She flushed at the acerbic note in his voice. ‘He got himself into that state because he was working so hard. You know what it’s like when you’re studying for exams. He was working right through the night and he started taking those pills to help him stay awake.’
‘Then needed something else to make him sleep.’ He sighed wearily. ‘Yes, I know how hard it is, and Keiran wasn’t the first student to make that mistake. But he continued taking uppers and downers after he’d finished his exams. He was still taking them while he was doing his rotations.’
‘No! He wouldn’t have done that. He wouldn’t have been so stupid!’
‘He was.’ Adam held up his hand because it was hard enough to lay out the facts without them having a row as well. ‘I know he was taking them, Kasey, because I caught him popping pills one day in the staffroom. I told him then that he had to clean up his act or he would be out on his ear.’
‘And did he stop taking them after that?’ she whispered, her eyes huge in her pale face.
Adam could tell how much this was hurting her but he was powerless to do anything about it. ‘I thought he had until the day he showed up in Theatre, high as a kite. I don’t know what he’d taken because I didn’t ask him. I just told him to leave and wait for me in my office.’
He ran a hand round the back of his neck, feeling the tension in the knotted muscles. This was even worse than he’d feared it would be and all he could do now was to get it over as quickly as possible.
‘As soon as I’d finished in Theatre, I went straight to my office. Keiran was spoiling for a fight and he launched straight in as soon as I went into the room. I won’t repeat what he said because he was out of control and had no idea what he was saying. But in the end I had to call Security and have him escorted from the building.’
‘That can’t be true! Keiran’s always been such a…a gentle person.’
‘He probably is, but drugs can and do change a person’s character. Anyway, I knew that I had to report him because his behaviour had gone way beyond what was acceptable, but I wanted him to be aware of what was happening so I went to see him that night.’
‘You did? He never told me…’
She broke off and he sighed because there was a lot her brother hadn’t told her.
‘I went round to his flat and he was a lot calmer than he’d been earlier in the day, far more subdued. I think he’d realised what a mess he’d got himself into because he just sat there and listened to what I had to say.’
‘And that was?’
‘I told him that I didn’t think he was cut out for medicine and that he needed to re-evaluate his life.’
‘But can’t you see that it was the worst possible thing you could have said to him? All those years of study thrown away because of a silly mistake—’
‘A mistake he might not have made if he’d been able to handle the pressure.’ He cut her off because he couldn’t bear to hear her deluding herself any more. ‘Studying medicine is hard and not everyone can handle it. Not everyone can handle the pressure after they’ve qualified either. Your brother simply couldn’t cope and that’s why he was behaving the way he was. If he removed some of the pressure, he might just be able to get his life back on track.’
He took a deep breath, wondering if she would believe him, knowing in his heart that probably she wouldn’t. ‘I did it with the very best of intentions, Kasey. I did it to save your brother’s life and I would do exactly the same thing again if the situation arose.’
‘To save his life?’ she repeated, staring at him.
‘Yes. That’s what I honestly believed at the time and it’s what I still believe today. If your brother had continued along the route he’d chosen, he would have gone on taking drugs and it would have been only a matter of time before he overdosed, or killed a patient. I know you find this is hard to believe, but I did what I thought was right—not just for me or the hospital, but for the patients, and for Keiran himself. I didn’t want his death on my conscience. I wanted to help him, and I’m sorry if it didn’t work out that way, but I did what I thought was best.’
‘I don’t know what to say,’ she whispered, and he smiled thinly.
‘I know. There isn’t much anyone can say in a situation like this other than the truth.’
‘And that’s what you’ve just told me?’
‘Yes.’ He met her eyes, wanting her to believe him more than he’d wanted anything else. ‘It’s the truth, Kasey. I know that and now you have to decide if you believe me.’
He moved away from the window, knowing that he couldn’t stand there and watch her tearing herself apart while she tried to decide who to believe, him or her brother.
‘I’m just going to fetch something from the Jeep,’ he explained, opening the door, even though there was nothing in the car that he needed. ‘You have the bedroom. I’ll be fine on the couch.’
‘If that’s what you want…’ She trailed off and he heard her take a quick breath before she said quietly, ‘Thank you.’
Adam didn’t say anything—how could he? He’d just told her things that might have changed her opinion of her brother for ever so what else could he say? How much more pain could he inflict on her?
He left the annexe and walked to the Jeep, got in and closed the door and only then did he allow his emotions to spill over. Resting his head against the steering-wheel, he cried out all the pain and anger that he’d kept stored up for the past five years. But the bitterest tears of all were those he shed for Kasey and the fact that he’d had to hurt her. Nothing he did from this point on in his life would ever feel as bad as this.
CHAPTER EIGHT
‘AHA! The prodigals return. So how did it go?’
‘Not too badly.’
Kasey summoned a smile when June came hurrying out of the hostel to meet her, hoping that she didn’t look as exhausted as she felt. She’d spent a sleepless night, going over and over everything that Adam had told her, so that she’d felt completely drained by the time morning had arrived.
It had been an effort to concentrate as they had dealt with the rest of the children who’d needed to be seen. Fortunately, Adam had refused the offer of lunch after they’d finished by explaining to the nuns that they needed to get back to the hospital. He’d said barely half a dozen words to her on the drive back but she’d not felt much like chatting either. She guessed he was upset because she hadn’t said if she believed his story about Keiran, but there was nothing she could do until she was sure in her own mind who was telling her the truth.
She glanced round when she heard the Jeep starting up and bit her lip when she saw Adam drive away without a glance in her direction. The situation seemed to be going from bad to worse and she didn’t know how to make things right between them.
‘Obviously, you two haven’t declared a ceasefire,’ June said wryly, leading the way inside. ‘Pity. I had high hopes when I heard you were staying away overnight that you’d managed to sort out your differences.’
‘The chances of us doing that are less than zilch,’ she replied, trying to make a joke of it because it wasn’t fair to involve other members of the team. The last thing she wanted was for people to start taking sides. ‘We’ll need a team of trained negotiators to solve this little problem!’
‘Oh, well, you can’t win ’em all, can you, love?’ June put a kindly arm around her shoulders. ‘I’ve just made a pot of tea so come and have a cup before you do anything else. Do I take it that you’re officially off duty now until tomorrow?’
‘I suppose so. Adam didn’t actually say what he wanted me to do this afternoon,’ she explained dryly. He hadn’t said much about anything.
‘In that case, I’d take it as read that you’ve got the afternoon off and make the most of it.’ June whisked her into the kitchen and sat her down on a chair. ‘So what’s on the agenda? Lunch at The Ivy followed by a spot of retail therapy at Harvey Nics?’
‘I wish!’ Kasey laughed out loud. ‘More like a good scrub
down with carbolic to get all these bugs off me, followed by some laundry. I’ve been reduced to wearing borrowed knickers so I really think I should get some washing done.’
‘Oh, pooh! You can do laundry any time.’ June plonked a mug of dark brown tea in front of her then put her hands on her hips. ‘You need to live a little, my girl, get out and have some fun.’
‘What do you suggest?’ she asked, grinning as she sipped the tea because June made it sound as though there were umpteen different options to choose from.
‘That we go swimming!’ June laughed when she put down the mug and stared at her in surprise.
‘Swimming! Are you serious?’
‘Yep! Apparently, there’s a pool not far from here which the locals use. Matthias told me about it and he said that it should be safe enough for us to go there so long as we don’t wander away from the main path. Anyway, a few of us have decided to go for a swim this afternoon so why don’t you come with us? It would do you good to have a bit of a break. You look absolutely worn out, if you don’t mind me saying so.’
‘I am,’ Kasey agreed ruefully, because there was no point trying to deny it. ‘The only problem is that I’ve not brought a swimming costume with me.’
‘Improvise. Shorts and a bra will do fine,’ June said cheerfully. ‘That’s what I’m going to wear, anyway.’
‘Problem solved, then. What time are you leaving?’
June glanced at her watch. ‘In about half an hour, if that’s OK with you? There’s a few folk who are coming as soon as they’ve finished their shifts.’
‘Fine. I’ll have just enough time to debug myself first.’
She swallowed the rest of the tea and stood up, grimacing when she spotted the red lump that had formed on the inside of her wrist. ‘Something’s definitely had a go at me. Look at that.’
‘You are taking your antimalaria tablets,’ June said worriedly, studying the lump.
‘Yes. And I’ve been wearing long sleeves after dark and dousing myself in mozzie repellent, but that’s definitely an insect bite.’
‘Then you need to get it checked out,’ June said firmly. ‘There’s no point taking any chances so why don’t you have a word with Joan and see what she thinks it is? She’s the expert, after all.’
‘Good idea. I’ll do it when we get back,’ Kasey agreed.
She hurried upstairs and showered then changed into shorts and a T-shirt, making sure the bra she chose to wear under it was one that wouldn’t go transparent in the water. There was no point drying her hair so she simply tied it back in a ponytail then put on some clean socks and her boots and ran back downstairs. June and Mary were already waiting for her in the hall and a few minutes later the rest of the party started to arrive. They were just about to set off when Adam turned up. He parked the Jeep and came over to them.
‘Room for one more?’
‘Of course,’ June replied cheerfully.
‘Give me five minutes and I’ll be right with you.’
He hurried into the hostel as June drew her aside. ‘Sorry, but I really couldn’t refuse to let him come.’
‘Of course you couldn’t.’ Kasey managed to smile but she had to admit that some of the pleasure had suddenly gone out of the day. All she could hope was that Adam would leave her to her own devices, as he’d done all morning.
It was a good fifteen-minute walk to the pool, although it felt much longer because of the heat. However, Kasey had to admit that it had been worth the trek when they got there. The pool was in the middle of a small glade and the water gleamed green and tranquil in the light filtering through the canopy of leaves. Tiny, brightly coloured birds swooped over the water, catching insects, mainly iridescent dragonflies whose wings shimmered in the sunlight. There was even a waterfall at one end of the pool which sent up a cloud of silvery spray. It was the most idyllic place she’d ever seen.
‘Wow! It’s like something out of one of those adverts you see on the telly,’ Mary exclaimed in awe. ‘Any minute now some gorgeous, handsome hunk in a loincloth will rise from that water and offer me a chocolate bar.’
‘Not if I see him first, he won’t!’
Everyone laughed as June stripped off her T-shirt and jumped into the water. Within a few minutes they were all splashing about. Kasey joined in the fun for a while then swam over to the waterfall, ducking beneath the surface so she could come up on the other side. There was a tiny cavern there, its sides covered with huge, curling ferns which grew out of the rock. It was wonderfully cool in there with the curtain of water shielding it from the burning heat of the day and she floated about for a while, enjoying the simple pleasure of doing nothing. She was just thinking that she should go back and join the others when Adam suddenly surfaced beside her, making her gasp in surprise.
He shook the water out of his eyes. ‘Sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.’
‘It’s OK.’ She gave him a noncommittal smile then turned to swim back to the waterfall because she knew how quickly the situation could deteriorate when they were on their own.
‘By the way, I had a word with Shiloh about the kids at the orphanage and he’s agreed to put together another team to fly out here. He’s going to see if he can find a couple of counsellors willing to come as well.’
‘That’s good,’ she said, treading water to keep herself afloat.
‘Shiloh also told me that he’s managed to find another anaesthetist.’
‘To replace me?’ she said hollowly, her heart sinking.
‘Yes. He’ll be flying out here on Friday. Apparently, there’s another plane-load of supplies being delivered then.’
‘So do I take it that I’ll be going back to England when the plane returns?’ she asked quietly, doing her best not to let him see that she was upset at the thought of leaving.
‘Yes.’ He sighed wearily. ‘It’s the best solution, Kasey. You must see that.’
‘If you say so.’
She didn’t say anything else as she swam back under the waterfall because it would serve no purpose to argue with him. Adam had made up his mind and no amount of protests would make him change it. The rest of the party were still splashing about in the water but she simply couldn’t bear to join them so she climbed out and towelled herself dry. She was just putting on her boots when June swam over to her.
‘Had enough for one day?’
‘Yes. I think I’ll go back to the hostel,’ she said in a choked little voice. She didn’t want to be sent home but there was nothing she could do to stop it happening and especially not after last night. Adam must be keener than ever to get rid of her now and the thought hurt.
‘Hey! What’s up?’ June scrambled out of the water and sat down beside her, looking concerned.
‘Nothing. I’m just being stupid.’ She took a deep breath as she dabbed her eyes with the hem of her T-shirt. ‘Adam just told me that I’ll be going home on Friday. It’s really silly to get upset because I knew I’d be going back at some point.’
‘He isn’t still going through with it!’ June exclaimed in dismay.
‘Apparently.’ She summoned a smile. ‘Still, look on the bright side. I won’t need to keep borrowing knickers from everyone now, will I?’
June laughed but Kasey could tell she was upset by the news. Maybe she shouldn’t have told her, although there was no way she could have kept it a secret. Everyone would know soon and the idea of them all knowing that she was being sent home in disgrace was very difficult to deal with but she had no choice.
Again.
She sighed because ever since she’d come to Mwuranda, she’d had little control over what had happened. It was the complete opposite of what she’d hoped for, too. She’d hoped to regain control of her life by facing up to the past but it hadn’t turned out that way. It hadn’t even helped to hear Adam’s side of the story because if she believed his version of events, it meant Keiran had been lying, and it was very difficult to accept that her own brother would have lied to her.
She
glanced up when Adam climbed out of the water close to where they were sitting and felt her heart ache when she realised just how much she wanted to believe him. It was just making that final leap of faith that was so difficult, that and the fact that she would then have to face up to what she’d done to him. The thought that she might have hurt him unnecessarily was almost too much to bear.
News of Kasey’s imminent departure had spread like wildfire, so that by the time Adam arrived at the canteen for dinner that night, everyone knew she would be leaving on Friday. He tried not to react when he saw more than one hostile look being shot his way, but he wouldn’t have been human if he hadn’t been upset by the way people were reacting. They’d obviously taken Kasey’s side and it wasn’t nice to be seen as the bad guy.
He helped himself to a plate of cottage pie and canned vegetables and took it over to a table by the window. Kasey was sitting with June and Mary at the opposite side of the room so he sat down with his back towards them. Picking up his fork, he made himself eat the food but every mouthful tasted like sawdust. When Daniel approached him, he pushed the plate away in relief.
‘Look, Adam, I know it isn’t my place to say anything but won’t you reconsider? Everyone is gutted about Kasey leaving.’
‘You’re right. It isn’t your place to say anything.’ He shoved back his chair, glaring at the younger man as he stood up. ‘Kasey is going back to England and that’s it. My decision is final. Is that clear?’
‘Perfectly,’ Daniel replied, tight-lipped with anger.
‘Good.’ Picking up his tray, he carried it back to the serving hatch and plonked it down on the counter then turned to address everyone in the room. ‘If anyone else feels so strongly about Kasey going home, you can always go with her.’
He left the canteen, hearing the buzz of conversation that broke out the minute he’d left. He knew that he’d handled the situation very badly but there was only so much he could stand. He didn’t want Kasey to go home any more than anyone else did but it was the only sensible course open to him. He couldn’t let her stay and run the risk of making a complete fool of himself by begging her forgiveness. He hadn’t done anything wrong! It was her brother who’d been at fault…
The Forever Assignment Page 12
