Perhaps they had come full circle, and he hoped to God she’d trust him this time.
Moments later, he traversed a bit of Rotten Row. The horse’s muscles tensed, for he undoubtedly wanted to run, but Rafe had other plans. He scanned the area for any sign of Elizabeth, and when he caught sight of her in mossy green skirts and a matching pelisse, he uttered a soft greeting that had his mount’s ears flicking.
“Soon, old chap, we will ride into the country and I’ll let you take the lead,” he murmured and stroked the horse’s sleek neck.
When he came into her line of sight, Elizabeth smiled. His heart constricted at the expression of happiness. The wind tugged at her skirting and loosed a tendril of hair at her right ear. A burst of snow flurries erupted in the air around them. Pink color bloomed in her cheeks and her eyes sparkled as he drew to a halt before her. She made quite the fetching picture.
Lud, but he’d been quite the cad when he’d taken her from behind and pounded into her with little care or respect, for he’d missed the opportunity to set those gorgeous brandy-hued eyes dancing with pleasure. Heat rose up the back of his neck even as he returned her greeting and he vowed to curb his appetites—as well as his temper—in the future. Gentleness and patience was required to win her, and these two things were not his strong suits.
“I didn’t think you’d come.” Elizabeth stared up at him with her lips curved in a slight smile. At such close range, there was no mistaking the delight in her expression.
Rafe’s chest tightened, his earlier embarrassment forgotten. “I said I would.” He easily dismounted. Once he’d collected the reins, he led the horse off the path and into a small copse of evergreen trees where he proceeded to tie the traces to a sturdy trunk. The animal would be all right with grazing while he and Elizabeth walked. “Did you doubt my word?”
The blush in her cheeks intensified. “After I treated you so horribly last night? After I provoked you into a tupping, I wouldn’t have been surprised if you wished to wash your hands of me.” A trace of panic sprang into her eyes, and that slight tell not only gave him pause but also infused him with hope.
Perhaps she sought acceptance like he did. His Elizabeth was a touch too wild for the ton to tame—a perfect match for him.
“Stop it, Lizzy.” Rafe softened the order with a grin. “Don’t think of it again. While I won’t be crass and say what we shared, however it happened, meant nothing, I will say that being with you in any capacity was nice.” He trailed his gloved knuckles along the side of her face, pleased when her eyelashes fluttered. “But with the new day comes a new direction for both of us. Let us think on that as we move forward.”
She nodded and peered at him as if she’d not seen him before. “What a wonderful way of saying that you hope we will both grow.” With a deep breath, she took a step away from him, but the blush remained. “You have waxed philosophical of late.”
“Perhaps it’s needed.” He plunged his hand into a pocket of his greatcoat and withdrew a slim volume with an ivory linen cover. “Before we start on our walk, I wished to give you a gift from the heart.”
“What did you do?” A slight gasp escaped her when he gave the book into her keeping. When she glanced at the golden lettering on the cover and traced a gloved finger along the gilded silhouette of a castle, she met his gaze with a smile that reflected in her eyes. “A collection of Bavarian fairytales.”
“I thought you might enjoy that, and when I saw it in a bookseller’s shop a few days back, I knew you must have it.” Not for worlds would he tell her over the years he’d amassed quite a few treasures that had spoken to him, that she might like. Even if he gave her a gift a day, he wouldn’t run low.
“How thoughtful.” Lifting on tiptoe, she pressed a kiss to his cheek and the warmth of her lingered as did the scent of roses. “You never forgot my love of fairytales from all over the world.”
“Of course not. It is something that matters.” He offered his arm to her. Hot pleasure shot through him when she slipped her free hand through his crooked elbow. “I’ll ask you to remember that heroes come in unexpected forms.”
“I’m trying, Rafe,” she said in a low voice and looked away. “Please have patience.”
He patted her hand. “I am trying too.” I’m a nodcock to rush my fences.
For a long time, they walked in silence while the world around them awakened. Occasionally, a horse and rider would pass by, and Rafe would murmur greetings.
Finally, the need to hear her voice again spurred him into conversation. “How goes your charity work?”
“It is what it is.” She held the book close to her chest with her free hand. “The Dials grow more crowded and dangerous with each passing month. I’m doing a small part to alleviate the discomfort of the children, but it sometimes doesn’t seem enough. I grow weary and sad at every visit to know there is such an enormous class divide.”
“I’m surprised Donovan allows you to venture into such an area.”
The trill of her laughter sent awareness sailing over his skin. “He doesn’t prevent me, but every time I go out, he gives me a lecture. He wishes me to help Alice with the opening of her school, but my heart is not engaged.”
“That’s what I suspected, for I’ve never seen Donovan on the times I’ve gone…” Damnation. He’d spoken without thinking, and when she turned her head, her eyes wide with surprise, he heaved a sigh. “Bloody hell.”
Elizabeth stopped, but she didn’t break their connection. “You follow me when I visit the Dials?” There was no accusation in her expression, only shock.
How could he deny it? “Yes. To keep you safe.”
Her eyebrows rose. “You assume I cannot protect myself?”
Was this another reason she’d hate him? It couldn’t be helped. He’d inadvertently divulged his secret, so he must live with the consequences. “No. I’m well aware that you can look after yourself.”
She quickly nodded. “Donovan has taught me how to shoot a pistol in the advent that skill is needed.”
“Interesting.” Rafe’s respect for her edged up, and he wished desperately to see for himself how she handled a weapon. “When did that occur?”
“Shortly before he married Alice. He told me that once his attention was diverted, he might not always be there if I run into blackhearts while on my rounds.” She shrugged. “I am hoping he’ll gift me with a Mother-of-Pearl inlaid lady’s pistol for Christmas. I’ve mentioned it to him a couple of times.”
“I’m glad to hear it.” At least the duke had the presence of mind to look after her. He wasn’t a complete bastard. If the man didn’t buy her that pistol, Rafe would. “However, it is the mindset of men I don’t trust. Men, no matter their station in life, are often nefarious at heart. Thus, the reason I follow you.” He covered her hand on his arm with his free one. “While I’m confessing, I will tell you my protection will not end… even if you and I aren’t fated to become a couple.”
“Why?” She darted her gaze to his. Genuine surprise lingered in those dark depths, and was that pleasure? “Why would you do this, especially for a woman who wouldn’t mean anything to you at that point?”
“No matter what happens, you will always mean something to me, Lizzy,” he whispered as he set them to walking once more. He’d spoken the truth. If she ultimately chose the marquess over him, he’d wish her well, but he would look out for her. What he felt for her would not fade.
“You are sweet to say so.” Elizabeth resettled her hand on his arm. “How long has your protection been going on?” Nothing in the way she held herself, still clutching her book, betrayed her mindset. “This standing in as my guardian, my personal protector?”
Heat crept up the back of his neck and into his ears. “Since you started your charity work, with the exception of the two months I was recently away.” Would this be the act that hardened her heart toward him? If he analyzed the situation from her perspective, his high-handedness could border on obsessive.
A tiny
gasp escaped her. “That has been for well over a year.”
“Yes.” He nodded and continued to keep his focus on the path ahead.
“But you and I have hardly said two words to each other in that time, with the exception of Donovan’s courtship and wedding.” Incredulity rang in her statement.
“This is also true,” he replied with a budding grin. Perhaps now she’d understand how deep his affections lay. Then anxiety clawed at his gut. Would she hate him for it?
“Oh, Rafe.” If anything, she sounded exasperated. “Do you have any clue how honorable you are?” When he didn’t answer, she squeezed his arm. “I am actually quite glad you’ve continued to look after me.”
“I beg your pardon?” He certainly hadn’t expected that response.
“Sometimes even my courage fails when I visit the Dials, especially if those visits are near dusk. It sets my mind at ease to know I am not alone out there.” She lowered her voice, and as he turned his head, she met his gaze. “And to know that someone cares.”
“Good.” He winked and returned his attention to the path. “You always have my regard. That hasn’t changed over the years.”
“I know, and I am amazed by your grace, when I don’t deserve it,” she whispered. Again, she squeezed his arm. “Accompany me to the Dials tomorrow morning? Not in your usual clandestine capacity but as my escort. I’d like to show you what I do, perhaps introduce you to some of my regulars.” When he glanced at her, he caught a mist of tears in her eyes that constricted his heart. “Some days I’m not certain I make a difference, but I have to try.”
“Lizzy.” Rafe leaned closer and fit his lips to the delicate shell of her ear. “You always make a difference, in many lives. Never forget that.” He pressed a fleeting kiss to her temple before pulling away. “It would be my privilege to go with you.”
With her cheeks stained rose, she turned her head away. “I look forward to letting you into that aspect of my life.”
As do I. It brought him one step closer to winning her permanently.
Another few minutes went by in companionable silence.
Rafe enjoyed having her by his side, the warmth of her hand on his arm. It felt right and natural, as if they were always meant for such a thing. And he burned to know everything about her. “What do you want from your life?” Another round of flurries burst from the clouds, and as they landed on the brim of her green velvet-lined bonnet, decorated her shoulders, he wished to brush them away, or at the very least kiss away the ones that landed on her cheeks.
“The same as anyone does, I suppose.” She turned her head and smiled at him. “Happiness, contentment. For the longest time, I haven’t known either.”
He frowned as the muscles of his stomach tightened. “Because of me and your memories of that night?”
“When we were forced to spend time together during Donovan’s bit of drama, those remembrances came rushing back. I’ll admit, I didn’t know how to handle them.” Her grip on his arm remained strong. “But mostly because of my brother himself. Making certain he had a chance in society. Working as his social secretary has occupied my time.”
“He is settled now. Alice can manage him.”
“Yes. And there is the matter of the duchess.” She worried her bottom lip with her teeth. “I act as her secretary for the moment, but she means to add to her staff so I might have free time. She’s making plans for her school as well.” A shrug pulled at her shoulders. “I don’t know the status of that, for I have been busy.”
“Understandable.” Rafe guided their trajectory closer to the Serpentine. In the overcast light, the water took on a gray-blue hue. “Once your calendar is your own again, what of your dreams, the things you hold precious in your heart?”
A tiny sigh escaped her. “I would like to expand my charity work. There is much more I can do if only I had the time. More areas of the city that need help. I think, perhaps, moving from Donovan’s house and leaving the newlyweds alone might be best, yet where would I go? It is difficult for an unattached woman in our world, and I do not wish to find a companion.”
That struck Rafe as amusing. “Too much your own woman?”
“Exactly.” Elizabeth chuckled and sent him a rueful glance. “I don’t wish to live with another lady, who may or may not require my help to fix her problems.” She rolled her eyes. “That sounded rude. What I meant to say was I require a break from smoothing everyone else’s path when mine needs attending.”
“I understand all too well, my dear.” His Lizzy had one of the largest, most caring hearts, and he hoped she wouldn’t change. Given half the chance, would she attempt to manage him too? He stifled a snort. She had already tried. “What else do you want from life?”
Her hand on his arm trembled. “Recently, I’ve begun to think of marriage and perhaps having a family of my own.”
An image flitted into his mind’s eye of Elizabeth, her belly swollen with a babe, while she held another young one on her hip—a girl—with golden ringlets. Her eyes sparkled with love, her curves enhanced by experience.
“It’s only natural for you to want such things.” Despite his best intentions, Rafe’s length hardened. His gums tingled with the hope that she might ultimately choose him. But he had to ask. “Do you wish it with Rockingham?” Dread filled his chest, for if she answered in the affirmative, what would he do?
What he always did—watch over her and love her from afar. But it was not the life he wanted for himself.
She looked away, hiding her face from view. “I am not certain.” The breeze snatched at her reply and scattered the words so he could hardly hear them.
“Do you feel affection for the marquess?” If she said that she did, if she’d developed a tendre for the man, he would do the honorable thing and walk away. As much as it would shatter his heart, he wanted her happiness more.
“Oh, Rafe.” Confusion hung on that two-word reply. She turned her head and found his gaze with hers. “It is too early to say.” The same uncertainty clouded her gaze. “I know almost nothing about him, and though he continues to call on me, we often do not have time or afforded privacy to speak on things that truly matter. It is as if I’m only allowed to see the veneer of him, never what is underneath.”
As opposed to him and the truth he couldn’t hide, the truth she found lacking. “Fair enough.” He patted her hand, glad that she hadn’t pulled her touch away. “His line and reputation are flawless. If he is who you wish to align yourself with, you will not regret it.” Part of him died inside to utter those words. Why can she not choose me instead?
She heaved out an annoyed breath. “There is more to a man than that.”
“You want the fairy story.” It wasn’t a question.
“I think, perhaps, I want the thought of the fairytale.”
Heavy silence followed her statement that Rafe was loathe to break. Instead, he contented himself with walking beside her. Eventually, they returned to the place where he’d left his horse and he released her arm.
“This outing has gone by rather too quickly.” He frowned as he untied the horse’s reins and led the animal from the copse of trees.
“Agreed, but there is always tomorrow.” Elizabeth lingered, her gaze full of questions she didn’t utter.
Rafe glanced about. He would kiss her if she’d let him, but he didn’t want an audience or for word to trickle back to the duke. “Bloody hell.” Speak of the devil. “Manchester approaches.” Even now, Donovan and his horse were completing the turn in the path.
“How aggravating,” Elizabeth muttered as she darted into the copse of trees.
“Indeed.” Rafe quickly mounted and then urged his charger back upon the path facing toward Donovan so it would appear they were just completing his ride. When the duke drew abreast, Rafe greeted the other man, but there was decided frost in his voice. “Manchester. Awful early to see you out and about.”
“Devon.” The duke looked about the area. When he returned his regard to Rafe, he narr
owed his eyes. “Taking in the morning air? I’ve never known you to ride through the park.”
Ah, fishing was he? Clever man, but he’d go away disappointed. Rafe shrugged. “I ride when I can, and it’s quite invigorating out here. I find the winter landscape is conducive to thinking.”
Donovan nodded and threw another glance about the area, while Rafe’s heart pounded hard. Was Elizabeth hidden enough? “This is true.” He rested the full weight of his gaze on him. Speculation glimmered in those brown depths. “I’m glad I came upon you, for I wanted to make certain you were doing well after our discussion. You left rather abruptly.”
“Do you blame me?” A flash of anger sluiced through him, but he ignored it. “I am never better. Living my life on my own terms now.” Namely sneaking about with Donovan’s sister and courting her in direct defiance of his order.
“Good.” The duke nodded. “I trust I’ll see you at my ball, unless I catch you at the club? For let’s face it, you cannot avoid Bête Noire since you must feed.”
“Yes, to both counts.” Resentment burned through his gut for the fact that Donovan thought to keep monitoring his every move. “I’m looking forward to the ball. Wouldn’t miss it,” he added, though those were empty words and quite the lie.
“Excellent.” The duke tightened his hands on his reins. “I must be off.”
“Good day, Your Grace,” Rafe murmured. He didn’t move until his friend’s form had vanished from his sight.
Only then did Elizabeth creep from her hiding place. Her cheeks blazed with rosy color while her eyes reflected high dudgeon. “He is truly a prick at times.” She came close, the book Rafe had given her clutched in one hand as she laid the other upon his shin. Warmth emanated up his limb from the point of contact. “You are magnificent astride the horse, Rafe.” Desire clouded her eyes, blocking out the previous ire. “I’d forgotten how dashing you are like this, in the outside world, dressed for adventure.”
Bitten By the Earl (Lords of the Night Book Two) Page 15
