A Bridge of Her Own

by Heywood, Carey

  The sad thing was Jane knew she would not do anything about it. She felt her face flush and was paranoid that people were staring at her, maybe even feeling sorry for her. Pivoting on her heels, she went back inside and to the bathroom to take a few deep breaths. She tried to decide what to do next. Go back outside and watch him flirt with everyone? No, thank you, she thought to herself. Part of her just wanted to walk back to his place. That would serve him right, but she knew she never would. She was too scared it might give him a reason to break up with her.

  She jumped as someone knocked on the door. Not leaving or going back to the backyard, she settled on sitting by herself in an armchair in the corner of the living room. A few people offered her drinks and tried to make small talk. She just nodded and smiled politely until they left. After a bit, Wyatt came looking for her and seemed to be in a better mood. She accepted his outstretched hand, and he pulled her into a deep embrace, though it was not the kind of kiss she felt comfortable having in a crowded room full of strangers.

  She gently pushed at him, embarrassed. “Wyatt, people are watching.”

  He released her and took a step away from her. “You are such a prude,” he said loudly and then turned and walked off.

  She looked down, pulling her lips between her teeth, sucking air in through her nose. When she looked up, she caught the sympathetic eyes of a few girls. One had her hand over her mouth in an “Oh no, he didn’t’ stance.” Jane could feel tears threatening but refused to show any emotion. She calmly walked back towards the bathroom repeating, “You do not deserve this” over and over in her mind until she was able to shut the door behind her.

  Appraising herself in the mirror, she thought about how Wyatt must have felt to come and kiss her in front of all of those people and then have her push him away. He wasn’t the jerk. She was. She reapplied her lip gloss and fluffed her hair. He was back out on the patio, and she quietly went to go stand with him. He glanced at her with a look that said, “Thought you would be back.” He pulled her to his side, one hand firmly planted on her ass. Later, she followed him to one of the upstairs bedrooms despite his wolfish grin and the catcalls of his friends following after them.

  It embarrassed her that people would know what they were doing up there, and Wyatt knew it. She went along with it anyways to make up for upsetting him earlier. They eventually left the party, and she drove since Wyatt drank so much. After brushing her teeth, she was relieved to see he had already passed out. It made her uncomfortable to admit how pleased she was to not have to be intimate with him again that night.

  Chapter 8

  Summer break was quickly approaching and after that senior year. Wyatt took Jane to his family’s summer home at the beach. She drove herself down in her new car. It used to be her mother's but was now hers since her mom got a new one. It was a silver four-door sedan. Windows down, she cruised down the highway. She let her mind wander, and her thoughts drifted to Lacey. She wondered what Lacey would be doing over the summer break. Would Lacey stay in town, or would she go back home to Iowa? When she finally arrived, she was thrilled to see they were beachfront.

  Being able to hear the rhythmic beat of the waves from the driveway made Jane really want to check out the view from off the decks the pastel home boasted. Jane knocked on the door, suitcase in hand. Wyatt met her and showed her to the room they would be sharing. He then gave her a quick tour and took her up to see his parents, who were having a drink on an upper deck.

  It was the first opportunity Jane had to really see his family dynamic. It was not healthy. His father was a well-documented adulterer. His mother was the picture of the steadfast loyal wife by his side, never showing emotion thanks to her regularly scheduled Botox appointments. She was also an obsessive control freak. Jane wondered to herself if this was who Wyatt had gotten it from. She fixated on everything else around her to clearly avoid the issues of her husband. Wyatt, who was their only child, was her pride and joy and could do no wrong.

  It was clear she had political aspirations for him. It was also clear she did not share Wyatt’s view that Jane was a suitable companion for his future. In her mind, since Jane's family did not have any true wealth or power to aid her son, she was just temporary. His mother seemed to also believe that Jane was inviting the attention of her husband. Jane felt so unsure of how she was supposed to behave.

  She was only trying to be polite. She just wanted them to like her. It was discouraging to realize they would like her no matter what she did. She could also see Wyatt was becoming annoyed that she was not getting on with his parents. What was meant to be a relaxing vacation at the beach with her boyfriend was anything but. Most days were spent by the pool or on the beach. Jane had stocked up on conservative one piece bathing suits. She looked as though she had stepped out of a movie from the 50’s.

  There was a second floor deck off the den that overlooked the pool and the beach. In the mornings, they would all eat breakfast there. After breakfast, Wyatt, and sometimes his mother, would take Jane out around town. There were many quaint touristy shops that offered a multitude of souvenirs for the vacationers. Jane picked up a couple of things for her parents and Lacey. They would have lunch out, mainly seafood at local restaurants. Once back at the house, they would rest by the pool or beach until dinner. They had a chef on hire preparing the main supper meals. Weather depending, they would eat on the 3rd floor deck with one of the best ocean views.

  She felt as though she was making a very good impression. Wyatt's dad was mainly absent, constantly taking calls for work and working in his office. Wyatt's mother was still cool to her, but she hoped over time that maybe, just maybe, she could grow to like her.

  The scenery was so beautiful Jane would sit on the deck and sketch. Pad and pencil free-hands that she hoped to translate to oil or water color once back at home. She was drawing a seagull perched on a post with the beach and waves behind. Wyatt’s mother approached her once while she was sketching and mustered a “Not bad” when she saw Jane’s drawing. Jane was elated. That was the nicest thing his mother had said to her all summer. She thanked her and smiled brightly.

  “It’s nice to have a hobby,” Wyatt’s mother said, walking away. Considering this was Jane’s work, that comment was crushing. She put her supplies away and went to find Wyatt.

  It especially hurt because she had not taken the time to draw in so long. Here she thought, being on vacation, she could try to pick it back up again. Sure her nails were longer now, but she thought it was still a fair effort. Maybe it was time for her to hang it up altogether.

  She tried to stay close to Wyatt most of the time in an attempt to avoid any uncomfortable situations. One morning, when she woke up, he had gone to the store for his mother. She contemplated staying in their room until he returned. Then she heard his mother say, "Is that girl going to sleep all day?" At that, Jane decided maybe a solitary stroll on the beach would be a good plan.

  She put on her suit and a wrap and headed out the door. His parents were eating breakfast on the upstairs deck. She waved to them as she headed towards the beach. She lay down with a book and lost track of time. Other beach goers had came and set up all around her.

  A game of beach volleyball began some yards from her. A couple of young men approached her with an invitation to play. She waved them off and resumed her book. One inquired as to the title of her book. She silently tilted the book so the cover was visible then again returned to reading. Seeing she was not interested, they moved on.

  Jane checked her watch, and realizing it was past lunchtime, gathered her things and returned to the house. Wyatt was seated on the same porch his parents had breakfasted at earlier. She waved to him, and in response, he did nothing. Jane felt her heart start thumping. Was he angry at her, she wondered. She hurried inside and put her things in their room.

  As she turned to leave the room, she was startled by him. He was standing in the doorway leaned up against the frame.

  "I was just coming up," she said, walk
ing towards him.

  "We all saw you," he replied coolly.

  "What?" she asked.

  "You know what," he said, raising his voice.

  "Wyatt, I have no idea what you are talking about," she returned.

  "Do you think I'm stupid?" he yelled, his face becoming red. "I invite you to my parent's home for what? For you to dress like a slut and go hit on men at the beach."

  "Wyatt, I didn'. I was just reading—"

  He cut her off. "I watched you."

  "But Wyatt…" she stammered.

  "In front of my parents. My mom told me you were trash, and I didn't believe her. Thanks for showing me I was wrong. Get your shit and get out of my house."

  He left the room. She stood there, stunned, then slowly collected her things, loaded her suitcase into her car, and drove away. She only made it one block before she dissolved into tears and had to pull over. She sat there for an hour sobbing before she could compose herself enough to drive. She was humiliated. She played the scene on the beach then Wyatt’s reaction over and over in her head. What could she have done differently? She had not even spoken to those men. She cringed at the thought that Wyatt’s mother had called her trash.

  Chapter 9

  She did not trust her voice so while pumping gas she sent a text to her mom letting her know she was heading home. Having to go home unexpectedly to her parents with no explanation of why she left or why Wyatt was not with her was a nightmare. Her mother peppered her with questions that she had no answers for. She went to her room without eating and cried herself to sleep. The next day, her mother started in on her again. Jane gave up and called Lacey hoping she was still in town.

  Lacey invited her to the apartment downtown she was renting over the summer. Once Jane got there, she instantly felt a sense of peace. It was a soft place to fall considering the current status of her heart, which was officially broken. It was in a converted row house and had rich antique wood floors, doors, and trim.

  Lacey’s initial reaction to Jane calling her was to blow her off, but after hearing the desperation of her voice, she didn’t want to abandon her. Lacey realized that regardless of Jane's behavior towards the end of the semester, what type of friend would Lacey be if she wasn't willing and ready to be there for Jane when she needed her most? The first day they were together, they behaved like magnets with their polarities reversed. They stayed on opposite sides of her apartment and observed each other, each one not ready to begin the conversation.

  Finally, Lacey, unable to contain herself any longer, said, “So what’s the deal with you and Wyatt?”

  Jane put her head in her hands. She was miserable without him. She could not contemplate functioning with the hole his disappearance left in her.

  “I just don’t know,” was all she could muster.

  Lacey, unable to ignore the pain her friend was obviously in, came to wrap her arms around her. Jane, feeling the unconditional support of her friend, just unloaded and wept. Lacey stayed there rubbing her back and telling her it would be alright until Jane got most of it out. As Jane sat sniffling on the sofa, Lacey force fed her crackers, bottled water, and had a never-ending supply of tissue. The two ended up passing out on the sofa sometime after 3 a.m. The next day, Lacey convinced Jane a shower would be in her best interest.

  There is a psychological uplifting feeling cleanliness will do to a soul. Jane felt mentally exhausted, though. She had played the beach trip over and over in her mind and could not think of anything she could have done differently. She felt very awkwardly thankful that Lacey was still a soft place to land even though she had pushed her away in the last year. She felt a level of guilt in even having to ask. Jane just couldn’t face her mother’s questions and had nowhere else to go.

  Even though Lacey was exactly what she needed right now, it bothered Jane that she wasn’t asking more questions. It made her feel like in all of the time they were friends this was proof that Lacey was a better friend to her than she was in return. That was a bitter thought to swallow. It also made her feel, if only momentarily, angry at Wyatt, who was a main source of her separation from Lacey.

  Lacey got her eating and somewhat talking by lunch time. She briefly explained the interactions with Wyatt’s family at the beach. Lacey was dumbstruck. How was she going to be able to reach Jane when Jane could not even acknowledge how dysfunctional that family unit was? Lacey could not understand how Jane was certain she had done something wrong.

  In an effort to not upset Jane further or quite frankly lose it, Lacey brought up their approaching senior year for discussion. There was life after this, Jane lamented. Lacey was not used to being the least dramatic friend in the room. This really worried her. She even contemplated recommending that Jane speak to a professional, but she didn’t want to offend her.

  Lacey made spaghetti and put a comedy on. She watched Jane eating like a hawk. Thankfully, there seemed to be some sign of her appetite returning. Afterward, she set up the sofa for Jane to sleep on and went to bed. She woke to Jane sobbing just before midnight. Shaking off sleep, she went to her. Jane was a blubbering mess just beside herself over the loss of Wyatt.

  Jane was ashamed that she had woken Lacey up. She just could not control the pain she was feeling. She felt as though she had reached a bottom and was coming to terms with what was going on. Then, it would drop out from under her again, and she would crash through space, fearfully awaiting the impact of a new deeper bottom. Her first bottom was the fear of what other people would think.

  Obviously, Wyatt was perfect, so everyone would think it was her fault, and that she had done something. She wondered if she should move her things out of their apartment. She wanted to get everything out before he was back in town but also leave it in the hopes he would have to contact her to arrange some sort of pick up. Then there came the shame of not having her mother feel as proud as she had been. Now, it was the reeling terror of not being sure what to do with herself. Three days ago, she had an identity and a future all laid out for herself. She truly believed she would be the future Mrs. Wyatt Huntington III.

  Now she was just Jane Martin with no plan and no future. That was scary. Sometime after three, they finally drifted back to sleep on the couch. When Lacey woke up the next morning she wondered to herself if this was not unlike waking up each night with a newborn. She suddenly felt much more empathy to any new parent she had ever met because she was exhausted and praying for a full night of sleep tonight.

  Jane was very subdued that morning and felt so dehydrated she didn’t think she could cry, even if she wanted to. Lacey brought her a bowl of Fruit Loops, and it struck Jane at that moment how much she actually missed Fruit Loops. She recalled reaching for a box while out shopping with Wyatt, and he had made fun of her, questioning her opinion. He had prompted her to choose a sensible no flavor wheat cereal instead. She hated that cereal. It tasted like cardboard. But Jane remembered at that moment that Lacey had never really liked Fruit Loops. She was more of a Cocoa Puffs girl.

  “Fruit Loops?” Jane asked.

  “They grew on me,” was all Lacey would say.

  She savored her Fruit Loops and apologized to Lacey for waking her up again. Lacey said that whether she liked it or not they were venturing out today. Jane pouted, and Lacey pointedly ignored her.

  “Jane it is a beautiful day out, and this complex has a pool. So grab a book and borrow my frumpiest bathing suit and let’s go." Lacey had an extensive swim wear collection, so Jane was able to borrow a simple black one-piece while Lacey opted for a fire engine red bikini.

  Even though Jane had plenty of suits, they were all at her parent’s house. She had not thought to bring one when Lacey invited her over. It was early, so the pool area was almost empty, but it was going to be a very hot day out. The calm was not going to last long. They selected a couple of lounge chairs with a good early sun angle. After applying sunscreen, Lacey flipped through a magazine while Jane continued the book she had started at the beach. There was still
sand in the binding. It made it hard not to obsess about the beach when it seemed to almost be following her.

  She wondered how Wyatt was doing. Was he missing her? Did he even care? That last question was too painful to consider. She got up after a while and went to put her feet in the water to cool off. Lacey got up and came to join her.

  “Yikes, it’s hot out,” she said “My feet are burning just walking over here."

  Jane smiled in response and then said, “Lacey, I really appreciate you being there for me."

  At the threat of another onslaught of eminent tears, Lacey interrupted, “No need to say anything else. I got you babe."

  Jane wiped her eyes and leaned her head on Lacey’s shoulder. After a few moments, she and Lacey got back up and went to lie back down. Lacey fussed around trying to get comfortable and then, noticing a group of attractive guys over by the vending machine, was suddenly very thirsty and in immediate need of a bottle of water. Jane watched her, envious. Where did that confidence come from?

  She never seemed to care if a guy liked her or not (and they always did). Could that be learned? How did you just not care what other people thought of you? Lacey was heading back over.

  “So two of those guys over there asked about you,” she said, sitting down.

  “Liar,” Jane said, turning a page in her book.

  “I would never lie to you,” Lacey huffed. The idea of any guy other than Wyatt was something Jane was not ready to accept at this point.

  Lacey went on. “I heard somewhere that the best way to get over one man is to get under another,” she said, winking.

  Jane scrunched her nose at her and got up again to put her feet in the water. She glanced over at the group of guys Lacey had referred to and was surprised to see a couple of them wave at her. She smiled back, thinking: could it really be that easy? No. She was heartbroken. There would be no one else for her ever. She would spend the rest of her days as an old maid. Maybe even adopt a few cats.