Captive of Fate

by Lindsay McKenna

  Something broke loose deep inside her. It took every ounce of control to stop the tears while Matt introduced Libby and Sarah, the blond-headed girls.

  “Go on in, girls, we’ll be along in a minute,” Matt ordered.

  Susanah was the last to go, still staring wide-eyed up at Alanna. Finally, Alanna leaned down, giving the child a long embrace. “We’ll be right in, honey,” she promised.

  Matt watched as the door closed quietly and then put his arm around Alanna. He walked her out beyond the small concrete sidewalk and led her down between the dunes to the darker sand where the waves were crashing inland.

  He halted, taking her into his arms, holding her silently. He brushed his cheek against her hair. “You all right?” he asked gently.

  “I—no….” Her voice wavered with tears.

  “You can cry,” he urged, tilting her face up to meet his gaze. “You’ve been too long without a family, Babe. Consider our family yours.”

  She sniffed, the tears making hot trails down her face. Matt provided her with a white handkerchief. “You were right,” she said finally.

  “About what?”

  “Susanah liking me. She’s so pretty, Matt. I feel my heart expanding like a flower when I think of how she came up and kissed me.”

  “She’s exactly like you, guileless and innocent. He caressed her shoulders. “You have so much natural love and affection stored up in you.”

  “It’s news to me,” she protested, drying her eyes.

  “How could you know? You’ve been holding your emotions in since you were a tiny child.”

  Alanna shook her head. “I’ve missed so much,” she whispered tightly.

  Matt leaned down, his mouth pressed caressingly against her lips. “Until now, honey,” he said huskily.

  She trembled within his embrace, the chill of the night seeping into her light jacket. He held her more closely, his hand pressing her head against his shoulder. “I think this is going to be the most beautiful weekend I’ve ever had,” she murmured, nuzzling against him.

  “It will be,” he promised her. “A new chapter in the book of our lives, honey. Come on, I know Ev probably has a late dinner warming up for us. Hungry?”

  Alanna looked up into his strong, open face. “Not anymore,” she murmured.

  Evelyn had just set two large bowls of steaming clam chowder on the table when they sauntered into the house. The girls, all three of them, greeted them with a chorus of giggles and crowded around them as they sat down.

  “John,” Evelyn said, a hint of warning in her voice, “I think it’s well past the girls’ bedtime.”

  “Ohh, Mom!” Libby, the ten-year-old, exclaimed, crestfallen.

  Alanna turned, smiling at the precocious youngster. “They aren’t bothering us,” she protested.

  John halted at the door, grinning. “See, I told you she’d like kids.”

  Little Susanah climbed into Alanna’s lap, smiling shyly up at her and then burrowing into her arms, content. Ev rolled her eyes upward.

  “Oh, all right!”

  A cry of victory went up, and everyone sat down at the table. John brought two more chairs in, pouring coffee for the adults and allowing the girls a small glass of orange juice each. The kitchen was small and crowded, but it glowed with a happiness that Alanna had never encountered. She ate the chowder with relish, not realizing how hungry she had been. Occasionally, she caught Matt watching her out of the corner of his eye. Then he would quirk one corner of his mouth upward, his gray eyes shooting her a look of reassurance. The chatter was nonstop, and Alanna found herself laughing more than she had in years. Susanah loyally remained ensconced in her lap while Alanna finished off the soup.

  It was nearly eleven o’clock when Evelyn noted, “I think all the excitement has worn her out.” Susanah had fallen asleep in Alanna’s arms.

  “She’s so beautiful,” Alanna whispered, exchanging an intimate glance with Matt.

  John rose, stretching his tall, lean body. “The girls have been talking for two weeks of Matt and you coming up. Here, I’ll take her and tuck her into bed.”

  Ev smiled warmly. “After all, we didn’t invite you here to play babysitter.”

  Reluctantly, Alanna gave up the warm little bundle. “I don’t mind, Evelyn. Believe me, this is exactly what I need after working on the Hill like a slave for the past couple of years.” She winked over at Matt. “Right now I feel like I’ve been rescued by a knight in shining armor and taken away to his castle.”

  Evelyn rose, smiling. “Our home isn’t exactly grand by most people’s standards, but do consider it your home, too, Alanna. And as for Matt, he is a knight as far as we’re concerned.” The pride in her voice was unmistakable. “Five years ago we lost almost everything we had in a hurricane, Alanna. If it hadn’t been for Matt, John would never have gotten the loan he needed to buy another lobster trawler.” She gave a slight shrug of her shoulders, her eyes bright with unshed tears. “Raising three girls and trying to make ends meet up here forced John to put less insurance on his boat than what was necessary. The hurricane wiped us out.” Ev walked over to Matt, resting her hands against his broad shoulders. “Then this guy comes up on thirty days’ leave and helps us find another house, salvage what little we could, and put a down payment on a new boat.” She leaned over, pressing a kiss to Matt’s brow. “You’re very fortunate to know him, Alanna. Take our word for it.”

  Alanna watched Matt, a serious expression on her features. He had the good grace to flush slightly from Evelyn’s praise. Reaching up, he gripped Ev’s hand, squeezing it.

  “For someone born in Maine, Ev, you sure get sentimental,” he teased.

  Ev gave him one more hug and walked toward the door to the living room. “He’ll never tell you this, Alanna, but Matt has been the mainstay of the Breckenridge family since their parents died. We wouldn’t know what to do without him.”

  Matt rose, stretching to his full height. “Being godfather to their three girls hasn’t left me much time not to be interested in family concerns,” he drawled.

  “And you love every minute of it,” Alanna responded softly.

  Evelyn nodded. “He’s a natural. Well, listen you two, let me show you our makeshift bedding arrangements, and then we’ll let you stay up as long as you like.”

  Alanna followed Evelyn into the living room, thinking of how nice it was to see the lived-in look of their home. Her apartment always looked so immaculate—almost as if no one lived there. A soft smile crossed her lips as she drank in the homey atmosphere.

  “I’m truly sorry,” Evelyn said, touching her arm. “But as you can see, the house is small. We have only three bedrooms, and I thought, if you don’t mind, Alanna, that I’d let you share Susanah’s room with her. Matt, as usual, you get the couch, and you know where the blankets and pillows are kept.”

  Matt nodded. “Second closet on the right. I’ll get them.”

  Evelyn glanced up at her. “Do you mind sharing a room?” There was hesitancy in her voice. “Susanah has been looking forward to sleeping on the cot we keep for just such occasions. She sleeps soundly through the night and probably won’t wake up until nine tomorrow morning since she went to sleep so late.”

  Alanna shook her head, a full smile on her lips. “No, I’d love it. To tell you the truth, I’ve missed family life. This will be like making up for it.”

  Evelyn stopped at Susanah’s room and pointed to the bed. “The bed is full-sized. We just couldn’t afford to buy the girls shorter ones. Figured they would grow into them, anyway.”

  Alanna laughed, noting that Susanah was happily tucked away in the cot opposite the bed. The furniture was pale blue with white trim, and the wallpaper was covered with tiny pink roses. A sharp ache intensified in her heart. She recalled too poignantly her own childhood room: it had been an antiseptic white and spare in comparison. Here and there in Susanah’s room were little feminine touches, her favorite dolls and stuffed animals, a coloring book open on the antique
dresser with crayons spread across the top of it. “I’m going to enjoy this,” she promised Evelyn, a slight tremble in her voice.

  It was almost midnight before the household settled in for sleep. Matt had boiled water and made tea for them. Alanna sat across the table from him, idly stirring the contents of her cup. She looked up, meeting his gray gaze. “I feel like I’m in heaven,” she confided, her voice barely above a whisper.

  He returned her smile, removing the tea bag from his cup. “Would you think I was lying if I told you that you look like a different woman?”

  She tilted her head, mystified. “In what way?”

  He poured a teaspoon of sugar into the china cup. “The tension is gone around your mouth, and your eyes are bright. It’s funny how a high-pressure job will make you tense and nervous. I’ve never heard you laugh before as much as tonight. I love watching your face, it’s so mobile and expressive.”

  She warmed beneath his husky voice and slid her fingers around the base of her cup. “That makes us even, then. I didn’t realize just how much of a natural father you really are. You were right, the girls did mob you.” She toyed with her cup for a moment. “It seems like I’ve always known you, Matt,” she confessed uncertainly. “There is a—” She groped for the right words. Paul had taught her to be specific about her emotions, and now she tried desperately to find words to describe the new feelings growing within her heart. “When you walked into my life, I felt we could get along despite our differences.” She shook her head. “That’s a new one for me.”

  He reached across the table, capturing her fingers. “Hand in glove,” he provided softly.

  “I see I’m not the only one who depends on your strength. Not every family would pull together in a crisis like John and Evelyn experienced. She idolizes you, Matt.” She smiled. “You’re easy to idolize.”

  “Careful, lady, don’t be putting me up on any pedestals. I fall off pretty quickly, and I have feet of clay just like everyone else,” he warned.

  “Knights in shining armor never tarnish or go out of style.”

  Matt grinned, releasing her fingers. “Now who’s the romantic?” he teased, taking a sip of the tea.

  Alanna wanted to say that every hour spent with him was like a fairy tale come true. But she remained silent. After four years of hearing that harsh reality was the stuff life was made of, she was afraid to fully enjoy this mini-vacation. When would the bubble burst? How much of this was just a figment of her imagination? She tried to analyze her feelings but soon gave up, overwhelmed by a feeling of euphoria that could only be love. A love that was new and breathtakingly fresh. And it was all due to the man who now sat quietly opposite her at the table.

  “Look,” Matt began huskily, “let’s get to bed. We’ll be getting up early tomorrow, and I want you well rested, lady.”

  Alanna stood, taking the teacups and placing them in the sink. She felt his presence behind her and stood very still.

  He slid his arms around her waist, drawing her back against him. Matt rested his head against hers, his breath warm against her cheek. “You know, lady, if you keep looking this content, I’m going to have to do something about it,” he whispered.

  Alanna willingly leaned against his hard, warm body, languishing against his shoulder. She closed her eyes, sighing softly within his embrace. “If I get any happier, I think I’ll explode,” she admitted.

  “You deserve some happiness,” he returned, kissing her cheek. “Come on, let’s get to bed,” he coaxed.

  She turned, remaining within the security of his embrace as he walked her through the dark, silent house. At the door, he leaned down, kissing her lightly on the lips. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he whispered.

  Alanna caught the gleam of humor in the depths of his gray eyes. “I have a feeling I won’t be safe from you after tonight,” she said.

  He kissed her lingeringly. Raising his head, he murmured, “You won’t be. Good night, Babe.”

  Chapter Eleven

  Alanna awoke groggily the next morning, aware of a small body snuggled up beside her. She heard the door open, and was vaguely aware that someone was walking quietly around the bed. Barely opening her eyes, she looked up to see Matt standing above her, a careless grin on his face. He sat down on the edge of the bed.

  “What’s this?” he teased, reaching out and ruffling Susanah’s dark hair.

  Susanah giggled, her small body squirming with laughter. Automatically, Alanna’s arm tightened around the girl.

  “Uncle Matt, I couldn’t sleep in the cot,” she began dolefully, stealing a glance up at Alanna.

  Matt raised one eyebrow, catching Alanna’s sleepy gaze. “And here I was going to come in and wake up my fairy-tale princess with a kiss,” he said, pretending to be miffed with the child.

  Alanna turned carefully on her side. “You still can,” she murmured huskily.

  Susanah curled up tightly, laughing as Matt tickled her. He leaned across, touching Alanna’s lips, his mouth strong and warm. Then he scowled darkly at the girl.

  “Looks like I’ll have to kiss you too, or you’ll turn into a frog, young lady.”

  Delighted, Susanah reached out and Matt embraced her, planting a kiss on her small brow.

  “No frogs now, Uncle Matt?”

  He got to his feet. “Nope. The prince just kissed his two ladies, so everyone’s safe now. And, if you two can force yourselves to get up, I think Evelyn has breakfast waiting.”

  * * *

  The morning was clear and crisp, a light glaze of white, shimmering frost coating the landscape. Alanna sat contentedly near Matt as he drove the last few miles to the cabin. The sky was a deep cobalt blue, and seagulls and terns wheeled far above them like milky white opals against the fabric of the sky. The white bark of the birch trees, the yellows, reds and oranges of the maple and oak mingled against the dark background of the evergreens. Inhaling deeply, Alanna drank in the sweet odor of decaying leaves and the tangy salt of the sea. She leaned against Matt, their shoulders touching. He captured her hand and rested it upon the hardness of his thigh. She could feel the steel strength of his muscles beneath the rough texture of the jeans he wore.

  “Happy?” he asked.

  “Mmm, incredibly happy. I keep thinking that this is a beautiful dream and I’m going to wake up soon and find myself back on the Hill.”

  He squeezed her hand reassuringly. “We both needed a break from our jobs.”

  “Now I see why you love to come up here.”

  He nodded. “When I got back from Nam, this place helped to put me back together again. I wouldn’t have made it without John and Ev’s support.”

  Alanna detected raw pain in his voice, yet he wasn’t asking for pity. Somewhere, deep within her, she knew Matt wanted to reveal other sides of himself to her. And she was eager to understand what made him the man she was so completely in love with. She looked to her left, studying his strong, clean profile. She saw the military bearing, the years of hardship he’d suffered. At the same time, the slight upward curve of his mouth softened the lines of his face. She could recall times when his eyes were narrowed and nearly colorless with anger and other times when they were turbulent and dark with passion for her alone. She trembled inwardly, amazed at the depth and breadth of Matt Breckenridge.

  The cabin, fashioned out of rough-cut logs, reminded her of something from the turn of the century. It stood on a slight knoll, surrounded by oak and pines, its sides grayed and weather-beaten from years of withstanding the storms that struck each winter along the Maine coast. The Piscataquis River moved serenely down below them, sandpipers scurrying the length of the bank looking for tasty morning morsels. Matt took their luggage inside, and she followed him, gazing around the darkened interior.

  “It smells musty. How long has it been since you last came up here?” she asked, moving the curtains back and releasing the window lock to allow fresh air inside.

  “Last October. With the windows open, it will air out in a few ho
urs,” he assured her. “Why don’t you get changed into some jeans. I don’t think you want to wear those expensive-looking slacks anywhere but in here.”

  Alanna caught his teasing gaze and obediently unpacked her jeans and a pale pink blouse. Despite the rustic appearance of the cabin, it had every modern convenience. There was a small fireplace at one end with a neat stack of wood beside it. She found the bedroom and wandered into it. The bed was made of brass, and the frame needed to be shined badly. Running her fingertips along the railing, she made a mental note to see if some polish was available. It was a shame not to keep an antique like this shining brightly.

  Matt was waiting patiently outside with two fishing rods and a tackle box when she sauntered out of the cabin. He gave her an appreciative look.

  “Well, you prepared to catch our dinner for tonight?”

  Alanna gave him a startled look. “Me? Why, I’ve never fished before in my life, Matt Breckenridge.”

  He grinned. “You’d better hurry up and learn, lady, because if we don’t catch something, we aren’t eating.”

  She laughed, following him down a well-worn trail toward the river. Within half an hour, he seemed satisfied with the spot he had found and set the gear down. “This is our old fishing hole. The bottom of the river is muddy, and the black-backed flounder come up here to live.”

  “The only flounder I’ve seen is in the meat market all neatly packed in plastic and Styrofoam.”

  He laughed. “You’re in for a surprise then. Spread that blanket out on the bank, and we’ll catch a little sun while we’re fishing,” he suggested.

  Soon, silence settled around them, the fishing poles resting on the bank. Alanna couldn’t keep the disgust out of her face when Matt used what could only be described as a repugnant-looking worm with a hundred legs as bait. She avoided watching as he calmly placed the multilegged creature on the hook. It was only after he had cast the line into the water that she would take the rod from him. She closed her eyes, enjoying the warmth of the sun as it rose higher into the sky, the call of the birds, the sight of the seagulls wheeling above them, and the lap, lap, lap of the water.