Heart in Hand: Stitches in Time Series #3

by Barbara Cameron

  “I need to go outside,” she said. “Nick will be by in a few minutes for me.”

  He walked outside with her and invited her to sit in a rocking chair on the porch.

  “Do you want more coffee?”

  “No, thanks.”

  “I’m sorry this kept you from your supper.”

  “It’s okay, really.”

  She didn’t have much appetite in the evening anyway. Sometimes all she wanted was a sandwich or a bowl of soup eaten far away from the big kitchen table Samuel had built.

  “I don’t know which is better,” he said finally. “Being left alone or being left with someone whose grief you apparently have failed to help.” He sighed and leaned back in his chair.

  “I don’t think you can blame yourself.”

  “No? Well, you would if you were me right now.”

  “Gideon, one incident doesn’t make you a failure.”

  He dropped his head into his hands, then looked up at her. “It isn’t the first incident. Her grades have been dropping. I’ve had two teacher conferences this month.”

  Anna fumbled for something to say. She hadn’t had children, and even though she had siblings, none of them had ever behaved like Sarah Rose.

  She felt a rush of relief she tried to hide when Nick pulled into the driveway.

  “I’m sorry. I have to go,” she said, getting to her feet. “Maybe we can talk sometime.”

  He got to his feet and nodded. “Thanks.”

  Anna got into the van, and Nick pulled out of the drive. When she looked back, Gideon waved at her and then thrust his hands into his pockets.

  She couldn’t forget the image of him staring off into the distance as they drove away.

  Gideon tried to concentrate on the directions for the knitting kit he and Sarah Rose had gotten at Anna’s store.

  He’d decided Saturday was a good day for the activity after the morning chores had been done. Even though it was something fun and he thought Sarah Rose should stay in her room and think about what she’d done, he figured that it was a chance for them to talk father/daughter.

  So after lunch they cleaned up the kitchen and got out the kit and spread it out on the kitchen table.

  After donning an apron, Sarah Rose read the directions—only stumbling over a few words he helped her sound out—good practice for her reading. Her teacher had said she needed to work on it for twenty minutes a day.

  Gideon spread the packets of Kool-Aid out on the table. Interesting idea to use it as yarn dye, he thought. The drink mix was a summer favorite Sarah Rose was allowed now and then.

  “We each get to pick a color,” he told her.

  “I want pink so I want strawberry,” she said immediately. “Do we get to drink some before we use it?”

  “After. Let’s make sure we have enough for the dye first.”

  “Grape for you?”

  “I’m not wearing purple.” He hesitated, wondering what he’d gotten himself into. “Maybe blue moon berry if we make it dark.”

  Gideon opened the packet of strawberry and stirred it into the big bowl of water sitting in the sink, and immediately the fruity smell of berries filled the kitchen.

  “Mamm used to make that kind for me,” Sarah Rose told him as she carefully lowered her skein of yarn into the water. “She knew strawberry’s my favorite.”

  In the act of dumping the blue moon berry in his bowl of water, Gideon’s head jerked up. He studied her, head bent as she poked at the yarn with a big plastic spoon.

  “I know your mamm always made you strawberry.”

  She looked up at him and gave him one of her solemn smiles.

  “Sarah Rose, I know you miss your mamm. But she’s watching over you, and I think she’s feeling sad that you’re hurting still.”

  “I don’t want to forget her.”

  “No one expects you to. But we need to remember how God gave her to us for a time.”

  “But why do other kids get to have their mamms a long time and not me?”

  He searched for the right words. It didn’t seem fair to him sometimes, but it was God’s will.

  “We don’t always know why God does what He does,” he said, swirling the drink mix into the water and pushing his yarn into the bowl until it was submerged in the dye. “We have to trust that He knows what He’s doing.”

  Her bottom lip stuck out as she stirred. “I know.” She sighed, a huge sigh that said she didn’t really like what she heard but had heard it enough to know it was the truth.

  “How long are we supposed to let it sit now?”

  She set down the spoon and picked up the directions. “Thirty minutes.”

  “So how long is that?”

  She frowned. “Half an hour?”

  “That’s right. How about we have some Kool-Aid and cookies while we wait?”

  “That would be gut. I’ll get it.”

  “No!” he said quickly. “The pitcher’s full. I wouldn’t want it to get spilled.”

  He withdrew his hands from the bowl and wiped them on a kitchen towel.

  Dye came off on the towel but remained on his hands halfway up his forearms. Shrugging, he turned on the faucet, careful not to let the stream of water into the bowl of dye. But no matter how much water he ran over them, how much soap he used, his hands were still stained blue moon berry.

  He glanced over and saw that Sarah Rose was studying the directions, her lips moving as she read the words.

  “Sweetheart, what does it say about getting the dye off your hands?”

  “I didn’t get any on my hands, Daedi. I used a spoon to stir.”

  He dried his hands on the towel. “Let me see that.”

  She handed the paper over and then her eyes lit up and she started laughing. “Oh, silly Daedi!” she laughed. “You didn’t use the spoon!”

  “Why didn’t you read this part?” he asked, pointing at the big warning at the top of the page.

  “I didn’t know how to pronounce that r word.”

  “This one?” he asked, pointing to it.

  “Ya.”

  “It’s rubber,” he told her dryly. “Rubber gloves.”

  “Oh,” she said but with the air of unconcern that told him she really didn’t understand. “Are you getting out the Kool-Aid?”

  “Schur.” Shaking his head, he poured her a glass and brought the cookie jar to the table.

  He fixed himself a cup of coffee and sat down with the directions, praying they’d offer him some suggestion on how he was going to get rid of blue hands and forearms.

  Otherwise he was going to look pretty silly at church tomorrow.

  4

  Anna couldn’t put her finger on what it was, but something was definitely wrong with Gideon.

  Oh, he looked as handsome as ever in his Sunday church clothes, his hair neatly combed, his smile warm and friendly.

  Then he reached for the plate of food she offered and her eyes widened and she bobbled the plate. He caught it before it could fall and grinned.

  “I’m hoping you can tell me what to do about my little problem,” he said, glancing down at his hands. “We were using the Kool-Aid kit, and I didn’t put on rubber gloves.”

  She tried to hold back a giggle, she honestly did, but it slipped out anyway.

  “What’s so funny?” Sadie, one of the women helping with the small meal after church, wanted to know.

  Then she caught sight of Gideon’s hands and started to laugh. She covered her mouth. “I’m sorry!”

  Sarah Rose appeared at her father’s side and frowned. “It’s not funny! Daedi scrubbed and scrubbed his hands.”

  “You’re right, Sarah Rose, it’s not funny,” Anna said. “Gideon, I thought that kit came with rubber gloves.”

  “We found them in the box,” Gideon told her, nodding. “After.”

  John Stoltzfus clapped his hand on Gideon’s shoulder. “My son Henry says you’re turning into one of those Smurf cartoon characters he saw in a library book. They’re
blue, you know?”

  Sarah Rose went still, then backed away and walked toward the front door.

  Anna started to say something to Gideon, but after the initial laugh at his expense, Gideon and the other man had launched into a business discussion.

  “I’ll be right back,” she told Sadie.

  She walked out onto the front porch and found Sarah Rose sitting in a rocker she’d pulled into the farthest corner. The child slumped down in the chair, her lip trembling.

  “Sarah Rose? Sweetheart, are you all right?”

  “Fine.” She turned her face away.

  “You seem upset.”

  She turned around. “It’s all my fault Daedi’s hands are blue.”

  “Oh, I’m sure he doesn’t blame you.” She was silent for a moment. “I’m kind of surprised he didn’t think of the gloves.”

  “I skipped that part in the d’rections.”

  Directions. “But still—”

  “We started talking about Mamm.” Her eyes grew bright with unshed tears. “I think—well, he always gets sad about her. He put his hands in the water with the dye ’cause I think he was upset and he forgot.”

  She hung her head. “That’s why I don’t talk to him about her. It hurts him too much.”

  Unsure what to say, Anna glanced back at the door, but Gideon was still inside.

  She had to choose her words carefully; she knew from experience how the wrong ones could hurt even more than silence.

  “Your daedi loves you so much,” she said softly. “He’d want to talk to you about anything that’s hurting you. He wouldn’t care about himself.”

  Anna sighed. “And sometimes you just have to talk about things no matter how they hurt. Sometimes it can hurt more to hold things in.”

  She reverted to a childhood habit and chewed on her thumbnail. “Sometimes I do that because I don’t want to talk about how I’m hurting about—about Samuel. Sometimes I think it’ll hurt someone like my grandmother because it’ll make her think of my grandfather dying young.”

  Sighing, she shook her head. “Sometimes I’m up and down with my moods still. Sometimes . . . well, I’m not so pleasant with the people near me like my cousins and my grandmother.”

  She remembered how after she’d found out that Sarah Rose had stolen, she’d thought about how she knew people did all sorts of things, behaved all sorts of ways when they grieved, but she’d never heard of anyone stealing.

  But the way she was sometimes—was that any different from the way Sarah Rose had been acting out? The only difference was that they weren’t at the same maturity level . . .

  She almost laughed. Her cousins might have disagreed with her on that.

  The door opened, and Gideon came out.

  “What are the two of you doing sitting out here?” he asked, his tone neutral.

  But Anna saw the expression of concern in his eyes.

  “Girl talk,” she said lightly.

  “Oh. I guess I’m not invited.” He pretended to be disappointed and wiped away an imaginary tear.

  Anna watched Sarah Rose stare at her father’s blue hands.

  “Daedi, maybe if Anna saw the d’rections she’d know what to do to make the blue go away.”

  “We read them, remember? I don’t think there’s anything else we can do. It just has to wear off.” He bent down to kiss her head. “Stop worrying. I’m not upset with you. I should have been paying better attention.”

  He glanced at Anna. “I know some things can stain, so even if I’d never used the dye kit I should have known better. After all, I use gloves sometimes working on the farm.”

  With a shrug, he shoved his hands into his pockets. “It’ll just be a funny story I trot out after I knit my muffler.”

  “That’s true,” Anna agreed. “Since so many people saw your hands today, they’ll want to see it when it’s done.”

  Gideon straightened and gave her a rueful look. “Thanks for reminding me how many people noticed the blue hands.”

  Anna grinned. “No problem.”

  “Daedi, I’m hungry.”

  “You didn’t have anything to eat?”

  She shook her head. “I wasn’t hungry then.”

  “Let me go see if anything’s left.” He turned to Anna. “Did you eat?”

  “No, but I’m fine until I get home.” She’d seen a number of people leave and had a suspicion that any remaining food had been packed up and was going home with them.

  When Gideon returned, his blue hands were empty.

  “Sorry, Sarah Rose. The food’s gone. Let’s go home and I’ll make you a sandwich.”

  She stood up. “Can Anna come with us and you can fix her a sandwich while she reads the d’rections?”

  Gideon looked at her. “Anna may have plans.”

  Plans. She almost laughed. She’d been throwing herself into her work at the shop and chores at home in an effort to keep busy, her mind occupied with anything but thoughts of Samuel for so long.

  And she didn’t need to add more problems on to her already full plate. She had a feeling she could be drawn into the problems of these two people . . . this little girl and her too-appealing widowed father.

  But she suspected that had already happened.

  Sarah Rose tilted her head as she looked at Anna. “She solded it to us, Daedi.”

  Anna laughed as Gideon reacted with a gasp and a frown. “Now don’t get upset with her,” she said quickly. “She’s right. Okay, I’ll come. And I’ll take you up on your offer of a sandwich. I confess I’m feeling hungry!”

  Anna had already been in his home a number of times visiting Mary and again the other night, but Gideon still had that momentary feeling of anxiety when he opened his front door and stepped aside for her to enter.

  He knew he hadn’t been able to keep it at the level of cleanliness that Mary had, but he did the best he could. Besides, he had to be two parents now . . . and Anna certainly knew that.

  They’d known each other since childhood, of course, but from the time he decided girls were not only okay but pretty special, he’d only had eyes for Mary. It had been the same for Samuel. He and Anna had been inseparable and were one of the first couples their age to marry.

  “Coffee?”

  “Yes, thanks.”

  Anna turned to Sarah Rose. “So, where are those directions?”

  Sarah Rose ran to get them, and the two of them sat down at the kitchen table.

  Gideon rinsed the percolator, filled it with fresh water and coffee, then set it on the gas range. He opened the refrigerator and stuck his head inside. There were plenty of sandwich makings.

  “So what’ll it be?” he asked, straightening and glancing back at Anna and Sarah Rose.

  Their heads were close as they bent over the directions. He paused for a moment and studied them. Sarah Rose had been sulky that day when she was called downstairs to talk about the stealing. Her apology hadn’t been as willing—or remorseful—as he’d have liked.

  But apparently his daughter wasn’t holding a grudge at Anna telling on her. Not that she should. He’d just been afraid she’d be like kinner could be when they got into trouble—and he wondered if the conversation they’d been having on the porch today had anything to do with it.

  Anna glanced up and caught him looking at them. She lifted her brows in question, and he realized that he had to think of something to explain why he’d been staring.

  “We have chicken sandwiches—it’s left over from last night—and ham and Swiss and some egg salad . . .” he trailed off. “No, wait, I had the egg salad last night.”

  “He eats a lot,” Sarah Rose said, shaking her head. “Boys eat a lot.”

  “They do,” Anna agreed, grinning at him. “The chicken sounds good. Maybe with a little mayonnaise. But I can make it.”

  “No, you’re a guest. We have some chocolate chip cookies we made, too. Sarah Rose, time to wash your hands and set the table.”

  It was a new feeling to be waited on,
one she felt a little uncomfortable with, but she told herself to sit back and enjoy it.

  She went back to reading the directions. “I’m sure you tried scrubbing them really well with soap and water.”

  “Ya. Maybe I should try some bleach.”

  “Absolutely not!” she cried. “Don’t even think of doing such a thing! Don’t you know how dangerous that is?”

  “Don’t yell at Daedi!” Sarah Rose said.

  “I’m sorry, I just don’t want him to use something that can hurt himself to get rid of the dye,” Anna said quickly.

  “It’s all my fault!” Sarah Rose’s lip began trembling. She opened her mouth to speak, and then she turned and ran from the room.

  Gideon sighed and set the plate of chicken on the table. “I have to go talk to her.”

  “Wait,” she said, stopping him. “You need to tell her the worst that can happen is it might take a few days to wear off.”

  “So she’s overreacting?”

  Anna nodded. “But please don’t use that term. Girls—women—don’t appreciate hearing that kind of language from a man.”

  He met her level stare. “All right.” Turning, he started up the stairs.

  People were always saying that children grew up so quickly. His baby had turned into a child, and yes, she was growing up too fast. But Anna was, in effect, telling him that she was a girl, and he was going to have to start watching what he said to her.

  No, life was going too quickly.

  He’d barely gotten to the top of the stairs when Anna was calling to him, her voice sounding excited.

  “Gideon? May I use your phone?”

  “Schur. It’s in the shanty. The key’s on a hook by the refrigerator.”

  Sarah Rose had thrown herself on her bed, but at least she’d stopped crying. He sat down beside her and placed his hand on her back. No telling her she was overreacting, he warned himself.

  “I want you to come downstairs now. I’m not upset, and I don’t want you to be. But we have a guest in our home, and it’s not polite for us to be up here and her down there. And she’s sitting there hungry, too, remember?”

  “I know,” she said with a sniff.

  “So why don’t you go wash your face and let’s feed our guest—and you.”