Hearts of Trust

by Ellie St. Clair

  “I am quite well, I assure you,” Sophie whispered, her hand tracing his features gently. “Thank you, Benjamin, for all that you have done. I’m sorry --”

  “Enough of that,” he said, though he softened his words with a wide hand spanned across her cheek. “I proposed marriage to you before because I could not imagine sending you back to him and it was the only way to keep you safe. I still want to do so, but not only for those reasons.”

  She blinked once, twice, before managing a tremulous smile. “I have hidden so much from you,” she murmured. “How can you forgive me after what I have done?”

  “Because I know why you did it,” Benjamin replied at once, an ache in his throat as he saw just how vulnerable she truly was. “You had to escape your cousin somehow, and you had no one to turn to.”

  “I did not know your character, else I would have told you all from the beginning.”

  Benjamin shook his head. “I can understand your thoughts toward me. I did not treat you with the respect you deserved, but only made you think I was just like Dunstable.”

  Revulsion and anger swirled within him once more as he thought of the man. “You -- you’ve changed me, Sophie. I want to show you the man I am, the man I know I can be. You must know I am not like your cousin, but I…” he stopped and took her hands in his. “Miss Sophie Carmichael, will you be my wife? I can think of no other who will do me so well as you. With you by my side, I will not stray. My course will be straight, my life a responsible one.”

  Sophie swallowed, no smile on her face. She studied him for a long moment, her eyes contemplative. “I do not think I am worthy of you, my lord,” she said, eventually. “I can bring nothing but trouble to you. My cousin –”

  “Will no longer be an issue. I will never let him hurt you,” Benjamin interrupted, quickly. “Do not think of him. You will bring me a great deal of good, Sophie, I know it,” he finished, not understanding why her gaze was still so closed off an unsure.

  As she looked down at him with wanting, waiting eyes, the love bloomed in his chest and he finally recognized what she was waiting for. What a fool he had been. What she wanted to know was the depths of his heart. “I cannot deny that I hold a deep affection for you.”

  Her breath caught and her eyes widened as she looked back at him.

  “You make me a better man, but it’s more than that. Whether you are a lady or a maid, I care naught. What I care about is the love I have for you and what you may feel for me,” Benjamin promised, his own heart beating with gladness and delight. There was no pain, no embarrassment in being so open and so vulnerable, only a wondrous, freeing feeling that grew with every word he spoke.

  “You love me?” Her expression was incredulous, her eyes burning with an inner fire as if she could hardly believe the words.

  “I do,” he answered, softly. “I love you, Sophie Carmichael. I cannot imagine being without you. I only ask that you forgive me for how I have acted toward you these past weeks.”

  Her face broke into a grin, and her smile was radiant, despite the pain that she obviously still felt in her body. “Benjamin,” she said, his name on her lips causing a stirring within him. “There is absolutely nothing to apologize for. I welcomed your kisses. In fact, I want nothing but more of them. I thought you were marrying me out of duty, and I had no wish for you to tie me to you as a burden for the rest of your life.”

  “Never a burden,” he said, relief washing over him that she did not fear him, nor think of him as the facade of a man he had been.

  “Benjamin Harrington, I would be pleased to be your bride. I -- I confess that I have felt the same, although my ardor has confused me terribly.”

  “Then it shall confuse you no longer,” he breathed, joy lifting his heart. “My dear Sophie, I shall make you my wife just as soon as I am able.” He kissed her gently, refusing to allow himself to plumb the depths of his feelings towards her as he reminded himself of what she had just gone through. Stars seemed to sparkle around her as he drew back, her wide hazel eyes full of love as she looked at him. She meant more to him than he thought anyone ever could. “Truly, you are quite a remarkable woman,” he finally said, softly. “I cannot believe all that you have endured. I know you have been alone for a long time and I promise you that you will never be alone again. In fact,” he laughed, “you may regret the people around you once you meet my family!”

  Tears began to run down her cheeks in earnest. Benjamin pulled a handkerchief from his pocket, carefully wiping them away. He smiled at her gently as he took her hand once more, hating that her lovely face was marred by the marks of her cousin.

  He reached for her then, and she went willingly, forgetting the pain in her body as she moved towards him. He was gentle, making sure not to touch her neck but setting her body alight nonetheless.

  His kiss was slow and soft, as if he did not want to hurry her, did not want to press her into any kind of affection she did not feel. Sophie buried her hands in his hair and leaned down a little more, angling her head as he had once done to her. He jerked in surprise at her boldness as she nipped at his bottom lip but, in a moment, his hands were around her waist and he was pulling her to the edge of the chair, his chest pressed to hers.

  “Sophie,” he gasped, breaking the kiss and looking into her eyes. “We shouldn’t continue. Not until we are wed. I swore to myself I wouldn’t take you before then.”

  “But you love me, do you not?” Sophie whispered, refusing to release him.

  “I do,” came his breathless reply.

  “Then you have nothing to fear,” she replied. “I do not know what it is to experience love between man and woman but I know I want to share it with you.” She felt no shame or embarrassment at saying such a thing, her heart bursting with love for him, secure in the knowledge that he felt the same for her.

  He groaned aloud and rested his forehead against hers for a moment, his hands still spanning her waist. “You’re much too tempting, Sophie,” he whispered before his mouth found hers once more.

  Sophie, wanting to prove to him just how much she needed him, how much she wanted him now in this moment, managed to get to her feet, her fingers tearing at her wrapper. She shook with both nerves and heightened desire as she allowed it to pool on the floor. His eyes glittered as he watched her, making it almost too difficult for her to breathe. Sophie closed her eyes as he gently reached for the hem of her dress, moving carefully so as not to bring her any more pain. He gradually brought it over her head, and her skin tingled with the awareness of being entirely bare before his heated gaze. Her heart thumped wildly and she swallowed hard, finally bringing her eyes to his.

  Suddenly embarrassed by her nakedness, she moved her arms to cover herself but he gently held them at her side. “No,” he murmured. “Let me see you.”

  She let her arms drop before finally bringing her eyes up to his. What she saw was complete and utter shock, followed by a hungry desire that, much to her surprise, matched her own. Sophie shuddered, putting one hand out to rest on his shoulder, suddenly weak with all that she felt.

  “You are utterly exquisite,” Benjamin breathed, reaching out one hand to run his fingers lightly along her arm. “I can hardly believe that you are mine.”

  24

  Benjamin could hardly speak, such was the beauty set before him. Sophie looked entirely self-conscious, her hands straying to cover herself, but he caught them both before she could do so, standing up next to her. Then, stepping back from her, he allowed his gaze to glide over her form, his desire growing with each moment.

  “If we go forward now, I won’t be able to stop,” he said, his breath near a whisper as he held her hands in his. “Tell me now.”

  Her eyes met his, burning with a passion he had not expected to see. “I trust you, Benjamin. I love you. Please, I – I want this, whatever it is…” She trailed off, looking a little uncertain as though unable to explain what it was coursing through her.

  Benjamin well understood what she wanted,
the ache beginning to burn deep within his own core. He could wait no longer.

  Pulling her into his embrace, he kissed her, hard, remembering just in time to be careful of her wound. Sophie did not hold back, her fingers tangling in his hair as she deepened the kiss, surprising him once again. He ran his hands over her body, delighting in all the sensations that ran through him. Slowly, he walked her towards the bed, never breaking their connection.

  “Wait,” he said, his voice hoarse as she began to unbutton his shirt, vividly recalling just how she had touched him there only a few nights before. He smiled as she raised her hands and gently pushed away his fingers. She caught her lip between those endearing slightly crooked teeth as she concentrated on undoing the buttons. Never had a woman undressing him put him so on edge. Much to his own surprise, he felt a little embarrassed as she stripped him of his clothing, aware of just how intently she watched him. Her gasp made him smile when he finally stood naked before her, seeing the mounting blush in her cheeks.

  “Come here, love,” he crooned, wanting to ease the clear bewilderment she felt from what he could only assume was the first man she had ever seen wholly naked. “Let me kiss you again.”

  To his great delight, she went willingly, lying back on the bed as he climbed over her, pressing his body against hers. His every sense burst to life, so aware he was of where their skin touched. He broke their kiss to look down into her face, seeing her lidded eyes, her mouth slightly swollen from his constant attentions. He saw her breasts molded against his chest, felt himself press against her belly and his need for her grew ever stronger. Her breath was quickening, her body growing taut beneath him as he lowered his mouth to hers again.

  The truth was, Benjamin had never experienced anything like this. He had, of course, taken a number of women to his bed, but never one with whom he held any sort of emotion towards. Somehow, it intensified the experience, making it bigger and brighter than ever before. Every touch, every kiss, every breath, was intoxicating.

  Moving slowly down her body, Benjamin began to plant delicate kisses along her collarbone, hearing the soft moan escape from her lips. Carefully, he gently cupped one of her breasts, remembering that this was her first experience of love, and carefully brushed her nipples. Sophie shivered beneath him, her breath quickening all the more as he lowered his head towards them, pressing his mouth to her skin until, finally, it covered her nipple. Sophie arched her back so forcefully that she almost came off the bed, and, in his surprise, Benjamin stopped what he was doing at once, afraid he had hurt her.

  “What are you doing?” Sophie asked, her eyes wide and skin burning with heat.

  “I – I’m sorry, I – ”

  “Don’t stop now!” she exclaimed, flopping back onto the bed and reaching for him. Her fingers caught his hair and brought his head back to where he had been. “Please don’t stop, Benjamin.”

  A small chuckle escaped him as he began his exploration of her body once more, delighted with how she’d responded to him. She was more passionate than he had ever expected or could have asked for. Slowly continuing his way down, Benjamin ran his hands down her thighs, slowly bringing them back up the inside of her legs. She groaned aloud as his lips replaced his hands, and he trailed kisses on the inside of her thighs before she allowed him to press his fingers against her core.

  She let out a soft cry as he began to stroke her, fighting to keep his own desire for her under control. Normally, he was a somewhat selfish lover. He would help women reach their fulfillment, but he primarily took for himself, looking for his own pleasures. With her, it was different. This was with Sophie, the woman he loved. Her innocence was her gift to him and he was going to accept it with both gratefulness and consideration.

  “Don’t fight it,” he murmured, seeing her eyes flutter closed as he pressed one gentle finger into her. “Just allow it to happen, Sophie. It’s nothing to be afraid of.”

  He did not have to wait long. Her entire body began to strain as she neared her climax, and, with a loud cry, she began to tense around his fingers. Biting his lip, he waited for her release to ebb, thinking to himself that he would never fail to recall this moment. The way she looked now, entirely, beautifully, exposed, was something he would never forget.

  “Here, now,” he said, moving back up to her head and brushing a kiss against her lips. “There will be pain but only for a moment. I promise you.”

  She smiled up at him, her eyes swimming with a myriad of emotions. “Make me yours, Benjamin,” she whispered, wrapping her arms around his neck. “I want only you.”

  He did not have to be invited twice. His arousal dipped into her, but he hesitated as it met her barrier. “One moment, love, and it will all be well again,” he said before pushing forward.

  She clenched around him, her eyes squeezing shut before, slowly, she began to relax. Benjamin forced himself to hold still, waiting for her pain to ebb away. When she looked up at him, her expression clear, he began to move within her once more, keeping his strokes slow and languid, waiting for her breathing to quicken again before making love to her in earnest. Her tight core made his blood run hot, his body burning from within. He lost all awareness of everything else, focused on the woman he loved, the only one he desired.

  It wasn’t long before he felt the heat within him rising to a peak. Benjamin pressed himself into her one last time, his mind telling him to pull himself from her before it was too late.

  Sophie kept her hands around his neck, her eyes fixed on his as she gasped in pleasure. He had no need to leave her. She was to be his, forever. With a loud cry of his own, Benjamin stilled, his body shuddering as he reached his fulfilment, aware that this was the first time he had ever spilled himself into a woman. He had no regrets.

  After a few moments, Benjamin lay down beside her, pulling Sophie into his arms and brushing his lips against her temple.

  “I am yours now,” he murmured in her ear, “and you are mine. We are twined together, now, as one.”

  “As one,” she repeated a soft smile on her face. “Oh, Benjamin, I do love you.”

  “And I love you,” he replied, his words honest and true, filling him with happiness and contentment. His eyes slid closed as she rested against him, his body growing tired as he lay there with her. He had never felt more at peace in his life.

  Sophie rose the following morning alone in her bed, though she could make out the wrinkles in the sheets where Benjamin had spent the previous night. She smiled at the joy that filled her heart when she thought of him and their future.

  After dressing, she lazily made her way downstairs to the dining room, passing Mrs. Martins on the way, who gave her a loving smile, causing Sophie to return it.

  As she knew him to typically be a late riser, she was shocked to find Benjamin waiting for her at the table. He stood with a wide grin as she entered, pulling out a chair for her to sit close to him.

  Unaffected by the servants around them, he brushed her forehead with his lips. “Good morning, love. I must tell you, our dishonest steward has now been sent away from the property, and Haversham has also taken his leave following yesterday’s events. He wishes you farewell. I have also written to my father and mother and invited them to come to the estate straightaway. We shall require witnesses for our wedding and they will do very nicely.”

  A swirl of anxiety rippled through Sophie’s stomach and her smile faltered as the repercussions of what he said broke through her cloud of happiness. “I am glad to hear the man will no longer be an issue. Benjamin, do you think your parents will like me? After all I have done? All I hid from you?”

  Benjamin paused with his coffee cup halfway to his lips, his expression turning solemn. “After they hear all about what you have done for me, and what you have endured, I know they will love you as I do,” he replied, quietly, his dark eyes blazing into her. “You have been the greatest influence on my life, helping me to take my responsibilities seriously and focusing on what is truly important. I look back on my p
ast with shame but my future is now shining brightly, so long as I have you by my side.”

  Sophie felt her nerves settle again, reassured by his words. “Then I very much look forward to meeting them,” she replied, quietly. “I do hope I shall make you proud.”

  His eyes practically glowed as he took both her hands in his own. “You already do,” he murmured, tenderly. “I know how fortunate I am to have you in my life. You need have no fear about my parents nor our future. It will be happier than you have ever known.” Dropping a quick kiss on the back of her hands, he smiled into her eyes. “Come now, you must be hungry.”

  She smiled as she poured herself a cup of tea and buttered her toast. So much had happened that she still felt she was walking in some kind of dream, sure to wake up at any moment. Yet she knew it was true. She was to be Benjamin’s wife and be safe, forever, from her cousin. Not only that, but their union would be one of love and affection, not simply out of necessity or obligation. That made it even more wondrous to her.

  “And may I present Sophie -- my fiancee,” Benjamin grinned, as Sophie curtsied beautifully, her cheeks pink as his father and mother rushed to greet her.

  His father, normally quite nonchalant, took Sophie’s hand in one of his own and patted the back of her hand with the other.

  “May I say just how delighted I am to have you as a daughter-in-law,” he said, firmly, throwing a glance towards Benjamin.

  “We are not wed yet, father,” Benjamin reminded him, with a chuckle. “Soon, though.”

  “And we shall be glad to witness it,” his mother replied, fervently, taking Sophie’s arm and leading her to sit down on the Louis XV sofa together. “Now, tell me what on earth has happened with this cousin of yours?"

  Sophie looked up at Benjamin, not quite sure what to say. Her fingers gently touched the spot on her neck that was still healing, although, after a week of ointments and the like, it was doing much better.