A Proposal to Remember

by Sarah Morgan

  She felt tears prick her eyes. Oddly enough, it wasn’t the trauma of the break-in that had ruined her Christmas as much as his betrayal.

  ‘You should have told me the truth right at the beginning.’ Her voice shook with emotion. ‘You should have trusted me.’

  ‘I can understand why you think that.’ His voice was soft, his dark eyes holding hers, refusing to let her look away. ‘But maybe if I tell you a little bit about my life you might understand why I didn’t tell you straight away. And I was going to tell you, Zan. You have to believe that.’

  She took a step backwards, unnerved by the way he made her feel.

  ‘Women get involved with me for all sorts of reasons, none of them the usual ones.’ Carlo’s tone was resigned. ‘Usually it’s because they find my wallet attractive, sometimes it’s the so-called status of being seen with me. I admit it’s been a long time since I trusted a woman. Not since someone I thought I was close to sold intimate details about my family to the press for a great deal of money.’

  Zan winced. ‘That’s awful. But you know I wouldn’t do that.’

  ‘I think it’s unlikely, but you’d be amazed what people will do when they’re offered money.’ He sounded tired. ‘The truth is that part of me is still wary, and I wanted our relationship to develop before I revealed the reality. I admit that I really, really enjoyed the fact that you didn’t know who I was.’

  Zan felt totally confused. ‘But what we shared wasn’t real.’

  ‘It was real, Zan. For me it was even more real because you didn’t know who I was.’ He moved closer to her, his voice low and urgent. ‘You spent time with me, away from the money and the crazy lifestyle. I always knew that we couldn’t live in a cocoon for ever, that sooner or later I’d have to tell you, but I hoped that by then what we had together would be strong enough to withstand the realities of my life. Unfortunately they intruded sooner than I’d planned and I didn’t have time to tell you the truth myself.’

  She looked at him uncertainly, trying to think objectively and failing dismally. When he was this close she couldn’t think at all. She was breathlessly aware of his overwhelming physical presence, his masculinity and the unexpectedly gentle look in his eyes.

  But he’d fooled her before. ‘Without trust there can be no relationship.’

  ‘I do trust you, Zan.’ His eyes were steady on hers. ‘Because you didn’t know who I was, I can be totally sure that what you felt was for me alone, not for my name or my connections. I trust you completely. Now it’s up to you to decide whether you can trust me.’

  Could she?

  ‘How will I know that you’re not keeping more secrets?’ Zan’s voice was choked and he cursed under his breath and pulled her towards him.

  ‘Because from now on whatever I tell you will be the truth.’ His fingers tightened on hers. ‘The press print something different about me almost every day, just because of my name. Some of it is total fabrication, and some of it comes from people with a grudge. It doesn’t matter where it comes from; the press are constantly digging for dirt. No relationship of mine has ever survived the intense scrutiny that I’m subjected to on a daily basis. I swear that from now on I won’t hold anything back from you, but in return you have to be able to ignore all the things that people say about me. If you can’t trust me, Zan, we don’t stand a chance.’

  Did he really believe that they might still have a future together?

  Zan stared at him in confusion, but before she could answer the door opened and Nico walked out, looking tense. He said something to his brother in Italian and Carlo nodded.

  ‘We need to get back to Abby.’

  Suddenly aware that they’d been having an intensely personal conversation in the middle of the corridor, Zan glanced around self-consciously and started to push the machine to Abby’s room.

  Ten minutes earlier she’d been totally sure that she could never forgive him. But now nothing seemed clear.

  Could she trust a man who hadn’t been entirely honest with her, even if he’d had good reason for the deception?

  She walked back to the bedside, trying to hide her feelings, but then she met Abby’s searching gaze and felt her eyes fill.

  Abby said something in Italian to the two men and then took Zan’s hand. ‘If you’re going to examine me then I’d rather they went and had a coffee. I don’t need an audience.’

  Carlo frowned. ‘I ought to examine you.’

  Abby smiled calmly. ‘This is my second baby, Carlo. I need you around for emergencies but so far there isn’t one and Zan and I can manage fine on our own. Take Nico to find some coffee. He’s a nervous wreck.’

  Carlo hesitated and then caught his brother’s eye and nodded briefly. ‘All right. We’ll be back in ten minutes.’

  They left the room and Abby screwed up her face as another contraction hit her.

  ‘Oh, help—my first delivery was nothing like this. I’m trying not to be a baby but I’m in agony.’

  Zan slid an arm around Abby’s shoulder and helped her with her breathing until the contraction passed.

  Abby flopped back against the pillow. ‘OK. We need to talk fast before the next one hits me. What’s going on with you and Carlo?’

  Zan flushed. ‘Nothing—we’re just colleagues.’

  ‘Then why do the pair of you look so miserable? There’s one thing you should know about Italian families,’ Abby said gently, ‘and that’s that they’re very close. Carlo’s been talking to his brother regularly. Nico has known about you from the first. We were all getting excited that Carlo might finally have found someone he could be happy with.’

  Zan bit her lip. ‘He told you about me? But he’s known me for less than a week.’

  ‘And you made a real impact,’ Abby said. ‘I’ve never known him seriously smitten before. So what went wrong?’

  Zan bit her lip. ‘He lied to me. He told me nothing about himself and he used a false name.’

  Abby sucked in a breath and put a hand on her stomach. ‘Hold that thought—I’ve got another contraction coming.’

  Zan took her hand and coached her through it, reminding her how to breathe.

  The contraction passed but Abby held onto her hand. ‘He had to use a false name,’ she said, struggling to get her breath back. ‘The press have been hounding him in Italy. After that baby was stillborn he started to receive death threats and there’s been a massive security operation ever since. It’s been awful for him.’

  Zan gave a wan smile. ‘I still think he could have trusted me.’

  ‘Perhaps he could, but if you knew the attention that the Santini family attracts in Italy you’d understand why he didn’t,’ Abby said. ‘It’s pretty hard for them to trust anyone. Carlo really liked the fact that you didn’t know who he was. For once in his life he was able to have a normal relationship with someone.’

  ‘But it wasn’t normal, was it? I didn’t know who he was.’

  Abby looked at her thoughtfully. ‘Tell me what you love about Carlo.’

  Zan sat down on the edge of the bed, not even bothering to deny her love. It was obvious. ‘I love his sense of humour. I love the way he’s so relaxed and confident. I love his strength, and I even love the fact that he doesn’t know how to be politically correct about women.’

  Abby laughed. ‘All Italian men are like that. Carry on. What else do you love?’

  Zan shrugged. ‘I love the fact that he’s such a great doctor and I love the fact that he has such a strong bond with his family.’

  Abby nodded with satisfaction. ‘And all those things that you love about him are still there, no matter what his name is. Having a different name doesn’t change the person.’

  Which was basically what Carlo had said.

  ‘It hurts that he didn’t trust me enough to tell me his name,’ Zan muttered, and Abby sighed.

  ‘That’s true, but he’s trusting you now. You’ve got plenty of information which you could take to the press. ‘They’d probably pay quite
a lot of money for your story.’

  Zan frowned. ‘I wouldn’t do that.’

  ‘I know. But he’s been so badly burned in the past that trust doesn’t happen overnight for him.’

  Zan gave a short laugh. ‘And I thought I was the one who has problems trusting.’

  ‘One of the reasons that the Santini family is so close is because outsiders have let them down so badly. They’ve learned to trust their own and no one else.’

  Zan nodded. ‘I’m beginning to see that.’

  ‘You know, if you talk to him you can still sort this out.’

  Zan shook her head. ‘I don’t know.’ She swallowed back a lump in her throat. ‘He needs me to trust him unconditionally and I don’t know if I can do that.’

  What if he hurt her again?

  ‘But you didn’t understand anything about his background until he explained who he was,’ Abby pointed out. ‘And now you do, so surely you can forgive him. You both love each other and that has to count for something.’

  Did it? Zan wasn’t sure anymore.

  She stood up and washed her hands. ‘I really ought to examine you. They’ll be back any minute and all we’ve done is talk.’

  ‘Nothing wrong with that.’

  Zan looked at her curiously. ‘You’re not Italian, are you?’

  ‘English.’ Abby wriggled down the bed so that Zan could feel her abdomen. ‘I first met Nico when I was at school with his sister, and then we met up again years later. It’s a pretty complicated story.’

  Zan lifted Abby’s jumper and ran her hands skilfully over her bump, feeling for the baby’s position. ‘I’m starting to expect nothing less from the Santini family. Their whole lives are obviously very complicated. So this is your second child?’

  ‘We have a little girl who’s just two. She’s called Rosa.’

  ‘And you live in Italy?’ Zan’s hands kept moving and she frowned slightly as she palpated one part of the abdomen and looked at the shape of Abby’s stomach.

  ‘Well, Nico works mostly in a hospital in Milan, but he’s brilliant at his work and gets invited to all sorts of places to teach.’ She smiled proudly as she spoke. ‘And wherever he goes, Rosa and I go with him.’

  ‘So where’s Rosa now?’

  ‘Nico owns an apartment in Knightsbridge,’ Abby said. ‘She’s there with our nanny. Why are you frowning?’

  Zan finished her examination. ‘Abby, your baby is in what we call an occipitoposterior position, which basically means that his back is lying along your back.’

  ‘Is that why I’m in so much pain?’

  Zan nodded. ‘Let me just examine you internally and then we’ll talk about a plan of action.’

  She washed her hands and pulled on a pair of sterile gloves. ‘OK, this might be a bit uncomfortable but hopefully not too much…’

  She was as quick as she could be. ‘You’re four centimetres dilated, Abby.’

  Abby gave a groan and wriggled upright again. ‘Is that all? Another six centimetres to go? I’ll die.’ She gasped as another pain hit her and this time the gasp turned to a sob. ‘This is agony. I don’t think I can stand it.’

  ‘It’s because of the way the baby is lying,’ Zan explained. ‘I think you should seriously consider having an epidural.’

  Abby pulled a face. ‘Nico doesn’t really want me to.’

  Zan smiled sympathetically. ‘That’s because he doesn’t know the details and because he’s a doctor. They’re always the worst when their wives are in labour. I’ll talk to him when he comes back. I think Carlo will agree with me in the circumstances.’

  At that moment the door opened and Nico strolled back into the room, deep in conversation with his brother.

  Zan walked up to him and came straight to the point. ‘Abby needs some pain control. The baby’s OP. She’s four centimetres dilated and she’s starting to get distressed with each contraction. She’s still got a long way to go.’

  Carlo frowned. ‘You’re sure it’s OP?’

  Zan nodded. ‘She’s got a saucer-shaped depression just below the umbilicus, the head is high and I just examined her and the anterior fontanelle is in the anterior part of the pelvis.’

  Nico tensed and looked at his brother. ‘What does all that mean?’

  ‘Let me examine her and then we’ll talk.’

  Carlo sat down on the edge of the bed and kissed his sister-in-law on both cheeks, his affection obvious.

  ‘Is it bad, angelo?’

  Abby nodded, her face white and drawn. ‘I thought second births were supposed to be easier, but this is much, much worse than Rosa.’

  Carlo ran a hand over the top of her abdomen, feeling the contraction as it hit, holding Abby’s hand as she gasped.

  Carlo talked to her quietly, encouraging and supporting her, his calm tone totally reassuring. Zan watched him, realising with a sick feeling that she loved him as much as ever.

  Once the contraction had passed Carlo stood up and examined Abby, his eyes clashing with Zan’s.

  ‘You were right. She’s OP.’ He frowned. ‘When were you last checked by a doctor?’

  Abby blushed. ‘A while ago.’

  Nico was looking tense. ‘Is someone going to tell me what’s wrong?’

  Finally Carlo stood up. ‘Nothing’s wrong. The baby is lying in the occipitoposterior position,’ he told his brother. ‘We call it OP.’

  ‘What does that mean?’

  Nico wanted medical facts and Carlo gave them willingly.

  ‘It means that labour will probably be prolonged. The head isn’t flexed and doesn’t fit well onto the cervix. Because of that, it doesn’t stimulate effective contractions. The head has to flex and rotate into the right position so that delivery can occur normally.’

  Nico’s eyes narrowed and his gaze was sharp. ‘And if it doesn’t?’

  ‘She may need forceps or a Caesarean section. Either way it will be easier and safer if she has an epidural in place. It will also be less distressing for her. Zan’s right that she still has a long way to go.’

  Nico sucked in a breath. ‘I don’t want someone poking her in the back.’

  ‘I understand your concern but the anaesthetist is excellent.’ Carlo put a hand on his brother’s shoulder and took a deep breath. ‘If I had a baby with a heart defect I would put it in your hands because you’re my brother and I trust you. You have to do the same with me. You have to think about what’s best for Abby.’

  Nico hesitated and then gave a sigh. ‘You’re right, of course.’ He walked over to Abby and hugged her. ‘I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be overprotective. I just hate seeing you in pain.’

  ‘I love the fact that you’re overprotective,’ Abby said huskily. ‘You think I want a man who doesn’t give a damn about me?’

  Zan blinked back tears and went to call the anaesthetist.

  When she came back, Carlo had already set up an intravenous infusion.

  ‘Let’s give her 500 mils of Hartmann’s solution,’ he instructed, and Zan did as he asked, attaching the giving set to the bag and hanging it from the pole.

  ‘Why do I need that?’

  Abby was looking slightly nervous but Carlo was quick to reassure her.

  ‘An epidural can drop your blood pressure so we put up a drip to prevent that happening.’

  Half an hour later Abby was sitting up and smiling, the pain a distant memory.

  ‘This is like magic!’

  Nico was looking slightly more relaxed. ‘It was a good idea. I should have let you have it sooner.’

  ‘We wouldn’t have given it much earlier,’ Zan told him, ‘because it can switch off the contractions. The cervix has to be more than three centimetres dilated.’

  She checked Abby’s pulse, blood pressure and breathing, as well as monitoring her contractions and the foetal heart.

  ‘Can you check every fifteen minutes?’ The anaesthetist gave her some instructions and talked to her about topping up the epidural.

  Carlo was
checking the foetal heart. ‘The baby is doing fine,’ he said quietly.

  Nico raked a hand through his hair. ‘So what happens now?’

  ‘We wait,’ Carlo said. ‘But don’t expect this to be quick.’

  Abby sighed. ‘I feel guilty. You two should be at home, celebrating Christmas.’

  Remembering how special Christmas Eve had been, Zan briefly met Carlo’s eyes and then looked away.

  Was it too late for them?

  Did she trust him?

  She was suddenly frustrated that they were surrounded by people. She didn’t know when she was going to get the chance to talk to him again. She didn’t know what his plans were.

  And why was he still at the hospital when those men were on the loose?

  Carlo seemed unconcerned, concentrating his attention on Abby and the baby, checking the foetal heart-rate with each contraction.

  ‘The baby seems fine but your bladder isn’t emptying properly,’ Zan said, having examined Abby again. ‘We need to put a catheter in.’

  Abby pulled a face. ‘That didn’t happen to me when I had Rosa.’

  Carlo gave a rueful smile. ‘This baby is in a different position, I’m afraid.’

  Zan washed her hands and fetched a catheter pack, aware that Nico was looking more and more tense.

  By contrast Carlo was relaxed and in control, nothing about his manner betraying his concern. In fact, Zan was surprised that he hadn’t interfered more, but he seemed content to let her manage the labour.

  They made Abby more comfortable and continued to stay with her. Nico left once more to get some coffee and breathe some fresh air, but apart from that he was by his wife’s side for the whole time.

  It was growing dark outside when Abby screwed up her face. ‘I want to push.’

  Zan examined her again and shook her head. ‘Not yet. You’re not fully dilated.’

  Abby gave a sob. ‘So why do I have the need to push?’

  ‘Because of the way the baby is lying,’ Carlo said quietly, sitting on the side of the bed and taking her hand. ‘If you push now you will bruise your cervix.’

  They helped Abby to breathe gently, encouraging her not to push, and then finally Zan was satisfied that the cervix was fully dilated.