by Vivian Wood
“Took you long enough!” Renee said. “Were you sourcing the water directly from Mt. Hood or something?”
“Nature called,” Lily said, and heard Aiden let out a bark of a laugh.
“Sorry,” he said. “I shouldn’t laugh. After all, who am I to say whether or not you should be able to manage your animal urges?”
Renee gave him a strange look as she released his shoulder and swan-dived down to touch her toes. Aiden didn’t even try to pretend not to overtly check her out.
Lily’s cheeks burned, but she knew better than to say anything.
27
Cade
“Alright, let’s call it a day,” Cade called out to the newest recruits.
They shot him grateful looks as they started to clear out the gear from the practice field. In the distance, he watched Aiden watch him. It had been like that all day.
No matter where Cade was around the firehouse, it seemed like Aiden was never far away. Cade waited until the recruits had everything packed up and were out of sight before he made his way over to Aiden.
With every step closer to one of his closest friends, he felt his heart rate increase.
Keep calm, he told himself. Remember what the doctor told you.
“We need to talk,” Cade said.
Aiden spit onto the grass. “You think?”
Cade looked to either side, but the captain was nowhere in sight.
“Kitchen,” he said as he nodded toward the back entrance. “Now.”
The kitchen was spotless as usual. Bags of groceries for that night’s dinner were neatly lined up on the countertop. Aiden leaned casually against the industrial refrigerator and surveyed Cade.
“Well? Go ahead.”
“I just want you to know my feelings for Lily are real,” Cade said. The words came out in a rapid stream. Aiden raised his brows, but he didn’t walk away. “I… I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.”
Aiden let out a small laugh. “Honestly? That’s not really saying much. I mean, I watched you fuck around with any piece of strange that would have you, for what? Ten years?”
“It’s not like that,” Cade said, but he dropped his eyes. Aiden was right. Why should he believe me? “That… those days are over,” Cade said.
“Right,” Aiden said with an eye roll. “You know, I used to envy you? I mean when we were kids. When I was a freshman and you and Elijah were seniors… I thought it was awesome, how you pretty much got any girl you wanted. I just… well, I never thought you’d go after Lily. That’s another kind of low. And I’m not even Elijah.”
“I know,” Cade said. “I know how it looks.”
A recruit wandered into the kitchen, saw the tension between them, and backed out.
“You gotta get to the point soon if you have one,” Aiden said. “Unless you want all kinds of gossip running around the station.”
Cade sighed.
“This is the point. I’m trying to tell you—I love her, man. It’s not some kind of infatuation or drawn-out manwhore phase. And trust me when I say we weren’t looking for this. It’s not like I’ve been trying to get her for years or something.”
His face burned slightly at those words.
I may not have been trying, but what happened years ago… it probably got the kindling going.
“You’re being serious?” Aiden said. “Because I know I don’t have to tell you this, if Elijah finds out—when Elijah finds out—who knows how he’s going to react. And if he accepts it, then you go on to break her heart… I just wouldn’t want to be you.”
“I know,” Cade said. “I know I’m risking pretty much everything. My best friend, you, the closest thing to a family I’ve ever known. My job—”
“Hey,” Aiden said. He leaned over and clapped Cade’s arm. “You really think you’d get fired over it? I mean, Elijah has some serious pull here, sure, but I don’t think he’d do that to you.”
“Yeah? Not even if I broke Lily’s heart?”
Aiden cocked his head. “Well… yeah, maybe. You’re probably right.”
“Then you know what I’m putting on the table,” Cade said.
“I, uh… I never really considered all that.”
“It’s the truth. I’m risking everything to be with her.”
Aiden eyed him carefully.
“You’re being honest, aren’t you?” he asked in disbelief.
“You think I’d be in here basically begging you if it was a fling?”
A smile crept across Aiden’s face.
“Is that what you’re doing? Begging?” he asked. Cade saw the smile that twitched at his jaw.
“Don’t push your luck,” Cade said with a small laugh. “But, yeah. I guess it’s something like that.”
“Well, in that case. If the Morningside Manwhore has really mended his ways, and he wants to be with my baby sister, I guess I might be able to get on board.”
“Thanks, man,” Cade said.
His voice choked up, and he forced out a cough, though he knew neither of them would buy it.
“I can’t speak for Elijah, though,” Aiden said. “You know he’s always been the overprotective type.”
“I know,” Cade said. “Will you give me some time, though? To tell him?”
Aiden let out a whistle. “I don’t know… if he finds out that I knew and didn’t say anything, we’ll both be in a world of hurt.”
Cade sucked at his cheek.
“I know,” he said quietly. “I didn’t want to put you in this position.”
“Just tell me this, then. Do you really love her? I mean, all the way through. For real.”
Aiden searched his eyes, and for once during the conversation Cade didn’t need to will himself to maintain eye contact.
“I do,” he said. “I really love her.”
They were the easiest words he’d ever said.
Then why haven’t you said it to her?
“Well damn, Cade. Why didn’t you just tell me that from the start?”
Cade laughed. “It was kind of hard to get the words out when you were pummeling me in the parking lot.”
“Yeah, sorry about that, man,” Aiden said. “I guess I have some anger issues or something.”
“You know, I know a doctor who might be able to help you with that.”
Aiden wrinkled his nose. “No thanks, man. And no offense. But once you get into the headshrinking game, it’s tough to get out.”
“It’s not so bad,” Cade said with a shrug. “He actually taught me some good tricks for it. Anger issues, I mean.”
“Well, that’s good. Maybe you can tell me a few over a beer sometime.”
“Is that a peace offering?” Cade asked.
He realized he’d never intentionally hung out with Aiden before, just the two of them. For most of their lives, Aiden had always been Elijah’s little brother. A nuisance when they were really little, then an afterthought as they grew up.
How much do I even know him? The second almost-brother that’s been right in front of me?
“Call it what you want,” Aiden said. “You’ll be the one paying.”
Cade laughed. “I see how it is. But yeah, that sounds good. After … you know, after I tell Elijah and everything.”
“Good luck with that,” Aiden said. “My advice? Wait until the day before he goes back on shift. The end of his weekend. He’ll never forgive you if you screw up his Friday.”
“Thanks for the tip,” Cade said.
“Hey, where’ve you two been? The captain’s been looking for you.” Elijah appeared in the doorway, a greasy towel slapped over his shoulder.
“Nothing,” Cade and Aiden said in tandem.
Elijah looked at them curiously.
“Doesn’t look that way to me. Anyway, I need one of you to help me with diagnostics on one of the trucks,” he said with a shake of his head. “Whole place is going to hell, I swear.”
Aiden nudged Cade in the ribs. “Aren’t… doesn’t your shift not s
tart until tomorrow?” Aiden asked.
“Yeah, well, technically. But these recruits don’t know a fuel cap from their own ass.”
Aiden looked at Cade pointedly.
“Uh, Elijah,” Cade started. “Can I talk to you a minute?”
“What the hell you think we’re doing now? Are you going to help or not?” Elijah asked, exasperated.
God, this really isn’t the right time, Cade thought. Just get it over with. Fast and painless. And in public.
“It’ll just take a minute,” Cade said hurriedly. “I’ve been meaning to tell you this, I just couldn’t figure out how. So, Lily—”
“What the hell you doing in here?” The captain appeared in the doorway. “Baking pies? Elijah, get going, we need that truck in perfect condition yesterday.”
“Yes, Captain,” Elijah said.
He gave Cade an inquisitive look as he turned on his heel. Cade could hear Elijah as he yelled down the hall looking for someone else to help him.
“Sorry, Captain,” Aiden said. He tipped his baseball cap at the old man and hurried toward the locker rooms.
“What you waiting on, Betty Crocker?” the captain asked Cade. “Someone to read the recipe to you?”
“Uh, sorry, Captain,” Cade said.
He saw a small smile pull at the captain’s face as he inched by him.
Cade rushed to the parking lot and slid into the seat. His heart hammered a mile a minute, but he had to admit he was somewhat grateful for the interruption.
Elijah was obviously distracted, but there would be endless excuses at the ready for why it was never a good time.
“You’ll have to tell him eventually,” he said under his breath as he started the car.
He flipped on the radio to the nineties station. Elijah emerged from the garage doors with one of the new recruits in tow.
Cade hunkered down in the car and watched as Elijah tried, with veiled patience, to show the recruit how to run diagnostics. The way his best friend nudged the kid in the right direction reminded Cade of how Elijah had been with Lily for all those years.
Still is, I’m sure, he thought.
You’ve gotten yourself in a serious situation, he thought to himself.
He practiced his breathing exercises, filled his lungs up all the way and held it for four counts before a slow release.
Of all the women in all the world, it had to be her. Still, he didn’t question if she was worth it or if he was wrong. Everything was falling into place. But would Elijah accept it?
28
Lily
Lily reached down from the exam table and grabbed her cardigan off the chair. Her toes were frozen, even through her socks.
Why do they always make you get naked and put on these stupid paper gowns if they’re going to take forever to come see you?
When the nurse prepped Lily to see her GP, she gave Lily a look when the blood pressure cuff was released.
“That’s kind of high for you,” the nurse said.
“What is it?”
“It’s one hundred eighteen over seventy.”
“That’s … that’s not, like, bad though. Is it?” Lily asked.
“No, but you’ve always had low blood pressure according to your charts. Are you under a lot of stress lately?” the nurse asked as she made notes on her tablet.
That’s an understatement. “I guess so,” Lily said.
“Are you practicing self-care habits?” the nurse asked. “It’s important, especially as you get older.”
“I’m trying,” Lily said. She didn’t even convince herself.
“Well, the doctor will be in soon.”
Lily sat upright until she heard the door click shut. With a whoosh of air, she exhaled and looked around the room. Every movement made the paper gown crinkle. With the cardigan splayed across her thighs, she thumbed through the apps on her phone.
Don’t do it, Lily, she told herself, but she couldn’t help it. Once again, she searched “breasts tender symptoms” and watched the internet tell her she was either pregnant, dying, or both.
This is stupid, she thought as she read through the various conditions related to sore breasts. Breasts get sore! Your period is probably about to start.
But Lily couldn’t stop thinking about her mother. She was too little to remember the worst of it. Any talk about breast cancer and her mom had been veiled in front of her.
However, even as a child Lily had sought out breast cancer stories and early warning signs. Tender breasts were a common symptom.
Yeah, and it’s also a symptom of pregnancy and PMS. You’re on the pill and you’ve never had this degree of tenderness with your period—so what else could it be but breast cancer?
A sharp knock came at the door.
“Miss Hammond?” Her doctor appeared in the doorway, short and squat with thick round glasses. “I hear you’ve been having some tenderness in the breasts.”
The nurse rushed in behind the doctor and sat down in the chair in the corner. The gentle tap of her fingers on the screen put Lily on edge.
What is she writing?
“Yeah,” Lily said. “I know it doesn’t sound like a big deal, but my mom had breast cancer—”
“If you’re concerned about anything, it’s worth looking into,” the doctor said. “Lean back.”
Lily leaned against the coolness of the white paper that covered the exam table and let out a little gasp.
“Cold, I know. Sorry about that,” the doctor said. The middle-aged woman stared into the distance and concentrated as she palpated Lily’s breasts. Lily jumped at the touch.
“That hurts?” the doctor asked.
“Uh, yeah. Kind of,” she said.
The doctor shook her head.
“Sorry, I need to press a little deep for a full examination. Your OBGYN did a full exam eight months ago, is that right?”
“Yeah, that sounds right,” Lily said.
“And those results were all normal?”
“Yeah.” Lily winced as the doctor moved in calculated, sharp movements around her breasts.
“I’m not feeling anything unusual,” the doctor said. “You have quite a few cysts, but those are benign and normal for a woman your age. I’m going to order some blood work to rule out some other possibilities.”
“Blood work?”
“It’ll just take a few minutes. She’ll take care of that, and I’ll be back in a little while with the results.” The doctor nodded toward the nurse who tapped a few more lines into the notepad with certainty. “Any other questions?”
Could it still be cancer? Is it something worse? Just tell me what you think it is!
“No,” Lily said with a smile. “I’m good.”
“Alright. I’ll be back.” The doctor swept out of the room while the nurse prepped a needle.
“Just a little sting,” she nurse said as she tied a tourniquet Lily’s arm and searched for a vein.
“How long will this take?” Lily asked. She watched the vial fill with bright red blood.
“The on-site lab is pretty quiet right now. Not long,” the nurse promised with a smile.
“Can I get dressed?”
“Why don’t you stay in the gown a little longer? In case the doctor needs to do further examinations after the blood work.”
Lily sighed as the nurse disappeared, armed with blood and a flurry of notes. She replied to all her pending emails, scoured Buzzfeed’s LOL lists in an attempt to lighten her mood, and drafted countless texts to Cade that she never sent.
How the hell long is this going to take?
Finally, just as she thought she might die of hypothermia instead of whatever in her breasts was killing her, a knock came at the door.
“Miss Hammond?” the doctor asked as she walked in. “I have your blood results.”
“Oh?”
I’m dying. It’s some rare blood disease and I’m dying.
“You don’t have breast cancer,” the doctor said. “Your breasts are
sore because you’re pregnant.”
“I’m… wait, what?”
“I take it you weren’t trying?” the doctor asked. “You’re in the very early stages. I couldn’t give you an exact timeframe without further testing, but definitely in the first trimester. First month, most likely.”
“I’m pregnant?” Lily waited for her heart to feel like it was barreling toward the floor, but it never came. Instead, a strange sense of lightness washed over her.
“Yes, you are. Do you have a professional you’d like to talk to? Your OBGYN? If not, we have referrals—”
“That can’t be right,” Lily said. “I take my birth control pills religiously. The same time I take my vitamins—”
“Miss Hammond, I’m understanding that this isn’t a wanted pregnancy. But birth control pills aren’t a sure thing. Actually, compared to other options like IUDs, they don’t have an impressively high success rate.”
“But… this wasn’t supposed to happen. Not now,” Lily said into her cupped hands. Her body was on fire. Any hint of coldness was long gone.
“I recommend you make an appointment with your OBGYN right away,” the doctor said. She patted Lily’s hand kindly. “There are options, especially this early on. Don’t make a rushed decision right now. The OBGYN we have on file for you is at Providence, is that right?”
“Yeah,” Lily said.
Her own voice sounded so far away. How could I be pregnant? Fuck, what is Cade going to say?
“I highly suggest you call today to get an appointment. The earlier you see your OBGYN, no matter what you ultimately decide to do about the pregnancy, the better.”
“Yeah,” Lily said. “Thanks. I’ll call them today.”
Somehow, she managed to get her clothes back on when the doctor and nurse left. Lily glanced down at her flat stomach.
How is this possible? She tried to come up with ways to tell Cade, but nothing sounded right. And he hasn’t even told Elijah yet. Telling my brother we’re together, or whatever, is one thing. But telling him I’m pregnant?
She couldn’t even fathom the fallout.
As Lily walked through the waiting room, she noticed a woman that had to be about ready to pop. I am so not ready for this.
