

  “I’m so sorry.”

  I tip her head up so she’ll look at me. “Don’t be sorry. It’s okay.” I get a little flutter in my chest. She’s pregnant with my baby. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  Jaylinn turns when I sit on the side of her bed. “I just found out yesterday. Layla…” Her voice trails off as a sob escapes.

  I lean forward and wrap my arms around her trying to give her all my strength. “It’s okay. Take a deep breath.”

  “We were in her office and she was complaining about cramps,” she sniffs. “It was then that I realized I hadn’t got my period for a while. We got a few tests, went back to the office and took them.” She looks away.” You were home sleeping and I didn’t want to wake you. I know you haven’t been sleeping well lately.” Her head falls down. “I took all three tests and all came back positive. When I woke you up we had to leave and go meet Layla and Eli for dinner and then you had to go right into work. I was going to tell you tonight over dinner.”

  I nod understanding just as another doctor, who I assume is an OB, enters and is all smiles as she glances at Jaylinn’s chart on the computer.

  “Well, it looks like you’ve calmed down a bit so that’s a great start.” Jaylinn nods as fresh tears spring to her eyes. “I’m Dr. Mock,” she holds her hand out for Jaylinn to shake.

  “So tell me a little about what’s going on.” She glances back to the monitor with the notes. “I see that you just found out your pregnant, correct?”

  Jaylinn nods and wipes the tears away with the back of her hand. “I just took a test yesterday, three actually, and all came back positive.” Her eyes cut over to mine. She needs my help with the next part.

  “We just found out that a good friend of ours passed away a little bit ago. Jaylinn here,” I nod towards her, “fainted upstairs when we got the news.”

  “I’m so sorry to hear that. I know this is a lot for you right now, especially with the passing of your friend.” Dr. Mock smiles sadly at us. “I’d like to get an ultrasound done just so we can rule out any issues that could arise. Jaylinn, when was your last menstrual cycle?”

  She takes a deep breath, “Near the end of December, right before Christmas.” Jaylinn clears her throat. “My cycles are normal but with all the emotional stress I’ve been going through lately I didn’t even realize I was late until yesterday.”

  Then it dawns on me that we were drinking the weekend I proposed, she had a few drinks the other weekend when she went out with the girls, too. As I work all this out in my head Jaylinn does, too.

  “I, uh…I’ve had some alcohol since my last period. Could that, uh…hurt the baby?”

  Dr. Mock pats Jaylinn’s leg. “Since it looks like you may only be a few weeks I’m sure everything is fine but let’s get that ultrasound done.”

  We both nod.

  “The technician will come and get you shortly and I’ll see you here in a bit.”

  “Thank you.” Jaylinn leans her head back against the pillow.

  I pull a chair up alongside of her and reach for her hand.

  “Cooper, what happened with, uh…”

  I squeeze my eyes shut and look away. I can’t tell her right now, not until I know she’s going to be fine. Once we get the okay with her and the baby I’ll tell her. “Let’s make sure you’re okay first, alright? I don’t want anything else to affect you until I know you and,” I glance down to her stomach, “the baby are okay.”

  Jaylinn places a hand gently on her stomach and pats it a few times. “Look I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

  “Don’t,” I interrupt her. “Don’t be sorry. We don’t deserve anymore sorry, Jay. We’ve just about ran out, okay?” If I ever hear those words again it’ll be too soon.

  “Okay. I know this isn’t the greatest time and we really didn’t want to have—”

  “Stop.” I beg. “It’s like this was a gift to us. Someone close to us was taken…” I get choked up on the words and have to take a second. Jaylinn starts crying again. “Someone was taken from us but we were given a gift in their place.” I reach over and place my hand on top of her stomach. “I love you.” It’s all I can say before the events of today crash down on me hard. We lost a friend, another is still battling for his life, and I was given this gift, this baby, one life for another. It shouldn’t be like this but it is. I find myself in the most fucking ironic situation right now. It’s so hard to be happy…it’s even harder not to be happy and celebrate this with Jaylinn.

  I lean my head down on the bed near Jaylinn’s hip and cry. I never cry. I always keep things bottled up but this broke me. She places her hand on top of my head giving me all the support she can since she’s hooked up to all kinds of monitors. Minutes later she moves over a little and I climb up on the bed with her and we wrap our arms around each other. We’re leaning on each other the way we should be, the way we always will.

  After a while the ultrasound technician comes in and informs us that we’re being moved upstairs to labor and delivery. Jaylinn freezes next to me and clutches my hand tight.

  The technician notices. “It’s the only available room for the ultrasound. Otherwise you’ll be waiting a few hours down here and Dr. Mock put a rush on yours.”

  Jaylinn and I both release a breath.

  The nurse comes in seconds later and disconnects a few wires from Jaylinn. I wait until the last possible second before getting off the bed. The second I do, Jaylinn’s heart rate spikes.

  “Huh,” the technician says and she pulls up the handle bar to the bed.

  “He can come with me, right?” Jaylinn voices shakes.

  She nods her head
. “Yes, not a problem at all.”

  The three of us head upstairs and Jaylinn is wheeled into a room without any windows and the lighting is set low. It’s a little creepy.

  “What’s wrong with the lights?” I ask because I don’t understand how she’s going to be able to see what she’s doing.

  “It’s so the light doesn’t interfere with the ultrasound,” she explains like I should know this already. I’ve never had an ultrasound done before so I’ve got no idea. MRIs and CT scans, sure.

  The tech hands Jaylinn a gown and a blanket. “I need you to remove your clothes and put this gown on; you can tie it in the back. Then lay the blanket over your legs and I’ll be back in just a few minutes.”

  Jaylinn looks like she’s on the verge of another breakdown. I’m not sure how much more either one of us can take at this point. I hold my hand out for her to help her sit up. She stands up for the first time since she went down and she’s a little shaky. I take a step closer so our bodies are touching and help her remove her shirt and bra first. We slide the gown on and Jaylinn turns so I can tie it. I kneel down in front of her and stick my hands up the gown to remove her yoga pants and panties.

  “This feels so wrong,” she attempts to laugh.

  “As least the lighting is romantic.” I try to keep the mood light. We’re both so on edge.

  After her clothes are off, Jaylinn gets back on the bed and I lay the blanket over her legs just as the tech comes back in.

  “We all ready?”

  “Yeah.”

  I take a seat at the end of the bed and the tech takes a seat in front of the machine. She types a few things and then reaches for a bottle. “This shouldn’t be too cold.”

  Jaylinn’s foot flinches as she pours the ‘not too cold’ liquid on her stomach.

  “Sorry about that. I’m going to try and do the ultrasound this way and see if we can see anything.” She picks up an instrument and brings it to Jaylinn’s stomach. The screen comes to life with a bunch of snowy stuff on the screen. She takes a few minutes to look around, I guess, but then she takes it off and wipes Jaylinn’s stomach. “Looks like we’re going to have to do a transvaginal ultrasound.”

  Jaylinn nods and the tech grabs another instrument that looks like a wand. Jaylinn bends her knees as the tech spreads that same goop she used earlier on the end of it. With her free hand she lifts the sheet and sticks her hand on the blanket, the wand disappearing.

  I’m up and on my feet. “What the hell is going on?”

  “Transvaginal ultrasound,” the tech repeats what she said earlier. “I’m not able to see anything so I have to perform the ultrasound this way.”

  “It’s fine, Cooper.” Jaylinn says in a calming voice. At least one of us is calm because I don’t like the look of this test.

  I sit back down and the tech continues. After a few minutes she says, “Ah, there you are.” I glance up to see what she’s looking at but I still don’t see a damn thing.

  “Is that it?” Jaylinn turns her head looking at the screen.

  The tech taps a few buttons and little plus signs appear on the screen. She points to the screen. “Your baby.”

  I lean to the side so I can see the screen clearly but I still don’t see anything. “Where?”

  She moves her chair to the side and I lean in close. She points the screen again. “This is the sac.” She draws a circle around a dark area. “And this little thing right here is the baby.” It’s so tiny you can barely see it.

  My eyes slide to Jaylinn’s. She’s covering her mouth with her hand. I don’t feel so well so I sit back down. She really is pregnant. I’ll be damned.

  After the test is over and we have a few pictures to take with us we’re wheeled into a room to wait for the doctor.

  “So, looks like we definitely have a baby in there,” Dr. Mock walks in looking at a chart. “I’d say it looks like you’re about six weeks.”

  My mind flips back six weeks. Mason and Hailey’s wedding. Our stay at Atlantic City minus Jaylinn’s birth control because she forgot it. We did the old pull out method, but well, we all know that doesn’t work so well.

  “We’re going to prescribe you some prenatal vitamins and you’ll need to follow up with your OB in the next few days,” she closes up the files. “Do either of you have any questions for me?”

  “Yes, but we could be here for hours.” I blurt out.

  Dr. Mock laughs. “We’ll send you home with some information but your follow up appointment will also be a huge help to you as well.” The doctor turns to Jaylinn. “I know these next few days are going to be extremely hard on you but remember, you’ll get through it. Take some deep breaths and some relaxing baths. I’ll also prescribe you something to help you sleep tonight, but after tonight if you’re still this upset call your OB.”

  Jaylinn sits up in the bed. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome. I’ll have your discharge paperwork done up for you and then you can be on your way.”

  We sit in silence after Dr. Mock leaves. The events from today start slamming back into me tenfold. Holy shit, what a mess this is.

  “Are you mad?” Jaylinn asks me but she’s looking out the window.

  I pull up a chair to sit next to her. “Why would I be mad? You didn’t do this by yourself and I know you didn’t do it on purpose.” I take a deep breath. “I’m supposed to be leaving next week for spring training and I’ll be gone a few weeks. Layla just passed away, Eli is fighting for his life, you’re pregnant and you’re mom has cancer.” I take another deep breath. “I know how I’m feeling right now so I can only imagine how you’re feeling, Jay.”

  She starts crying again, her whole body shakes with sobs. I climb into bed with her again and let her cry until she can’t cry anymore.

  After a while she settles down and is only now hiccupping. “Why does it feel like we are living our lives in fast forward?”

  I kiss the top of her head. “I’ve never wanted to rewind a moment in time, until now.” I reach for her hand and hold it tightly. “We only get this moment and whatever the future holds. So if what we are doing seems faster than normal then all I can say is we both better hold on for the ride.”

  Jaylinn

  I’ve got the two prescriptions the doctor ordered for me. I’ve bottled everything deep down inside so that I don’t feel anything at the moment. I’m just floating along. Cooper and I walk hand in hand back to the waiting room. He wanted to take me home and get me to bed but I wanted to go back upstairs. When he pushes open the door everyone is on their feet. Hunter rushes over to me. “What happened? Are you alright?”

  Cooper leads me over to an empty chair and he takes the seat next to me. “She’s fine,” he answers for me.

  Hunter crosses his arms over his chest. “I can see that, but what did the doctor say?”

  I squeeze Cooper’s hand as my eyes land on Mrs. Del Luca. Her eyes are so red and her cheeks are tear stained. She’s holding onto Erin like she’s her life line. It should be Layla that she’s holding onto but it’s only her memories she’s clinging to in this moment. All the what if’s, what could have been’s, and the what will never be’s, is all that she has to look forward to because of one evil person’s choices. I wish I was strong enough to go sit with Erin and Mrs. Del Luca but I’m not. I’m a damn mess.

  “Like I said, she’s going to be fine,” Cooper huffs. “Any word on Eli?”

  Hunter glares at Cooper but MacKenzie steps up and backs him away. He’s not going to be happy when he finds out the reason I fainted. It’s another reason why I should have just gone home. Everyone would have understood but I refused to take the coward’s way out and leave so I could cry myself to sleep. The least I can do is be here even though I won’t be much help. I can’t leave Eli here by himself either. Layla wouldn’t want me to do that.

  I know I’m also going to have to tell everyone that I’m pregnant but it seems like such a shitty time with everything that is going on. So for now, Cooper and
I are keeping it to ourselves. I know this level of stress isn’t good for me at all. I’ve seen what it did to MacKenzie and even Hailey while they were pregnant. I’m going to try my damnedest to be strong for not only myself but for everyone else, too.

  After a while of sitting, surrounded by the overwhelming sounds of the loud silence I lived through when we were last here with my mom, I start to nod off. The events from today have completely drained me. I lean my head on Cooper’s shoulder and rest my eyes for a few minutes.

  Layla 12:06pm: Can you talk?

  Me 12:07pm: Yup, give me a few.

  About ten minutes went by before I called. “Hey,” Layla answered.

  “I’m glad to see you’re still alive. I was getting worried. How are you feeling?”

  Layla sighed loudly. “Can you come over?”

  I put the key in the ignition and started my car. I had a feeling she was going to ask me to come over. “Sure. I can stop over in about a half hour.”

  “Okay.” Layla took a deep breath. “Please don’t hate me. Just give me a chance to explain everything before you tell me to take a hike. So you remember that bar I told you I used to work at?”

  “Kind of, Joe’s or something like that?”

  “Jax’s,” Layla went on to give me instructions to the bar and told me to meet her in the parking lot. I had to remember to act dumb like I didn’t know anything even though Eli had just told me. Layla needed to tell me her side of the story.

  I pulled in right on time. I climbed out and looked around. This was a fucking shit hole. “Is it safe to be here?”

  She shrugged. “You want to come in?”

  “You live here?”

  Layla shook her head. “Yup, I’m sorry I lied to you about where I lived,” her eyes started to water. “I’m sorry about never opening up and telling you anything about me. God, this is so messed up,” she said as she wiped away a tear. “I should have told you about this a long time ago but I didn’t want you to judge me. I didn’t want you to pity me.”

  “Layla, I would never.” And that was the truth.