I turn back and look at Savanna. She’s got a huge smile on her lips, and her blonde dreadlocks are pulled up and out of her face.
“Okay, come on.” Sunny grins and directs me to sit on his lap. He’s my instructor and the person I have to jump with today. Even though I’d rather jump alone, rules are rules.
He works our straps, and someone slides the door open, sending a rushing gust inside the small airplane. Biting my lip, I peek out the window at white clouds and a blue Egyptian sky. The tremble in my fingers isn’t from fear. No, I’m stoked!
“Ready?” he asks into my ear.
“Yes.”
He scoots us over to the door. Wild wind sweeps over my face and cools my skin. With a firm grip on the inside rail, I smile.
“I’m crazy.”
“What?” he yells.
“I’m crazy!” I scream, feeling the shake against my back from his chest as he laughs. My face sobers, but no one can see it. With a three, two, one and thoughts of I wish Tommy were here, I fly. I truly fly.
Two years into school.
With sun-kissed skin and new blonde highlights, I bite my thumbnail and circle my other on the wheel.
“Start it up.”
I smile inside my helmet and reach down to turn the key. The car rumbles to life, sending a vibration throughout my body that seeps into my soul.
This is everything.
“Shift her in first,” Jimmie, my instructor, says underneath his own helmet. Wrapping my fingers around the white, circular gear, I push it up and let off the clutch as I press on the gas. I grin as she purrs.
“Turn her slightly right to pull out onto the track.”
A thrill like no other passes through me, sending my heart into overdrive. I slowly exhale as I press the gas down harder and Jimmie tells me to shift to second and then third.
“Drop it down to fourth.”
I do so and see the speedometer rising quickly.
“Keep her below the white line. You’re doing great.”
“I can go faster?”
“Go, girl.”
My foot pushes, and my hands tighten. The wall becomes a blur, and my mind thinks of a boy back at home as I keep her below the white line. I’m flying, but this time it doesn’t involve falling. Nevertheless, my thoughts are no different. I wish Tommy were here.
Three years into school.
Jared Leto’s version of “Stay” hums from my ringing phone, and I shut the door behind me. Moving weeks of unopened junk mail that I plan to finally go through, I lie on my bed and slide my thumb across the screen.
“What’s up, chief?” There’s a smile on my face because I just aced three tests today and I’m happy to hear dad’s voice. We haven’t talked in a week. I roll over and put a pillow behind my head.
“Little Miss, how’s it going?” My dad’s voice is airy and chipper. The corner of my lip lifts more as I pick up a strand of my curly brown, blonde highlighted hair. No one calls me Little Miss around here, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I miss it.
“Great, what’s going on with you?” I ask.
“Things are good. I haven’t had a chance to call. Been busy trying to clean up the town a little bit. It’s just not the same as it was when your mama and I first moved here. I’m surprised Anne hasn’t had a mental breakdown with all the wild kids running around. You know she likes her small-town vibe.”
I giggle. “She likes to gossip. That’s what she likes. I’m putting you on speaker.”
“That too.” He chuckles, and I sit up and place the phone upright on my bed as I kick my shoes off.
“How’s Piper?”
“She’s out helping Anne fix the garden.”
“Fix?”
“Yes. Your Aunt Leigh needed some extra room for a few stray dogs, so I told her I’d keep them.”
“Really?” I ask, surprised. I pick up a travel magazine that sits on top of all the other crap mail and flip through the pages. Looking down, I notice a personal letter mixed in with credit card offers. My eyes grow wide as the familiar name sends my heart dropping to my stomach, and I rub the back of my neck as Dad continues to talk.
“Yeah, really. Big mistake. I bought bones for them, fed ’em good, bathed ’em.”
“That’s awful kind of you, chief.” I drop the magazine and pick up the letter. It’s dated from months ago. How have I not seen this? I wonder how this boy got my address. I think about asking Dad, but I know it could have been my aunts too.
“Well, yeah, but then they all ran outside and dug holes for those bones right in your mama’s garden, and of course, tracked dirt all in my house. Their damn noses were completely brown from dirt. I’m surprised any air could get through.”
I chuckle and drop the letter. Standing, I walk over in sock-covered feet to let my window up. The air in this dorm sucks, so I put my box fan in the window and pull the chair out from my desk, turning it around so I straddle the back. Honestly, I’m not sure if it’s the crappy air or anxiety from that letter.
“What’s that noise?”
“My fan. It’s like a boiling room in here.”
“How are things going with you, besides shitty air?”
I hear a dish clank against another, and I’m assuming he’s in the kitchen.
“Things are okay. Studying hard. I passed three tests today,” I say, looking back at my bed. The letter taunts me.
“Proud of you.”
“Thanks,” I say. “How’s everybody in Green Ridge?”
“Everybody’s good,” he answers.
I nod as though he can see me.
“And the Kingsleys?” I finally ask as I lift my hair up off my neck and chew on my charcoal gray fingernail. I peer out the window through the fan.
“Ronnie’s still Ronnie. I had to wake him up two mornings ago. He was asleep in the gazebo. I told him he had to stop doing this. Some kids had drawn all over his face, and he walked around with…” He pauses.
“With what?” I ask, dropping my hair and looking back at my phone while chipping away at the polish.
“Well, I don’t want to tell you. It’s inappropriate.”
I laugh. “Dad, I’m in college. Nothing is inappropriate. I can handle it.” Reaching over, I grab a hair tie from my pearl white desk. Aunt Leigh ordered it from WayFair, and I love it.
“Are those boys behaving at that school?”
“Don’t change the subject.” I roll my eyes and lift my hair up, twisting it into a messy bun.
“They better be.”
“Dad.”
He sighs. “There’s no getting around you, is there?”
“Nope. So, tell. What kind of artwork did poor ol’ Ronnie get on his face?”
“Penises.”
“Penises?” I cover my mouth.
“Yep. He walked around like that for two days.”
I burst out laughing. “Good God, that man really doesn’t know what a bath is.”
“He doesn’t,” Dad agrees.
“You cooking?” I ask after hearing the microwave go off.
“Just warming up leftovers.”
“I miss your cooking.”
“Then come home.”
I change the subject. Like father, like daughter, right? “So, what about the rest of the Kingsleys?”
He lets me. “Joe and Elizabeth are doing well, but their twins are part of the wild bunch. In fact, I’m pretty sure they’re the ones who drew on Ronnie’s face.”
“Well, they seem to take after the men in their family.”
“That they do,” he says, “Hudson is doing well. He and Rose are still going out, or whatever you kids are calling it these days.”
“Just dating would be fine, Dad.” I laugh and then look down as I rest my arm up on the fan. “What about Tommy?” I rub my mouth with my finger and press my lip between my teeth. Peeking over at the unopened letter again, I listen for my dad to speak, but he doesn’t. Either he’s eating or not telling me something. “Dad?”
He sighs, and the click of the microwave shutting sounds in the background.
“Tommy’s met someone, Ellie.”
Shutting my eyes, I rub my chest where the sting is. Taking a deep breath, I look up and mindlessly wipe dust off the front of my fan. It’s been three years, but even so it hasn’t been enough time for it not to bother me. Why didn’t I look through my mail?
Love is a funny thing, and time seems to only make the heart grow fonder. What a foolish thing I did all those years ago. The boy I left hasn’t left me, not in my heart and not in my mind.
“You had to know this was going to happen,” my dad says on the other end.
“Yeah,” I reply after a beat. “How long?”
“About a month.”
Jealousy and anger move through me. “A month? Why haven’t you told me?”
“You never ask about Tommy, Ellie. I figured you wouldn’t want to know.”
I sigh and bite my lip. He’s right. I never ask about Tommy, and I wish I wouldn’t have now.
“Well, it didn’t take him long to move on.”
“That’s not fair, and it’s been three years. You couldn’t think the boy wouldn’t find someone. He said he sent you some kind of letter months ago.”
I exhale. “Yeah, I just saw it.”
“You just saw it?” Dad asks.
“Apparently, it got mixed up with all my junk mail, and I never go through that stuff. So yeah, I just saw it, Dad.” Looking down at the floor, I think about backseat movie watching and firework kisses. It makes me incredibly sad. I should have kissed him more often. “He deserves happiness,” I say. “Someone who can love him like he loves them. Not me. Not the girl whose heart doesn’t work right. Isn’t it funny I’m studying psychology? I’m messed up myself.” I laugh a little, but it’s dry and lacks any humor.
“Ellie,” my dad says, concerned.
“I’m fine. I want him to move on. That’s why I changed numbers. That’s why I left like I did. This is good. This is right,” I say with a sure nod like he can see me, but I feel anything but certain. What is wrong with me? Who am I trying to convince here? God, why don’t I look through my stupid mail?
“Why are you doing this to yourself?” Dad sees through my bullshit.
“I stopped asking myself that question a year ago,” I say, rubbing my forehead.
I hear him sigh. “Why don’t you come home for a little bit? It’s summer for Christ’s sake. Aren’t the rest of the kids at home?”
“In case you forgot, I have like eighty more years of school and a job.”
“Stop being dramatic. You’re just making up excuses. I miss you. Everybody misses you.”
“I miss you too,” I mumble.
“Well, come home. It’s been too long since we’ve seen you.”
The truth is, I haven’t been home once since I left. My dad and Piper have come up here and so have Aunt Leigh and Aunt Maci, but I haven’t stepped foot in Green Ridge in three years.
“Maybe Thanksgiving, okay?”
He sighs again. “That’s months from now.”
“Dad,” I say, tired of this conversation.
“Fine. Thanksgiving.” I can tell by his voice he’s disappointed, but that's all I can give him right now. The thought of seeing Tommy with someone else makes me sick. I turn the fan off and stand up from the chair. Walking over to my bed, I lie down on my side and look at the letter
“So Ben? How is he?” I ask, trying to change the subject again.
“Ben’s doing fine. Shelby just had her baby, so he’s been off for a few weeks.” Dad keeps talking about his deputy and other people in the small town of Green Ridge, but my head is still on Tommy and that letter.
After we hang up, I sigh and pick it up. Tommy Kingsley has moved on, just like I knew he would. I rip it open and stare at my name at the top. My heart hammers against my ribcage, and my palms start to sweat.
Ellie,
It’s taken everything I have not to drive up there and see you. Leigh finally broke down and gave me your address with the promise I wouldn’t do that. But you know me, I’m no good at following rules. I did get in my truck and I drove.
I drove until I was miles away from here, and then I realized this is not what you wanted. But it’s been two years, Ellie. I guess I’m hoping you changed your mind about us. I still love you, but I wish I didn’t. Hell, I’m not even sure why I’m writing this. Look, if you’ve moved on, well, I hope you’re happy. But if you haven’t and you think there may be a chance for us again, call me. I still have the same number.
-Tommy
Chapter Seventeen
Tommy
A few months before
I walk to my new-ish work truck and take my gloves off. Putting the keys into the ignition, I toss the gloves onto blueprints and school text books in the seat beside me. Rolling my window down, I grab my smokes from the dash and pull one out. Slowly driving through the job site, I pat the side of the truck and yell over to Dan who’s just checking in on my crew and me.
“You sure you don’t wanna come?” I ask him. “I promise I won’t take all your money.” I smile.
“Yeah right, Tommy. Your ass cleaned me out last time. I had to get a loan to pay my bills.”
“Bullshit.”
“Bullshit, my ass. Now I gotta hear it from my old lady.”
“You know damn well you got plenty of money.”
He smiles because he knows it’s true. This man has been running his own construction crew for years. He’s loaded, and if I keep doing what he did, hopefully I will be too.
“Get outa here.” He waves me off.
“All right, your loss.”
“Damn would be if I went,” he says.
I laugh and give one more wave before I drive on down the road.
I’ve got class first, and then I’ll run home and change for the poker game tonight. It’s an annual thing we do here now. The chief, Ben, Hudson, and me and whoever else wants to join in. Dan’s right. I do normally win, I’ve taken all their money more than a few times, but it’s all in fun, and I usually end up buying everybody a few rounds afterward.
The afternoon sun shines in my eyes, so I reach up and flip the visor down. A picture falls out onto my lap, and I look down and pick it up. She looks back at me with light blue eyes and pretty, brown curls. It’s a photo of L and Bear. I’d toss it, but it’s the only picture I’ve got of Bear. I open my glove compartment and throw it in there. Slamming it shut, I pick up my lighter and light my smoke, wondering when I’m ever going to get this girl off my mind.
I sent her a letter a few weeks ago. I wouldn’t know if she got it or not because she hasn’t spoken to me in almost three years. I’ve got to move on, I know that. I can’t keep waiting for someone who clearly would never wait on me. I wish I could tell my fucking heart that though. Life moves on. I imagine she has too.
*
I push the door open to Banner’s and walk in. I notice it’s kinda slow for a Friday night and there’s no band. Looking toward the bar, I see Maci sitting down at the far end.
“Tommy,” Banner says. “Want a beer before everyone gets here?”
I nod. “Yeah, I’ll take one.” I sit down beside her as he digs in the cooler of ice.
“You been at school?” Maci asks me.
“Yeah, just come from home though. I had to take a shower.”
“Everything been going good for you?”
“Yep. Talk to Ellie?” I reply.
She smiles. “I was waiting for that.”
It’s like a game now. I only ask to mess with them. I know they won’t tell me anything about the girl—well, except for good ol’ Leigh. I think she likes me more than Maci does. Maci doesn’t trust a lot of people.
“Well, I’m gonna get out of here. I’ll see you at home, Banner.” She leans over the bar and gives him a kiss before she stands up.
“I’ll see you, Tommy.”
“Bye, Maci.”
Looking around, I see a few people here and there drinking, and then my eyes land on two girls sitting on the far edge.
“Been slow this evening?” I ask Banner.
“We had a crowd earlier, but you know this small town. They all get drunk and go to bed before eleven.”
I chuckle and look over when one of the girls stands. She staggers a bit as her friend laughs. She’s got blonde hair, a big ass, and she’s clearly had too much to drink.
“Seen Ronnie in here lately?” I ask, taking a sip of my beer.
“He bought himself a bottle and headed toward the park earlier.”
“How the hell did he get money for a bottle?”
“He had himself a sign,” Banner says. “It read ‘Hungry, God Bless.’”
“Seriously?”
“Yep, guess by ‘hungry’ he meant thirsty.”
“Jesus.” I turn toward the door when it opens. Cash walks in with Ben behind him.
“Boys,” he says to Banner and me. “You ready to get all your money taken?”
I laugh. “I got a stack that’s going to be doubled by the time I leave here.”
Ben pats me on the back. “I don’t know. I’ve been practicing with the kid and wife. I’m getting better.” He takes a seat beside me, and Banner sets two beers down on the bar for him and Cash.
“We’ll see,” I reply. “You got us set up in the back?” I ask Banner.
“Yep, I’ll close up here in a few and meet you guys back there.”
I stand and look over at the girl again. The blonde looks my way and gives me a smile. I smirk before I follow Cash toward the back.
“Yo, don’t start without me,” Hudson yells as he walks in the door.
*
A few hours later, I’m richer than I was when I came in here and had just enough to drink to not give a shit about much. Banner closed the bar, but as I walk out, I see the girls from earlier sitting outside at one of the iron tables.
“I’ll see ya, Tommy. You good to get home?” Cash asks me.
Chasing Ellie: A Chasing Fireflies Spin Off Page 13
