Not What You Think

by Melissa Hill

  Laura sighed. Her mother would probably be on the phone within seconds, wondering why Laura couldn’t oblige Kathleen Brennan, and didn’t Laura know how embarrassing it was?

  Perhaps this was part of the reason her mother was loath to boast about her business to the neighbours, Laura thought suddenly. If the business failed, which at this stage was looking like a true prospect, Maureen would never be able to live it down. Never mind that her own daughter would be shattered and disappointed, never mind that Laura was following her dream, and doing something that a lot of people would call courageous. As long as the neighbours weren’t able to say that Maureen Fanning’s daughter was a failure, that was the main thing. She shook her head sadly. Such a shame that her mother couldn’t see beyond what the neighbours thought, but then again Maureen had always been the same, and at sixty years of age was unlikely to change.

  Still, this thought didn’t make Laura feel any better. Failure? The way things were going, it was a very distinct possibility.

  * * *

  Later that evening, Helen breezed into Laura’s sitting-room, looking like someone who had just stepped off the fashion pages of Cosmo, rather than the supposedly harassed mother she was supposed to be.

  Laura thought she saw Neil throw her friend an admiring glance, and felt immediately self-conscious in her Dunnes-Stores-bought trousers and T-shirt. Laura spied her friend’s stylish Karen Millen top, worn over black woollen trousers that fitted so well it looked as though they had been custom-made for her.

  OK, so working from home didn’t require dressing up, and Laura wasn’t exactly inspired to go through the entire make-up rigmarole, when the only living thing with which she came into contact from nine to five was Eamonn the cat, who couldn’t care less whether she wore SuperCurl or Superglue on her eyelashes.

  Still, Laura decided she should start making more of an effort to look the part of the professional career woman, even if it was just for Neil.

  “Hi, Mommy!” Kerry brightened instantly on seeing Helen. “Look what I d-d-did today.” She handed Helen a drawing she had done earlier that day at pre-school. “This is me, this is you and this is B-B-Baawney.”

  Helen took the drawing and smiled. “That’s lovely, darling. Aren’t you a clever girl?”

  Pleased, Kerry took her mother’s hand. “Mommy, when can we get a doggy like Baawney?”

  Helen sighed, and made eyes at Laura. “Now, pet, I know how much you love Barney, but I told you before that we’re not getting a puppy. Barney looks after Auntie Nicola because she lives on her own, but you don’t live on your own, do you?”

  Kerry shook her head from side to side, her eyes filled with disappointment. “But Auntie Law-law has Eamonn, and s-s-she lives with Uncle Neil,” she countered.

  Helen paused, unsure how to answer, and Neil decided to help her out. “Yes, but that’s because Auntie Laura is at home on her own all day, while I’m out at work.”

  Kerry pondered this. “Can I stay at home all d-d-day while you work, Mommy? Then I could have a d-d-doggy to look after me.”

  “But wouldn’t you miss pre-school?” Laura asked.

  Kerry shook her head. “No, I h-h-hate pwe-school.”

  “This is the latest thing.” Helen rolled her eyes.

  “But why don’t you like pre-school? Aren’t there lots of nice boys and girls there for you to play with?” Neil probed.

  Kerry shook her head from side to side, her eyes wide.

  “No nice boys and girls – at all?” Laura asked.

  “No – don’t like them.”

  Helen made a face. “Don’t mind her. She’s been like this ever since she stopped going to Jo’s.”

  Laura wasn’t so sure. She’d collected Kerry from playschool a lot in the last couple of weeks, and not once did she mention another child or playmate, which Laura thought was quite strange for someone her age. Kerry was a naturally shy child as a result of her stutter, and Laura wondered if maybe she was having problems making friends. She resolved to speak to Helen about it. And speaking of Jo . . . ?

  “So have you found another childminder, yet?” she asked Helen, surprised at her own forthrightness.

  Helen reddened. “I know. I know. I’m sorry. But it’s been so busy at work, I just haven’t had a chance to put a decent effort into it.”

  Laura instantly felt like a heel. Kerry was a dream to look after, arid it wasn’t as though she was rushed off her feet here – she just hated being away from the office in the afternoons, especially since she missed that call. Still, what else were friends for? And Laura was sure that Helen would do the same for her, if the situations were reversed.

  “Listen, why don’t you two stay for dinner?” she said, anxious to make amends. She didn’t want Helen to think she was being unhelpful, or Keny to think she was unwanted.

  “Oh, can we, Mommy?” Kerry looked delighted. “Auntie Law-law made sheep’s pie!”

  “Would you mind?” Helen looked from Laura to Neil, unsure.

  “No, not at all. Come through to the kitchen. It’s nearly ready.”

  “Great Thanks, guys – at least this will save me having to order out. I tell you, there’s only so much Chinese food a girl can eat in one week.”

  Once again, Laura felt sorry for Kerry. Helen’s diet of constant takeaways at irregular hours couldn’t be that good for the child. Then she immediately berated herself. It was all right for her, being able to start the dinner two hours before Neil got home from work, whereas some nights poor Helen didn’t get home until well after seven. At that stage, Laura too wouldn’t feel like cooking.

  “So how’s the business going?” Helen asked, taking tiny morsels from her overloaded plate.

  Laura’s insides tightened. She hated speaking to Helen about this, because her friend was always on at her to be more proactive about her selling.

  “Getting there,” she answered, trying to sound more enthusiastic than she felt. “The website is working out well and I’ve had enquiries from the States, Germany, even Saudi Arabia.”

  “She’ll be going international before we know it!” Neil added proudly, shovelling a forkful of potato into his mouth.

  Helen gave her a genuine smile, and once again Laura felt mean for thinking badly of her. Of course, Helen would want things to work out for her. They were friends – why wouldn’t she?

  “Any stockists yet?” Helen speared a carrot onto her fork.

  Laura looked uncomfortable. There had been a few, but they weren’t ordering enough to make any kind of impact on her accounts. The internet orders were picking up, but Laura was slightly wary of it after what had happened the first time. “The Crafts Council have my name on file, and I’m sure it’s only a matter of time . . .”

  “The trade fair should help too,” Neil said. “That’s when? A few weeks after the wedding?”

  Laura nodded, and Helen must have felt her reticence on the matter because she changed the subject soon after.

  “Did you see Henry’s free kick on Saturday?” she asked Neil, who like Helen was a big fan of Premiership football.

  Neil nodded, and his eyes widened with interest. “Unbelievable stuff. I couldn’t believe the speed of the ball, thought it would blast through the net.”

  “103 miles per hour, apparently,” Helen stated knowledgeably.

  “If not more. But I’m not sure the ref should have even given the foul in the first place. It was a nothing tackle and the defender definitely got the ball.”

  “What?” Helen put down her fork. “Are you blind? He went straight through his man – the ball was long gone!”

  “He would never have gone on through goal from there – it was never a scoring chance.”

  Watching her husband and her oldest friend keenly discuss their favourite subject, Laura suddenly felt left out.

  “I don’t know what you two find so interesting about a load of supposedly intelligent men following a white ball around the place each week,” she said winking at Kerry,
who was happily wolfing down her dinner. “It’s so boring; nothing ever changes.”

  Helen and Neil looked at her.

  “Put it this way,” Neil said. “It’s a hell of a lot more exciting than watching Coronation Street or EastEnders, like you do.”

  Helen nodded. “A lot more exciting.”

  “I don’t see how,” Laura wrinkled her nose. “At least there’s a bit of drama in the soaps. In football, it’s just the same thing week-in week-out. They might lose or they might win. Big deal.”

  “No drama? Helen, tell her.”

  Helen sat up in her seat, only too happy to have a point to argue. “OK, what about relegation battles, teams struggling to stay alive against the millionaire big teams? Every game is massive. Or the derbies – you won’t get better drama anywhere, Laura. These guys aren’t just playing football, they’re out there fighting passionately for their team and their fans, and all of that is real!”

  Neil took up the baton. “And what about the last World Cup and all the drama in Saipan? The whole country talked about nothing else for weeks!”

  Laura still wasn’t impressed, but she envied the way Helen could enter a room and just kick-start a conversation about something interesting. It was something she had always been good at, irrespective of subject, be it football, business or even politics. She was just so knowledgeable, so intelligent and so interested in all of these things, whereas Laura couldn’t care less.

  Did that make her boring and uninteresting then, she wondered, letting the other two finish trading Football’s Finest Moments. Did Neil look at her these days and have second thoughts about marrying someone dowdy and unintelligent, when he could have someone like Helen?

  Laura’s confidence was rapidly eroding with each passing day. It was as though her self-esteem, her entire self-worth were tied up in this business venture, and what had started out as a great business idea and a rush of excitement had now turned into something Laura was almost ashamed of.

  What if she couldn’t make this work? What if she had to admit defeat, and throw in the towel? How would she face them all? Nicola would support her, but probably feel for her at the same time. Helen would undoubtedly think ‘I told you so’ and Laura didn’t have to even wonder about her family – they would probably start celebrating on the streets. But what about Neil? What about loving, supportive, hard-working Neil? Would he be disappointed in her? Would he begin to pity her, or even resent her if she packed this in?

  Because the way she was feeling at the moment, Laura thought, watching Helen engage her fiancé in what must have been riveting conversation, she wasn’t sure if she could carry on much longer.

  Chapter 21

  “NICE PLACE.” PAUL sat up, zipped up his jeans and glanced fleetingly around Helen’s ground-floor apartment in Monkstown. “You’re obviously very good at what you do.”

  From where she lay half-undressed on the ground, Helen gave him once of her most provocative smiles. “I thought you of all people should already know that?”

  He laughed and kissed her again. “Well, if you work half as well as you shag, then I can only imagine.” Then he ran a hand though his hair and checked his watch. “Come on. It’ll be closing time soon.”

  Helen got up, straightened her clothes and went to the bathroom to retouch her make-up and brush her hair.

  “Come on, come on. You don’t need that shit. You look gorgeous as you are,” he called after her impatiently.

  “I am not going out with bed-head,” she retorted. “Even if it is only as far as the local.”

  “You look best with bed-head,” he said, pulling her close and kissing her again.

  She followed Paul out the door, and took one last look around the apartment to ensure that none of Kerry’s toys – which had been deliberately hidden earlier – had managed to evade her. All she needed now was some Tweenie doll sticking its head out from one of the sofas. That would certainly make an impression.

  Helen smiled as Paul took her hand and they walked towards the pub. Thank goodness Nicola had agreed to look after Kerry again this evening. Helen had pleaded a work do, but Nicola was having none of it.

  “Wow, you lot at XL have a great social life,” her friend had said. “Any chance of a job there for me?”

  Because she was desperate, Helen didn’t even bother with a pretence. She sighed. “OK, OK, I might as well tell you. I’ve met someone – someone new.”

  “Oh?”

  “Don’t ‘oh’ me – that’s all you’re getting, for the time being anyway.”

  There must have been something in her tone because Nicola knew straight away that this guy wasn’t quite ‘new’.

  “You dark horse, Helen Jackson,” she said. “Why didn’t you tell us?”

  Helen giggled. “There’s nothing much to tell,” she said, unwilling to elaborate. “Anyway, Nicola, can you baby-sit, or not? If not, I’ll have to ask Laura, and I feel bad enough as it is, asking her to collect Kerry from school during the week.”

  And Helen did feel bad about it. But she just hadn’t had the chance to find another childminder at such short notice. Anyway, Laura loved having her and Kerry loved being there – in fact, Helen thought, she couldn’t think of a better person to take Kerry. And Laura wouldn’t have to mind her for that much longer, what with Kerry starting school in a couple of weeks’ time.

  “I’ll take Kerry on Friday night,” Nicola said. “I won’t be going anywhere anyway and Ken is away this weekend.”

  “Oh,” Helen said, remembering, “Laura told me you met up with Dan again recently. How did it go?”

  “Not bad,” Nicola said guardedly, and Helen knew instantly that her friend didn’t want to discuss it with her. In a way, she could understand why. Helen hadn’t been all that supportive of Nicola throughout her marriage break-up – what with everything that was going on with Jamie at the time.

  To this day, Helen still felt guilty about that – after all, Nicola had always made time for her. She must pop over and have a proper chat with her about it all soon, but then again, she was just so busy these days with work and Kerry, and everything . . . Anyway, Nicola didn’t really need her friends around her all that much any more – not since Ken. It was great really that Nicola had found someone else, although Helen had been a bit taken aback all those months ago, when she discovered her friend’s new man was none other than Ken Harris. She’d really never have put the two of them together but . . .

  “So are you going to tell me anything about lover-boy, or what?” Nicola asked her and Helen grinned, pleased to be back on more familiar, guilt-free, territory. “Well, his name is Paul, he’s a little younger than I am – about twenty-eight, twenty-nine, I’d say.”

  “About twenty-eight – you mean you haven’t asked him?”

  Helen chuckled. “I haven’t really had the chance,” she said, her voice heavy with meaning.

  “Well, how long have you been seeing . . . oh!” Nicola exclaimed, understanding immediately. “It’s one of those.”

  Helen laughed. It wasn’t all just sex, although there had been plenty of that. Things had begun to get serious between them lately, at least as serious as they could be with Paul away from Dublin so often. His work as an investment adviser meant that he was constantly on the road for days on end. Then apparently his mother wasn’t very well, so most weekends he travelled to Cork to spend time with her – which is why he would have to leave Helen’s early tomorrow morning.

  Aside from Paul’s obvious magnetism, it was this fact that particularly endeared him to her. Who would have thought that this sexy, macho man was nothing but a big softie inside? Travelling hundreds of miles each weekend just to be with his mother. It wouldn’t have been Helen, that was for sure, but then again her own mother was long gone, and she didn’t have to worry about visiting her father, who tended to be much happier left to his own devices on the farm in Glengarrah.

  But because of this side to Paul, Helen was almost certain he would eventually
take to Kerry. But when to tell him? She had thought about that a lot lately, but then as the weeks went by, it was getting harder and harder to broach the subject. What was she supposed to say? ‘Oh, by the way, Paul, I nearly forgot – I have a three-and-a-half-year-old’?

  No, she had to think a little more about it. After her experience with Richard Moore, Helen wasn’t going to just rush into telling him. She had to bide her time, and wait for the right opportunity. In the meantime, she was just going to enjoy being with a man who obviously adored her. It had been a long time.

  “So what are you up to tomorrow?” Paul asked her.

  Helen grinned at him. “Well, because I have the day to myself for once, I’m going shopping . . .” She trailed off, realising what she had said. “I mean, I normally have a lot of work to do at home, and this week I got it all finished early and –”

  “You’re really dedicated to your job, aren’t you?” Paul didn’t notice anything amiss, nor did he hear the fearful pounding of Helen’s heartbeat.

  “I suppose so, but as I said, I’m going shopping tomorrow. I need to get an outfit for a friend’s wedding next month. I don’t have much time so –”

  “A wedding?” Paul interjected. “I love weddings.”

  The way he said it, Helen knew he was angling for an invitation. But how could she invite him, when Kerry would be there as flowergirl!

  “Well, I’d invite you, only – only one of my friends is single too, and we said we’d stick together, and –”

  “Single? Just remember that you’re not single any more, Helen Jackson,” he said, pushing the pub door open and gesturing her in ahead of him. “Your friend can do what she likes but I don’t want you running off with the best man or anything!”

  Helen was so excited by this she was afraid she might giggle out loud. Tingles of excitement travelled up and down her spine. They were a couple – she and Paul were really a couple!

  Oh God, how she’d love to bring him to Laura’s wedding! It had been so long since she’d had a partner at a social event. For once, she wouldn’t be on her own – and she’d have someone other than Ken to sit with on the day. Helen didn’t really connect with Ken. He was a nice enough guy, of course, but could be a little on the boring side. Helen had conveniently forgotten that not all that long ago she had viewed the same Ken Harris as a promising romantic prospect. “Super-sex on legs” were her exact words to Nicola, until she discovered that the object of her attention wasn’t interested.