Seasons of Her Life

by Fern Michaels

  George’s eyes narrowed. “Your grandmother give you a going-away present?”

  “No, sir.” Ruby lied with a straight face. She crossed her fingers inside the pockets of her dress. Bubba hadn’t given Amber anything when she went away, so there was no reason for her father to think this time would be any different. Because it was so important that he believe her, she raised her eyes and said, “She did give me a hanky because I started to cry.”

  She withdrew the square of white linen with the shirt-tail hem. Her heart took on an extra beat, but she didn’t lower her gaze.

  “Did you clean your room, girl?”

  “Yes, sir. This morning.”

  “Did you pack your Bible?”

  “Yes, sir. Last night.” Before she got off the train at Union Station she was going to ditch the Bible. If Amber was dumb enough to ask her where it was, she’d lie and say someone on the train stole it. Girl. He’d never called her anything but girl. Was Ruby so hard to say? Or dear or honey? She risked a quick glance at her mother, who immediately looked away.

  “Get your bags, and don’t be slow about it. Close the door, and don’t slam it. I’ll bring the car up.”

  Ruby climbed the steps to the truck room, a lump in her throat. Close the door, and don’t slam it. She’d like to slam the damn door so hard it fell off its hinges. They’d never think of her again until her payments started rolling in. Angrily, she pushed her suitcases down the hall to the top of the stairs. She closed the door quietly, and in a last fit of rebellion, she kicked both suitcases down the steps. They landed with a loud thud. Ruby clapped her hands and grinned, then went downstairs again. Her suitcases upended on the front porch, Ruby stared at her mother, willing her to say something, something kind, something personal. Even a look would do, Ruby thought desperately. She wanted to throw her arms around her mother and cry, but she didn’t. You must love me a little bit, she thought, I’m your daughter. She cried silently, never taking her eyes from her mother’s face. Hurry, Mom, he’ll be here in a second, just a word, a look. Please, Mom. Oh, God, please say it. Now, now, before it’s too late. Ruby didn’t need to see her father’s car come to a halt at the side of the house; she saw the relief in her mother’s face.

  “I think it’s going to rain before long,” Irma said loudly enough for George to hear.

  “There won’t be any rain today, woman,” George said coldly.

  Irma blinked and looked overhead at the dark gray clouds that would erupt shortly. “I’m sure you’re right, George,” she said.

  Ruby carried her bags to the car. God, wasn’t her mother even going to say good-bye?

  “Say good-bye to your mother, girl,” George ordered.

  Without turning, Ruby mimicked her father, “Say good-bye to your mother, girl.”

  At the same moment the words tumbled from Ruby’s mouth, Opal skidded around the corner of the house screaming at the top of her lungs, “RubyRubyRuby! I thought I would miss you. I asked Sister Clementine to let me out a few minutes early. She said to say good-bye for her.”

  Ruby saw George’s hand move, and Opal took the blow high on her cheekbone. His slap caught her full in the mouth, cutting off anything else she might say. Opal’s eyes filled with tears. Ruby caught her sister close and whispered, “Don’t you cry, don’t you dare! That’s what they want, especially him. Don’t ever let them see you cry. Soon as we leave, go over to Bubba’s. You can roll out the dough for the pies. She’s waiting for you. I’m leaving that damn Bible on the train. Think about that tonight when you fall asleep. Go on now, get up on the porch and I’ll wave to you.”

  Ruby rolled the window down, fixing her gaze on her mother. Irma looked away. Ruby waved at Opal, who was struggling not to cry.

  Almost free. Almost.

  Three hours into the trip, shortly before the train groaned to a stop in Harrisburg, Ruby finally felt confident enough to get up and go to the bathroom, knowing all eyes would be on her lurching walk to the end of the car. It wasn’t so bad walking down the car because she was looking at the back of people’s heads. Coming back they’d be staring at her. She knew she was dressed all wrong. Her hair was wrong, too. Even the saddle shoes were wrong. So was the sandwich and apple her mother had packed for her. She’d be damned if she’d eat the egg salad sandwich. That would be left behind with the Bible.

  It took Ruby a full five minutes before she figured out how to flush the toilet, and when she did, she smiled from ear to ear. She had a lot to learn, so much was new to her: the train ride, the strange countryside, the washrooms, the colored people. How could she be so ignorant about these things and yet so smart in school? She was smart, too; she could take dictation faster than anyone else, faster than her teacher, Miss Pipas, and her typing was almost sixty words a minute with no mistakes. Miss Pipas said she was the best, the most accurate student she’d ever had.

  Head high, aware of the stares she was receiving, Ruby marched back to her seat and sat down. Miss Pipas had tried, in her own way, to prepare Ruby for what she’d called the outside, but she hadn’t paid that much attention. Now she wished she had listened more carefully.

  Ruby looked at the backs of the passengers’ heads, all curly hair set with Wave-Set. Even the men had some kind of stuff on their hair. There were young people her age on the train near the front of the car. They were having a grand old time, laughing and teasing one another. Ruby ached to join them, to be part of them for a little while. She settled deeper into her seat and watched the countryside through the window. The wheels clicked on the tracks seeming to say Amber, Amber, Amber.

  Regardless of what she’d said to her grandmother, Ruby knew things would not go well with Amber. Amber didn’t want her; Ruby had read the letter and heard her parents talking. The gist of that conversation was George telling Irma that if she, Ruby, didn’t obey Amber, she would be sent home to work in the factory. “She’ll listen or else,” George growled. “You tell your daughter in your next letter that if she can’t keep a tight rein on Ruby, I’ll go down there and fetch them both back here.” And he would do just that.

  Not me! Ruby screamed silently. You’ll never get me back here! What it all meant, Ruby decided, was she had to toe the line and do exactly what Amber said.

  But God, how she hated Amber. All the reasons for her hatred rivered through her, leaving her weak and trembling. She thought about how, when she was five and her sister was eight, Amber had pushed her under the water in the field pond. The memory made her gasp; just as she had then. If it hadn’t been for one of the older boys, who’d fished her out, she would have drowned. Amber didn’t want to be saddled that day with a younger sister. She hadn’t wanted to be saddled with her the day she left her with her foot caught in the railroad tracks to go on with her friends to play stickball. She’d been lucky that day, too, when an old miner worked diligently to free her foot, though she’d gotten a whipping for her torn shoe.

  Ruby never understood Amber’s hatred of her until her grandmother explained that Amber had always wanted to be an only child, as if that would make her loved and wanted.

  That in part explained why Amber had always said she had been born an angel, complete with wings and halo. She said she was supposed to go back to heaven, but her wings had been injured on the trip down to earth. Arms had sprouted from the injured wings and their mother had found her in the nick of time. Ruby believed all this, but when she found the nerve to repeat the story to her beloved Bubba, the old lady had scoffed and told her it was a big lie. She smarted for over an hour at her own gullibility. For years she’d actually believed the terrible lie that her sister was somehow special, more deserving of love than she, Ruby. She’d gone home and stalked her older sister like an animal, catching up with her at the crick and beating her almost senseless. Amber had crawled home bawling and calling her a devil. For that Ruby had been whipped with a belt, banished to her room for five days, and told to read the Bible from cover to cover. At the end of the five days she’d read only twenty-t
hree pages and was whipped again when she couldn’t answer any of the questions her father asked her. The real punishment this time was far worse: she wasn’t to go to her Bubba’s for a month.

  Ruby braced herself as the train came to a grinding, crunching halt in Harrisburg. Ahead, some girls were counting out money and buying pop and snacks. They wore earrings and charm bracelets and seersucker playsuits with matching sandals. She knew they were her age, possibly younger, but how sophisticated and confident they were. She’d bet the thirty-seven dollars in her suitcase that their parents, both of them, had kissed them good-bye at the train station. If she ever had children, she would smother them with love and affection.

  Ruby morosely fished a dime out of her pocket for a bottle of Orange Nehi.

  She set the bottle on the floor and reached overhead for her suitcase. This was the perfect time to fish out the Bible and slide it under the seat. She made a mental note to rip out the first page with her name on it. She didn’t ever want to see the Bible again.

  People were looking at her, but Ruby didn’t care. None of them, she noticed, offered to help her with the smaller of the two cases. Lickety-split she had the Bible out, facedown on the seat. Stretching to her full height, she jammed the case into the overhead rack. She inched the book across the seat before she sat down.

  She thought about the egg salad sandwich then as she watched the girls laughing and eating potato chips. She’d die before she did something to embarrass herself, and eating a homemade sandwich on the train was embarrassing. Besides, egg salad always smelled like her father’s smelly underwear on wash day.

  Ruby relaxed. The empty pop bottle was now safely under the seat along with the Bible and the egg salad sandwich. She leaned back and stared out the window. Gradually, the clickety-clack of the train wheels hypnotized her to sleep.

  The girls in the front of the car squealed in glee when the train pulled into Union Station. Ruby found herself jolted forward and caught herself before she slid from the seat. To her horror the Bible and the egg salad sandwich slid out from under the seat. She bent over to look for the pop bottle and saw it three seats ahead. With the toe of her shoe she shoved the Bible and sandwich as far back as she could. She hoped the couple in the seat behind her hadn’t seen the garbage she was leaving, but when the man offered to get her bags overhead, she realized they couldn’t care less what she left behind.

  With her suitcases banging against her shins, Ruby found her way to the end of the car and struggled down the three steps to the ground. It was dark and gloomy. As Ruby trudged along with the other travelers, she could hear over the hissing steam from the trains the young girls shrieking with laughter. She wondered what was so funny about lugging suitcases all this way.

  The moment Ruby set foot on the concourse, she spotted Amber leaning nonchalantly against a wall. She set her suitcases down as she fought for a deep breath. She watched her sister for a full three minutes before she walked toward her. She looked almost elegant, Ruby thought, with her upswept hair and summer sundress. She thought her yellow sandals the most beautiful shoes she’d ever seen. Ruby felt ugly and angry at the same time.

  If she smiles, things will be okay. If she doesn’t smile ...

  “Amber, I’m here,” Ruby said, setting down her suitcases. She stretched out her arms to hug her sister. Amber stepped back, her eyes snapping furiously.

  “I’ve been waiting for almost an hour!” There was no smile. Ruby’s arms fell to her sides.

  “They had to add water or something in Harrisburg. I heard someone complain that we’d be late. It wasn’t my fault, Amber,” Ruby said quietly.

  “I suppose it’s mine. I had things I wanted to do today, and you’ve managed to foul things up as usual. Don’t just stand there, pick up your bags and let’s go.”

  “If you’d help and carry one of the bags, we could move faster,” Ruby grumbled.

  Amber stopped in mid-stride. Ruby, struggling to keep up with her long-legged sister, literally bowled her over. She found herself apologizing as she reached out to help Amber to her feet. “Get away from me. Now look what you did. The strap on my sandal broke. You’re here five minutes and already everything is wrong. No one helped me when I had to come here. I had to find my own way.”

  Ruby sat down on one of her suitcases. Her eyes shot daggers at her sister. “I didn’t ask you to pick me up. I’m not so stupid I can’t find my own way. So leave. I don’t need you.”

  “You’re just what I need, Ruby. If I leave you, you’ll call for a cop and God only knows what you’d say, not to mention calling home and telling them I deserted you.”

  “No, Amber, that’s what you would do, not me,” Ruby said softly.

  “This is not going to work,” Amber said.

  “You’re telling me,” Ruby muttered. “Just see if I give you your present. When crows turn pink and grow a third leg, you’ll get it.”

  “What did you say?” Amber demanded.

  “I said”—Ruby enunciated each word slowly and distinctly—“I hate your guts.”

  Amber laughed, a fiendish sound in the hubbub following them out of the station. She continued to laugh as they boarded the bus that would take them to the YWCA.

  CHAPTER TWO

  Amber watched her sister struggle with the two heavy bags. One of her friends, a farm girl from Iowa, was waiting in the lobby, which smelled of cinnamon and coffee. She hurried over to offer her help. Amber was at once solicitous of Ruby as she punched the elevator button. Ruby wanted to cry in relief at Ethel’s wide, warm smile. She was sure her arms would fall from their sockets at any moment.

  Amber held a key aloft. “You’re in 809, eighth floor. I made up the bed. All you have to do is unpack. There’s a Hot Shoppe around the corner if you’re hungry. I’m charging you for this sandal,” she hissed.

  “Somehow I knew you would,” Ruby said sweetly. “I can manage from here on in. Thanks, Ethel,” she said warmly.

  Ruby waited until the two girls were on the elevator before she fit the key into the lock. This was such an important moment in her life.

  With tantalizing slowness Ruby turned the knob. She stepped over the threshold, her breath exploding in a loud sigh of pure happiness. Her own room!

  It was little more than a cubicle, but it had a carpet, a twin bed with a plaid spread, and matching drapes on the single window. There was also a dresser with four drawers and a chair with a plaid cushion that matched neither the spread nor the drapes, but Ruby didn’t care. A closet ran the width of the room and held an overhead shelf. The mirror was clear with no sign of the backing wearing off. There was only one door, and it had a lock. Privacy, peace, for the first time in her life.

  The moment she locked the door, she whirled and danced a jig around the small room. Hers and hers alone. She was going to be sooooo happy in this room. There was no way Amber was going to spoil this for her.

  After going down the hall and taking her very first shower, ever, Ruby went out to the Hot Shoppe around the corner for a bite to eat. Her hamburger was overcooked, her french fries were greasy, and her Coca-Cola was watered down, but to her, it was a better meal than her mother’s best Sunday dinner. Afterward, she went home and slept peacefully, dreamlessly.

  She spent the next day sightseeing. She went to the Shrine of the Immaculate Conception, in case her parents or Amber put her to the test about going to church. She swore to herself this would be the last time she went into a church. The rest of the day she spent wandering around Washington, stopping only to eat or rest. When she returned to the Y, it was dark, she was tired, and her sister Amber was waiting for her in the hallway.

  “Where have you been all day?” Amber demanded.

  “To church, where you should have been,” Ruby said.

  “Stop lying. You don’t even know where the church is.”

  “It’s at 1315 8th Avenue. Or haven’t you found it yet?” Ruby replied sweetly. “What will Pop think when I tell him that?”

  �
��You damn little snip. Just wait till I tell Pop how you’re acting.”

  “I’ll be glad to wait. And if you want to talk to me any further, we can do it in my room.”

  Amber strode down the hall and waited until Ruby opened the door. She sat in the only chair, leaving Ruby to perch on the bed.

  “I paid your train fare here and a month’s rent. I’m going to give you carfare and food money to last you for the month because I promised Mom I would help you out.”

  “Why don’t you tell the truth, Amber? Pop told you you had to do it or you’d go back to Barstow.”

  “That’s right, he did. He also said you were to give me your paychecks. You don’t know the first thing about handling money.”

  “Maybe I don’t, but you aren’t going to teach me. I’ll learn myself. There is no way, no way at all, that I am going to give you my paycheck.”

  Amber stirred uneasily in the chair. This was a Ruby she didn’t know, one she didn’t want to know. “Here’s twenty-five dollars for food and carfare. You can pay me back out of your first week’s salary. Tomorrow you can buy tokens. Be ready at seven-thirty. If you’re late, I’ll leave without you. You’ll have to take a secretarial test and then be interviewed. I scheduled you for eight-thirty. By the way, I told them your shorthand was acceptable, so it had better be.”

  “I’ll be ready. And don’t worry about my shorthand. It’s more than acceptable. So is my typing. Wouldn’t it be something if I get a better job and make more money than you?”

  Ruby loved the look that brought to her sister’s face, but Amber had the last word as she sailed through the door.

  “Sure. Then you’ll pay off your bill to Pop that much quicker.”

  Ruby deflated immediately.

  In the lobby on the following morning, Ruby had time for a quick cup of coffee and a cinnamon bun before Amber and Ethel walked out of the elevator. Ethel gave her a smile, and Ruby returned it. Amber glowered. Ruby trailed behind the two girls all the way to the bus stop, where they boarded the Ft. Meyers bus along with a stream of other girls, all on their way to the Navy Annex. From time to time Ruby noticed Ethel staring at her. She was probably wondering what was wrong between her and Amber.