OLIN (A Brikken Motorcycle Club Saga Book 3)

by Debra Kayn

  He'd missed her.

  Chapter Thirty Nine

  Ashley's stomach cramped. She lowered her head and vomited in the toilet. Acid burned her throat, making her incapable of drawing in a breath.

  Hands landed on her back, then gathered her hair. "Sh...inhale through your nose," said Lindsay.

  She straightened, reaching for the towel on the dowel, and wiped her face. There was no time for her to be sick or deal with her sensitive stomach.

  Tossing the towel to the floor, she pointed at her toothbrush. Lindsay moved over to the sink and applied toothpaste before handing it to her.

  She stuck the brush in her mouth and cleaned her teeth, her tongue, and spit in the sink, cupping her hand under the stream of water to rinse the paste off her lips. "Thanks."

  "You should make an appointment to see the doctor." Lindsay rubbed Ashley's back. "This is the second day you've thrown up."

  "It's nothing." She walked out of the bathroom.

  Two days had gone by without Olin contacting her. Afraid he'd decided not to let her see Trik, she'd stayed up in her room, standing by her window, and watched his house in hopes of getting a glimpse of Trik. But, each night, he arrived home at almost midnight, and it'd been too dark to see anything but his truck pulling into the driveway.

  She wondered about him keeping Trik out late at night and leaving early in the morning before the sun came up. Hesitantly breathing deeply, testing her stomach, she failed to understand Olin's schedule. Though, there were worse things than odd sleeping patterns for a child that had yet to enter school.

  Like his mother giving him away.

  The doorbell rang. She turned and looked at Lindsay, silently begging her sister to see who was at the door.

  "It's probably Mom. She's always earlier than she plans." Lindsay rolled her eyes. "I'll ward her off and give you time to catch your breath."

  She never got a chance to settle her stomach. Johanna stormed into the room a minute later and stopped in front of her before throwing her arms around her neck.

  "I couldn't stay away any longer," whispered Johanna in Ashley's ear. "I have missed you so much, my friend."

  Ashley trembled, holding Johanna tightly. "I'm sorry."

  "Shut your mouth." Johanna pulled back without letting her go. "I forgave you a long time ago for not allowing me to visit the prison. You had to do what you had to do. Just like I didn't like it when Chief wouldn't allow me to visit him when he was incarcerated."

  She pulled Johanna to her. "I'm sorry."

  "Stop saying that." Johanna smoothed Ashley's hair away from her face and sighed. "I just want to look at you. You're okay?"

  She tilted her head side to side. "I’m hanging in there."

  Johanna looked around the room. "You're staying here, I hear."

  "You heard correctly." She squeezed Johanna's hand. "How are the girls?"

  "God, you should see them. Jackie's nineteen years old, can you believe it? Stassi is fourteen and has made it her life goal to break every rule we've put down for her." Johanna pulled Ashley toward the door. "I dropped my purse downstairs, but I have pictures of them. I printed out doubles so you can have them."

  "I would love them." She followed her sister and Johanna downstairs into the living room.

  While she looked at photos of Chief and Johanna's daughters, she listened to her friend talk about others at Brikken Motorcycle Club. Her mind whirled at all the changes. Some members got married, others had babies, and the sad news about Granger dying in a motorcycle crash set her mood. She'd missed a lot about the people she cared about.

  Information her sister and Mom couldn't pass to her in prison because they weren't associated with Brikken.

  She put the pictures back in the envelope and set them on the arm of the couch. "Is Jackie going to college or...?"

  "Community classes while she works at the Shilo in Tacoma. She'd like to get into managing hotels." Johanna leaned back on the couch. "God, it feels like I need to tell you every single thing and I'm drawing a blank."

  "Trust me, you've told me a lot. My head is swimming." She leaned against Johanna's shoulder. "There's one thing I'd like to know."

  "What?"

  "How come you didn't get my sister married off in three years?" asked Ashley.

  They all laughed, and it felt good that she could make that happen when she was crumbling inside.

  Lindsay stood, waving away their joke. "Hey, at forty-four years old, I've given up on finding a man. I'd settle for good sex."

  "Oh, really?" Ashley raised her brows. "You've been having bad sex?"

  Another round of teasing and laughter circled the room. Ashley relaxed. She'd survived what she feared, that Johanna would interrogate her and punish her for what she'd done to Olin and Trik. She should've known better.

  Lindsay's phone rang. Ashley used that time to ask Johanna about Chief.

  "He's doing great. We finally have the time now that the girls are older and he's stepped away from the Brikken table to spend more time together. We rode to Seattle and took the ferry to Bainbridge Island last month and then rode back on the Harley. It was wonderful." Johanna patted Ashley's leg. "Chief sends his love."

  She snorted. "Did he really tell you to say that?"

  "No." Johanna laughed. "But 'tell her hey' means the same thing."

  Lindsay walked back into the room. Ashley sat straighter at the frown on her sister's face.

  "That call was for you," said Lindsay, looking at Ashley. "Olin wants you to come over."

  "Oh." She looked at the clock.

  It was eight o'clock at night. He must've come home while Johanna was visiting.

  She stood and looked at Johanna. "I'm sorry, but I need to go over there."

  "Sure." Johanna got to her feet, hugged her again, and shooed her away. "I'm going to catch up with your sister and head out in a few minutes, too."

  On her way to the door, Lindsay grabbed her hand. She squeezed back, thankful for the silent support.

  She walked outside, down the driveway, and headed to Olin's house. Would Trik still be awake? He must be for Olin to invite her over.

  Going over there was more than she'd hoped for at the start. After she'd left his house the first time, she was sure he would never call. That his anger toward her would stop her from seeing their son.

  She stepped on the dried dandelions she'd picked the other night off the edge of the vacant property and thrown in the street.

  The night air cooled her heated skin. As she walked up Olin's driveway, she found herself out of breath. Her son was inside the house.

  Reminding herself not to cry or talk too much and scare him, she stopped at the door and raised her hand to knock when Olin opened the house to her. She wasn't sure her legs would carry her inside.

  Chapter Forty

  Ashley hesitated at the entrance to the house. He stepped back and lifted his chin, motioning her inside.

  When she passed into the entryway, he said, "Follow me."

  He led her down the hallway and stopped outside Trik's bedroom door. Facing her, he took in her shock.

  Her lips parted, and she blinked rapidly up at him. His gut tightened because there was still a huge part of him that wanted to protect her from any discomfort. She was going to hurt walking into the room because the proof of their love was in there sleeping innocently, unaware of the turmoil consuming his parents' lives.

  "He's a heavy sleeper once his eyes close. The only thing that'll wake him up is if you take his hog away," he said.

  She closed her lips and swallowed. "Hog?"

  "Stuffed animal."

  "Oh," she said softly.

  "Are you ready to go see our son?"

  She inhaled deeply, nodding. "Before I go in, I want to thank you. You have no idea how much this means to me."

  He stepped around her to go back to the living room. She grabbed his leather vest. He sucked in air at her touch and froze as his whole body awakened.

  "Will you go i
n with me?" she whispered. "Please?"

  He put his hand on her back and might as well be pressing against her naked body, the results were the same. It'd been too long without her. He couldn't erase a lifetime of loving her.

  Pushing the door fully open and letting in the light from the hallway, he urged her forward until she stood within a foot of the bed.

  Caught in the sight of their son, she never noticed when he stepped back and leaned against the wall, letting her have her moment.

  He witnessed her first glimpse of their son. He felt her intake of air as she recognized the sweet infant baby in the toddler boy. He heard the muffled sob.

  That's why he was there behind her when her knees gave up the battle. He lowered her to the floor and stood over her as she refused to leave Trik's bedside.

  Ashley held on to the edge of the mattress and ran her hand over Harley Hog, curling her fingers to stop herself from caressing Trik's rosy, plump cheek.

  "He's beautiful. Just like I imagined," she whispered, brokenly. "He's got so much hair."

  He'd let Jett give Trik a crew cut when his brother shaved Gunnar and Arik's hair a year ago. An emotional lump choked him, and he rubbed his neck. He hadn't let anyone else touch his son's hair since.

  Ashley's shoulders shook. He placed his hand on the back of her neck. There was only so much heartbreak a person could handle, and she'd reached her limit.

  He'd been in the exact spot, many times, crying on the floor beside Trik's crib, knowing he was going to fuck everything up. Missing Ashley. Angry at the loss of his family.

  Stepping back, he let his hand drop to his side and left the room quietly letting Ashley get her fill of their son while Trik remained oblivious to the reunion.

  It wasn't that his son wasn't ready to meet his mom. Olin wasn't ready to take a backseat.

  He'd protected his son for two and a half years. There were times in the beginning when he knew without a doubt he would fail. He couldn't feed his kid right. Changing a diaper was a mystery to him. Trik's first stuffy nose had sent him to the emergency room begging the doctors to save him as he believed his son was going to die.

  Teething was a real thing. He'd spent many nights walking the floors while holding his crying son. In the next instant, he was holding Trik's hands as he let go and walked across the floor on his own. Lately, he wondered if his son was smarter than him.

  The questions he asked were ones Olin had never thought of before.

  While Brikken members and their women helped him in more ways than he could count, he'd had Olin to himself, and he was protective of that bond.

  He retrieved a beer from the fridge and walked into the living room. Knowing he couldn't avoid Ashley because of his own pain, he'd purposely returned home from the clubhouse earlier than normal tonight to get that first step of reuniting Ashley and Trik behind him. He took a long drink and let his head fall back on the couch.

  If he allowed himself the freedom, he could imagine Ashley giving Trik his bath and putting him to bed. Afterward, she'd slip out of their son's room and join Olin on the couch, cuddling against his side.

  But, his world wasn't formed around forgiveness.

  He'd seen and lived the bitterness of being betrayed by someone who he'd trusted as an MC brother.

  He rubbed the spot on his chest where the knife had pierced his skin, scarred his breastbone, and came close to puncturing his heart years ago. That was his reminder that he had responsibilities toward Brikken. That the target on his back because of having Rollo as a grandfather, Chief for a father, Jett as his brother and current president of Brikken, would always be a part of his life.

  Anyone he let into his life had to go above and beyond to get close to him.

  Ashley was that person.

  She'd proven herself over and over again through the years and in the end, and when he had no doubt that she was the one woman he wanted in his life, she'd turned her back on him.

  But, seeing her reaction to reuniting with their son showed him that for the last several years, he'd been wrong. She hadn't walked out of Trik's life and away from him.

  Ashley had given him a son, securing his future, and she'd done that at the expense of herself.

  He rubbed his hands over his face, swept away at the pain she must've gone through.

  A mother who'd sacrificed herself for her son. The highest payment a woman could give to someone else, and she'd done that for him and Trik.

  "Olin?" whispered Ashley.

  He opened his eyes. She stood at the end of the couch.

  Through the soft light from the hallway, her face was absolutely wrecked. He sprawled his hands on his thighs, wanting to wipe the tear stains from her cheeks and soothe her swollen eyelids.

  Used to only seeing her tears when she was angry, she never used to allow herself tears for sadness. He swallowed. Even in prison, she'd faced the hardships head-on with determination.

  "Thank you. This meant so much to me. More than I deserve," she said softly.

  A slight hesitation came before she walked to the door and let herself out. He stared straight ahead, tension riddling his body.

  Bullshit.

  She deserved more than he could give her for what she'd given him and their son.

  Chapter Forty One

  "Lindsay mentioned you weren't coming to the clubhouse tonight to see the women," said Johanna over the cell phone.

  Ashley brushed an ant off her leg. "I don't feel like going out."

  She drew her legs up and propped her elbows on her knees. The low concrete step in front of the door was the most uncomfortable porch she'd ever sat on. Even as a child, her shorter statue never made it somewhere she wanted to rest.

  "I have a box of clothes for you..."

  Ashley rolled her eyes. Johanna had invited her over to the clubhouse twice in the last two days. Two different reasons to get her on Brikken property in front of Olin.

  "I'm fine with what my sister gave me." She peered across the field at Olin's house, where she'd last seen her wardrobe.

  Johanna snorted. "You've already lost your prison weight. Her clothes are hanging off you."

  "Hey...rude," shouted Lindsay in the background at the clubhouse.

  Ashley groaned. "She's right. That was rude."

  "Did it work, though? Do you want clothes that fit better?"

  "No. I'm going to stay here. I'll come to the clubhouse another time," she said.

  "Olin's here."

  Her heart beat faster at what she'd already known. At one time, knowing Olin was there would've tempted her to drive like a maniac to see him. But, she was trying to give him his space after he let her see Trik last week while he slept.

  She wanted another chance to be with her son, to touch him.

  "I'm going to let you go. Maybe I'll go for a short walk before I call it a night." She spoke her goodbye and disconnected the call.

  Standing up, she put the phone in the pocket of her shorts and headed down the driveway, needing to move and get rid of the anxious energy that plagued her lately.

  The cell vibrated. She looked at the screen and put it back in her pocket without answering. Lindsay was only calling because Johanna told her to. She'd experienced them double-teaming her since she was seven years old.

  She should never have let Lindsay buy her a cell phone. Nobody understood that it was hard for her to go anywhere, because she was afraid of running into Olin. She wanted to mind whatever unspoken rule he'd placed on her. Because the next time he gave her permission to see Trik, she'd be one step closer to getting to know her son.

  Knowing Olin wasn't home, she headed in that direction, planning to walk to the end of the street before turning back.

  Fluff from a dandelion floated past her face. She sneezed and stopped. Some people called them wishes.

  She glared at the weed-covered field. People who still believed that good things could happen would blow them into the wind after silently stating their heart's desire.

&nb
sp; All she saw was ugliness where green grass could grow.

  She stepped into the field and using the toe of her sneaker to pry the base of the weed out of the ground, she pulled the whole root out and tossed it behind her. Seeing the patch of dirt beneath, she pulled another. And, another.

  The sun beat down on her bare shoulders. The warmth rejuvenated her.

  She was outside. Her future was in front of her. She was free.

  Yanking another weed out, she dropped to her knees and decided to work a circle of ground around her getting rid of every invading species of plant.

  One three-foot circle of cleared land wasn't enough. She wiped the sweat off her brow with the back of her hand and moved deeper onto the property. Weeding was the most productive thing she'd done since her release. Caught up in her job, she failed to hear the motorcycle until she jumped to her feet and found Chief in the street, sitting on his bike, watching her.

  She brushed off her hands, and he shut off the engine.

  Afraid something happened to Olin or Trik, she walked to the edge of the field.

  "Johanna wanted me to check on you." Chief continued sitting on his motorcycle and folded his arms across his chest. "Looks like you're keeping yourself busy."

  She looked back at the labor she'd done in the field. "It feels good to do something with my hands."

  "Yep, I get that." Chief tilted his head. "No one telling you what to do and when to do it. The quiet. The fresh air. Sometimes it feels good not to have four walls squeezing you in."

  She studied Chief. During his incarceration, she'd stayed in the distance, letting Olin and Johanna handle him being away. She never gave his time in prison much thought, until she was sitting in a cell shut off from those she loved.

  "It's harder than I imagined it would be. To come back, I mean. Everything has changed." She ran her fingernail underneath her thumbnail, flicking out the dirt. "Life went on for everyone, and I'm stuck three years in the past."

  "You'll feel lost for a while." He shook his head. "Nobody understands that unless they've been there."