Cassidy's Cowboy (Search For Love)

by Karen Rose Smith

  "I'll ask Rachel to watch Julie and I'll come with you."

  Clem had already led Cassie's horse into the corral. Ben went inside for another. Cassie climbed on her favorite grey named Whisper and rode toward the north pasture, without giving thought to anything but Sunny and the harm she could do herself. When she heard the clomp of a horse's hooves beside her, she glanced over her shoulder and saw Ben galloping toward her on a bay with a black mane named Dixie.

  They raced at breakneck speed, the wind whipping Cassie's hair behind her until they spotted Sunny nibbling grass around some cedars. But as soon as she got a whiff of them she took off, heading toward a barbed wire fence. Scared out of her wits for her, Cassie tried to head her off. But just when she thought she had her turned, Sunny changed course again.

  Attuned to Cassie's strategy, seeing where Sunny was headed next, Ben rode up on the inside to keep Sunny from going near the fence and turned her in the direction of the barn. They herded her, one on either side. Closer to the barn, they hung back, hoping she'd slow down. Sunny headed for a stand of pines, and then finally slowed.

  Cassie said, "I'm going after her. I've got to clip a lead on her. I don't want her heading back toward that wire."

  "Cassie—"

  "It's okay, Ben. I know what I'm doing."

  The look on his face said he didn't believe her.

  Slowly, Cassie dismounted, then with a lead rope in her hand she approached Sunny a step at a time. She remembered when Sunny had taken the cookie from her hand and she hoped the horse was remembering, too. Reaching into her back pocket she realized a piece of that cookie had broken off. She grabbed it and took another step.

  Sunny whinnied and pawed at the ground, but she didn't run off, and Cassie saw that as hopeful. All she had to do was distract the horse while she clipped on the lead. All she had to do.

  Sunny's ears twitched and she blew breath from her nostrils. But she seemed interested in what Cassie had in her hand.

  Cassie murmured to her as she approached. "Remember this? You really don't want to be out here all by yourself where you can run into things that will hurt you. Right?"

  The brush swished around Cassie's boots and the breeze flapped her shirt. She kept her attention focused on Sunny and took that last step. As Sunny nuzzled the cookie from her hand, Cassie clicked the lead onto the halter. But the click must have scared her. Sunny reared up and took off with Cassie hanging onto the rope! Still holding on, her feet flew out from under her.

  Moments later Ben rode up beside Sunny and grabbed the rope. "Let go!" he told Cassie.

  As she did, he was the one with the lead in his hand and she could see he wasn't about to let go. But if he got pulled from his horse—

  She quickly mounted up and galloped to the other side of Sunny, herding her closer to Ben.

  Wedged between the two of them, Sunny slowed, snorted, then came to a halt.

  "Thank you," she said completely breathless now, her hand and arm hurting from the fall and the abrasions.

  "I didn't do anything but hang onto her like you did."

  But he had done something. He'd protected her from further harm, protected Sunny, and showed that he cared as much about animals as she did.

  Slowly, they walked Sunny back to the barn. Once there, Cassie slid from her mount and let Ben open the corral's gate. Then she led Sunny into her own corral, unsnapped the lead and let her go. When she closed the gate, she checked the latch. Had Sunny somehow nosed under it?

  Ben waved to Julie and shouted, "Are you okay?"

  Rachel was sitting with her under the tree, dressing one of her dolls.

  Rachel waved back. "We're good. Barbie's going to a party."

  Cassie heard Ben laugh and liked the sound of it. He hadn't done that since he'd arrived, and he needed a lightness of spirit as much as Julie did. He took their horses into the barn, unsaddled them and began to groom Dixie.

  Cassie brought another grooming brush from the tack room, then went to Whisper. "I don't know how she got out," Cassie said with some frustration. "I can't let that happen again. Maybe I'll have to put a different kind of latch on the gate. It's old and it could have slipped."

  They groomed the horses in silence, but it was a warm inviting silence. They'd done something important together and they felt it.

  After they led their horses into the stalls, Ben asked her, "Are you all right? You took quite a tumble."

  "I'm fine."

  With an arched brow and an I-don't-believe-you look, he took her hand and turned it over, palm up. The rope abrasions were red and nasty. Then he scoped her arm and ran his thumb along the edge of a nasty scrape.

  She no longer felt the scrape. She just felt his touch, the warmth of his skin and his tenderness.

  "I couldn't forget about our kiss," he admitted, his voice husky.

  "I know what you mean."

  He gently slid his hand under her chin, smoothed his thumb over some dust on her cheek, and bent his head. The next thing she knew, his arms were around her and she was melting against him, full body press to full body press. Something about Ben was like a powerful magnet and she got swept up into desire and womanly needs she didn't even know she had. When she slid her fingers into his black hair, when she kissed him back as if she wanted passion as much as he did, she didn't think about where they were or who he was or who she was. The scent of leather and hay and Ben was all she took in. Her breasts pressed against his chest and his hand sliding down her back seemed so right.

  "I don't know what I'm doing," he said, breaking away, ending everything they'd just been to each other in a few words. "I'm not ready for this and Julie—" He shook his head. "She certainly isn't ready for any more changes."

  Cassie looked up at him wanting to say, But you need a new life and so does Julie. But she didn't say it because she knew she wasn't the one to provide it. She wasn't the type he needed or would want in the future. Sure, she might satisfy a physical desire now. But what happened when he returned to Vermont? And what happened when she stayed here? Heartache, that's what would happen.

  Cassie wrapped pride around herself and stood straighter. "Getting run ragged by Sunny made us a little crazy."

  "Crazy," he agreed, though he didn't sound as if he meant it.

  "Speaking of Julie," Cassie said, getting back on the right footing, "Rachel has a granddaughter. I thought maybe she could bring her along tomorrow. She's Julie's age and I think they'll get along. Sue Ann is a great kid. Do you think that would be a good idea?"

  "I think that's a great idea. Thanks for thinking of it." He motioned to her hand and arm. "Do you need help with those abrasions?"

  "No, I'll go up to the house and clean off. I have some salve Loren swears by."

  "While you're doing that, I'll load that computer program onto your computer. You can look at it and see if you like it. If not, I can always delete it."

  A computer program. Instructions she couldn't read. She'd deal with all that later. Right now she had to deal with brush burns and cuts, and a kiss that had shaken up her world once again.

  ***

  When Ben lifted Julie onto Buttercup, a nice-sized quarter horse perfect for her. Cassie was struck anew at the loss she felt at having never known a father. Ben adjusted Julie's hard hat so it sat just right, then showed her how to hold the reins. He was patient with her, keeping his arm around her until she felt secure. Then Julie smiled up at him and shook her head, ready to go.

  Cassie stood to one side as Ben led Julie's horse in a huge circle around the corral. She giggled every once in awhile and Cassie had to smile. There was nothing like the feeling of being atop a horse. If Julie became attuned to riding easily, if she learned balance quickly and self confidence that she could guide the animal, the corral would soon become too small and she'd want to venture out. Cassie had seen that happen with other kids. Now and then she gave a few lessons. Nothing could teach a child self confidence quicker than learning to ride a horse. Or a teenager, she thoug
ht, remembering how she'd felt when she'd come to Twin Pines, not knowing if Tina would want her to stay longer than a few days, feeling as if nothing was permanent and nothing would last. Nothing did last. But she had more of a sense of permanence here than she'd ever had anywhere.

  Suddenly Julie said, "Can Cassie lead me around for a while?"

  Ben looked over at her to see if she was willing.

  "Sure I'll lead you. Maybe we can even do a figure eight."

  "What's a figure eight?" Julie asked.

  Cassie took the lead rope. "I'll show you." Cassie guided Julie in a large figure eight and then a smaller one, so she'd have to lean right and then left to keep her balance. They were walking very slowly so it was easy to do.

  "This is fun," Julie said. "Can we go a little faster?"

  "A little faster." She walked at a brisker pace and Julie seemed at home in the saddle with it.

  The sun was beginning to set as Ben came over to them. "I think we'd better quit for tonight, Cowpoke." He knocked his knuckle lightly on her helmet. "Time to get ready for bed."

  Julie's face fell and she looked so disappointed. Ben must have noticed it because he assured her, "Every day we'll come out and ride a little more. Pretty soon you'll be holding those reins all on your own."

  "You mean you'll let me?" Julie asked, her eyes brightening.

  "In the corral. We'll see how that goes before we go outside of it."

  After Ben lifted her off the horse, Julie surprised Cassie by running to her and giving her a huge hug. "Thank you for letting me use your horse. I like Buttercup."

  Her throat tightening, Cassie bent to the little girl. "You are most welcome. And I think Buttercup likes you, too. You'll make a good team."

  When Cassie's gaze met Ben's she saw respect for her there. She'd worked all her life to earn respect from others. Seeing it in Ben's expression made her feel almost giddy. How crazy was that!

  But then she wondered how far his respect would go when he found out she'd almost landed in juvenile hall, when he found out she'd never finished high school, when he found out she couldn't even read one of Julie's storybooks.

  ***

  During the next two weeks Cassie and Ben often worked side by side, repairing fence posts, holding each other's gazes much too long, trying not to inadvertently touch. That was easier when he spent time on his computer or on the phone and she was outside. But put them together in the same room and they seemed to gravitate to each other. She liked talking to him. He was a great listener. And he knew how to focus his attention on her as she felt listened to.

  Rachel began bringing Sue Ann along each day, so Julie had someone to play with. Now and then Cassie got drawn into their play, making fairy houses under the cottonwood tree with old bark and sticks, cotton balls and toothpicks. She didn't remember playing like that when she was a little girl and it was easy for her to pretend along with Julie and Sue Ann. Ben began to trust her and Rachel to look after Julie for longer periods while he worked or when he rode out with Loren, Clem or Dusty to help with the cattle or summer repairs. He kept in contact with Cassie with his cell phone, and every time Cassie heard his deep voice she felt an answering response inside of her. But she still tried to stay away from his physical proximity. That last kiss had practically shaken her out of her boots.

  One afternoon he came in from the barn and found Cassie in her office. Every once in a while she pulled out a rough plan she'd drawn for what she'd like to do with Twin Pines someday.

  He was in the doorway studying her before she was even aware he was there. But then she was. "Hi," she said nonchalantly. "What's up?"

  "Is it okay if I use your fax machine? My VP is sending me a document to look over, a new contract with a supplier."

  She motioned to the fax machine. "I don't mind. The number's right there on the side in case anybody needs it."

  Ben crossed to the machine, took a look at the number and seemed to memorize it. Then he noticed the sketches on her desk. "What's this?"

  Only Loren knew about this project and her dreams associated with it. She intended to tell Lucy when it was more in the reality stage than the dream stage. But for some reason she felt comfortable sharing it with Ben. "I want to help troubled teens. I know what it's like being a foster child and never fitting in. I'd like to build guest cabins and bring teens to the ranch who need a break from their regular lives, those who would benefit from some one-on-one attention."

  "You want to give them a place to go to fix them up rather than to tear them down."

  "Exactly."

  "That's a very unselfish thing to do."

  "Not really. It's selfish of me because it will add meaning to my life."

  "What puts meaning in your life now?"

  She felt more drawn to Ben than she'd ever felt toward any man. "You've seen what gives my life meaning. Running this place in a way that would make Tina Christopher proud. Giving back to the community when we can. Helping our neighbors. But sometimes living on the ranch is very isolating. It's easy to get self-concerned and I always want to be aware of the bigger picture. Do you know what I mean?"

  "Oh, yes, I know what you mean. I had tunnel vision when Melinda and I were married, and maybe that's one of the reasons my marriage broke up. I couldn't see outside of that tunnel. I couldn't see that she and I needed more than passing each other like ships in the night. We needed more interaction with Julie so she knew how much we loved her. Families do often take love for granted."

  "I try not to take anything good for granted," Cassie admitted."

  Ben leaned down over her shoulder again to study the plans. "Do you want to build more cabins where the guest cabin is now?"

  He was so close that she could feel his body heat. He was close enough for her to feel his strength. Her palms became damp and she realized her physical reaction to him was something she couldn't control. That really scared her.

  "I'd like to put a row of them there, maybe five. Each cabin could sleep four."

  "You'd have to hire on extra help."

  "Tina left me an inheritance in a trust fund. What I'd like to do is start a foundation with it, maybe even get the community involved."

  "If anyone can do it, you can. You're good with people, Cassie—all ages. In fact, I wouldn't mind having you in my PR department."

  She laughed, making light of his statement. "You might be glad I'm not in your PR department. Sometimes I'm a little too blunt."

  "Sometimes honesty is better than a spin."

  She felt as if she was being dishonest with him by not telling him she couldn't read. Sometimes she felt as if she were being dishonest with everyone. She'd learned tricks and strategies that made people think she could.

  When Ben glanced away from the plans and looked straight at her, she was tempted to blurt out everything. But what good would that do? After all, he would be leaving. Still, that look in his eyes told her he wanted to kiss her again, maybe even do more than kiss her. And to her dismay she found herself vulnerable to that thought, even tempted by it.

  Straightening and towering over her once more, he said, "I thought I'd warn you. Julie has something to ask you."

  She waited.

  "She'd like to know if you could help put her to bed tonight. She said she likes your stories about the horses roaming the range and maybe you'd tell her one before she falls asleep."

  Whenever she spent time with Julie, they talked about horses. Cassie told her legends she'd heard and stories she'd picked up over the years. She'd explained she'd been to the Big Horns herself, watched the wild mustangs graze, seen them standing proud and tall on top of a hill. She'd even shown her some of the photographs she'd snapped. She hadn't been back to the Big Horns in a while. That would be a wonderful place to take Julie.

  The idea that the nine-year-old wanted her to put her to bed meant one thing. She was getting attached. And Cassie was getting attached to her. Her worry must have shown in her eyes.

  Ben said, "If you don't want t
o, that's okay. I'll head her off and tell her you're too tired."

  "I like Julie and she likes me. When she follows me around the barn, we talk. When she watches me handle Sunny, we talk, too. But I don't want to do anything to hurt her, Ben. Is being around me going to do that when you leave?"

  "I don't know. But I do know that you're good for my daughter and she needs you in her life right now. When we leave, maybe you can stay in touch."

  She could stay in touch by phone. She couldn't stay in touch by e-mail. She was getting in deeper with Ben and Julie and she didn't know what to do about it. Maybe when Lucy arrived in a few days she'd have some advice. Cassie sure needed it from someone.

  Chapter Five

  Cassie had to tell Ben about Gillian. She'd be picking her up in less than an hour and the time had come to tell him the whole story. But would he think she was crazy?

  No matter, really. He'd see how Gillian worked when she was here so he might as well know what she and Lucy were up to.

  The barn was still except for the sound of a fork spreading hay. Ben was in Whisper's stall. As she approached him, butterflies fluttered in her stomach. Whenever their gazes met or they accidentally touched, the sizzle that was in their kiss tingled through her all over again. But she had something other than Ben's kisses on her mind today.

  He looked up and tipped his hat, one he'd bought on his trip into town with Loren last week. He'd bought Julie a smaller version.

  "Do you have a minute?" she asked him.

  "I don't think Whisper's going to mind a slight delay in getting his bedding changed."

  When she smiled, Ben set aside the pitch fork. "What's going on? Did Julie ask you to take her on a trail ride again? She told me she wants to ride as far as the stream."

  "She's riding like a pro."

  "That's because she has a good teacher."

  Compliments flustered Cassie, especially right now. She wanted to step closer to Ben yet she knew she shouldn't. Everything about him was so...male. The top two snaps on his shirt collar were open and he'd rolled up his sleeves to his elbows. He was getting tanned from his work in the sun. And he looked...like any sexy cowboy should.