“Hey, you want a hand here?” I look back as Maci walks into my room.
“Nope, pretty much got it all packed up.”
She nods and takes a seat on my bed. “Your dad is out there checking the oil or whatever in Old Blue.”
“He’s done that a hundred times already,” I tell her, and she laughs.
“I can’t believe you’re driving all that way by yourself.”
“I’ll be fine. I have a cell phone if anything goes wrong, and like I said, Dad’s checked the truck. I have my route all planned, my hotel room. It’ll be fun.”
“What happened to that little girl who used to climb trees? Remember when you broke your arm at school? I still can’t believe you went the whole day and didn’t tell anyone.”
“I remember it very well, and it really didn’t hurt until I got in Dad’s truck.” I pick up the black marker and label the box. “I swear, Dad thought I was dying.” I smirk, remembering how worried he was.
“You were a little daredevil. Apparently, you still are, driving all the way to Chicago. I can’t believe your dad has agreed to it.”
“Well, he really doesn’t have a choice. I’m grown. Plus, he wants me to have Old Blue with me.”
“Little Miss, moving to a big city is going to show you just how not grown you are. Plus, it’s a city, so you probably won’t even need that truck.”
I shrug. “Yeah, well, at least I’ll have it if I do need it.”
“Well, don’t drink and drive, and you have to watch your back. I’ve picked up some of this for you.” She reaches into her pocket and pulls out what looks to be pepper spray.
“Anyone comes up to you, you hit them right in the eyes with this.”
I laugh. “Thanks, I hope I never have to use it.”
“I hope you don’t either.”
I walk over to my purse and drop it in there.
“So, look, I’m not gonna get all mushy here,” Maci says as she stands up. “I’m not,” she confirms, holding her hands out. I grin. “I’m proud of you. Your mom would be too, and I know Cash is. I’m honored I could watch you grow up into a beautiful young woman, and I just want to tell you that life isn’t always going to be easy. You’ll run over some bumps, but don’t let that make you quit.” She smiles and puts a stray strand of red hair behind her ear. Crossing her arms, she leans against my dresser.
“Rough times make you a stronger person and shape you into the woman you’re meant to become.” She moves her eyes over my room.
“Like you?” I ask.
“Yes, I’d like to think the things I went through made me into a better person, even though at the time I thought I’d never make it out.” She sighs. “This room sure is empty.”
I look around too before my eyes land back on her. I’ve never told her or Aunt Leigh what they mean to me. I didn’t have a mom growing up, and that’s hard on a teenage girl. My dad—bless him—he tried to be both. He could never master putting my hair up, nor was he any good at my adolescent mood swings. But these two women understood, and they were always there. I had a copious amount of love growing up. It was interminable, and without Aunt Leigh and Maci, I’m not sure what kind of person I would have turned into.
“Thank you,” I tell her.
She looks back at me.
“For what, baby?”
“For everything. For always being there. I have my dad, but having you and Leigh…it helped with the not having a mom part.”
She takes a deep breath and rubs under her eye.
“I’m glad to hear that. I loved your mom dearly. I only wanted to make sure I was there for you like she would have wanted.”
“I love you, Aunt Maci.” I reach my arms out and walk over to her.
“Well, crap, so much for not being mushy.” We laugh as she hugs me tight. I hug her back, taking in the comfort only an aunt can give—understanding, everlasting love, and a best friend for life.
She leaves me alone, and I remove the boxes from my bed. Taking a seat and removing my socks from my feet, I rest back on my pillow and turn sideways to gaze out my window. I’m so glad Aunt Maci finally got the courage to leave Lucas. I feel like that takes a strong person. She’s a fighter and one of the best women I know. She says she’s glad she could watch me grow up, but I’m the one who is glad. Glad and extremely grateful. My mom chose good people to surround her, and in the end it benefited me.
*
I leave Piper and the chief alone after dinner and ride over to see Tommy. The thought of leaving him is the only thing making me second-guess this choice I’ve made, but I know me, and not leaving would be my biggest regret. It still doesn’t make it any easier, though. With only a few days left, I want to spend as much time together as we can.
I park the truck and walk up on the porch. I knock, but no one answers, so I twist the knob to see if it’s unlocked. When I walk inside, I see Tommy sitting on the couch.
“What’s up?” I ask as I shut the door behind me. “Why are you sitting in the dark? Did the ceiling fan light go out again?” He has a red Solo cup in his hand, and I flip the lamp on beside the couch. He lazily looks over at me when I sit down. “Tommy? You okay?”
He chuckles. “Am I okay?”
“That’s what I asked.” I smell the liquor and watch him as he brings the cup to his mouth and downs the rest.
“You’re drunk.” Tommy never gets drunk. He has a few beers, but I’ve never seen him drunk.
“Yep.” He stands up and stumbles a bit as he goes to the kitchen. I follow.
“What’s got you in the drinking mood?” I ask as I slide up onto the counter. He grabs the bottle of liquor from beside the fridge and fills up his cup, running his eyes over me as he leans back against it.
“Just felt like drinking. Why do you care?”
“Just wondering.” I shrug.
“Well, don’t wonder.” He pushes off the refrigerator and finishes the rest of his drink.
“Where’s Hudson?”
“Why do you always ask where Hudson is? You wanna fuck him or something?”
I’m taken aback by his comment, and I narrow my eyes and grip the edge of the counter I’m seated on. He tosses his cup into the overfilled trashcan and takes the bottle into his hand.
“Fucking trash is never taken out,” he mumbles. “Why are you here?”
I’m not sure what his problem is tonight, but I’m not going to sit here and let him treat me this way.
“I’ll leave.” I jump down from the counter and start to walk out of the kitchen, but Tommy grabs my arm. I twist back to look at him. I can’t read anything on his face, but I’m thinking this has a lot to do with the fact I’ll be leaving soon.
“It’s been a good couple of weeks, hasn’t it?” he says caustically, causing me to tilt my head in confusion, because to me it has been the best couple of weeks. “You gonna run along now and go find you a good guy?”
“Tommy.”
He drops my arm. “You ain’t nothing but a fucking tease, Ellie. That’s all you are is a fucking tease.”
I step away from him. I’m hurt and discombobulated by his words and actions.
“I’ve never really loved you anyway. I thought I did, but now I know I can’t love someone who is so selfish,” he tells me.
The lump in my throat is hard to swallow, and I can’t help the tears that sting my eyes.
He smirks. “Don’t cry, college girl. We both knew the end was coming to our little fling. Or whatever the fuck you want to call it. I give and you take.”
“Is that how it was for you?”
“Tell me. What was it like for you?” He crosses his arms and leans back against the counter. He’s shirtless, and his black basketball shorts hang off his hips. His piercing brown-red eyes tell me nothing, and that’s not normal for Tommy.
“You can’t even tell me, can you?” He sneers. “Why can’t you open up to me?” He shakes his head and looks down. I can’t seem to find words, but that’s always my pro
blem, isn’t it? I know how I feel about him, but I can’t say it aloud because then that makes it true. I look away and scan the floor.
“It was more than that to me,” I breathe.
“Really? Could have fooled me.”
“Why are you doing this? It doesn’t have to be this way.” I look up, trying to search his drunk eyes.
“There’s no other way for it to be! You’re leaving me.”
“But…”
“But what, Ellie? We can still be best friends while you go off fucking every college guy that shows you attention?”
I narrow my eyes at him, and anger rushes through my veins. “You know me better than that, Tommy.”
He scoffs. “Sometimes I don’t think I know you at all.” He looks down and tilts his head away. “Just leave.”
“What is wrong with you?”
“Just fucking leave, Ellie. Go!” he yells and slams his fist into the cabinet door. I back up and swallow before I turn away, practically running out of the house and to my truck.
Chapter Fifteen
Tommy
My stomach growls as I roll over, realizing from the ache in my back I’m on the floor. Opening my eyes, I take in the view of dust bunnies and cigarette butts that have been left on the hardwood and pushed under the couch. The empty bottle of liquor rolls when I move my arm out from under me and bring my hand to my face to rub my eyes. I feel like shit, and judging from that hollow sounding glass, I should.
“You tied one on pretty hard, didn’t you, boy?” I hear Ronnie. “Just like your old man.” He laughs, and I push up from the floor, resting my back against the couch. Hair that’s longer than a few weeks ago hangs across his forehead, and smoke rises from the cigarette that dangles carelessly from his lips.
“Didn’t even save any of the bottle for me. Get in a fight with Ellie or something?” Gray smoke flows from his mouth, and he shuts his eye to keep it from burning.
“Fuck.” I stand up, remembering bits of last night. God, what did I say to her? I remember her running out of here. Crying. She left crying. The guilt of me being the one who caused her to tears hits me harder than the hangover.
I run up the stairs to throw some jeans on. I check the tag on my T-shirt, making sure I put it on the right way before I wash my face and rinse my mouth out with mouthwash. Tastes like I just took a shot. I slip my hat on and jog down the stairs with red eyes and a pounding head.
“Where the hell are you going in such a hurry?” Ronnie asks.
“Trying to not be like you,” I spit back before I shut the door. I look down at my cell phone and see it’s late morning. Hopefully, she’ll be awake.
*
Pulling up in her driveway, I notice Old Blue is gone. Good, she’s up. I’ll just have to wait until she gets back to apologize for being such a dick. The fear of her leaving has almost crippled me. I’ve never felt this way before. She’s the only thing that’s right. I don’t even have a choice when it comes to my feelings for this girl. My mind knows she is leaving, but my heart doesn’t want to accept it.
I don’t know what the fuck I was doing last night. I let Ronnie’s words get to me, and that’s all I’ve been thinking about for the past few days. I’m terrified that sorry ass is right. I know Ellie deserves someone better, but I swear I’ll try to be the best I can.
I shut the car door behind me and toss my smoke before I climb the porch stairs. The door opens, and I look up to see the chief.
“Hey.” My voice sounds groggy, but I felt worse when I got up.
“Tommy.” He lets the door shut behind him, and I slow my steps at his reaction and clear my throat.
“I just came to see Ellie. We kinda got into a little argument last night.” I slide my hands into my pockets.
“She’s gone.”
“Yeah, I see that.” I kinda smile as I look back at her missing truck. “I figured I’d just wait, if that’s—”
“No, Tommy, I mean she’s really gone,” he interrupts me. I rub the side of my nose with my knuckle.
“I see she’s gone, chief. I’ll just call her.”
Panic flutters in my chest and some other feeling I can’t describe as my heart starts pounding worse than my head. A voice sounds on the other end of the phone that’s not hers. I look up at the chief as the robot lady tells me this phone is no longer a working number. I see it on his face. I see reality all over his face. I slide my phone back into my pocket
“She left earlier this morning.”
“She wouldn’t leave without telling me bye. She wouldn’t leave like this.” I shake my head and search his face. “I was terrible… I need to apologize.”
“I’m sorry. She just… I messed her up.” He rubs his head and slams his hat down onto the porch.
“I’ll just call her again. I might have dialed the wrong number.”
“She doesn’t have that phone anymore.”
I look up at him from hitting Call, hearing the same voice again. “Well, give me her new number. I have to talk to her.” My heart sinks so far down, making my stomach turn.
“I can’t do that. It’s not what she wants.”
“It’s not what she wants?” I look down. “I just need to say I’m sorry. I mean, she just… I just… I.” My nose burns, and when something wet falls down my cheek, I quickly rub it away. Am I fucking crying? I feel hot tears flood my face, and I hear a sob escape my lungs as I sink down to the ground.
“You have to let her go, Tommy. This is what she wants.”
I sit up with my back against the house. My heart is a worthless piece of muscle, beating against my ribs, only to remind me she doesn’t want it. Resting my elbows on my knees, I slide my snapback up and exhale useless air as I run a hand through my hair. My hat falls as I rub my face. I try to catch my breath and control this sick panic that settles deep inside of me.
“Why? I don’t understand her.” I look over at him. “You messed her up? What do you mean by that?”
The chief darts his eyes over at me. Guilt shows behind them, and I get the sense he is responsible for my heartache. Sighing, he lifts his hat from the porch.
“I wasn’t the greatest dad starting out. Sara—her dying. She took half of me with her, and I shut down. I knew I had a kid, but I still couldn’t function. I drank myself stupid for years and…” He looks down, and a deep set of wrinkles forms between his brows. “Ellie was there for it all.” He shakes his head and peers back over at me. “She saw my destruction. Because of that, she probably won’t ever open her heart to anyone. She’s seen firsthand what losing love looks like, so she’s running from it. She’s running from people who care about her. She’s running from you.”
I look away from him. All these years and I had no idea she went through that. The realization of having to let her go hits me like a ton of bricks, and I know if what we had those few weeks didn’t change her, then I have no chance. Hell, I probably never did. I take a deep, unsteady breath and put my finger under my hat before I scoop it up and stand up. Regardless of all of this, I’ll never forgive her for leaving me this way. Never.
I wipe my face and sniff.
“I’ll see you around, chief,” I say before I walk off the porch, leaving him on his knees and my heart right beside him.
Chapter Sixteen
Ellie
One year into school.
I’ve fallen into a routine finally. A very lame routine, but one nonetheless. I get up, brush my teeth, do something with these wild curls when I’m not lazy or running late, get dressed, and head out the door. I go to my several classes, grab a bite to eat, talk to my dad almost every day, and find out what I’m missing in the small town of Green Ridge.
I’ve got a job at a local workout clothing store here on the college campus. It gives me something to do and extra spending money, which I do nothing with lately, but I get a discount on active wear for the day when I might need some.
Savanna, my boss, is nice and I really like her. She’s lived here for
over five years now, but she grew up in California. She’s an adrenaline junkie and the things she has done puts me to shame. She’s told me some cool stuff to get into around here. Which I plan on doing…one day.
After I come back to my dorm every evening, I shower and slip into bed, close my eyes, and just before I fall asleep, I try not to think about the boy I left.
Truth is, I fail. I think of him every night. He was my best friend, and I miss our talks. But then I remember this was my choice. I wanted to run from love, and I succeeded. Sometimes I think I only succeeded in hurting both him and myself. Isn’t that something? I was trying not to get hurt, and I only ended up hurting us both.
I haven’t spoken to him in months, and I’ve told my dad to keep what I tell him between us. He does as far as I know. I don’t ask about Tommy. Maybe I’m scared he’s forgotten about me. Maybe I’m scared he’s found someone else. Maybe I’m just scared.
*
“What are you doing this weekend?” Savanna asks me as I hang up a rack of tank tops. They’re lime green and have an encouraging saying on the front.
“Probably the same thing I do every weekend.” I pick up another hanger and another tank top.
“You need to get out more.”
“I swear I wasn’t like this back at home.”
“Could have fooled me.”
“Well, what are you doing?” I ask. She smiles when I look over at her.
“I’m going skydiving.”
“Really?”
“Yep. Wanna come?”
*
Epinephrine is released, sending rushing blood through my veins and making my strongest muscle pump uncontrollably. I take in air and let it out, gripping onto straps that hang over my shoulders. My stomach is in knots, and my hands sweat. I’m fucking crazy.
“Reaching twelve thousand five hundred feet,” the man says from the cockpit. The roar of the engine is all I focus on––that and the thrill of how fun this is going to be.
Chasing Ellie: A Chasing Fireflies Spin Off Page 12
