When I think death, I think the boney skeleton in the black sheet. I think disease. Sometimes, in my more depressed moments…I think of my mom’s cancer. At no time have I ever thought about washboard abs, and a butt that you just want to grab with both hands and bite. It’s true though. Joseph is Death. He wasn’t born that way though. When we were fighting Elizabeth and Eisen, apparently Alhambra was making plans on the side. We knew that Eisen was cheating on Alhambra with our former boss, but what nobody knew until right at the end was that Alhambra was doing a little sneaking out on her own.
Eisen had planned on killing Alhambra and giving her powers as his mate to Elizabeth. Alhambra pretended to be on Grim’s side, and meanwhile she tried to hand out part of the necklace that contained her soul to various people along the way. Her plan was to have Grim kill Eisen, and then when the power vacuum started trying to suck her life away she would use her necklace to fill that empty space with other people’s souls. Then she would use any leftover souls to increase her power. That way she could live as a free jinn with her lover, the original Death. Grim’s a lot more sneaky than he lets on though, and he had Janine gather up all the necklace pieces, and when Alhambra found out she tried to suck down Grim’s soul. Grim destroyed the necklace, and that was the end of Alhambra.
Of course Death wasn’t happy that his little middle-eastern booty call just became deader than disco. He tried to kill Grim, and according to Grim, Jesus stepped in and killed Death. Since Death was…well dead, there needed to be a new Death, and so now Grim is one of the horsemen of the apocalypse. We haven’t met any of the others, but maybe that’s a good thing.
“So Grimmy, I’m gathering everyone up to go out for dinner. Can you be ready in fifteen?”
“Yeah…” Grim looked so sad. He took a deep breath and said, “Did Penny get her skunk?”
“Yep, the last time I checked Dr. Fluffenstein was working hard to cheer her up.” I tried to sound as cheerful as possible. I watched the tension melt from his shoulders.
“Grim? Is that DD?” Katy’s voice came from the bedroom.
“Oh…oh…I…didn’t mean to interrupt.” I was stumbling over my own words in embarrassment. Great…just what I needed, stumbling in on Grim and Katy’s “playtime” was not high on my list of priorities. I started to back out, but Grim gave me a weak smile and motioned me to come in. Well crud-monkeys! I guess I have to step inside now.
I stepped in expecting a barely clothed Katy, but instead she was fully dressed and sat in the chair facing the bed. This theme was asylum. The walls and floors were padded, and the only concession to the room was Katy’s chair, and a patio leading outside.
“Wow, this room is kind of creepy. It’s like a honeymoon suite for the mentally insane.” I cringed as soon as the words left my mouth. Grim had spent some time in a mental asylum before he joined us. I hoped that my words hadn’t hit a little too close for home. Grim’s face darkened for a moment, but then resumed its normal calmness. I still felt bad that I may have dug up some bad memories. Luckily Grim doesn’t hold a grudge. Let’s be honest, the big guy walks around like he knows the punch line to some weird cosmic joke, and he just doesn’t want to share it with anyone. It made him easygoing, but sometimes it was a little disturbing.
Katy broke the silence, “So DD, what brings you to our little corner of hell?”
I froze. My mind just wouldn’t work. There was no idle chit-chat. It was just tension. Grim watched me warily, and then turned to Katy, “Well I guess Penny’s let her in on our impasse.” Then he wandered back to what should have been the bedroom and slumped to the floor.
“So what did Penny tell you?” Katy asked. Her voice was ice cold.
“She didn’t say much, just that you were all having problems. She said that you didn’t want to be their “pet” anymore, or more specifically that you didn’t want to feed her anymore. She said some other stuff too, but that was kind of the high points.” My voice was barely a whisper.
“You know for such good ears, Penny really doesn’t listen well.” Katy’s volume grew with every word. “What I’ve told her is that I want to be more than just their love mascot. I want my own life, and I can’t get that if I’m just there to feed her, and occasionally climb Mount Love Monkey over here. Since Penny absolutely refuses to acknowledge my right to be my own woman, I’m refusing her right to use me as a walking drink pouch.”
“Shh, Jesus, she’ll hear you.” I said nervously.
“Well hell…let the grumpy bitch hear me.” Katie’s words barely got out of her mouth before Grim’s eyes snapped over to her in definite irritation. “I’m sorry Grim. I know how much you love her, but her high handedness, her stubborn vampire traditions that don’t make any fucking sense at all, and frankly her possessiveness are driving me crazy. I know they have to be getting to you as well.” Grim never said anything. He just sighed and turned his head away in frustration.
Suddenly there was a sharp knock at the door. “Here we go again.” Grim rolled his eyes and growled in irritation.
I opened the door, and Penny stormed in practically hissing, “I heard that.”
“Of course you did. You’re the nosiest person on earth. A fly can’t fart without you trying to listen in.” Katy snapped.
“I can’t change the fact that I have good ears any more than you can change the fact that there is a mustache growing on your upper lip.”
Katy touched her upper lip, and her eyes narrowed, “I do not have a mustache!”
“Yeah, that’s why you keep a man’s razor.” Penny snorted.
“That’s for Grim!” Katy yelled.
“Grim doesn’t need a razor you lying…witch! He has his own!” Penny stomped right up into Katy’s face. Katy reared up to push Penny back, but before she could Penny smiled and said, “Just give me the excuse…” Katy immediately thought better of shoving the very angry vampire. I looked to Grim, and he just sat there in frustrated silence. The two women were screaming at one another like two kids having a tantrum.
“Grim, isn’t there something you can do?” I asked nervously hoping that the two women wouldn’t start physically fighting right then and there.
“There isn’t much I can do. Some things just can’t be fixed.” He said sadly.
Both women kept screaming louder and louder, until Janine, Niki, and Danika came in to see what was wrong. Watching Penny and Katy’s scream fest was like watching a car crash. You know that you really shouldn’t want to look, but somewhere deep down inside a part of you just can’t turn away. We all watched them in silence.
“Blood sucking vampire bitch!”
“Spoiled brat! Why can’t you just know your place?”
“My place? What the hell does that mean, you vicious cow!”
“It means that when you agreed to be ours you gave up the silly notion that you could have anything else. You are mine! I don’t share, and don’t give me that crap about wanting your own life. You sure don’t have any problem trying to mount Joseph whenever the mood suits you.” Penny’s words were like acid.
“Of course I’m going to ride him. It’s the only fun thing about this crappy relationship. If I’d known you were going to be such a grade-A nut about things then I’d have never agreed to it. You won’t let me have a life, so I’m going get what little enjoyment I can out of this really fucked up situation.” Katy snapped.
“You have a life. Your life is with Grim and me, which should be enough! Didn’t we love you enough? We were pampering you like a spoiled rotten child until fairly recently. What more could you want? What! What the hell could you possibly want so badly that you’d piss all over the love Grim and I have?” Penny’s words were desperate, angry, and sounded as though they’ve been said many times before.
“I want to someday have a fam…” Suddenly both women stopped and looked over at Grim with guilty expressions. They acted like they just hurt the man’s feelings. We all turned to Joseph. His eyes were scrunched shut like he’d just been
punched in the gut.
He seemed to be counting in his head. He was trying to compose himself before he spoke. Katy and Penny both got very quiet and moved toward him to apologize. Grim raised a hand and they both stopped. He looked around at us all, and his face was just etched in pain. Whatever it was that started this really and truly bothered him. “Well I guess it’s about time we lay everything out on the table.” His words had a heavy finality in them that made my stomach clench.
“Grim I’m sorry. I should have kept my stupid mouth shut.” Katy said, tears were already running down her face, and Penny looked just as sad. The vampire kept flinching as though she wanted to just sweep up the man and hold him, but Grim’s expression made it clear that everyone needed to keep their distance.
“It’s okay Katy. This talk has been way overdue. If I’d have been more of a man we would have had this discussion a long time ago.” Grim stood up, and even though he towered over us all he seemed a little frail. It was like anything might cause him to start crying right then. “After we defeated Alhambra, a lot of us went through some changes. Janine became a lot more tangible; Penny had a huge increase in her vampiric powers, even Katy got stronger. Hell…I became one of the fucking four horsemen. Penny’s increase in power had her to the point that she was practically alive. She even was getting a monthly period. You all know this stuff though. What you don’t know is that a while back Penny missed her period.”
“Penny’s pregnant, go Big Bro!” Niki moved to hug her brother, but Grim stopped her with an icy look.
A tear ran down Grim’s face. He fought to keep his composure, and then finally resumed. “We thought the same thing, but we didn’t want to say anything until we knew for sure. Penny went to the doctor, but they said she was not pregnant. While we were there I got tested, and…I…am…I can’t ever have children.” Grim’s lower lip trembled.
“Oh God I’m so sorry. I know how much you wanted a family.” Niki wrapped her arms around Grim. He fell to his knees and started sobbing. Everyone moved to hug the big man. Until that moment I really can’t say I could have ever pictured Grim crying, but now having seen it I could only hope I’d never see it again. The poor man cried, and we all cried for him. Penny kept petting him and telling him that everything would be okay. She kept whispering how much she loved him, and she desperately tried to soothe the man.
Finally, Grim wiped his eyes and stood up. “I had the doctors check me because…well I was sure they had to be wrong. Then after a few visits they told me that I’d had a vasectomy.”
“What? You had a vasectomy? When?” Niki sounded stunned.
“I never had a vasectomy. The best I can figure out is that Alhambra did it when she held me prisoner. You know she tortured me. Some of the ways she tortured me were…unique. Her particular favorite was to let my men beat me, and rough me up. Then she’d heal me up. She would heal you and everything wrong would be made right in seconds. A bone breaking is pretty painful, but a bone resetting itself and healing in seconds is just agony. They stopped showing any restraint after a few sessions. They’d leave me looking like hamburger, and then before they made it back to their cells Alhambra would have me healed.”
“How did you end up with a vasectomy?” Danika’s voice trembled.
“I have no scars. Even the tattoo I got a few years ago was removed. The jinn liked to call it “erasing me”, and in a way I guess that’s exactly what she did. She removed every trace of life’s history on my body. Repaired the wear and tear on me, and even fixed my bum shoulder. I couldn’t lift it over my head without a handful of pain pills. One day after being captured she fixed it, removed my tattoo and every other bump and bruise on my body. It hurt like a son of a bitch when she did it. You don’t realize how much a little scar becomes a part of you until it’s gone. The broken nose I got playing football when I was a kid…gone as though it never happened.”
Grim exhaled, and then pulled Penny in close to him for support. She rested her head against his chest, and tried to avoid interrupting him. “Well anyway. One day Alhambra brings the few men that were left alive at this time into my cell. They held me down and castrated me. The men took their time mutilating me before they finally just cut it off and tossed it away like garbage. Then they beat me into unconsciousness, and I assume they left when Alhambra got bored. I woke up later…I was a bloody mess. Alhambra restored me. Actually that’s not true. She remade me. She made it longer, thicker, and much more suited to her tastes. She told me then that she’d finally finished erasing any trace of my life. I just thought she was full of shit, but after visiting the doctor I know what she meant. She used the men to sterilize me. She removed any trace of my past by removing the scars and stuff from my body, and then destroyed the possibility that I might leave something in the future by making it impossible to have kids.”
If I hadn’t hated Alhambra before, I certainly did now. I always tried to avoid thinking about the day we killed her, but now I was savoring it. Killing Alhambra must have been like exorcising some really terrible demon for Grim; of course it wasn’t that far from the truth to begin with. She was a jinn, and contrary to everything Barbara Eden taught us about jinns during reruns of I Dream of Jeanie, the jinn are not friendly. They are like evil, sneaky faery godmothers. If you are their master then they have to do whatever you tell them, but they don’t necessarily have to do it in a manner that ends well for you. If you asked for a million dollars then they’d get it, but they’d probably steal it and leave the trail leading back to you. Then after the police surround your house, you’d wish to stay out of jail. Of course the jinn would fulfill your wish. Instead of getting arrested one of the cops would think you were going for a gun, and you’d get several dozen rounds of tiny lead get out of jail free cards hitting you at a high velocity. Do not pass go…do not collect two hundred dollars.
Of course that was just how jinn treat their human masters. If you weren’t the master then you were fair game, and jinn like to play rough. They are like some psychopathic cat, and they see you as some catnip covered mouse. Jinn can’t directly kill you, but they are the masters of loopholes. That’s why Alhambra sent men in to rough up Grimmy. That way she could make him endure the horrible pain that came with sudden healing. Jinn also enjoyed using pleasure as a form of torture. From what I understand, they forced their captives to experience pleasure beyond your wildest imagination, and then they removed the pleasure immediately. That sudden cessation of bliss is worse than any pain the victim would normally experience.
“Grimmy why didn’t you tell me?” Danika said nervously. Her inner werewolf and Grim were mates. Werewolves bond together. Danika was a lesbian, but her inner werewolf still answered to all the normal needs. They needed food, water, sex, shelter, and eventually to raise children. The bond between mates is deep. If one dies, then the other can die if they don’t find a new bond soon.
“Danika, I really didn’t know how to tell you. I mean what happens to your wolf if I can’t give it what it wants?” Grim stared at the ground sadly.
“No! Grim this is wonderful news. It means I can’t have children either. Oh Grim, you’ve just made me the happiest woman on earth.”
Grim’s face was pained, but he looked confused, “I don’t understand. I thought your inner wolf needed a mate.”
“She does need a mate, but she would have sensed if you were sterile. If she chose you that means I’m sterile as well, or else it would have rejected you completely. It’s rare among the were, but it happens. This means that I’m of no use to the pack as a breeder. Grim…this means I can be a member of the pack without having to add to it. This is the greatest day ever. Once I tell the pack that I can’t have children then I can be a member of the pack by just sending in money to help support the pack. Grim…I’m free. Niki, we can be together…forever.” Danika’s eyes flooded with tears of joy. She grabbed Niki and kissed her passionately. The whole room was filled with confusion. No one knew whether to be happy for the two young women,
or cry for Grim.
Grim broke the tension. He picked up both women into a big bear hug. “I’m glad for you both. Now how about we all get ready for dinner? Besides, Danika needs to give her father the news.” He was still upset, but he just didn’t want to ruin their happiness…even if it came at his expense. How could you not love a man willing to put his own feelings aside for his family and friends?
Niki and Danika were just so excited to pass on the news that they ran down the the hall to phone Danika’s father. As they ran off Grim’s shoulders slumped back down, and he let the sadness creep back out of him. He turned back to us and it was obvious he wanted to cry, but he still forced himself to grin and say, “At dinner we all are going to be as supportive as possible. Whatever problems we have…we keep our mouths shut for the night, and we celebrate for them. I mean it.”
“Are you okay?” Penny was worried about the big guy.
“No, but I’m the same as I was yesterday so I’ll survive. At least there is a silver lining in this. My sister loves Danika, and tonight we support them. If anyone here pisses on their parade tonight then you’ll be answering to me.” The big guy was just barely holding it together. It was sad, but sweet.
I reached up and patted him on the shoulder, “You’re a good man.”
“No, I’m not…but I try really hard.”
“Is there anything at all I can do?” I said nervously.
“DD, you’re my best friend.” He took a deep breath to let the tension pour out of him. “But this is really something that we three have to work out on our own.”
Midnight Squad: The Ties That Bind Page 8
