Psychology of Seduction

by Jesse James

  Unlike facial symmetry, you control your skin tone. Tanning achieves the sexy glow that women prefer, but not everyone lives in southern California. You could visit a tanning salon to catch that healthy glow – but you might catch something else, like cancer.

  The best way to look healthy is to actually get healthy. Drink plenty of water, exercise regularly, stop smoking, avoid overconsumption of alcohol and eat nutritious foods. Fruits, vegetables, and gluten-free carbohydrates like quinoa provide superfood nutrition for your body. Avoid fried foods, baked foods, red meat, and dairy. Tough diet? Sure. But you will notice tremendous benefits in your skin tone, energy level and overall health within a few months.

  CLINIC: Get That Healthy Glow!

  Women rate skin tone as more attractive than masculinity, facial features and muscles. Improving your skin tone is even easier than bulking up, so there is no excuse for the aspiring seducer to look like a pasty pale computer gamer.

  Natural nutritional supplements can quickly improve your skin tone. Take a multivitamin and consider additional supplementation, such as:

  Vitamin A

  keeps skin smooth and moist

  Vitamin B complex

  improves skin texture

  Vitamin D

  promotes healthy cells and slows rate of cell division

  Vitamin E

  helps form anti-inflammatory chemicals and offers sun protection

  Beta carotene

  converts in body to vitamin A, contributes to production and maintenance of cells

  Zinc: reduces skin inflammation

  By adopting a healthy lifestyle, including nutritious foods, vitamin supplementation, and regular exercise, you will achieve the sexy, healthy glow that drove women wild in Dr. Voak’s latest study. ‘Your skin is the fingerprint of what is going on inside your body, and all skin conditions, from psoriasis to acne to aging, are the manifestations of your body’s internal needs, including its nutritional needs,’ says Georgiana Donadio, founder and director of the National Institute of Whole Health in Boston.135

  Vibrant, natural, glowing skin trumps both facial masculinity and symmetry as an indicator of a man’s health. Healthy is sexy. What are you waiting for? Make those lifestyle changes today.

  Chapter 8

  The Handsome Cabbie

  ‘If I became a philosopher, if I have so keenly sought this fame for which I’m still waiting, it’s all been to seduce women basically.’

  - Jean-Paul Sartre (one of the greatest French philosophers)

  Sex, the Clinton Way

  ‘Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac,’ said Henry Kissinger. From a harem in an ancestral village to a blowjob in the oval office, power has always been fungible for sex. Rather than an end in itself, it is a means to achieve a reproductive end.

  Power is a man’s ticket to genetic eternity. The Babylonian king Hammurabi enjoyed thousands of slave ‘wives.’ The Egyptian pharaoh Akhenaten procured 317 concubines in addition to innumerable consorts. Four thousand concubines served the Aztec ruler Montezuma. Not to be outdone, the Indian emperor, Udayama, called upon sixteen thousand consorts in apartments ringed by fire and guarded by eunuchs. And let us not forgot Moulay Ishmael the Bloodthirsty, the Morrocan warrior king who sired one thousand children, an all-time record. How many wives, consorts, and concubines were necessary for good Moulay to accomplish this feat is anyone’s guess.

  World-renowned sexual psychologist Laura Betzig discovered that ‘In almost every case, power predicts the size of a man’s harem.’ Minor kings typically enjoyed a harem of one hundred young women. More prominent monarchs deserved one thousand, while five thousand or more nubile ladies were required to satisfy the epic sexual needs of an emperor or pharaoh.136

  Nietzsche’s ‘will to power’ might truthfully be called the ‘will to sex.’ Only in the past few hundred years, and only in the West, has power become an end in itself. Cultural factors explain the shift, as the public perceives philandering politicians with considerably more disdain than playboy businessmen.

  Nevertheless, powerful political leaders still attempt to translate their high status into something more tangible, like an orgasm, if they think they can get away with it. How many women did John F. Kennedy seduce? I’ve lost count. In a new book, former teenage White House intern Mimi Alford recounts a steamy eighteen-month affair with the President, including hot sex in the Presidential bedroom. And Bill Clinton … well, you get the point.

  Buried deep in the male mind is a simple, powerful algorithm directing modern man to acquire wealth and power as a means to sexual conquest. Matt Ridley speculates that such behavior ‘began with a man who shared a piece of prized fish or honey with an attractive neighbor’s wife in exchange for a brief affair and continues with a popstar ushering a model into his Mercedes. From fish to Mercedes, the history is unbroken; via skins and beads, plows and cattle, swords and castles, wealth and power are means to women; women are means to genetic eternity.’137

  You may not be an emperor, a king, or even a city council member, but you can still benefit from the female preference for powerful men by exuding qualities associated with power.

  Foremost among such qualities is dominance. Kings, dictators, conquerors and great leaders were all dominant alpha males. Wimps do not reign over empires. Timid men conquer neither nations nor females.

  Attract women by demonstrating the dominant personality traits of a Napoleon or Genghis Kahn. When you find yourself in a mixed-gender group consisting of friends, acquaintances or even complete strangers, always attempt to take charge. Demand center-stage. Make decisions for the group – what club to visit, where to eat dinner, whom to invite. Dominant men win the hearts (or at least the bodies) of women. Just ask Moulay Ishmael.

  The Handsome Cabdriver

  On the Mrs. Merton show, Caroline Aherne once famously asked Debbie McGee ‘So what first attracted you to the millionaire Paul Daniels?’ Reminding me of Solomon’s dictum that ‘A wise man’s question contains half the answer,’ in this case Aherne’s question contained all of the answer.

  Wealth and power, often used interchangeably, are not fungible. Wealth does not always translate into power, but power usually translates into wealth. Oprah Winfrey and Tiger Woods possess tremendous wealth (they are billionaires), but the Secretary of Defense (a mere millionaire!) wields the power of life and death over entire nations. A federal judge has more power than the billionaire Martha Stewart; in fact, he has the power to put her behind bars.

  If you enjoy real power, then wealth becomes irrelevant. Consider Hitler and Stalin; what use did they have for personal wealth? Money loses its meaning to a totalitarian dictator. Small-time tyrants like Idi Amin and Meles Zanawai exploit their power to accumulate hard cash only because they know their time in ‘office’ is limited. Living in London exile with a fat Swiss bank account beats life on the street.

  Money is just a tool that men use to achieve power. Mitt Romney, the Republican presidential nominee in 2012, enjoys fabulous wealth, possessing over two hundred million dollars. Not content to spend his days playing golf, Romney leverages his vast resources to increase his power by chasing the presidency. Mikhail Khodorkovsky, once among the richest men in the world with a net worth over $7 billion, doesn’t putt around on the golf course either; he spends his time in a prison cell, having failed to translate his billions into something more tangible, like real political power. The man who pulls the strings in Russia, Vladimir Putin, eviscerated the ‘oligarchs’ in one blow, informing them at a Kremlin meeting that they could keep their vast wealth, but they must remain out of politics. Power and wealth, he might have reminded them, are apples and oranges.

  Matt Ridley notes that the differentiation of wealth and power into distinctly different entities occurred only over the past three or four hundred years. He explains, ‘Hunting and warrior skills had previously earned a man an extra wife or two, then wealth had earned him ten or more. But wealth had another advantage, too. Not only could it
buy wives directly, it could also buy ‘power.’ It is hard to distinguish between wealth and power before the time of the Renaissance. Until then there was no such thing as an economic sector independent of the power structure. A man’s livelihood and his allegiance were owed to the same social superior. Power is, roughly speaking, the ability to call upon allies to do your bidding, and that depended strictly on wealth (with a little help from violence).’138

  Women adore wealthy men. You don’t need a degree in biology to figure that one out. Consider Hugh Hefner, older than the universe, whose personal consorts include multiple twenty-something beauty queens. I am no spring chicken myself, but I have much more success with women now that my bank account shows a few more digits than when I was a young buck sporting a six-pack and a full head of hair. Which brings us to Donald Trump, whose recent dabbling in politics led him to question Barack Obama’s birth certificate, prompting Conan O’Brien’s retort that while Trump might have been born in the United States, his hair was clearly born on a different planet. Trump’s latest wife, Melania, the latest in a string of supermodel wives and nearly 25 years his junior, doesn’t seem bothered by his outrageous moptop.

  Money matters a lot more than looks, according to Professor Erich Goode at New York University in Stony Brook. He posted fake male-seeking-female personals ads in newspapers, posing as a ‘handsome cabdriver’ and an ‘average looking male lawyer.’ Only fifteen women responded to the handsome cabby, while sixty-four ladies expressed interest in the average-looking lawyer. Women find lawyers sexier than cabdrivers, period. They don’t care what the two men look like.139

  Connecticut-based wealth-research firm Prince & Associates asked 1,134 people in a nationwide survey ‘How willing are you to marry an average-looking person that you liked, if they had money?’ Very willing, replied two thirds of women, but only if the man’s net worth exceeded $1.5 million. The size of a man’s bank account – not the size of his abs or his penis – drives female sexual preference.140 Remember that, Fabio.

  Evolutionary biologists claim that women find wealthy men sexy because money confers survival benefits; freedom from servitude, bountiful food, secure lodging, and stability for the woman and her children. Matt Ridley explains that ‘Another way to look at it is to think of what a woman can most profitably seek in a husband that will increase the number and health of her children. The answer is not more sperm but more money or more cattle or more tribal allies or whatever resource counts.’ A man’s ability to accumulate more wealth than his peers also suggests good genes, which explains why women find wealthy men attractive for casual sex, even when long-term commitment is off the table.141

  If you are not rich, dear reader, then you had better look rich. Dress well. Wear expensive-looking jewelry. Keep yourself well-groomed and pay careful attention to your hygiene. Most importantly, associate yourself with wealthy people. Join a golf club or a tennis club. Spend some time in high-class bars and restaurants instead of the college-scene clubs. Hobnob with the rich and powerful to observe their mannerisms, body language, behavior and personality traits. Befriend the wealthy and emulate them. By the law of association, women assume that if you have rich friends, then you’re probably rich too.

  Self-Confidence

  What women want - really want - is a man who is comfortable in his own skin; happy, capable and self-assured. Self-confidence tops the list of personality traits women find sexy. Self-confident men make decisions for themselves and appear to be in control of their own lives. From an evolutionary standpoint, such men enjoyed survival and reproductive advantages over weaker, wimpier rivals.

  According to Harvard psychologist Dr. Craig Malkin, both men and women prefer a confident partner for short-term and long-term dating. Confidence makes us seem more trustworthy, an important trait when you’re advertising your genetic worth on the mating market. Confident people make a good sales pitch. Would you believe a used-car dealer who fidgeted, sweated nervously and looked down at his feet as he tried to sell you a used Pontiac?

  ‘The kind of confidence we’re talking about really comes down to feeling good about your appearance and attractiveness,’ explains Dr. Malkin. Like a magnet, confidence attracts.142

  Some men are wishy-washy wimps, always asking the woman which restaurant she wants to go to, what movie she wants to see or what she wants to do. Adrift at sea, such men seem unable to articulate their ambitions and goals. Despite feminist claims to the contrary, women have a deep-seated psychological need to allow men to make decisions for them, especially in a relationship context. Female dependence on men evolved during the ancestral environment for perfectly practical reasons; men were physically stronger, able to dominate and control the females in the tribe. Burdened with children, women were forced to rely on powerful males to make important decisions for the group.

  Personally, I don’t believe the female tendency to rely on males is a particularly ‘good’ thing, and I’m happy to observe the cultural shift over the past few decades towards female liberation and independence. Nevertheless, buried deep in the mind of the modern female is an instinctual respect for powerful, confident males and a tendency to defer to male decision-making, especially when it comes to dating. What woman prefers an indecisive wimp who can’t make up his mind to a strong man who categorically asserts his Will?

  As a male, you need to make confident decisions in a dating context or risk being branded a wimp. You decide whether to watch Superman 3 or Silver Linings Playbook. You choose a vegan hippie joint or Japanese steakhouse. You order the woman’s meal - do not forget chivalry!

  CLINIC: Project Self-Confidence

  Women find self-confident men attractive and desirable for both long-term and short-term mating. Use the following techniques to project self-confidence and wear your self-assuredness like a necktie.

  Maintain Eye Contact

  Confident people maintain eye contact, while nervous or shy folks glance away. Would you trust someone who can’t look you in the eye?

  Act Like You Don’t Care What Anyone Thinks of You

  If you have insecurities, and we all do, never reveal them. When someone insults you, ignore it. Self-deprecating humor signifies self-confidence: ‘hey now that my hair is gone I look like Lex Luther!’ High status men act like they don’t care what anyone thinks of them.

  Never Criticize

  Criticism suggests insecurity. If someone criticizes you, react lightheartedly with a joke. Never take anything personally and do not become ‘flustered,’ especially by rejection.

  Dress For Success

  Impeccable attire is an absolute requirement for the aspiring seducer. Have you ever been to a bar or club when a cross between Bradley Cooper and Brad Pitt strolls through the doors, commands the attention of the entire room and struts around like he owns the joint? That should be you.

  Act a Little Cocky

  I am not giving you a license to become a jackass. A fine line exists between confidence and obnoxiousness. Women detest men who are self-absorbed and insufferable, so you need to portray genuine self-confidence without becoming offensive. Use humor to communicate that you are confident and self-assured, but you don’t take yourself too seriously either.

  Speak Clearly and Confidently

  Speech communicates confidence. Ensure your tone of voice is loud enough that you don’t have to repeat yourself. Avoid using conversational clutter like ‘you know’ or ‘huh’ after every sentence. Also, don’t talk too much! It is better to leave as much as possible to the imagination, while giving away the absolute minimum (this also increases your aura of mystery). Instead of gabbing, ask questions in order to take control of the conversation. Then you can demonstrate your skills as a good listener, which women find extremely attractive.

  Use Confident Body Language

  A picture is worth a thousand words. How much is your body language image worth to the opposite sex? When a woman meets you, the first thing she notices is your body language, which can either c
ommunicate ‘strong, dominant male’ or ‘nervous wimp.’ To exude confidence with body language, stand up straight and tall, avoid putting your hands in your pockets, and never fidget.

  Don’t Be Afraid to Touch

  Playful touching, or what pickup artists call ‘kino,’ communicates confidence and boldness. Touch a woman on her arm or shoulder gently for one or two seconds, especially if you are already in deep conversation with her or asking for a date or a dance.

  Compliment Others

  According to Dale Carnegie, you should be ‘lavish in your praise and hearty in your approbation’ if you want to win friends and influence people. Dispensing legitimate compliments signifies your own self-confidence, subtly communicating that you are in a position to judge and evaluate others.

  Never Mention Money

  Avoid the temptation to gloat about your new BMW, penthouse condo or fancy yacht. Bragging about money makes you seem self-conscious and insecure, a surefire way to turn women off. You can - and should - subtly imply that you have a good, high-paying job without resorting to flagrant braggadocio.

  Obviously, avoid talking about financial problems as well. No woman wants to hear about your credit card debt, mortgage loan or other money worries. In general, the best advice is to avoid talking about your finances altogether.

  When Elaine Hatfield attended Stanford University in 1959, she signed up to work under renowned psychologist Leon Festinger, who was, at the time, exploring cognitive dissonance in rats. Ms. Hatfield was interested in human emotions, not rats, and in particular she was fascinated by the emotion of passionate love. Back in the 1950s and 60s, mathematical models were all the rage in psychology, while topics such as love, sex and relationships were considered unimportant or even taboo. Her colleagues, mostly hard scientists working on mathematical models of rat learning, cautioned her about ‘career management,’ advising her to avoid such topics as love and attraction. They just weren’t ‘hot.’ But Elaine Hatfield was a stubborn woman.