What We Want

by Eliott Griffen

  “There is nothing on these scans. Nothing to worry about.” The doctor put the scans on his desk. “You were lucky.”

  “Yeah, so lucky...”

  “You could have died.”

  Zach looked at all the blood drying on his clothes and he shivered. So much blood. “I know. I’m sorry.”

  “You got out with a sprained wrist and split eyebrow.” Doctor Nunez threw a pen down on the papers and got up. “You have a mild concussion and will have headaches for some time. I’ll give you painkillers, but you need to be careful with them. We have too many opioid addicts as it is.”

  “I know. That won’t be a problem. My mother said I can be gay all I want as long as I don’t do drugs.”

  “Funny.” The doctor scowled.

  “Sorry, Doc.”

  “As I said, it’s not life threatening.” Zach looked down at his bloody clothes, then up at doctor. He tried to cock his eyebrow, forgetting his injury for a moment.

  “Fucking, fuck, shit!” he yelped, pain searing in his face.

  “I know it looks scary, but split skin on the skull always bleeds a lot. You will be fine.” He patted Zach’s shoulder. “As for your wrist, you must avoid using it for a few days. Rest it and you’ll be good in no time. It would be easier if you had someone to take care of you when you get home...”

  “He has someone.”

  Zach and the doctor turned to the door at the same time. Zach’s pained brain came to a screeching halt. Rob was standing there, still holding the door open.

  This can’t be real. This must be a hallucination.

  “And who are you?” the doctor asked.

  Zach’s brain refused to connect to his mouth.

  “He’s—”

  “I’m his boyfriend.”

  What?

  “Oh, yes. Come in.”

  It took Rob five steps to get to him. Zach blinked the tears away. His brain might have shut down, but his heart was beating like crazy. His body recognized the love of his life. He felt no pain when he saw Rob, just the desire to touch familiar skin. Nerve endings stirred and tingled, and the hair on his nape raised.

  Rob's clothes were rumpled, his hair was spiked from pulling it, and he had dark circles around his eyes. He carefully cradled Zach’s face in his hands, eyes were red and huge. The pain in them was so clear and it was Zach’s final undoing. His chin trembled and his cheeks burned from shame. What have I done?

  Rob slowly leaned down and kissed Zach’s lips. Zach's throat closed and the tears finally fell. Warm breath washed over Zach’s face as Rob exhaled and his shoulders relaxed. He wiped Zach's tears and took his bandaged hand to examine the bandages on his wrist.

  “Oh, God...” Rob whispered.

  He kept Zach’s hand in his when he turned to the doctor.

  “Doctor—” Rob squinted at the name tag on the pocket of the white coat. “Doctor Nunez, I need you to tell me the extent of his injuries. How long are you keeping him and what do I need to do to help him?”

  Doctor Nunez smiled and sat back down at his desk.

  “He is free to go as soon as the paperwork is done. Are you taking him home?”

  “Yes, he is coming home with me.”

  Home.

  Chapter 37

  Rob parked the car in front of his house. His shoulders were burning from squeezing the wheel like a lifeline. His head was pounding, but he was ignoring it. The relief was washing over him in waves like a tsunami. The silence that had been stretching since the hospital parking lot finally snapped.

  “Forgive me, please.” Tears were blurring his vision. “I didn’t mean to—”

  “No, Rob, honey...” Zach grabbed his hand. “There is absolutely nothing to forgive.”

  Nothing?!

  “Nothing? I almost killed you...”

  “No. That drunk jerk behind the wheel almost killed me.” Zach folded in half on himself in the passenger's seat. “I almost killed myself.”

  You’re here now.

  “I'm sorry,” Zach cried. “I'm so, so sorry. I forgot about the meltdowns, I forgot and treated you like shit. I'm sorry for taking so long to make up my damn mind. I always wanted you, but I was afraid and almost ruined everything.”

  “You didn't ruin—”

  “Don't defend me. I don't deserve it.” Zach gasped.

  “We'll fix this, don't worry.” I'll fix everything for you.

  Rob rubbed his hand over Zach’s back and Zach shivered violently.

  “Let’s go inside. It’s cold.” Rob said.

  “I should probably go home.”

  “You are home, baby. I’m not letting you go ever again.”

  “Where is Marc? I need to apologize to him.” Zach walked into the living room.

  “He left. You can apologize when he comes next time.” Rob looked at him. His crumpled clothes stained with blood, hair a mess. The smell of sweat and disinfectant radiated off of him. He looked lost.

  I could’ve lost him tonight. He could’ve died and I would never have seen him again. Never touched him again.

  Rob put his hand on Zach’s shoulder and moved it up his neck. The warm skin under his fingers gave him goosebumps. He put his finger on Zach’s pulse and counted... it was speeding up. Zach cupped his cheek and leaned in, but Rob made a half step back.

  I’m the reason he’s hurt. And I promised him I would never hurt him.

  “It’s dangerous.” Rob shook his head. “I’m dangerous.”

  “What do you mean, for God’s sake?”

  “You need to know. You need to make an informed decision.”

  “Is there something I don’t know?” Zach squinted his eyes, but gasped when it pulled on his split eyebrow.

  “I’m old—”

  “You don’t say...” Zach was checking him out.

  “Shut up.”

  What was I going to say?

  “I will need my space. And time. And you can’t ever mess with my ties.”

  “Freak.” Zach blew him a kiss.

  I love him more than life.

  “You will never drive a car again.”

  “Then I have an opening for a chauffeur position. Are you going to apply?” Zach winked at him.

  “I will be clingy.” Understatement of the year. “I can be downright obsessive. Singular focus and all that shit.”

  “So?”

  “So?! I’ll call you and text you all the time and be hurt and angry when you don’t reply in the time I imagine you should. I’ll want to go everywhere with you, do everything with you... you’ll get sick of it.”

  Zach huffed and turned to the window. Rain was drumming against the glass again.

  “Let me tell you something.” He turned back to Rob. “I am sick and tired of playing fucking games. I am sick and tired of acting cool and getting the cool treatment. Of waiting and calculating who called who, who texted when. I’m tired of thinking I’m not enough.” He pushed his fingers through his matted hair. “I want you to send me so many texts and stupid cat videos that my phone explodes. I want you to call me because you want to hear my voice. I want that. Not to wonder if you ever think of me when I’m not around. And definitely not to find out you’re fucking some twink while I’m booking your dream vacation.”

  “I would never do that to you.” Rob put his hand on his chest.

  “I know you wouldn’t.” Zach nodded.

  “But all that will get old after a while.”

  “Maybe. But I want to be with someone who is physically incapable of lying. With someone who is loyal and caring. I know you are going to have meltdowns, but in the future, we’ll get through them together. I will not forget ever again. I know you’re going to push and nag and annoy me. And I’ll tell you. And we will fight about it.” Zach stood in front of him. “But I will still be here, and so will you.”

  “I’m scared, baby. So, so scared.” Rob hugged himself.

  “Of what?”

  “That you’ll find out just how out of my league y
ou are. And that you’ll find someone worthy of you.” He pulled at his hair, his stomach rolled at the thought of losing Zach in any way.

  “Someone my own age?” Zach was trying to frown, but Rob could see his eyebrow hurt.

  “Yes,” Rob gasped.

  “Do you think I don’t realize that this is going to be completely white in a few years?” Zach touched his temples. Gentle fingers feathered over his hair making Rob shiver. His pulse raced and skin tingled. “And these wrinkles around your eyes will be deeper when you smile.” Zach swiped them with his thumbs and grinned. Silver eyes sparkled, and Rob felt the pull of the magnet. He looked at those eyes without blinking. Then, loving smile turned smug. “And you’ll have a longer recovery time.”

  You little shit.

  Zach took the half step and glued their chest together. Rob’s whole life had led to this moment. Right here, where his entire world stood right in front of him. The world he would hold in his hands from now on. He put his arms around Zach and squeezed.

  “But you will be mine.” Zach pressed his lips to Rob’s ear. “And I will love you forever.”

  Chapter 38

  The door swung open and Zach stormed in.

  “Honey, I’m home!” Laughter followed.

  Rob smiled to himself. I’ll never get tired of hearing that. Zach came into the kitchen. Rob was standing by the counter, taking out muffins from a pan. He was wearing neon pink shorts with the print of little black dicks and flip-flops. The shorts were a ‘welcome to gay’ gift from Carson. On top of that he had navy suit jacket, a light blue shirt, and a silver tie.

  Zach came up to him and hugged him from behind.

  “Hey, baby!” Rob kissed his cheek. “How was your first day at school?”

  “You just won’t give up, will you?” Zach shook his head.

  “What? What did I say?” Rob was feigning innocence.

  Zach kissed him hard.

  “It was great. The kids were amazing; they are so smart. The teachers were nice to me and no one bullied me.” Zach raised his scarred eyebrow.

  “I never thought someone was going to bully you...” Yeah, right.

  “Mhm.” Zach snorted. “That’s why you called me at every recess today.”

  I love him so much.

  “I missed you.” Rob put his arm around Zach’s waist. Zach stared at him. “And I was worried. OK, you got me.”

  “I love that you worry about me, but maybe turn it down to two. Maybe three. Hm?”

  “OK. I can do that.” Never in a million years, I’ll die worrying about you. Rob kissed him. “Now, seriously, how was your day?”

  Zach went to pour himself a cup of coffee. He moved Rob’s laptop and papers before he sat at the kitchen table.

  “It was nice. A couple of times I got into the classroom and almost went straight for my old table. It was confusing.” Zach sipped his coffee. “Everyone was really nice and welcoming. That is everyone except...”

  “Except?”

  “Drew. He was...” Zach was searching for the right word. “Well, weird. He was weird all day. I’ll have to talk to him. Maybe go over there later...”

  “You are turning into your mother; leave the man alone. If he wants to tell you what is wrong, if anything is, he will tell you on his own.”

  “Oh my God, you’re right,” Zach gasped, then cleared his throat. “Speaking of my mother...”

  “God, what is it now?” Rob groaned.

  “Nothing, nothing new. They confirmed they are coming this weekend for the BBQ and they will be staying at the old house. Can you please call the cleaning service and tell them?”

  “Of course, I’ll do that first thing tomorrow.”

  “OK, I’ll go grab a quick shower before dinner. You wanna come?” Zach waggled his eyebrows.

  “No, I’ll take care of some things while you’re in there.” Rob turned to the fridge.

  Hide your face. Now.

  “Some things?” He could tell Zach was getting suspicious.

  “Yeah, setting the table and stuff.”

  “OK, stuff...” Zach got up and went into the hallway. He pointed his finger to the living room. “Did you know that that awful painting in there is crooked?”

  Rob came and stood next to him. The painting was in fact crooked. He closed his eyes and breathed in. Nothing. He felt absolutely nothing. Rob grinned, warmth spreading through his body. He would freak out in the future, that was for sure. And for stupid things probably. But at that moment in time he couldn't care less. Today the whole house could have turned upside down and he would still feel nothing. His grin got even wider.

  He turned to Zach and lifted his hand to his crooked and scarred eyebrow.

  “The only thing crooked I care about now is this.” He feathered his finger over it. Then kissed it. “Go. Take a shower. I’ll be waiting for you.”

  “I love you,” Zach whispered into his lips.

  The water in the bathroom stopped. Rob was standing in the middle of the bedroom wearing only those God-awful shorts. On every available surface there was a lit candle. He had to throw Meow out, which was not an easy task. The whole room was shimmering, and he trembled like those flames while he waited for Zach to come out.

  The golden glow on Zach’s skin when he stood in front of Rob was the most beautiful thing Rob had ever seen. He wanted to lick him from head to toe. To lick every shiny drop of water. What was I going to say? Shit.

  “Honey, what is this?” Zach’s voice was shaky.

  “Stuff.”

  “I like stuff.” Zach put his hand on Rob’s chest and let it slide down to his waistband.

  Oh-oh!

  “No.” He made a half step backward.

  “No?”

  “There is more.”

  “Go on...”

  “I memorized the whole speech, but now I forgot it.”

  “OK. Just breathe and start from the beginning. Focus.” He knows me.

  “I love you.”

  “I love you, too.” Zach smiled.

  “I want you, like all the time. I don’t want to be without you ever again. You know me and still love me. You embrace my crazy. You keep me under control. You make me so happy...” Rob got down on one knee and opened the palm of his left hand. “I want to cling to you and obsess over you for the rest of my life.” The ring in his palm sparkled and burned Rob’s skin. I want this so much. “Will you marry me?”

  He looked up at Zach, fear that he would say no paralyzing him and stopping his breath. Zach was opening and closing his mouth, but no words were coming out.

  Please, say yes. Please, please, please say yes...

  Then he knelt in front of Rob, squeezed his face, and kissed him hard.

  “Yes! Yes, I will marry you.”

  Yes! Thank you, God.

  “Let’s see if I got the size right.” The ring slid onto Zach’s finger with ease.

  “It’s beautiful.” Zach was turning his hand in all directions and smiling like a lunatic. “When are we going to do this?”

  “As soon as possible. I don’t want to give you any chance to change your mind,” Rob said.

  Zach laughed and fell on his ass. He pulled Rob into his lap.

  “It seems to me that you’re a little bit delusional.”

  “Delusional? How?” Rob was confused.

  “You live in this world where you think it’s possible for me to not be yours.”

  “That’s the real world.”

  “No. The real world is the world where I can’t sleep, eat, breathe, live without you. Leaving you was never an option.”

  Rob touched his eyebrow. The scarred eyebrow was his constant reminder.

  “It was an option once.”

  “No. That was when I was the delusional one.” Zach kissed him. Soft lips touched his and an all too familiar warmth spread through his body. It took one kiss, and he was ready to devour or be devoured. Zach’s fingers skittered over his nipples and his lips caressed the skin behind Rob
’s ear. Everything outside of the room ceased to exist.

  “I think we should seal this deal now.” Zach said.

  “Yeah?”

  “Mhm....”

  Chapter 39

  The backyard of what was now their house was full of people. The garden was in full bloom. All the pride colors included, Rob would say. The new gazebo, Rob’s latest pride and joy, stood in the middle of the garden. White wood gleamed in the sun. All around it, Rob planted Zach’s favorite yellow roses. Zach came up to the side and smiled.

  My boyfriend is a genius. My future husband. If someone told me six months ago, when I first saw this jungle that I would be here today, engaged... How did this happen?

  The sounds of people laughing surrounded him. Drew was manning the grill, with both of his parents “assisting.” Those two started to argue on their wedding day and they never stopped. David and Marc were talking on the porch. Probably about taxes, again. Mrs. Wheeler, Beverly now, was trying to rein in her kids, and the Maxwell's were making out, again. Rob was talking to his neighbors instead of just watching. Zach made sure of that.

  Carson was dancing and making fun of Gerry and Marge. His beautiful little brother. Once upon a time they promised to always save each other, and he would keep that promise forever. Carson saw him and saluted with his glass. Zach waved back. He climbed the two steps and went into the gazebo. On the beams inside, Rob had engraved their favorite quotes from the books they read together. He leaned on the banister and inhaled the smell of jungle that had become his. Life was...perfect.

  “Zach, honey, what are you doing in there all alone?” Marge came up to him.

  “Nothing. Just thinking I guess.”

  “It’s a beautiful day.” She looked at the crowd around the grill. “I’m so happy for you and Rob. I know you are going to be happy together. And I’m looking forward to planning the wedding.”

  “Oh, no, you don’t!”

  “What?”

  “There will be no planning. We want it simple and quiet.”

  “Of course you do, and I will give you simple. I was thinking—”

  “Run! Run for your life, run while you still can!” Gerry came up behind them, the old minx stealthy with her cane.