Etiquette & Espionage fs-1

by Gail Carriger

  All the while they were working to get free, Sophronia had to pause to blast the mechanical with the obstructor. When the sticky stuff was finally gone, they could not push the huge, heavy soldier mechanical out of the way, for it was somehow locked down.

  Soap couldn’t manage to pick the lock in the space of one obstructor blast. So Sophronia had to stand before the sentry and disable it with the obstructor every six seconds while Soap worked diligently behind it.

  Sophronia worried the obstructor might run out or fade in its effectiveness. Vieve had not explained exactly how it worked, and Sophronia could hardly believe it would continue indefinitely, but it showed no signs of stopping.

  Eventually Soap got the door open. Sophronia hit the mechanical with one last blast and they squeezed inside the room before the thing woke up again. They closed the door firmly behind them.

  Only to be faced with an entirely new problem.

  The record room looked like a small factory or cotton mill—machines and conveyors and rotary belts ran along the walls and filled the corners of the room.

  “Look up,” hissed Sophronia.

  Dimity and Soap did.

  Above them dangled the records. They were clipped to conveyers mounted on the ceiling, like an upside-down, dangling version of mechanical tracks. The records themselves looked like nothing so much as laundry hanging from a clothesline. They were far too high up to reach, and there seemed no way to know where any particular record was. There were hundreds there, if not thousands—it was a nightmare.

  “There must be some method of search and recall,” Sophronia said, looking around desperately.

  There were three desks in the room, each with a small leather seat, an oil lamp, and a writing pad. Each also boasted a large brass knob with a lever sticking out of the top. Around the base of the knob, and taking up a good deal of the desk space, was a circular piece of parchment paper with writing on it.

  Soap went to one desk, Sophronia to another, and Dimity to the last. Each bent to light the oil lamp and examine the writing on the round parchment.

  “Try not to touch anything; we are still all-over sticky,” warned Sophronia.

  Even as she said it, a quill adhered itself to Dimity’s bosom as she leaned in. Dimity didn’t notice. She said, “Mine is labeled with locations.” She craned her neck to the side to read around the circle. “Cities, counties, a few districts, and even some wards. Here’s London. Here’s Devonshire.”

  Sophronia looked at hers. “Mine looks like it’s skill sets. Knife, seduction, armored umbrella, flirtation. What’s yours, Soap?”

  Soap was standing over his desk with his head down, not even looking at the paper.

  They didn’t have much time. “What’s it say, Soap?”

  Soap looked up, clearly embarrassed. “Sorry, miss, can’t tell.”

  “Goodness me, why not? Is it something horrid and unladylike?” Soap was proving, often, to be far more conscientious of Sophronia’s dignity than Sophronia was.

  Soap only shook his head.

  Dimity said in a sympathetic tone, “You can’t read, can you, Mr. Soap?”

  “No, miss. Sorry, miss.” His voice was almost a whisper.

  Sophronia blinked. Poor Soap! What a thing to go through life without books. “Oh, right.” She ran over. “It’s the alphabet.” She pointed, “See, A, B, C, D, and so forth.”

  Soap only backed slightly away, looking hugely embarrassed. Sophronia bumped up against his side, much in the manner he had done to her in the past, and gave him a little smile. This seemed to only embarrass him further. “Aw, miss.”

  “What do they mean?” asked Dimity.

  Sophronia shrugged. “Only one way to find out.”

  She grabbed the lever on Soap’s desk and pushed it toward A.

  All around them, with what seemed to be a tremendous amount of noise, the machinery of the record room came to life. Steam hissed out from pistons and rotary mechanisms as they whirled up, thundering, shaking, and groaning. Above them the records moved on those tracks, shifting from one part of the room to another, parting and regrouping. They whizzed around one another, the parchment flapping and crackling. Finally a large cluster moved purposefully in Soap and Sophronia’s direction, coming to a stop directly above the desk.

  “Now what?” wondered Soap.

  Sophronia searched around the desk for some other operational mechanism or switch.

  “This is when I wish we had Vieve with us,” she said, frowning. She returned to the original lever, and after tapping and picking at it, pressed down hard on the round brass nodule at the base.

  With a loud clunk, the records above her dropped.

  She and Soap both ducked out of the way, narrowly missing being whacked by dangling paperwork as the collection above the desk came flying straight down and stopped, hovering, in a manner undoubtedly convenient to whomever was seated at the desk.

  Sophronia unclipped and examined one of the pieces of paper, mindful of any stickiness. She read bits aloud, in deference to Soap, and to the fact that Dimity still stood at her desk some distance away.

  “ ‘Comtesse de Andeluquais, Henrietta, née Kipplewit,’ it says at the top of the file.” Below this was a sketch of a personable young woman, with written vital statistics such as hair color, eye color, social position, and fashion preferences. Then came a string of locations and dates, starting with what Sophronia assumed was a birthplace and ending with what must be the comtesse’s current residency in France. Below that was written a list of particular skills, which in Henrietta’s case appeared to be “Parasol manipulation, hairstyles for concealment, ballistics, quiet footsteps, fast waltz, and rice pudding.”

  There were a goodly number of additional papers covered in neat handwriting. Sophronia tried to sum up for her audience. “Reports on various assignments, I believe. Yes, here it says she infiltrated French diplomatic offices. And here is a report on her marriage to the comte.” Sophronia looked over at Dimity. “You mean we are going to have to marry whomever the school chooses?”

  Dimity was unconcerned. “Within reason. This is a finishing school, after all. That’s what all finished girls do—marry well. Besides, how else would we infiltrate positions of power?”

  Sophronia postponed any protestations for a later date and turned her attention to the issue at hand. She replaced Henrietta’s paperwork and depressed the brass knob of the lever, and the records rose back up to the ceiling.

  “Which desk had locations?”

  Dimity pointed at hers.

  Soap and Sophronia went over.

  “We need a location close to my home. That’s near Wootton Bassett, Wiltshire.” Sophronia began reading the place names. “Aha, Swindon should do it.” She grabbed the lever and pulled it.

  The records shifted and whisked around, rearranging themselves until a cluster coalesced and came to hover above the desk. This time there was a much smaller number of records—three, to be precise. Sophronia depressed the nodule and the paperwork plummeted down.

  They were all ready this time and didn’t duck or flinch.

  It was a moment’s work to read through the names of the three women in Sophronia’s area who had also once attended Mademoiselle Geraldine’s. Of the three, one was now dead, the second had lived there for only a brief time in 1847, and the third… well, the third was…

  “Mrs. Barnaclegoose!” said Sophronia.

  “I take it you know her?” asked Dimity.

  “Yes, indeed.”

  “Then we’ve got what you came for, miss?” said Soap.

  Sophronia desperately wanted to read the entire file on her mother’s dear old friend and chronic teatime companion. She’d always thought Mrs. Barnaclegoose no more than a meddling busybody with stylish propensities at odds with her ever-increasing waistline. “Please, wait!”

  “Now, miss, we’d best move. Them machineries make enough noise to spook a poltergeist, and we got us vampire hearing to worry over. Best get the recor
ds back the way they were to start and get out.” He seemed very nervous. Sophronia wondered if it was all the paperwork.

  “No point in trying to make the break-in invisible.”

  “No?” Dimity was confused.

  “No. The place reeks of rose oil, and there is sticky netting all over the hallway. We are going to have to try to cast the blame on someone else. I’ll simply put this lot back up and dial in something random. At least that’ll throw them off the trail.”

  Sophronia depressed the nodule, and they watched as the three Swindon records rose up to the ceiling. Then she dashed over to the final desk and pushed the lever toward the “tea leaf encryption” skill set. A new cluster of papers came over to that desk. Instead of pushing them to ascend, Sophronia left them there. They snuffed out the oil lamps and made their way out of the record room.

  They managed to blast and then sneak by the soldier mechanical, which was rocking back and forth in confusion. Something about having trapped an intruder and then suddenly having that intruder be multiples and then vanish had put it into a protocol loop. It was paralyzed by indecision and hadn’t sounded the alarm. Luck, thought Sophronia. Is that something an intelligencer should count on?

  They made their way back down through the ship, using the obstructor as needed and separating from Soap at Lady Linette’s balcony.

  “Thank you kindly for your help,” said Sophronia, rather awkwardly formal.

  “ ’Course, miss,” said Soap, coming in far too close and tucking a loose bit of Sophronia’s hair behind her ear before swinging himself back over the railing and clambering away.

  Dimity gave Sophronia a long, suspicious look.

  Sophronia pretended not to see and said, “Turn around. I’ll get your buttons.”

  Dimity sputtered, “But we are outside! At night! On a balcony!”

  “Yes, but sometimes decency must be sacrificed on the altar of not being found out by teachers because we smell of rose oil and are covered in sticky stuff! Now, please, Dimity.”

  They helped each other to remove their outer gowns. Dimity threw hers over the edge rather sadly. “I did like that blue gown.”

  “Let’s hope Captain Niall doesn’t find them.” Sophronia chucked hers after Dimity’s without much care. She’d grown to appreciate that she needed to learn to be fashionable, but that didn’t mean she had vested any emotional compassion into her existing clothing. “I’ll steal us some vinegar from the kitchen in the morning; we can soak our smalls in that. It should get out the smell.” She bit her lip, thinking. “And suet, for cleaning our scissors.”

  Dimity looked faintly unwell at the idea. “So much for smelling like roses.”

  LESSON 16: BREAKING, BURGLING, AND A PROPER BREAKFAST

  Despite the fact that Lady Linette must have discovered it, the infiltration of the record room was not announced at breakfast. No doubt this was to keep Mademoiselle Geraldine in the dark. The headmistress probably didn’t even know there was a record room. However, there was certainly an aura of doom about the repast that subdued even Monique’s machinations.

  Nevertheless, Monique managed to corner Sophronia in the hallway later that day on their way to lessons with Lady Linette.

  “I understand your sister has a coming-out ball soon. Pity your family can’t see to a London Season. Or is there some additional urgency to the matter of your sister’s entrée?”

  Sophronia curled her lip. “At least Petunia is getting a coming-out. I understand you haven’t been presented. And you are what, all of eighteen? Such a waste.”

  “Oh, don’t you concern yourself with me. Mama plans a spectacular season as soon as I finish. And she won’t have already spent the family fortune on an older sister.”

  “Why are we talking about this now?”

  “Oh, did I forget to mention? I have an invitation.”

  “What!”

  “Yes, indeed. I wrote to Daddy shortly after we first arrived at school. Daddy knows people.”

  How on earth did she get that message off the ship? Sophronia wondered. I thought she was prevented. I missed something. What did I miss?

  “How did you…?” she started to ask; then she remembered. Monique’s friend.

  She has a teacher, or something like it, working with her, of course! They must have sent the message for her, from Bunson’s. Perhaps I can somehow take advantage of this, follow her. “It’s going to be a very interesting event,” said Sophronia slyly. “Very interesting indeed.”

  Monique’s face sharpened. “Are you meddling, little girl? I wouldn’t meddle in things that don’t concern you.”

  “Isn’t that exactly what we are being trained to do?”

  Monique stepped in close, and Sophronia felt a prick at her throat. Under cover of full sleeves and bonnet ribbons, the older girl pressed a very sharp metal hair stick into Sophronia’s neck. “Accidents will happen.”

  Sophronia was not to be cowed. She jerked away. “So will discoveries,” she hissed before moving swiftly on to Lady Linette’s. Monique followed her. She was no longer worried for her family; Monique wouldn’t tell anyone the hiding place. She wants to retrieve the prototype herself. She wants to stay in control of the operation. That’s what I’d want.

  The other girls were already seated. They were looking, Sophronia realized, far better than they had in September. Dimity’s curls were more controlled. Preshea’s expression was not so sour, and Agatha had a nice piece of lace about her neck. Even Sidheag had improved her posture. Sophronia wondered what changes had been wrought upon her own appearance.

  Lady Linette entered a few minutes after Monique, almost late for her own class. She looked harried underneath her copious frills and layers of face paint. “Ladies, it has come to our attention that someone tampered with the record room last night. Have any of you information to impart?”

  The girls all looked at one another.

  Monique raised her hand. “Sophronia, Dimity, Sidheag, and Agatha have been very subversive lately.”

  Lady Linette turned blue eyes upon Monique. “Indeed, Miss Pelouse? Have you overheard anything concrete?”

  “No, Lady Linette.” Monique shifted in her seat.

  Lady Linette turned her attention to Sophronia. “Have you ladies been plotting?” Sophronia had no idea why she should be selected as the representative of the group, but supposed it was a fair cop. They did, as a general rule, tend to be her schemes.

  She said, “I’m attempting to get them invited to my sister’s ball. That’s why I keep trying to send a message home.”

  “Of course you are. But not Miss Buss or Miss Pelouse?”

  Sophronia shrugged. “Mumsy won’t let me ask everyone. I mean to say, what comes next—the entire school?”

  Monique looked prim. “I already have an invitation. I don’t need Sophronia’s help.”

  Dimity gave Sophronia a very worried look.

  Sophronia remained impassive. “Oh, yes? I didn’t know you knew my sister.”

  “Nor did I,” interjected Lady Linette. “Considering Miss Pelouse’s last sojourn into your abode was under false pretenses, she will have to plan her outfit carefully. And you ladies, do you think you are ready for a ball so soon in your careers?”

  Sidheag shrugged. Dimity nodded enthusiastically. Agatha stared at her hands.

  Lady Linette sighed audibly. “Nothing to do with the record room, then, ladies?” She directed the full focus of her attention on Sidheag, of all people. “Are you certain you didn’t see anything in particular?”

  Sidheag looked at Sophronia with a slight air of contrition and shrugged. Sophronia frowned. What does Sidheag have to feel guilty about?

  “Is anything missing from the record room?” asked Sophronia.

  “A quill, but nothing else.” Lady Linette redirected the query to become a teaching session. “So what do we believe an infiltrator might have been after, ladies?”

  “Information,” said Preshea promptly. “It is a record room.”<
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  “Exactly, Miss Buss. Very good.”

  “The culprit has to be someone already on board school grounds,” added Sophronia. “Unless infiltrators can get on and off without the mechanicals noticing.”

  “Good, Sophronia.”

  “That’s why you are interrogating the students.”

  “Lady Linette.” Dimity straightened up. “Are the records of students kept in that room?”

  Lady Linette nodded.

  Sophronia, seeing where Dimity might be steering the conversation, said, “So the culprit wanted to see information, change information, or steal information. Which means a vested interest. Older student, perhaps, skilled enough to get in, with something at risk?”

  Sophronia stopped herself there, not wanting to push her luck, and carefully didn’t look at Monique. Casting blame elsewhere was a classic misdirection tactic, but it had to be practiced with care. Particularly as it was Lady Linette who had explained the technique to her.

  “So can Agatha, Sidheag, and Dimity come with me to my sister’s ball? Are they socially skilled enough for public exhibition?” Sophronia asked, hoping to change the subject now that she had planted a seed of suspicion.

  “If their parents approve. You’ll have to wait until we exit the gray. Now, what to teach today? Oh, yes. Posture.”

  That evening, Monique de Pelouse and a few of the older girls were taken in for questioning by Lady Linette, Professor Lefoux, and Professor Braithwope. A new rumor instantly sprang up that Monique was the one who had broken into the record room, supposedly to doctor her files over failing to finish.

  “It’s a great rumor,” said Dimity proudly when they were safely back in their room, changing for dancing lessons. “Did you stash some of that rose perfume oil in her room?”

  Sophronia grinned. “Of course.”

  “Nice to get a little of our own back.” Dimity was busy rinsing out their now vinegar-scented underthings in the washbasin.

  “How do you think Monique managed to get invited to my sister’s ball?”

  Dimity said, “Connections. Your father belongs to some kind of gentlemen’s club, doesn’t he?”