S.T.I.N.K.B.O.M.B.

by Rob Stevens

  Lurking among the lush undergrowth and rocky outcrops, houses of countless styles were strewn across the peninsula – from the traditional mock-Renaissance to ultra-modern glass boxes. Archie pulled the nozzle lever back to the hover stop and the plane slowed gradually until it wasn’t moving at all.

  ‘I can’t see it anywhere,’ he said, grimacing with frustration. Instinctively his eyes flicked to the clock on the instrument panel, which read 12:55. Time was slipping away fast.

  It must be here somewhere,’ Gemma insisted.

  ‘Up there!’ Barney exclaimed, pointing through the glass canopy.

  Archie followed his gaze and spotted a large V-shaped building perched just below the peak. Camouflaged against the rocky backdrop, it was difficult to make out. The point of the V seemed to be buried in the rock while the two arms protruded over the precipice of the cliff, supported precariously by criss-crossing stilts. The square ends of the arms were completely mirrored, making them look like a pair of giant sunglasses peering out from the hillside.

  ‘Now there’s an evil lair if ever I saw one!’ gasped Archie.

  He put on a handful of power and nudged the stick forward, driving the plane vertically upward and forward. When the Dragonfly was directly over the rooftop he throttled back and started a slow descent.

  A black Bell Ranger helicopter was parked on the helipad. Apart from that, the roof was deserted. Archie deftly swung the Dragonfly to face out to sea before setting it down on the hard surface. Chopping the engines, he unfastened the red latch above his head and slid the canopy back.

  Archie jumped on to the roof, turning slowly on the spot to ensure he had not attracted a welcoming committee. He walked to the edge of the roof and cautiously peered down, immediately pulling back as a sudden wave of giddiness made his vision swim.

  It was like standing on the very end of a giant diving board, with nothing but air between him and the rocky terrain sixty feet below. The hillside fell almost vertically for another hundred feet or so before easing into the slightly shallower, greener slopes peppered with exclusive mansions. Far below, the powerful waves of the Mediterranean crashed against the red sandstone cliffs.

  ‘Are you OK?’ Barney asked. ‘You look a little queasy. Don’t tell me our intrepid aviator is scared of heights?’

  Archie swallowed and clenched his teeth into a smile. ‘That would be ridiculous,’ he said.

  Gemma and Finn joined them on the roof and they took a moment to survey the building. A set of stone steps ran down the inside of its eastern arm, leading to a large triangular veranda nestled inside the nook of the V. Beyond the veranda was the vast pool Archie had seen Caesar Romario swimming in on MTV. Apart from the two huge squares of mirrored glass peering out to sea, the building apparently had no doors or windows and was completely clad in textured rubber, like the surface of a children’s playground.

  ‘Looks like Doctor Doom has fortified the place since he moved in,’ Archie observed.

  ‘I don’t like it,’ said Barney, squinting across the rooftop. ‘It’s too quiet. Where are the guards?’

  ‘He doesn’t need the guards out here,’ Gemma suggested. ‘What harm can we do stuck out on the roof?’

  ‘Why are we stuck on a roof?’ asked Finn.

  The four figures stood in silence considering their options. Archie knew his father was close – probably not far below his feet – but if they couldn’t find a way into the building he might as well be on the other side of the world. He checked his watch – it was just after 1 p.m. In less than an hour Dr Doom would start conducting his evil experiment that would spell the end for his father, the other captives and possibly the civilised world.

  ‘There must be a way in somewhere,’ insisted Archie weakly.

  ‘Only by opening the trapdoor.’

  He spun round and looked at Finn.

  ‘What trapdoor?’ he asked.

  Finn looked at him blankly.

  ‘You said something about opening a trapdoor?’ said Archie gently.

  Finn thought for a moment then shook his head. ‘Impossible.’ he pursed his fishy lips apologetically. ‘The only trapdoor round here is locked by three thousand p.s.i. of hydraulic pressure and the only way to open it is by typing a code into the keypad in the rock face next to that sapling.’

  Archie caught Gemma’s eye then broke into a sprint towards the apex of the building’s two arms. The others followed him and they regrouped next to a gnarled sapling that was somehow growing out of the cliff.

  ‘Where is it?’ he asked, scanning the rugged wall in front of him.

  ‘Where’s what?’ Finn said. ‘Are you looking for something?’

  ‘The keypad,’ Gemma said firmly. ‘You said the keypad to open the trapdoor was on the cliff next to this tree?’

  ‘Did I?’ Finn’s mouth opened vacantly. ‘But if Doom had put the keypad here then anyone could see it.’

  Archie, Barney and Gemma let out a collective groan. Finn continued, ‘That’s why the keypad is hidden behind this secret panel.’

  He placed his scaly hand on a rocky nodule and twisted his wrist. A small rectangle of the stone receded into the cliff face and slid down out of view, leaving a neat hole. With a mechanical whirr a telescopic metal arm extended out of the opening. Attached to the end of the arm was a small box with twelve buttons in four rows of three.

  ‘Finn, you’re amazing.’ Archie high-fived Finn, who seemed at a loss as to why his companions were so excited. ‘You had us all thinking you had no recollection of being here, but all you needed was a little time to Mullet over.’

  ‘Exactly,’ Barney chipped in. ‘A Snapper decision is no use to anyone if it’s way off Bass.’

  ‘Were you teasing us on Porpoise?’ Archie giggled.

  ‘Excuse me,’ Gemma announced sternly. ‘If you two Clownfish have finished … we’ve got an Odious Mastermind to thwart and we don’t have a hope if we can’t work out the cod – I mean the code – to this door.’

  Archie nodded seriously and checked his watch again – it was one fifteen. They had forty-five minutes left.

  Archie took out his own mobile and read aloud part of Dr Doom’s text message.

  ‘The last thing I need is to have you snooping around my nice hideout in Caesar’s Palace. Even if you find it you will need to enter a code to get inside.’

  ‘Nobody touch the keypad,’ Barney whispered urgently. ‘In my experience of megalomaniacs a device like this is always booby-trapped with fingerprint recognition software. If anyone outside of Doom’s inner circle touches it, it’ll set off a remotely activated ultrasonic pulse that will throw us all over the roof edge to our certain death.’

  ‘Last time I read your file,’ Gemma whispered, ‘your experience of megalomaniacs was confined to the pages of kids’ books or the local cinema.’

  As Gemma reached out to examine the keypad Archie place his hand gently on her wrist.

  ‘Wouldn’t Finn’s prints be logged in Doom’s database?’ he suggested. ‘Maybe we should let him touch it. You know, to be on the safe side.’

  For a moment Gemma’s eyes bored into Archie’s from behind her fringe, then she lowered her hand with a nod. ‘Can’t do any harm,’ she conceded.

  ‘Any ideas as to what the code might be?’ Barney asked Finn, who had turned his back on the cliff and was gazing out to sea.

  ‘Hmmm?’ Finn mumbled, turning round. ‘Sorry I was miles away. Hey, look at that keypad! Where on earth did that come from?’

  ‘Looks like the Finn we know and love is back,’ Gemma whispered to Archie.

  Archie beamed. ‘That’s cool,’ he said. ‘I think I’ve cracked it anyway.’

  ‘You have?’

  He nodded. ‘The code is two, zero, two, six, three, three.’

  ‘Really?’ enquired Gemma.

  ‘Of course! It’s simply brilliant,’ Barney enthused. ‘And indeed brilliantly simple, as all the best ciphers are if you ask me.’

  ‘If it’s th
at simple, Agent Zulu,’ Gemma’s voice was tight, ‘perhaps you can explain it to me?’

  ‘Well, it’s simply, er, simple … I’d even go as far as to say it’s simplistic.’

  ‘Yeah – simple – I get that part. Would you like to tell me how it’s so simple?’

  Barney nudged Archie. ‘Doesn’t she remind you of Moore the Bore when she’s like this?’ he giggled.

  ‘Agent Zulu,’ Gemma snapped. ‘Do you understand the code for the keypad – yes or no?’

  Instantly Barney’s cheeks slackened and his mouth was suddenly small. ‘Negative,’ he whispered.

  ‘In that case perhaps you’d let Agent Yankee explain?’

  ‘Barney’s right, actually,’ Archie said with a smile. ‘It really is simple.’

  ‘Told you so,’ Barney muttered very quietly.

  Archie continued, ‘Doctor Doom said in his message that I would have to enter a code to open the door.’

  ‘Uh-huh.’

  ‘And how did he send me the message?’

  ‘By text.’

  ‘Exactly.’ Archie handed Gemma his phone, which was set up to send a message on predictive text. ‘What happens if you type in the numbers two, zero, two, six, three, three?’

  With a sceptical frown Gemma typed the digits with her thumbs. When she had finished and read the words on the phone’s screen, her expression softened and a smile danced around her lips. ‘You could be right,’ she conceded. ‘I’m beginning to see why SPADE rated you so highly, Agent Yankee.’

  ‘Can I see?’ Barney asked.

  Gemma held up the phone to show the two words she’d written in the outgoing text field.

  A code

  ‘Cool! Let’s try it and see what happens,’ suggested Barney. ‘But we have to be ready to roll as soon as the door opens.’

  ‘I’ll stay out here and work the comms,’ Gemma offered, unzipping her rucksack and fishing out four tiny rubber earpieces. ‘If we all wear these we can stay in touch. I can use my laptop to try and give you some sort of tech support. I’d better contact IC in her meeting – break it to her that we haven’t exactly followed her orders to the letter.’

  ‘So what’s the deal?’ Archie asked, working the rubber bud into his ear. ‘Are we still operating on a surveillance-only basis?’

  Gemma smiled wryly. ‘As Holden Grey might say there’s a time for surveillance and a time to engage, and this is one of those.’

  ‘Sorry which one?’

  ‘Do keep up, Agent Yankee.’ Gemma winked. ‘It’s time to engage.’

  ‘OK,’ Archie said resolutely. ‘Let’s do this.’

  ‘Yes!’ Barney gave the air a furtive uppercut. Touching his earpiece, he mumbled to himself, ‘We have a go situation. I say again, we have a go.’

  ‘Finn,’ Archie called gently, distracting him from the view, ‘can you enter some numbers into the keypad for us?’

  Finn turned and smiled pleasantly. ‘What keypad’s that?’

  When Finn had entered the final number, the four companions held their breath.

  ‘Pssshhhht.’

  It sounded as though someone had popped open a giant can of Coke but when Archie spun round he saw where the pneumatic hiss had come from. A short distance from where he stood, a large round logo about four metres in diameter was painted on the roof. The black circle was bisected by a golden flash of lightning with the words ‘RALLY Against the World’ written down the zigzag design in red letters.

  As he watched, his mouth dry and his palms wet, he saw a jagged fissure open up along the edge of the lightning. With silent elegance the zigzag crack yawned open like the mouth of a hungry shark. Within seconds the two halves of the circle had glided out of sight, leaving a large round hole in the roof.

  Archie crept forward and peered tentatively into the opening. A flight of glossy white stairs led down into Dr Doom’s hideout.

  He turned and saw a look of utter joy on Barney’s face.

  ‘I know it’s a silly question,’ Archie said, feeling sick with nerves, ‘but are you sure you want to go through with this?’

  Barney grinned. ‘Does James Bond drive a fast car?’

  ‘OK. I’ll go first. Finn, you come behind me, and Barney, you bring up the rear.’

  ‘Copy that,’ said Barney.

  ‘Stay in touch,’ said Gemma.

  Archie nodded grimly then turned and put one foot on to the staircase leading into the hideout. ‘Everyone stay close,’ he muttered. ‘Let’s go and let off a STINKBOMB right under Doctor Doom’s nose.’

  Archie crouched low as he descended the short flight of stairs, ducking his head under the roof to check no one was waiting for him below. Finn and Barney followed, all three pausing to assess their surroundings when they reached the metal grille floor. They were standing in a long straight corridor that was octagonal in section, its walls constructed of smooth white epoxy.

  ‘I can’t believe there aren’t any guards here,’ Archie whispered, but as he spoke he understood why. Attached to the ceiling just above his head and painted white to disguise its presence, a security camera was trained on the entrance.

  ‘We’re busted,’ he said, pointing to the surveillance device. ‘It’s looking straight at us – its little red light is blinking and everything.’

  ‘Don’t worry,’ said Barney confidently ‘That’ll feed into a security suite somewhere nearby where a lone guard will be monitoring about ten screens. At least that’s what he’s supposed to be doing – he’ll actually be reading the paper or snoozing and paying no attention to what’s happening on the monitors in front of him.’

  ‘That would be pretty convenient,’ Archie said dubiously.

  ‘Do you hear a warning siren?’ Barney asked. ‘Or a computerised voice going, Intruder, intruder?’

  Archie paused for a moment. ‘Er, no.’

  ‘So we’re good to go,’ Barney concluded. ‘All we need to do is find the security suite, overpower the inattentive guard, and put on the spare boiler suits that will be hanging up in the room.’

  ‘Boiler suits?’ Archie repeated, wrinkling his nose.

  ‘Yuh.’ Barney looked at Archie as though he was totally clueless. ‘All evil masterminds’ henchmen wear white boiler suits. Everyone knows that. It’ll be a piece of cake, I promise.’

  ‘I hope you’re right,’ Archie whispered, leading the way down the corridor.

  As they neared a T-junction at the end of the passageway Archie heard voices accompanied by the metallic clang of approaching footsteps.

  ‘Guards!’ Barney hissed. ‘Hide!’

  ‘That’s easier said than done,’ Archie whispered, scanning the empty corridor. ‘It’s not like there’s a handy sofa to duck behind.’

  For a second the three companions froze helplessly in the middle of the passage. Then Archie noticed something out of the corner of his eye.

  There was a small alcove in the wall right next to where he was standing. He ducked into it, pulling Finn and Barney with him. The three friends pressed their backs to the wall and held their breath as two figures clad in white boiler suits passed the end of the corridor.

  ‘Looks like you were right about the outfits,’ Archie whispered when the footsteps had receded out of earshot.

  ‘Don’t sound so surprised,’ Barney smiled. ‘I know my stuff.’

  ‘OK then, Einstein,’ Archie said, raising one eyebrow. ‘Where do we go from here?’

  Barney narrowed his eyes as he peered down the corridor. ‘My instincts tell me we should proceed and surveil our options from the junction up ahead.’

  ‘If you ask me,’ Finn offered, ‘I think the security suite might be through this door.’

  ‘You remember the layout?’ Archie asked urgently.

  Finn shook his head. ‘No,’ he said with an apologetic shrug.

  Archie pursed his lips into a tense smile. ‘So what makes you think the security suite is behind this door?’

  It says so right there.’ Finn pointed
one stubby finger at a small sign on the door.

  SECURITY SUITE

  UNAUTHORISED PERSONNEL – KEEP OUT

  Archie edged out of the alcove and ducked against the wall next to the door. Holding a finger to his lips he tugged Finn’s sleeve, and the fish boy shuffled back and crouched behind him. Barney stepped into the corridor and pressed his back against the wall on the other side of the doorway.

  ‘What now?’ Archie mouthed.

  Barney responded immediately with a series of briskly executed hand gestures. When he had finished he stepped in front of the doorway, grabbed the locking lever and began to turn it anticlockwise.

  ‘Wait!’ Archie hissed, gripping his friend’s shoulder and hauling him back. ‘I didn’t understand any of that.’

  Resuming his position next to the doorway, Barney sighed and shook his head patronisingly before repeating the sequence of signals, this time at a slightly slower pace. ‘Did you copy that?’ he whispered when he had finished.

  ‘I don’t think so,’ Archie replied. ‘Unless you actually want me to poke myself in the eyes while you arm-wrestle someone before commanding their dog to sit?’

  Barney rolled his eyes before repeating the gestures in super-slow time, explaining what each of them meant. ‘You keep a lookout (Barney pointed a finger at Archie then jabbed two fingers of one hand towards his own eyes) while I open the door (he mimed rotating the lever) and take down the inattentive guard with a single karate chop to the neck (he sliced his hand downward from his ear to his side). They’re standard field signals, you know.’

  ‘Really?’ mused Archie. ‘They actually have a field signal for I’m going to take down the inattentive guard with a single karate chop to the neck? Because if you ask me, it really looks like you’re telling a dog to sit.’

  ‘I suggest you check your manuals, Agent Yankee.’

  ‘OK.’ Archie exhaled, letting the air flap his lips. Then he continued tentatively, ‘Are you sure you can take down the guard with a karate chop anyway? I mean, I’m not being funny but you’re not exactly a highly trained unarmed-combat specialist. I’m not even sure you could take down a teddy bear without back-up.’