Assuming Room Temperature (Keep Your Crowbar Handy Book 3)

by S. P. Durnin

  All this was secondary to Kat. While she wanted to pass on the whole becoming a slowly-rotting face-eater thing, she really just wanted Jake to be himself again. She missed him horribly.

  When he began to kiss her back, Kat felt a surge of elation rush up her spine. It was a slow thing. Weeks of self-imposed torture and loneliness still threatened to pull him back into an almost vegetative state, but the writer made an effort not to go swirling down into his pain again. If she could keep him focused on something other than thoughts of her old roommate, (she still missed Laurel terribly, too), maybe he could begin the slow climb back to normal. Well, at least whatever was considered “normal” in the Zombie Apocalypse, anyway?

  Moving both hands up to cup his face, Kat brought their kiss slowly to an end and waited for Jake to open his eyes. When he finally did, she was happy to see he was fully aware of his surroundings once more.

  “Are you alright now?” Kat asked.

  “Um...”

  “Or do I need to start licking your chest?”

  Jake exhaled and unwillingly sat up a bit straighter. “I’m okay. I feel like someone took soldering iron to my brain, but I’m okay.”

  “Actually, we already did that to your arm.” Kat ran a gentle hand over the ragged scar tissue on the front of his left shoulder. The wound had healed well, but Jake would carry the mark of Rae’s hot blade—and the one the Purifier’s second in command stuck him with—henceforth. “Just so you know. You tick me off, or try to die on us again? You just wait and see what I have Rae do to you next time.”

  He shook his head. “I’ll pass. While I don’t remember much about what happened, recovering has been zero fun.”

  Kat grinned and helped him rise. “Well, I know what the first thing you’re going to do is.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Shower.” she replied, crinkling her nose. “I’m happy you’re with us again and not drooling on yourself anymore, but you’re covered with yuck.”

  Looking down at himself, Jake had to agree. “It won’t make a difference, you know. If I remember correctly, the building we’re staying in gets hot as an oven in the afternoon, never mind when we have to stay in the Mimi.”

  Kat smiled. “Allow me to rephrase. As enjoyable as that kiss just was, you’re soaked in sweat, and—while I think you look really sexy that way—you stink. Take a shower.”

  She watched as the lingering madness in Jake’s eyes receded further. It was like watching the sun break through a thundercloud and Cho attempted to ignore the way it caused her heart to speed up. He frowned and wiped at his chest, pulling a grimace when his hand came away coated in salty liquid.

  Jake sighed, then gave her a sidelong glance as the two of them rose and started for the field’s gate. “Well. At least you didn’t call me a bitch.”

  “Sorry,” Kat said with a wince, and took his sweaty hand in her own when they passed beneath the bleachers. “I had to keep you here, and I didn’t know what else to do, so—”

  Jake gave her fingers a light squeeze. “I understand and—if you ever tell anyone I said this I will deny it—you were right. I needed someone to shock me out of my head, and that was definitely the way to go about it. You know what the worst part is? What eats at me the most?”

  Cho shook her head and kept pace beside him, watching the writer’s expression closely. Jake didn’t look as if he was going to fall back into catatonic state again, but she wanted to make sure.

  “I never told her that I... Well, you know. I never said the words. Neither of us did.”

  Cho thought that was both surprising and the most heart-breaking thing she’d ever heard. It had been so obvious to everyone.

  “She knew. There’s no reason for you to doubt that,” Kat told him, gripping his hand tightly as they came to the back of the nearby high school and its small locker room.

  “Maybe,” he said without conviction. Jake pulled his crowbar from its sheath as Kat readied her pistol. “Guess I’ll never know. I just waited too damn long.”

  Kat opened the Master-lock Foster had secured the door with, and they proceeded to clear the room. Granted, when Jake’s friends had arrived and learned of the gravity system feeding the showers they’d made certain the locker room’s heavy interior door was bolted shut. The one that led to the primary section of the building and the horrors therein. None of them save George and Rae had investigated the rest of the school. When the pair of fixers had returned to the locker room after a quick ten minute sweep, they wouldn’t talk about what they’d seen.

  No infected. Lots of bodies. We’ll stick to this room. Was all Rae would tell them about the rest of Langley High. Then she’d locked both the top and bottom deadbolts, preventing any of their party from “getting curious”.

  You don’t wanna see in there anyway, Foster told had told them. Dibs on the first shower.

  The women had been a bit miffed about that. They’d been gazing longingly at the shower-heads, dreaming about finally being able to wash their hair in something other than a bucket. Luckily George had been quick with his cleansing, so no bloodshed ensued.

  Kat secured the outer door with lock and chain again as Jake raided the industrial-sized towel room at the rear. “Any chance I can convince you to grab me some dry clothes?” he asked hopefully.

  The grinning woman shook her head. “Nope! If you want someone to scrub your back though, I could—”

  “You’re waiting by the door.”

  Kat rolled her eyes. “You need to learn to let loose and enjoy yourself once in a while, gaijin.”

  “By doing what? Killing some zombies while you look for hair dye?”

  “Hair color. And don’t tell me kicking the snot out of zombies isn’t fun sometimes.” Kat turned to find him looking at her evenly. “What? Did I get some of your sweat-goop on my face earlier?”

  Jake didn’t answer right away.

  “Oh, gross! I did, didn’t I? Oh, man. Is there any in my hair?” Kat’s hands went up and she began running her fingers through her short, blue locks. “I hate it when that happens. This one time? I found a zombie’s molar stuck—”

  “You’re fine,” Jake waved a hand in her direction. “Better than fine, actually.”

  The ninja-girl let loose a dazzling smile. “Well, thank you. That’s the first compliment you’ve given me in quite a while. See? It didn’t sting much at all, now did it?”

  Jake shook his head and moved towards the showers. “Look, just stay out here and watch the door, alright? I won’t be long. I feel like I haven’t eaten in forever.”

  Her smile grew further. Kat leaned against the nearest row of lockers and crossed her arms under her breasts. Most men didn’t know about it, but that was an age-old female trick. Crossing your forearms under you boobs pulled them in and raised them up a little bit. It was a distractionary tactic, normally used when you either wanted to convey seriousness, or make a guy’s eyes pop out of their head like an old Loony Tunes cartoon character.

  “Sure about that, are you? The ‘long’ part, I mean?.”

  Jake sighed and discounted the sight of her cleavage completely. “As I was saying? I’m covered in sweat, and I feel hungry enough to eat a whole cow. I don’t know that you’d have to bother cooking it at this point, either. Just lop off the horns and hooves, then toss it on the plate while it’s still mooing.”

  Kat pouted a bit. The ‘boob’ thing was one of her best moves, too. “Well, we’ve still got all the government issue bovine you could want. It’s not really steak... No, scratch that, it’s nothing like a steak, but there’s plenty of it.”

  “That’ll do. I’m starving. Even the meatloaf MRE packet sounds good right now.”

  That caused a giggle on her part. “Wow. You must be hungry.”

  CHAPTER FIVE

  “I can wash myself, thank you,” Jake told her firmly. For
the sixth time, Kat had been insisting that, since they were the only two within the school, they had to remain together. She claimed it was so she could watch his back, but he didn’t buy that for a second.

  “No one’s allowed to go anywhere alone. Buddy system, you know?”

  “You could lock me in until you get back with some fresh clothing,” Jake suggested, removing his boots as he sat on the bench running down the center of the locker room. He wasn’t looking forward to putting his sweat-soaked clothes back on after getting clean again. “With the inside door secure, I’d be completely safe.”

  The ninja-girl feigned a pained expression. “Huh-uh.”

  “You’re not going to budge on this. Are you?”

  “Nope. Sorry.” Kat didn’t look the least little bit sorry.

  Jake realized at that point he wasn’t going to win said argument. “Okay, fine. But I damn-well better not see a certain blue-haired ninja—with an unexplainable love for Hello Kitty—peeking around the shower door.”

  “Bite your tongue, gaijin. Hello Kitty is the bomb.”

  “I’m just saying.” The writer doffed the sheath holding his crowbar, but carried it along as he moved towards the showers. Both of the entrances were locked tight against the infected, and the building was safely behind Langley’s fortified barricades, but you just never knew.

  Said blue-haired ninja rolled her eyes. “What-ever. Not like I’ve never seen your junk before.”

  Jake looked over his shoulder. “You have not ‘seen my junk.’”

  “Who do you think cleaned you up while you were unconscious? George? Leo? A few of us have seen the goods.”

  “What?” Jake’s eyes went wide at her revelation and he stopped dead in the shower doorway.

  Kat shrugged. “It’s not like you were in any shape to bathe yourself.”

  “Um. I’m not sure I’m okay with that,” Jake admitted with a frown.

  Cho’s eyes went out of focus as she counted off on her fingers. “Let’s see. First there was me, and I’ll tell you this: It was an experience I won’t soon forget. Gwen was actually a nursing student before the dead rose and she’s given the infirm sponge baths before, so she spelled me every third day. Rae subbed in on the days I had to stay out overnight in the Hummer with the others. Not happy about that, by the way. I’m pretty sure Bee snuck a few turns in there, somewhere. Then Elle—”

  “Are you telling me that half our group has seen me naked?” He demanded.

  “Hey, you virtually saw me in the buff on the morning of the outbreak. It’s no biggie.” A mischievous smile bloomed on her face and Cho gave him a frank, appreciative look. “Well, actually it was a biggie. People keep saying size isn’t everything, but it doesn’t hurt. At least, not in a bad way.”

  Jake coughed uncomfortably. “Moving on. Watch the doors, will you?”

  “I got it, I got it.” Kat leaned against the outside of the shower wall as he began cautiously disrobing inside. “You’re just going to have to accept that this is the Apocalypse, and learn to live a little, big guy.”

  He didn’t reply and Cho heard the water kick on inside the showers. She allowed herself a private smile. Jake was back. Maybe he wasn’t at one hundred percent, and the way he seemed to cycle into “Hulk Smash!” mode when faced with a zombie or six concerned her, but he wasn’t totally withdrawn any longer. Even though he was certainly still hurting—and would be for some time—she got the feeling he was finished with the bad part of his grieving process. Kat’s smile grew larger at the thought. She promised herself to take it slow from then on out. Jake would come around, and hopefully return her affection when he was ready, so she wouldn’t push the issue.

  She heard him curse emphatically. Pushing away from the cinder blocks, Kat quickly loosened her grandfather’s sword in its sheath. “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine!” he called back, sounding extremely perturbed. “Shit! How the hell can the water be this icy cold when it’s so hot outside? Isn’t the tank on the roof? In the blazing-goddamn-sun?”

  Kat stifled a giggle.

  “Thanks. I’m freezing my nuts off here and you’re laughing at my pain.”

  “You’re a big boy. Or at least you will be once you warm up again.” The ninja-girl leaned against the wall once more. So what if she was closer to the doorway this time? “Believe me, a few hours in the garage and you’ll want to trot back over here for another glacier fed drenching.”

  O’Connor grumbled and continued his cold shower. Kat, in a show of great restraint, waited almost a full minute before she silently padded over and cautiously looked around the doorway’s edge.

  Jake had chosen to use a nozzle in the far left corner; partially because he could put his back to it if need be and only have to worry about fending off attacks from one direction, partially because he knew—no matter how carefully he watched the door—Kat was sure to attempt peeking at least once. Their group had agreed to leave a few bars of soap in the shower for expediency’s sake. That way, the women only had to cart whatever hair care products they preferred back and forth between the post office and the locker room. Jake, Leo, and George just used the soap to clean their hair (which incensed Bee greatly) but hey, they were guys, what could you do? As Kat looked on, Jake palmed a bar from the shelf next to the nozzle and started to soap his messy hair. She watched the cords in his back and arms clench while he scrubbed at his scalp, and her mouth went suddenly dry.

  Wow. Kinda stuffy in here. Kat thought as he worked up a good lather and began soaping towards his toes, glancing every so often towards the door. She pulled back each time he did so, easily avoiding notice, mentally counted to ten, and then eased forward to take in the view once more.

  Kneeling beside the door-jamb helped.

  That was an old assassin’s trick. Folks seldom looked down, or up for that matter, when checking for danger. They tended to search for threats at eye level; which made dangling overhead from the rafters, or hiding under a convenient stairwell, a great way to get close enough to do some wetwork. Preferably with something long, sharp, and pointy. Kat tended to keep little factoids like that to herself though. Telling other people about things of that sort only tended to upset them.

  “So. I took Elle, Sampson, and Leo to scout around this morning. There’s not a ton of them in town, just enough to make it interesting. Oh, and we found a survivor.” Kat decided she should concentrate on something other than the soap running down Jake’s back.

  “Really? That’s good news. I was beginning to wonder if we actually were the only ones left out here. What are they like?” The writer washed under his armpits and moved down his ribs.

  “A teenage girl, about fifteen, named Mel. A little malnourished, but then again, aren’t we all.” Kat watched as Jake soaped along his hips and-

  “Not really. In no small part thanks to what you’ve been doing, ever since my little breakdown.”

  Kat was busy staring at the way water ran down Jake’s flank, so it took her a bit to realize he’d paid her a compliment. “Oh. Um. Well, spank…thank you! Thank you. It hasn’t been all me though. When we find foodstuffs other than our seemingly ever-present MRE supply, Leo’s been a godsend. Who knew being interested in culinary arts would be such a handy skill in a zombie apocalypse?”

  “That’s the truth.” Jake put the soap bar back on the ledge and began rinsing off.

  Kat’s brain nearly went into a lust-fueled meltdown.

  Standing under the nozzle, water streaming along the lines of his form as he turned a slow 360, the writer was utterly drool-worthy. His torso rippled as he moved, stretching Jake’s already chill-taut skin over the carved muscles beneath. There were a pair of long healed scars on his back, balancing out the tattoo of Celtic knot-work on his right shoulder, and the scar from the Milo the Skinhead’s knife in his left shoulder. The first looked like a stab wound, centered just west of
his right, external oblique above his buttock, at the small of his back. While very painful, that wouldn’t have been life threatening, but the other one had definitely been made by a bullet. Its entry, and subsequent removal, had puckered the skin in the center of his right shoulder-blade, leaving an indentation the size of a fifty-cent coin. Both moved out of sight as he continued to spin under the spray of the nozzle, which gave her a view not only of said tattoo on his right shoulder, but also down the front line of his body.

  Kat’s jaw hung slack at the sight of him.

  Would it be wrong to jump his bones, right here, right now? she thought. Yeah, probably. Too much like the first time he and Laurel were together too. While I’m almost positive my roomie put a hurtin’ on him with that one, and it would be mind-blowing even with the cold water; duplicating sex with a previous partner would not be a good start to our relationship. I’ll just wait for a better opportunity. Dammit.

  Over four months of celibacy and counting had done little to improve Kat’s mood. If she was honest, she thought of little else these days. She hid it well. The fact that there were ever-handy zombies about most times for Cho to take her aggression out on helped. It was however, the longest she had gone without some form of “nocturnal gymnastics” in the last few years.

  Damn. The things we do for love.

  “Sampson’s been fitting in, hasn’t he?”

  “Huh? Oh! Yeah, fine.” Kat managed to pull her tongue up off the floor as Jake shut off the water and began drying himself. “Even though Henry’s still a beginner with a lot of the weapons we have, he’s been working with George and Elle whenever we stop. They’ll get him trained up.”

  “Good. If you’re all determined to put me back in the driver’s seat, we’re going to change up our rotation. I want to start taking Henry and Rae out with us.” O’Connor toweled his hair briefly.

  Kat frowned. “Henry I can understand, but why Rae? She’s frighteningly intelligent, but she doesn’t have that much experience with any form of real combat.”