That's fair, but it still stings.
"I'm sorry, Mal."
I press my lips together.
"But get the fuck over it. I'm twenty-five. I don't need your approval anymore."
"I know."
"You don't want Vi. You don't want to be in love. What the fuck are you upset about?"
"We're never going to have it." I motion to Mom's room. "We're never gonna be a family again."
"We are a family. Me, you, and Piper. We don't need Mom and Dad."
I shake my head. "You and Vi are a family—"
"No, we're all a fucking family."
"It's not the same."
He nods. "A lot of shit has changed in the last two years."
"Yeah."
"I thought you were cool with Kit and Piper."
"I am."
"But it's fucking weird, right?"
I nod. "I miss having you and Piper around."
"I'm still around."
"But you aren't going to burst into my room first thing in the morning, screaming about how you've finally figured out the riff."
"I can call instead."
"And when we retire?"
"Only way I'm retiring is if I'm dead."
I have to laugh. "That's fucking insensitive."
He shrugs. "Better to get comfortable with it now." Ethan leans in to hug me. "You're a good brother, Mal. Bossy. Annoying as fuck. But a good brother."
"I know."
"You deserve to be happy."
I say nothing.
"Say, with your girlfriend."
"She's not my girlfriend."
"Okay, so you are stupid." Ethan shakes his head. "I'm going to tell you what you'd tell me."
"Are you?"
He nods. "And if you don't listen, I'll have to call Joel in for backup."
"Terrifying."
"I know." Ethan's hair falls over his eyes as he shakes his head. "That girl is the best thing that's happened to you in a long time."
I press my lips together.
"I don't know what it is you're scared of, but either get the fuck over it or talk to her. You're not going to forgive yourself if you fuck it up."
"I'm not."
"I'm not going to forgive you either."
I have to laugh. "Bullshit."
"Maybe." He pulls out his cell and checks it. "But she is right there." He motions to the hospital entrance forty feet away.
Sure enough, Lacey is sitting in one of the chairs in the waiting room in a white sundress, her hot pink cardigan around her shoulders, her eyes on the paperback book in her hands.
Something stirs in my gut, something I can't explain. "You asked her to come."
"Yeah. But don't get sentimental. I promised you'd make her come ten times."
"You think I'm not up for it?"
Ethan laughs. "You've never hit ten."
He's probably right. "I haven't been keeping track."
"Uh-huh." He slides his cell into his pocket. "I have to get home and break my record."
"How are you so chipper?"
"I don't want to break today and again tomorrow. I'm just…"
"Hopeful?"
"Something like that." He hugs me goodbye then says hi to Lacey on his way out the door.
She looks up at me with a half-smile.
Maybe Ethan's right.
Why break today and again tomorrow?
I should fucking enjoy something today.
And there's my something, dressed like an angel and staring at me like she's about to whisk me to paradise.
I still don't know about everything, but I can show her a hell of a night.
36
Lacey
We meet at Mal's place. Well, it's more like I arrive at his place thirty minutes late, because it took me forever to pick up what I need.
But I'm here.
And he's here, standing in the door frame all tall and broad and handsome, his expression somewhere between I'm glad you're here and I'll never be glad again.
I hold up the grocery bag in my hand. "I hope you're hungry."
"Carbs, carbs, carbs?" He teases.
The lightness in his voice makes me warm all over. This is hopelessly fucked, but Mal is going to be okay. He's going to come out on the other side okay even if there's a whole lot of agony in the middle.
I rise to my tiptoes and wrap my arms around him. The paper bag smacks into his side, but still I pull him tighter.
I rest my head against his chest.
He presses his palms against my back, one between my shoulder blades, one just above my ass.
The embrace is enough to get feelings rising up in my throat. All these words form and dissolve on the tip of my tongue.
I can't make sense of them, much less verbalize them.
I nip at his ear. "Don't cry, but I didn't bring any carbs."
"That's hard to believe."
"I know." I pull back enough to show off the grocery bag—wild-caught salmon and kale.
Mal lets out a full-blown belly laugh as he whisks me inside. "You're mocking me."
"I'm honoring your dietary preferences."
"By mocking me."
"And mocking you." I set the bag on the counter and move into the kitchen.
"You kick a man when he's down."
"But I do it lovingly." I bite my tongue. It's too soon to use that word. We've been dating a month now. Or two? I don't know. Time has felt drawn out and pushed together since I left Adam.
Some expression flares in Mal's deep blue eyes, but I can't place it. The more I stare, the less I want to place it. I want to get lost in those eyes. And in his arms. And in his bed.
And in his life.
Those three words rise up in my throat. I swallow them down. This is the wrong time. This is completely the wrong time.
But the words don't want to go.
"I want to make this now." I find a frying pan and a small pot. My cooking skills are somewhat limited, but I should be able to manage pan frying salmon and sautéing some kale. I certainly watched Adam cook enough meals. Hell, I've seen Mal cook this exact meal a few times now.
Mal gives me a slow once-over. "You look scared."
"Excited to embrace a challenge."
"I can walk you through it."
"If you want."
He nods and moves into the kitchen. He points to the small pot. "Get out the canola oil and put the burner on high."
"Canola oil?"
"What?"
"That's allowed?"
He laughs. "You shouldn't mock health conditions."
"Is being a perfectionist a medical condition now?"
He smiles and wraps his arms around me.
God, I could die here in his arms.
It's perfect.
Everything outside the room fades away. I'm not worried about his mom. I'm not anxious about Carrie not replying to my texts. I'm not guilty that I haven't called my mom in a very long time.
I'm here.
In the moment.
Alive.
I rise to my tiptoes and press my lips to Mal's. He tastes good, like honey and green tea.
My hands tug at his t-shirt.
My hips shift to press against his.
He slides his hands to my ass and holds my body against his. "Lacey…" He pulls me closer. Kisses me harder.
His tongue slides around my mouth, claiming it, filling me with that sense that everything is right.
We both need out of our heads and into our bodies. I don't care that he's been hinting that he wants to go to the hospital alone. I get that. This is his family and it's Mal.
The man thinks he's supposed to hold up the whole world on his own.
I reach up to run my fingers through his hair.
My need pours into him.
His need pours into me.
He slides his hand into my dress and cups my breast over my bra.
Then his thumb slides into my bra, over my nipple.
"Fuck,
Mal…"
He rubs me harder. Harder.
He kisses me like the ship is going down.
It's everything
But-—
There's some awful sound.
Oh fuck.
That's the smoke detector.
I jump back.
Mal goes to the stove and turns the burner down.
I find a plate and fan the air under the smoke detector.
His blue eyes light up as he looks back to me. "You're a fire hazard, baby."
"Speak for yourself."
His smile spreads over his cheeks. He motions come here. "Let's eat first."
I fight my desire to pout.
Mal chuckles. "Fuck, I almost forgot how much I like you wanting."
"Really?"
"Yeah." Again, he motions come here.
I take my place in the kitchen with him. He takes me through adding the oil to the pan, washing and tearing up the kale, pan-frying the salmon.
Mal is a patient and careful teacher. And he steals a kiss between every instruction.
God, the taste of his lips.
The brightness in his eyes.
All that joy in his expression.
It's been missing for too long and now it's here and it's mine.
And I'm crazy fucking in love with him.
"You're thinking something," he says.
I swallow the words. "Asking myself why I didn't plan some elaborate pasta dish."
He laughs. "You have a problem."
"Love of delicious food is a problem?"
He stirs the pot of greens and brings the spoon up. "This is delicious."
"But is it?"
"You made it." He offers me the spoon. "It's drowned in garlic."
"You trying to get out of kissing me?"
He smiles. "Trying to torture you with garlic breath."
I suck the bite of greens off the spoon, chew, swallow. It is good. Oil. Garlic. Hell, even the kale is good.
It tastes better, having Mal here.
The world is brighter with Mal here.
Those words rise up in my throat again. I try to swallow them down. I try to tell them to get lost.
Fuck it.
I steal another bite of kale and get busy fixing sencha. By the time the tea is ready, the food is done. Mal puts it onto plates and sets it up on the counter.
I slide onto a stool.
He slides into the seat next to mine. "Dad is staying at the hospital tonight."
I nod and stare back into his eyes. As much as I hate life intruding, I want to be the shoulder he can lean on. If he wants to talk, I want to listen. "That's sweet."
Mal nods. "Ethan really promise you ten orgasms?"
"From him?"
"No, but that would be more fair."
I laugh. "No, he didn't promise any."
"He's underselling my skills."
"True." I take a bite of my salmon. "You're good for at least one."
"One?"
"Maybe two."
"Baby, you wound me."
I smile. "Three?"
"You tell me."
"I don't want you to make promises your cock can't keep."
"My cock always keeps its promises." He drags his fingertips over the inside of my knee. "But if it doesn't—"
"That's not what always means."
"I have two hands and a mouth."
"And a cornucopia of sex toys."
"And that." He takes a bite of his food, chews, swallows. "You want to stay the night?"
I try to keep my smile mild even though my heart is jumping. "Sure." The words nip at me. I take another bite to swallow them down. Another. Another. Okay, my plate is nearly empty.
Last one.
Mal offers me what's left of his plate. He really is a gentleman. A caring guy. A loving guy.
He could love someone.
He could love me.
Maybe he does. Now. There's only one way to—
I swallow my tea even though it's too hot. "Do you want to talk about anything with your parents?"
"I don't know." His eyes go to the sliding glass doors. He watches waves crash into the beach. "Ethan said something smart."
"He seems smart."
"He certainly has his priorities in order."
I arch a brow.
"It's Vi then music."
"And by Vi you mean—" I make my first two fingers into a V and bring them to my mouth.
Mal bursts into a full-blown belly laugh. "Fuck. I haven't seen anyone do that since middle school."
"Really?"
He nods.
"I would have thought Joel—"
"He doesn't."
"But he does… ahem."
"Oh, he does." Mal laughs. He stares back into my eyes. "You do something to me. You know that?"
"What do I do?"
"I can't explain it." He looks back to his food. "You wake up this part of me that I didn't know existed."
I love you. Ahem. "So, um… what did Ethan say."
"Why fall apart today and again tomorrow? Why not pretend the world doesn't exist and save all the agony for tomorrow…?" He clears his throat. "I'm trying to forget about it but I'm doing a shit job."
"Can I help?"
"You are." He takes a long bite. "I'm terrified. That it will happen. That it won't. Either way, Mom is leaving me." His gaze shifts back to the coast. "I feel like an asshole."
"You are. But not about this."
He forces a smile but it's more sad than anything. "I'm scared my mom won't die tomorrow."
"You're scared she's going to go through all this and still choose to leave you."
"Maybe."
"My mom… the last time she manipulated my dad, she did it by claiming her Pap smear was abnormal. He was freaking out that she had ovarian cancer, calling me every day, begging me to talk to Mom."
"Why'd you need to be the one to do it?"
"Because I'm her baby girl, the only one who understands her. It's always something. She doesn't do it maliciously… at least I don't think she does. It's more that this is the only way she knows how to connect to me."
He runs his fingertips over the back of my hand. "What happened?"
"Eventually, it worked. I came to see her. It was supposed to be a lunch. She was supposed to tell me about her condition, but we got all the way to dessert and news was still MIA. I asked her point blank if she made it up."
He stares back into my eyes.
"She didn't admit it, exactly, but it was obvious in her expression. She wanted attention from me and this was the only way to get it." My eyes go to the floor. Now, I feel like an asshole, but I need to share this with Mal. "On the drive home, I thought it would have been better if she was sick. If she was terminal. Then she'd stop doing this to me. She'd stop using Dad. She'd stop getting our extended family and her friends caught up in these bullshit lies."
Mal takes my hand and rubs the spot between my thumb and forefinger with his thumb. "It's okay to be selfish sometimes."
"Right back at you."
He nods. "How long ago was that?"
"A few years. I haven't talked to her since then… except for when Dad ambushes me. I know it's the right decision, but—"
"You feel like shit about it?"
I nod. "It has to hurt, your mom getting the surgery. But do you think maybe she really means it? That she really does want to fight instead of making her kids watch her die?"
"Probably. But…"
"Either way, she's leaving you."
He nods. "I don't want her to die. I'm fucking terrified she's going to die."
"I know." I wrap my arms around him.
He pulls me off my stool and into his arms.
And I fall a little more in love with him.
After we finish eating, we cuddle on the couch while we watch Sabrina. I'm in Mal's lap with his arms around me. With all that warmth of his body melting into mine.
When the movie goes to credits, I can't help m
yself. I turn to straddle him. I stare into his deep blue eyes.
He stares back with all this need and affection.
Does he love me too?
I have to know.
But not yet. Not now…
I swallow the words down and lean in to kiss him. It's the only way to express this properly.
He kisses back with all the affection in the world.
One hand pushes my dress off my shoulders.
The other digs through my hair.
My hips shift of their own accord. He's hard under me. He's hard and I want that. I want him.
I need him.
I kiss him harder. I rise onto my knees and pull my dress to my waist.
Mal's fingertips skim the inside of my thigh. He drags them up, up, up, until he's rubbing me over my panties.
The friction of his touch sends wave after wave of desire straight to my core.
I pull back from our kiss to stare into his eyes. "Now."
He nods as he pulls my panties to my knees. It's a messy dismount as I shift off him to push my underwear to my ankles.
Mal pulls his t-shirt over his head. He lifts his hips to push his jeans and boxers to his knees.
Then his arms are around my waist and he's pulling my body onto his.
He stares back into my eyes as he enters me.
Fuck.
I spread my thighs to take him deeper.
There.
I have all of him.
His body, his attention, his heart…
Maybe.
I hold Mal's gaze as he guides my body over his. He feels so good inside me. Like it's where he belongs.
Where I belong.
Like he really is mine.
I let my eyelids flutter together and I press my lips to his.
And I kiss him like this is everything.
Because it is.
Feelings rise up in my throat. I try to swallow them down. I try to distract them by shifting my hips, rubbing my clit against Mal's pubic bone.
But that doesn't work.
The tension knotting in my core is only spurring me on.
The pleasure in my fingers and toes is only giving the words more power.
I undo my bra and toss it aside. I take Mal's hand and bring it to my breast and try to get lost in the motions of his fingers.
Fuck, he's teasing me perfectly.
He's groaning against my lips.
It's intense. I have to pull back to groan.
And he's there, staring up at me like I'm everything he needs.
I shift my hips against his.
Dangerous Fling: A Rock Star Romance (Dangerous Noise Book 4) Page 26
