For the Win

by Brenna Aubrey

Most of the people were seated and now Jordan was slowly, reluctantly coming back to the table with a dark look on his face. The Reverend cut the cake as if nothing unusual had happened. Likely he was going through the motions to establish some semblance of normalcy. A family rift like this was painful for more than merely the two involved. It tore apart an entire family. Given the glares Jordan was now aiming at his grandfather, the man had risked a lot--and had likely lost.

  We ate our cake in strained silence for a few minutes. Then, when people could no longer tolerate the tension, they started on a safe subject--me, apparently.

  "So April, how long have you been working at Draco?" the Reverend began.

  "Oh, well I spent six months in marketing and now I've been working as Jordan's assistant for a month."

  Hannah frowned. "That's a long internship. Are you there for the work experience or are you trying to get a job with the company?"

  I smiled. "I'm headed to business school, I hope. Barring that, I'm really interested in theoretic economics."

  Jordan's father--who I learned was named Grant Fawkes--snorted. "The world doesn't need more corporate drones. You'd be better off studying theory and writing papers about it that no one will read."

  Jordan looked up from his cake long enough to glower at his father. Wow, these two really could not stand each other. What was the story there?

  "So what do you do, Mr. Fawkes?" I asked to veer clear of whatever collision course those two were on.

  "It's Dr. Fawkes. I'm an associate professor of environmental engineering at Cal Poly, and I run a consulting firm on the side."

  That explained the 'global-warming machine' comment he'd made. I took a breath and released it.

  "Where did you attend school, April?" Jordan's mother asked.

  "I just graduated from UCI last June. I want to go to UCLA for graduate school." We fell into silence again and I picked at my chocolate cake. It was delicious but overly rich, and I'd had my fill of it after the first few bites. "So, uh...you must all be really proud of Jordan, that he's speaking at the TED conference."

  All of their heads shot up, faces turned to the man in question. His fork froze in the process of bringing the next bite of cake to his mouth.

  "You're speaking at TED?" his mother asked first. "When?"

  He took a deep breath, let it out and then shot me a look that could kill.

  "In a few weeks," I said when Jordan did not supply the answer. I was shocked that they didn't know.

  Hannah cleared her throat. "That's awesome, bro. You'll be like, famous and all that. What are you speaking on?"

  "How to be a shallow, materialistic mega-consumer, I'd imagine," said his dad.

  "Actually, how to live your life singularly to spite your own parent," Jordan inserted without pause.

  Awkward.

  "Will we be able to watch the speech?" his mom asked as if neither had spoken.

  When Jordan didn't answer, I did. "It live streams on the Internet with a slight delay, I think. You'll be able to see it the day he delivers it. I'm sure the schedule is on the website."

  "And here I thought you were all wrapped up in your Wall Street money-grab," said his dad with a sardonic smile.

  "Grant," the Reverend began. "Enough."

  Jordan's father's face flushed as he turned to the Reverend. "What did you expect from this little maneuver of yours, Dad? Happy unicorns dancing in the woods farting rainbows and butterflies?"

  "Yeah," Jordan snorted. "There's no reasoning with fanatics."

  Grant's head whipped around and he gave his son a dirty look. "The fanatic label is just a fence-sitter's way of justifying his own cowardice."

  "There's no fence-sitting over here. You and I are clearly on opposite sides of a very tall fence," Jordan growled in return.

  Oh, dear. I tried to think of an excuse that would get me out of this room as quickly as possible. The full frontal confrontation was making my nerves dance with flashbacks of my parents screaming at each other during practically every exchange I'd ever heard between them.

  With a shaky breath, I stood and grabbed my plate, heading once again for the kitchen. I'd hide in there until it was over. A minute later, Jordan's mother was standing beside me at the sink with her plate.

  "I'm sorry about that. Neither of us figured that Jordan would bring someone with him." Ah, so she was in on it too. "It wasn't fair to catch you in the crossfire like that."

  I cleared my throat. "That must get really old during family gatherings for the holidays."

  She nodded. "They're too much alike and both very stubborn. They've always butted heads, but it's been particularly bad since--well, you probably don't care about all the family dynamics."

  "I've got a lot of dynamics of my own to deal with."

  "You're just up here doing your job and stepped into family drama, completely unaware." She put a hand on my shoulder. "I'm really sorry. I hope that he's being a good boss to you?"

  "Uh. Yeah. He's teaching me a lot. There's--"

  I was cut off when the door to the kitchen opened. With that same perpetual scowl, Jordan stalked into the kitchen straight toward me. "We're going now."

  "Jordan," his mom began.

  "Not now, okay? We can talk later."

  "You're upset."

  Jordan rubbed at his jaw. "I'm pretty pissed, yeah."

  "I'm, uh, gonna give you two a minute. I'll be out in the car," I said.

  I left the room, then said my goodbyes to Jordan's other family members. The Reverend walked me to the door and I promptly fled to the safety of Jordan's shiny new SUV, not giving a shit about the fact that it guzzled gas and caused global warming.

  Chapter 14

  Jordan

  We were back on the road in time for rush-hour traffic. We hit it through Santa Barbara, then again in Ventura, until finally running into the giant parking lot that was the San Fernando Valley. I made sure to play music the whole way. I was not in the mood to talk about that hot mess of a family reunion that only lacked my brother, Seth, to make it complete. Since he was in college three states away, I guess that wasn't convenient. But apparently, embarrassing the hell out of me in front of my assistant was convenient.

  April spent much of the time on her phone, reading a book, presumably. But at one point, she leaned back in her seat and closed her eyes. The sunlight was starting to disappear and the traffic was slow going. I stole glimpses of her in between brooding and feeling sorry for myself. And embarrassment. There was that too.

  Soon, she'd gravitated to my shoulder to rest her head as she continued to doze. At first, I was tempted to push her away, but her smell--that intoxicating honey scent that did weird things to my self-control--had me taking a nice long whiff every so often. Each time was like getting a head rush.

  The combination of her smell and those cute little noises she made while sleeping was making it hard to concentrate on the road--or on anything else but her. It reminded me of the sounds she made when she climaxed, and that thought brought a rush of heat in all the right places. It was all too tempting to drive her home to my place and take her to bed.

  I blinked at that thought, sobering. I really wanted to take her to bed. And it wasn't because I felt deprived from my self-inflicted period of celibacy, either. I was horny enough these days that I'd probably screw just about anyone. Okay, not anyone. But with this particular young lady, I had to fight with myself hourly to keep my hands off of her.

  No, the less contact between us, the better. She had a little over a month to go until her internship was done. Just a little more than a month of purgatory, and then...then...

  I sometimes thought about what would happen if I told her I was Falco from Comic-Con. How would she react? Would she be surprised, angry, turned on? Would it change how things were between us? Did she have good memories of that encounter now that it had been sullied by the viral video? She had admitted under nervous duress that it was the best sex of her life. I'd mentally high-fived myself when she
'd let that one slip. Jordan Fawkes never, ever turned down an opportunity to massage his own ego.

  I concluded that it was a good thing she didn't know it was me--that she should never find out that it was me. And I couldn't take her to bed under these circumstances. So the sheer fact of her not knowing protected her--and me--from doing something that we would probably end up regretting. I shouldn't even have been considering taking her to bed. Those very thoughts should not have been rolling through my mind--but a man had his limits. As long as they only remained thoughts and desires, I was good. She was safe.

  Although it would help if she didn't currently have her head on my shoulder, her long-lashed eyes closed, her fragrant hair draped over my arm. I turned to sniff it again and stopped when my gaze met her open eyes.

  She frowned, and I returned my eyes quickly to the road. I felt the weight of her head slip from my shoulder, accompanied by a slight pang of loss. I wouldn't have minded if she'd slept there for another hour.

  She stretched beside me, arching her back, pushing those lovely breasts against her silk blouse. I looked--for longer than I should have, dammit. Friar Jordan, the would-be monk, was not doing very well with his new vow of celibacy.

  "Did I fall asleep on you? I'm sorry." She put her hand to her mouth. "I hope I didn't drool."

  "Nope, no drool." Just that amazing smell...

  She craned her neck as if to figure out where we were--almost through LA and less than an hour home on the Santa Ana Freeway. The brightly lit Citadel outlets loomed on our left, just outside of the City of Commerce.

  "I should be the one apologizing to you," I said, knowing it needed to be said. No time like the present, I supposed.

  She turned to me with a frown. "For what?"

  "For my fucked-up family. I guess my mom and grandpa were in cahoots on that little ambush."

  "At least your mom cares. Be grateful for that."

  "Hard to be grateful when all I can feel right now is embarrassment."

  She threw me a sidelong glance, folding her arms across her chest. "Because of me? Don't be. My family is way more fucked-up than yours, I guarantee that."

  "I heard your dad is a nice guy. Adam likes him, anyway."

  "Everybody who works with my dad likes him. He's a hard-ass, but he cares about his people. His work people are more his family than..." Her voice died off and then she shrugged, glancing out the side window.

  "Than his own family?"

  "He has one of those, too. A shiny new family."

  I blinked. "And where do you fit in?"

  "I don't."

  I looked at her and saw that her features were completely blank. From what I knew of April--and what my social media info guy had collected for me--Daddy was pretty damn loaded and more than generous. She drove a compact, sporty Lexus, wore designer clothes and lived in a condo paid for and furnished by him. But she didn't seem the spoiled rotten type--at least what I knew of her.

  "He's not a bad person at all. He just...I just...We just don't get each other, I guess."

  "That sounds familiar."

  She cocked a head at me. "So your dad's annoyed that you don't follow his ideologies?"

  I let out a breath. "Let's just say I'm his big disappointment. He did everything he could to raise a young version of himself and got me instead."

  "So that's why he's so pissed at you? Because you grew up to become your own person?" She shook her head.

  I felt a twinge of guilt that she had jumped to that conclusion--with my help--when that wasn't exactly the case.

  "Some of it is justified and some of it is his bullshit. I lied to him and it pissed him off."

  "I take it it was a pretty huge lie?"

  I clenched my teeth. That same guilt...my dad's rant on my graduation day, my mom's tears. He wouldn't have attended had it not been for her begging. My chest tightened. "Yeah."

  April was watching me, and when I looked up from the road, I saw that she had that deep thing going on with those eyes of hers--like she was studying me.

  "It takes two to hold onto a bitter family grudge like that...I hope it doesn't carry over to your mom and grandpa."

  "What do you mean by that?"

  "I mean that I can't blame them for trying what they did if it's that hard for them to get the two of you to sit down at the same table."

  I clenched my jaw and didn't say anything. Easy for her to say. She hadn't had to live through all of my dad's BS.

  "Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you."

  "I'd have to care about the situation in order to be offended."

  Silence. She knew I was lying.

  She turned and looked out the windshield at the road ahead.

  "A running feud between two people in a family affects far more than those two people, you know. It's kind of like divorced parents who can't stand each other and can't get along, even for the sake of the kids. I know all about what that feels like."

  I blinked and kept my eyes on the sea of red brake lights in front of me. I had no answer for that, because she was right. I was more than a little astonished that I'd never looked at it that way. All I could see and hear whenever I thought of my stand off with Dad was his constant criticism, his continuous disapproval, his lip curling as he stated on my college graduation day, "You're a disappointment."

  Heat seared under my collar at that remembered insult, but I couldn't tell if I was angrier at him for his harsh words or myself, for having disappointed him. I swallowed.

  She was watching me again. Under her scrutiny, I felt sort of itchy. Like she was getting under my skin. And I didn't like that feeling at all.

  "Maybe you should pay more attention to your own life and fuck-ups rather than being so quick to point at others," I let out in a tight voice.

  With a quick intake of breath, she sat back. I took a fortifying breath but didn't look at her. I felt like shit inside for saying it. But it was safer this way. I could not afford to let her under my skin. Or anywhere else, for that matter.

  She folded her arms tightly against her chest and turned her head to gaze out the passenger window. She was fuming, hurt. That much was obvious. The scariest part was that I knew exactly what buttons to push to get that reaction from her. It was a talent of mine.

  And she wouldn't speak up for herself. I knew that too. So she'd sit there in the dark and fume and feel like shit, like I'd counted on.

  Sometimes I made myself sick.

  I dropped her off at her car at work a little after dinnertime. She grabbed her bag and her jacket and muttered a halfhearted 'thank you.'

  I didn't reply and I drove home.

  So... No sex. No alcohol. My two favorite ways to cope were closed off to me. I hadn't lit up in ages, but I had to admit I was tempted to fire up a joint. Instead, I changed clothes, went to the gym and worked out for hours until I was numb and ready to fall down from exhaustion.

  Chapter 15

  April

  I stepped into the apartment feeling deflated. It had been a long day, and for all the good cheer and humor with which it had started out...it sure ended on a sour note. Jordan had said little else after lashing out at me. I'd gotten too close--I saw that now. His defenses were quick and impenetrable, and when he detected that I'd seen a weakness, he shoved me far away.

  Just when I thought we'd started to make some sort of headway to...whatever this was. Boss/employee? Mutual co-lusters? Friends who kiss each other and hand out the occasional orgasm? Or maybe merely my unrequited crush on the surly man.

  I knew I should try my best to keep it strictly professional. Reminded myself yet again to keep my distance.

  And I must not...definitely must not remember how it had felt to wake up with my head on his shoulder. His hard, solid, wonderful-smelling shoulder.

  I gulped. I was in a pool of crap and headed toward the deep end.

  I walked into our bedroom to find Sid in bed, her iPad propped on her knees, FaceTiming one of her many relatives who lived on the other coast
.

  I pulled off my clothes and changed for bed.

  After finishing her conversation, she set her iPad aside. "Hey...looks like you had a long day. Are you hungry?"

  I sighed. "No, not really. I want to play some DE. Did I tell you I'm almost level five?"

  She laughed. "Only about five times." She tossed her pillow at me. "Newb!"

  I stuck out my tongue and blew a raspberry.

  "How was Santa Barbara?"

  "Ugh. Too damn far away." I tried to ignore the sting I still felt from Jordan's tongue-lashing. I knew I shouldn't take it personally. His family had ambushed him, and he'd been upset and embarrassed. But he was so prickly and unpredictable sometimes. It rankled.

  "So, I gotta tell you. I'm still trying to solve the mystery of how your video got uploaded to the Internet."

  I plopped down onto my bed and stared at her. "That may never be solved. I think we have to chalk it up to my blatant stupidity."

  "Can you lend me your phone tomorrow? I want to take a look at all the ins and outs, see if I can reproduce what happened."

  "God, no! Why would you want to reproduce what happened?"

  "Not with your lurid porn video, stupid. With a blank dummy video. I want to recreate the conditions in which it occurred. I made a blank demo tape of approximately the same length."

  My brows furrowed. "That's a very scientific approach."

  "Well, I am a scientist--or hope to be, if I make it through this semester. But I just have this gut feeling that this wasn't an accident."

  I frowned. "You mean that someone hacked me?"

  She shrugged. "I don't know. I want to see what I can find out."

  "Okay...I'll leave it on the charger. Do not answer it if anyone calls me."

  Her brows twitched. "Still avoiding Mommy Dearest?"

  "Hell, yes."

  She stifled a yawn and cleared her bed of books and her tablet. "I'm crashing."

  "Mind if I play on the game for a bit? I'm not tired."

  She snickered. "You are so hooked."

  "Am not. It's research."

  "Are too. How close are you to your next level?"

  I sighed, holding up my thumb and forefinger together. "I'm this close."

  "You're an addict. It only gets worse from here on out."

  Her light went off, and I plugged in my ear buds and entered the world of Yondareth yet again. My Beast achieved level five quickly, and I told myself just a few more minutes...a few more minutes.