What We Want

by Eliott Griffen

  “I like it, and I think we could have a deal.”

  “But?”

  “Honestly? I would rather rent than buy.” Drew’s cheeks were deep red. “I mean, if I could choose.”

  “Why don’t you go outside and look around while I make a phone call?” Zach took his elbow and led him to the back door.

  “Sure.”

  Zach came up to Drew and put his arm around him.

  “I’ve got you covered, my man.”

  “What did you do?” The lines on Drew’s forehead deepened.

  “I just talked to Marge, and the house is off the market.”

  “Wh-what?” Drew choked. “But I-I thought—”

  “She’s calling that lunatic Miranda as we speak to tell her that. And you and I are going inside to talk about when you are planning to move in.” Zach was grinning.

  “What?!” Drew’s eyebrows shot up.

  “Come on, let’s talk.” He pulled Drew inside. “I hope you’re not planning to throw me out immediately.”

  What am I going to do? I never saw this coming...

  Zach was sitting in his living room watching TV, not seeing a thing on the screen. Everything in his life had turned itself upside down.

  Maybe Marge was right when she said it would all come together one day, but what am I going to do? I have a life in New York. I can’t just up and leave. OK, I can, but do I want to? For someone I’ve just met? For someone who’s making me feel things I never thought possible? To take a job and stay. See where this is going. This doesn’t even sound like me. Old me, maybe, before Gabe.

  The school year is almost over, and I need to give them my answer.

  Do I want to try?

  “Oh, God!” A hand on his shoulder nearly gave him a heart attack.

  “Easy, baby, easy. It’s just me.” Rob hugged him tight. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

  “I didn’t hear you. You always sneak up on me!” He tried to breathe, but his heart wouldn’t slow down. “When did you come in?”

  “I knocked and when you didn’t answer, I let myself in,” Rob whispered. “Maybe I shouldn’t have done that.”

  “No, honey, it’s OK. I was thinking, and I checked out.”

  “You seem to do that a lot... I’m starting to worry.” He is so adorable.

  “No need. I just have a lot on my mind right now.” Zach kissed him. “We have a lot of decisions to make.”

  “I’ve made my decision.” Rob was definite.

  “Well, it is a little easier for you.” Wrong thing to say, Zach. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way.”

  “And exactly how did you mean it?”

  “Well, I would have to move and change jobs and...”

  “And that is why it’s easier for me?”

  “No, I... you...”

  “I can’t believe you think this is easy for me. I would stay in the same place, geographically, but my whole life has been different ever since I’ve met you.” Rob’s chin was shaking, and he was breathing hard. “The only difference between you and me is that you have always been with men. That makes it easier for you.” He pointed his finger at Zach.

  “You’re right. It was the wrong thing to say. I’m sorry.”

  Zach hugged him and kissed his neck. He moved his hands down Rob’s back and grabbed his ass.

  “Oh, is that how this is going to play out?” Rob mumbled.

  “That’s what I was hoping for...” Zach nipped at his earlobe.

  How long are you going to solve every problem you have with sex?

  Zach was pushing Rob up the stairs as they fought for domination on every step. They landed in bed, grabbing each other’s clothes and ripping through them. Rob loomed over Zach, pulling his shirt off and then kissing exposed skin. They were naked in a blink if an eye. Rob kissed him and slowly slid his lips down his throat.

  I’ll never tire of this man. Rob was teasing his nipples, setting his body on fire. He nuzzled Zach’s belly button and moved further down.

  He’s really going to do it.

  “Rob, honey, you don’t have to...” Yes, you do.

  “Yes, I do.”

  “Rob...”

  “Shut up.”

  Rob was careful and gentle. He was also teasing, the bastard.

  “You’re killing me here.” Zach was panting, and he made a mistake of looking down.

  I thought I’d had mind blowing blow jobs in the past. Man, was I wrong....

  Rob was licking and kissing his way up and down while Zach tried to hold on to his sanity to no effect. When he got to Zach’s balls, Zach lost it. All pretense of being demure, just gone.

  “Yes, yes, oh, God! Just like that...oh...”

  Rob was holding his legs apart with his shoulders, and he was humming. He knew what those vibrations were doing to Zach and Zach was going to kill him. As soon as he came. A couple times.

  Rob’s lips were descending further down. Down?

  “Hon... d-don’t...”

  “I told you to shut up.”

  Feeling Rob’s tongue coaxing him open was like nothing Zach had felt before. Zach’s eyes rolled and his brain short-circuited. Oh, yes... maybe I’ll let him live. No rimming in the past came close. This was the man he was in love with, doing something for the first time, just for him. Giving.

  “Stop, please stop.”

  “Am I hurting you?” Rob jumped.

  “No, no, you’re perfect.” Zach tried to caress him, but his arm just fell. He was a puddle of need. “I can’t stand it anymore. I need you inside me. Please.”

  Rob smiled. The crunch of the condom wrapper, the click of the lube bottle, and then he was inside.

  “I have never ever felt this way before,” Rob whispered into a kiss.

  “What?” I can’t hold a conversation now.

  “I never felt this...bliss. And I never thought I would.” Rob moved in the slow but steady rhythm. “And now I have it with you.”

  “I never felt this way, either.” Zach forced his arms to work and took Rob’s face into his hands. This kiss was different; there was no rush, no battle for domination. Slow and easy glide of lips, mixed breaths, and love.

  “Then don’t go.”

  “What?”

  “Don’t go to New York. Stay here.” Bright green eyes threatened to drown him, and Zach gasped. “Stay here with me.”

  I’m an idiot. Why am I even questioning this? To have Rob for himself, every day, to see this face and feel this body...

  Time just ran out.

  Zach’s eyes rolled inside his head. Fire inside his veins burned him; it licked its way down his spine like a forest fire. The power of his orgasm crushed him. He screamed. Maybe he even blacked out for a moment, but he would never admit that.

  He heard Rob’s scream and felt him falling down next to him.

  “Zach?” Warm breath tickled his ear.

  “Mhm.”

  “Stay?”

  God, what do I do? Yes or no, Zach. This is it. Time is up.

  “Can we talk about it tomorrow, please?” His mind was already made up. Tomorrow he would call the school and get everything done and then surprise Rob. I’m not doing that now, right after the greatest orgasm of my life.

  Rob stiffened for a split second, then relaxed.

  “Of course.” His voice was shaky. “Yes, of course, will talk about it some other time.” Zach tried to turn around and look at him, but Rob came up behind him and spooned him quickly. Soft lips kissed the back if his neck.

  “Let us sleep now.”

  “Mhm.” Zach lost the ability to speak.

  “Good night, baby. Sweet dreams.”

  You are my dream, Rob.

  “Good night, honey.”

  I love you.

  Chapter 31

  Zach always loved snuggling on Rob’s sofa. And not just because that’s where they first kissed; it was comfortable, too.

  He was hugging the pillow and lying down with his head in Rob’s lap
. Life was good.

  “You are just like Meow. You could lie there all night with me scratching you behind your ears.” Rob was laughing at him and Zach didn’t care.

  “Mmmm... you do it so well...” Yeah, life was good.

  The decision to take the job at his old high school wasn’t bothering him anymore. He’d called Mrs. Whitney, but she was out. He was going to tell Rob tonight and tomorrow he’d call the school again to schedule a meeting. He still needed to talk to his mom about the old house in Cranston and see what needed to be done before he moved in.

  And I need to tell Carson. That will be the hardest part.

  “Do not fall asleep.” Rob pulled his hair. “Marc will be here soon, and I don’t want him to think he interrupted something when he sees you with bed hair.”

  “But he is interrupting something...” Zach dropped the pillow and hugged Rob’s thigh.

  “Oh, no you don’t!” Rob jumped up from the sofa and Zach’s head thumped on the seat. “You know, you’ve turned me into a horndog. I’m not ashamed to admit it, but at least wait until the end of the dinner.” Rob’s gaze flew down his body and he licked his lips. “I don’t need extra encouragement.”

  “You don’t...” Zach turned on his back and looked Rob in the eyes. Slowly, with two fingers, he lifted his shirt. “You really don’t...” Trying to appear disinterested, he moved those fingers down his abs and played with the button of his jeans.

  Rob stared at him wide eyed, swallowing loudly.

  “You are evil.” He clenched his fists, then unclenched them. “I’m going to ignore you.”

  “That would be a first.” Zach grinned.

  He never needed to coax Rob. From the moment he had decided he wanted to be with Zach, he never once hesitated or showed regret.

  He is amazing. He is mine.

  “This time I have to.” Rob looked at Zach and chewed on his bottom lip. “You’re driving me crazy. And I never want you to stop.”

  “I will not stop, as long as I’m here.” It’s time to tell him. “And I’ll be—”

  Rob’s spine snapped.

  “As long as you’re here?!” Rob yelled.

  “Rob—” the doorbell interrupted Zach.

  “I’ll get the door.” Rob said, but he had already turned his back on Zach.

  What the hell just happened?

  Zach was still standing in the middle of the living room when Rob came in, followed by a goddamn GQ model.

  Jesus Christ, is everyone from corporate New York hot as fuck? How is this guy real?

  A dark green sweater was stretched over his muscles and left nothing to the imagination. Short salt and pepper hair made his smooth dark skin glow. His Native American heritage was obvious on his beautiful face, all sharp lines and high cheekbones, a straight nose and full lips. The thing that bothered Zach were the eyes; the blackest eyes Zach had ever seen. Eyes that hammered you to the spot.

  And those eyes were checking him out. What the fuck?

  “Marc, this is Zach.” Rob sounded annoyed. “You know, the neighbor I was telling you about.”

  The neighbor? The neighbor?! Really Rob?

  “The neighbor?” Marc asked.

  Even his fucking voice is sexy as fuck.

  “Yes, I remember.” Marc recovered quickly and shook Zach’s hand. “It’s nice to meet you.” Then he winked.

  He fucking winked at me! What is going on here? Are the two of them an item? Oh, God! I can’t believe this is happening to me again. Of course, everything was too good to be true.

  Zach’s heart was beating like mad and he couldn’t catch a breath to save his life. Even if they never hooked up before, Marc would not waste an opportunity now. He would snatch Rob in a minute. It was like a punch in the gut, over and over again.

  And why would I care? I’m just a neighbor.

  He looked at Rob’s face, but it was like a mask carved in stone.

  Fuck this shit!

  Chapter 32

  “Where do you think you’re going?” Rob asked.

  He can’t leave now. He can’t leave me.

  “Anywhere but here.” Zach put his shoes on and then he grabbed his jacket from the back of the lounge chair. “I can’t even look at you right now.”

  What?

  “What are you talking about?”

  “What am I talking about, neighbor? You tell me!” Zach turned and came up to Rob.

  “You can’t tell me you’re mad because of that.”

  “Who are you?” Zach’s hands were shaking, and all Rob wanted to do was kiss him.

  “I don’t know what you want me to say,” Rob snapped. “You’re the one who doesn’t want to be in this relationship, if you even want to call it that.” Rob was getting louder by the second. “Maybe you should call David and see if he wants to be your ‘while I’m here’ thing.”

  What am I doing?! Lashing out was a bad idea, but he couldn't control his mouth. He couldn't control his body. He hated the person he became during meltdowns.

  “Oh, my god!”

  “What?! You obviously don’t care about us, so you shouldn’t be so offended with me calling you my neighbor.”

  “I don’t care? I don’t care, Robert?” Zach demanded, pale and breathing hard.

  I’m hurting him. God, why am I like this?

  “You never mentioned wanting to try something long-term with me.” Rob was shaking from head to toe. Why can't I stop? Why is this happening now?

  “Are you fucking insane?”

  Yes, I am.

  “Thank you for your diagnosis, Dr. Steel. I was clearly crazy and delusional when I thought that you could somehow give a shit about me!”

  Shut your mouth. Shut your fucking mouth and calm down.

  “And you think I don’t.”

  I know you don’t. If you did, you would stay.

  “Well, you don’t have to worry your pretty little head anymore. You solved the problem with the house and now you can go back to New York. Plenty of fish in that sea waiting for you.”

  Would you just stop?

  Marc took one step toward them.

  “Boys. There is no need—”

  “This has nothing to do with you.” Zach pointed a finger at Marc.

  “It’s—”

  “You know what? You two can enjoy your evening together now. I don’t need this shit.” Zach put his jacket on.

  “What do you mean by that?” Rob asked.

  You mean you never needed me?

  “It is a good thing I couldn’t reach the Principal today. It would have been the biggest mistake of my life.”

  “What?” No, no, no! God, no.

  “It seems I was the crazy one! Thinking you were IT for me! Ha!” Zach turned to Marc. “You can have him. He’s free as bird once again.” Zach turned and walked away.

  “I don’t...” Marc said shaking his head.

  Zach looked at Rob once more from the hallway. He looked like a kicked puppy and Rob’s entire body just froze. His heart was breaking.

  Please, Zach, please don’t go.

  Open your mouth and tell him that. Open your goddamn mouth, you idiot.

  “I’m not like you. I can’t work at your speed. I needed time. In the end, you did break me. I never wanted any fucking fish in any God damned sea...” Zach exhaled. “All I ever wanted was you.”

  Zach closed the door while Rob’s knees were hitting the floor. Tears rolled, hot and thick, and Rob feared that this time they would never stop. He really, really hated the person that took over his body in times like this.

  No, no, no.

  “No, no, no...” Strong arms took him. “I lost him...”

  “Shhh...” Marc was hugging him tight. “I’m here.”

  “I want Zach.” Rob couldn’t breathe. “Zach...”

  Marc looked him in the eyes.

  “Is this the first time he’s seen you have a meltdown?”

  “Yes.” I should have explained him better.

  “Co
me here.” Marc pulled him up from the floor and helped him lie down on the sofa. The sofa that still smelled like Zach.

  Marc took a box from the shelf and opened it. It had everything Rob needed to ground him after meltdown. He put a furry toy in Rob’s hands and then rubbed lavender oil on his wrists. He went to the kitchen and came back with a glass of chocolate milk.

  “I don’t think the emergency kit will work this time.” Rob tried to smile through tears, but he choked. “Why do I do things like this?”

  “Rob—”

  “Why can’t I be normal?”

  “You are normal. Don’t do this to yourself.”

  “Normal people don’t do things like this, they don’t become vicious bastards in a matter of seconds, they don’t push people they love away!”

  “You love him?”

  “Yes, and now I’ve lost him.”

  “You need to go and tell him.”

  “What?”

  “You need to go and tell him you love him and beg for his forgiveness.”

  “He will never speak to me again. Not after this.”

  “Listen to me—”

  “No. He’s going to leave. He was always going to leave me. Look at me! I can’t compete.”

  “Compete? With what?”

  “Everything. He’s young, he’s got his life in front of him, he’s social and I’m... me. He would have seen that, eventually. And then he would have left, anyway.”

  “Please don’t go down that hole.”

  “People leave, Marc, all the time.” Rob choked on a sob. “People die.”

  “And there it is. Your biggest fear.” Marc hugged him. “Zach is not going to die.”

  “I need him...”

  “Are you going to let this fear bury you alive? Are you going to let it take this amazing chance from you?” Marc looked at him. “Take it from someone who knows. Don’t be an idiot.”

  “I’m scared. I’m furious at myself and I’m scared to death.”

  “You have to tell him that. You have to talk to him.”

  “There is no point.”

  “Listen to me, you jerk.” Marc got up and started pacing. “You got lucky with Rachel. You two were partners, and it was so easy for you. This is different, you are a different man, and this is a different kind of love. This is messy and wild and so, so hard.”