His laugh sounded decidedly forced, but his member renewed its appreciation of her. “Yet you think I’m handsome in evening clothes.”
“This is different,” she whispered and blatantly slid her gaze over his body. “This man could have escaped from a book of fairytales,” she murmured. The blush in her cheeks intensified. “Perhaps he rides off to fight for his lady’s honor.”
Damn and blast. If the woman kept on, he’d drag her off to a lonely part of the park to do wicked things to her. “Remember that as you read,” he couldn’t resist teasing.
“I will.” She took a few steps away from him, and he mourned the loss of her touch. “I must hasten back to the house, for there is much to attend with Alice. Will I see you tomorrow?”
“I wouldn’t miss it.” And this time those words were not a lie. The morrow couldn’t come soon enough.
CHAPTER TWELVE
December 13, 1815
Elizabeth’s heart pounded when Donovan appeared in the breakfast room the same time she attempted to depart it. Drat and double drat. She was supposed to meet Rafe in a quarter of an hour. Now what?
“Ah, Elizabeth. Good morning,” he said in an uncommonly cheerful voice. The duke strode past her. “Come. Join me.”
“I have already eaten, brother.” This was an unfortunate turn of events.
He waved a hand as if it didn’t matter. “You can sit with me and chat.” A hint of ducal command lingered in the statement. “I wish to see how you’ve faired these last past days.”
Blowing out a breath, Elizabeth followed him to the table, and while he loaded a plate from the sideboard, she stewed on how she could escape and meet Rafe. “I have been well. No need to worry.”
“Good to hear.” Still occupied with the sideboard, he continued, his back to her. “I trust you’ve forgotten the folly of keeping the Earl of Devon in your life?”
A sick feeling snaked through her insides. “I fail to see how cultivating friends is considered a folly,” she responded and wished fervently that he’d change the subject.
“It is if you’ve disregarded my order.” Warning growled through the response, and as her cheeks heated, he joined her at the table. “So, I’ll ask again. You have let Rogue go, have you not?”
“Yes,” she managed to choke out on a whisper even as thoughts of enjoying coitus with Rafe two nights ago flitted through her consciousness, or of seeing him yesterday. Already, she’d read through half the book of fairytales he’d given her. “You needn’t worry.” For she wouldn’t betray the secret, especially if Donovan remained a bastard about his best friend.
“I’m glad to hear it.” For long moments her brother tucked into his breakfast while a footman filled a cup of coffee for him. “I’m told Rockingham will call on you this afternoon.”
“I am well aware of my social calendar, Donovan,” she murmured, and if there was a certain waspishness to her tone, she felt it was warranted.
A trace of a grin crossed his lips. “Can I expect a private visit from the marquess soon?”
Oh, dear God, could he be any more annoying? Elizabeth shrugged. “We shall see how the relationship progresses. It is much too soon to make such a decision.”
Donovan raised his gaze to hers. “Don’t keep him on the hook too long. Men like Rockingham are much in demand and sought after.” He paused, speculation in his eyes. “He will give you happiness and stability, so put anyone else out of your mind.”
“But what of overcoming struggles and meeting challenges?” she asked in a soft voice. “Yes, the marquess is a gentleman, but I am afraid there is no depth to him, and with no friction, there is no excitement.”
“And if such excitement leads to danger?” He cocked an eyebrow. “Elizabeth, please think logically. I’ve put quite a large dowry on your head, which I’m sure the marquess will appreciate.”
As if I’m nothing more than damned livestock or a household good. “I am thinking logically and toward my future. In fact, I cannot escape it at present. Aligning myself with a man requires more thought than a connection or how much monetary worth the union brings.” She rose and smoothed the wrinkles from the skirts of her plum-colored wool gown. “However, at the moment, I am quite late for an appointment. If you will excuse me?”
“What appointment?”
“It’s something that would surely bore a duke,” she said by way of explanation, then she fled the breakfast room before he could order her back to explain.
“You are late,” Rafe said by way of greeting when she finally reached their agreed upon meeting place in front of a book shop on Brook Street.
“Donovan waylaid me.” She’d taken a hired hack to the shop and from there met Rafe in his carriage, which waited nearby. “I’m afraid I had to lie to him when he asked if I’d left you in my past.” Next to him on the bench were several covered baskets filled with loaves of bread, pots of jam, and a few sweets, all of which she’d cajoled Cook to make for her specifically for this purpose. Earlier that morning, Rafe had come by, ringing at the servants’ door to pick the items up for transport.
“That dastard!” When the carriage started off, a growl filled the interior of the closed carriage. “Is he so adamant I would destroy your life that he will continue to monitor your steps to keep us apart?”
That was something she hadn’t thought of. What if her brother, even now, followed her? Had he seen her get into Rafe’s vehicle? If so, would he pull her out any second, berate her right there in the street and then challenge him? Her hands trembled and she clasped them in her lap. “Perhaps he is merely concerned, but I grow rather annoyed that he keeps shoving me into Lord Rockingham’s direction. It’s almost as if he’s already made an arrangement with the man.” Her stomach muscles clenched, and when Rafe cursed beneath his breath, she glanced at him. “I certainly hope that is not the case.”
“And if it is?” he asked softly as he stared out the window. “If, in the future, you happen to fall in love with me, and we decide to marry, what then? Donovan will disown you, come after me. We might need to flee London and everything you’ve ever known. Could you live knowing you’d never see your old life again?”
Something else she hadn’t given thought to. The idea of being married to Rafe suddenly took hold. Wife to a vampire. How would she manage it? Could she manage it, and everything such an act would entail? She stared across the shallow aisle at him, searching out his gaze and looking for the red ring around his irises. For the moment, it barely glowed, and a small trace of disappointment edged down her spine.
“That is a worry for another day,” she finally said and then gave him a smile that was decidedly wobbly. “Please, do not mar our outing by thoughts of a cloudy future.” She willed her chin to stop quivering. “I am not strong enough right now.”
“I apologize.” Rafe leaned over and clasped her hand. Through their gloves, the warmth he imparted brought her a measure of calm. “I will not speak of it again, for well I know that pondering an unlikely future brings nothing but melancholy.”
“Thank you.” She squeezed his fingers. When had he become the voice of reason and the rock she looked for when life’s storms fired around her?
Elizabeth didn’t know what to expect during her time in the Dials, but it certainly wasn’t seeing Rafe play such a large part in the distribution of the food stuffs. Each time she moved from child to child or talked to a harried mother or laid a hand in comfort upon an elderly man’s shoulder, Rafe was at her side. He silently gave her baskets and at times slipped a coin or two into someone’s palm. Through it all, he remained her support and did it all with a faint grin upon his lips and sympathy in his expression. She liked that he’d protect her if she asked, but she also appreciated that he let her do this without offering complaint, advice, or trying to shove her part to the side.
Once, when she’d bent to speak with a hunched over older woman, she caught Rafe kneeling on the grimy pavement at eye level with a child of perhaps eight. Her conversation with
the woman faltered for a moment as she strained to hear what he said to the waif.
“What do you wish from your life?” he asked the boy in a low voice as people surged and buffeted them on the street.
“To git out of ‘ere, me lord,” the child responded and furtively looked about him. “A chimney sweep while I’m still small, but I ain’t got the smarts for nothing else.”
Rafe smiled. “You would be surprised what you can aspire to if you believe in yourself. Do not let circumstances dictate your future.” He pressed a card into the boy’s hand, and before Elizabeth could interrupt and say that was probably a bad idea, he continued. “You want a position? You come to me in Mayfair. I’ll set you on the right path, but only if you wish to work hard to better your situation. I don’t tolerate slackers well. Neither do I help liars, cheats, or thieves.”
The boy’s eyes shone and his jaw went slack. Quickly the card vanished into his ragged sleeve. “You’re serious?”
“I never say anything if I’m not,” Rafe responded and held out his hand. There was a flash of silver in his palm. He would give the boy a coin, and if it wasn’t stolen or squandered, it would provide for his family for two weeks. “A pleasure to meet you.” He shook the lad’s hand and the coin was exchanged without anyone the wiser.
“Thank you, me lord.” The boy pumped his hand. “The name’s Walter. It was me pa’s name, but ‘e took sick a while back and died.”
“A fine name indeed.” Rafe stood, and as he did so, the boy pelted away to vanish into the throng. When the earl happened to catch Elizabeth’s eye, he shrugged and winked. “Charity, at times, needs a bigger push. If we are to teach others, we need to lift them out of the mire first. Teach by example.”
She lost a piece of her heart to him in that moment. “So true,” she murmured and turned away before he could see the tears forming in her eyes. Would Oliver consent to visit the Dials with her or even unbend enough to offer help to one of its poorest residents? Perhaps she would ask him merely to gauge his reaction. Elizabeth finished her conversation with the woman, but all the while, she wondered if Rafe and his beast could exist side by side after all.
It certainly seemed as if the lessons on control he’d learned made a difference.
Once back in his carriage, Elizabeth shivered from the cold, and when the vehicle started, Rafe solicitously tucked the lap robe about her. The rabbit fur-lined blanket imparted warmth but his quiet caring sent tiny fires of need into her bloodstream. This man was far removed from the man who’d attacked her with violence all those years ago, or even from the anger-ridden man she’d goaded into carnality a few nights back. The vivid contrasts of him made her head spin.
“You know, during my childhood, winters were much different than they are now,” he said and sat upon his own bench.
“How so?” The pleasant warmth caused drowsiness to wrap her in a cocoon.
“As a child, I spent copious amounts of time at my father’s country estate. Partially because it wasn’t pleasant to spend time in London with my father as he struggled with his beast, and also because my mother spent many days there.”
The deep tenor of his voice further worked to lull her into a sleepy state. “Your father wasn’t a good man?”
“He was during the times he wasn’t the vampire.” Rafe tilted his head. “I rather admired him and often felt he would have done the title proud had he been able to reconcile his curse to his life.” She stared at his mouth when he frowned. “He tried his best, I think, but ultimately he let his beast control him instead of the other way around.”
“What a terrible life, especially for a child.” Then she stifled a gasp. If a pregnancy resulted from their joining the other night, would that be the child’s fate as well?
“It made me realize that balance is necessary, and that also it is possible to live in harmony with the vampire if one has the will to persevere.”
“You mother didn’t wish to help your father find that peace?” In all of their history together, she’d never known that about his past.
“There was no love present in my parents’ marriage, due to the curse. If he tried, I would have no idea. It broke her heart, so she stayed far away from the man who failed her.” Silence brewed between them and he kept his attention to the window. “I remained behind with her many times so she wouldn’t pass her days alone.”
Elizabeth sighed. “You are a good man, Rafe.”
“Perhaps, but then I am making a concentrated effort for you to only see me as just that—a man.” He glanced at her, and sadness pooled in his eyes, more brown than green now.
Her chest tightened. “Is your mother still alive?”
“Yes, and she remains at Powderham Castle in Devon, quite content from all reports.”
“That must be a lonely life.” She had no idea his mother still lived.
“I visit when I can, but she has my half-sister to keep her company.” At Elizabeth’s gasp, he nodded. “Rebecca is ten years my junior and is a product of a love affair my mother conducted with a groom.” A hint of a smile curved his lips, and a powerful urge to kiss him swept over her. “She is quite the hoyden. The country life suits her, for she resists my efforts to bring her to London. She wants no part of ton life.”
“I cannot say that I blame her.” It was quite the shock to find out about this part of Rafe’s life. “Did your mother love him? Or was that act in retaliation to your father’s indifference?”
Amusement flickered in his expression. “Yes, she loved him. It was quite the torrid affair from all reports, and it continued until the man died a few years ago.”
“Regardless of how the affair came about, I’m glad she finally knew love.” If she and Rafe were to marry, would that be their fate as well, even though he claimed to love her now? Would indifference come from her? Tears prickled the backs of her eyelids. Once more she shoved a thought to the back of her mind. “I would like to meet your mother and sister.”
“Perhaps, once things here are settled.”
Ah, which meant in the event she accepted him, eventually found herself engaged to him, then he would make such a thing happen.
She didn’t blame him on that either, but her heart went out to him. He would protect everyone in his life, it seemed. “I understand.” As the carriage rolled on, silence fell over them. When they were near Hyde Park, she spoke again. “What did your father think of your mother’s defection?”
“He was heartbroken.” A wry grin took possession of his lips. “It seems he didn’t know how to convey his feelings; perhaps I take after him in that regard.” He paused, reflecting. “When Mother’s affair came to light, he ceased caring and let the vampire take over.” Rafe shrugged. “For a period of time, he was quite violent and terrorized parts of London. His favorite hunting ground for a while was an area much like the Dials, for no one would care if the indigent went missing.” His voice broke on the last words.
“Which prompted your intent to help.” Her heart squeezed. “And you are trying your hardest not to become what your father was.” That explained so much, and yet she’d treated him so horribly. Shame fired in her cheeks.
“Yes.” The whispered word seemed to hang on the chilly air between them. When he met her gaze once again, the red ring around his irises was more noticeable. “If a woman doesn’t want me for me—all of me—I’m better off alone. I cannot survive such a miserable existence as my parents had, for depression is a constant companion anyway.”
“Oh, Rafe.” Gripped by compassion, Elizabeth stood and then settled on the bench beside him. She took possession of his hand and held it. “I’m so sorry.”
“It is life. It is human nature to fear what is not understood. Not many choose to take the time to deepen their knowledge, for fear is the more comfortable feeling.” Guilt swamped her. He shrugged and his shoulder brushed hers, leaving tingles in its wake. “I made my peace with what I was long ago.
Would that I could do the same.
“Howe
ver, I do have the advantage over my father.” He turned her hand over and rubbed his gloved thumb along the inside of her wrist just above the edge of her glove. Butterflies erupted low in her belly. “I have friends to rely on when things are rough.”
“Tell me about your friendship with Donovan.” She could hardly concentrate the longer he executed those gentle caresses.
Rafe smiled, and even in profile, she caught the wicked gleam in his eye. “As young men, we were wild, determined to show the ton we didn’t need them and their overly strict, and oftentimes exclusionary, rules. We bedeviled the countryside at times, giving free reign to our beasts at night.” He chuckled, and the rich sound rolled over her, fraying the ever-present fear.
In that unguarded moment, when he resembled the young man she used to know, she lost another tiny part of her heart to him. If only he could always be so happy.
“Those were wonderful days. I miss them, miss the ease Donovan and I once shared, before everything changed.”
“Perhaps change is inevitable, for we wouldn’t grow into better people without it.” Her included. She needed to evolve and find a different mindset if she wanted to remain in Rafe’s life.
An hour or so later, they concluded their walk through Hyde Park. More people were out, but since it wasn’t the fashionable hour, it wasn’t a crush, and she didn’t shy away from greeting couples as they passed on the paths.
Snow flurries swirled around her, and she shivered despite the fur-lined pelisse. “Do you think they will hold a Frost Fair this year like last year?”
“It rather depends on if the Thames freezes.” He lifted his face to the overcast skies. “Though it’s cold, the weather is not nearly as foul as last winter. We’ll be lucky if we see a few inches of snow, I think.”
“That is too bad. I did enjoy the romance of it all.” Elizabeth clung to his arm, and when he moved to thread their fingers together, she didn’t offer a protest. “It is romantic now,” she added in a whisper, and when he returned his attention to her face, she smiled. It was so easy with him when he was this man. It wouldn’t take much to let herself fall for him, but the way down that slippery slope was blocked by a pile of her fears.
Bitten By the Earl (Lords of the Night Book Two) Page 16
