Fallen Angel From Revenge to Redemption

by Deborah R. Brandon

  She let out a deep breath and said, “You really shouldn’t have, but thank you all the same.”

  “My pleasure,” I said celebrating a very small victory.

  I walked behind her as she walked to join the others at a round table with a crescent moon shaped sofa wrapped around it.

  Domonique broke the silence by asking,” So, why did you guys decide to become cops?”

  We looked at one another and Sam answered, “When I was younger people in my old neighborhood use to talk about how the system is so corrupted. I am the first to say that I am optimistic, but I still believe in the American Dream. I think that the original vision for every man, woman, and child is still very much obtainable. The world is changing. In the light of some recent events, we can see that the system is broken. The only way to fix it is from the inside. So I became a voice for the highest incarnated portion of our population and I try to be a role model for those on the outside of those walls.”

  “Well said,” Domonique responded as her eyes roamed over his bold head, rich dark cocoa colored skin.

  His eyes were as dark as the coffee she was drinking. He had full kissable lips and pretty even pearly white teeth.

  “And you?” Shanice asked as she tore off a piece of her cinnamon roll.

  “My father was a mean drunk. He used to get into fist fight with my mother right in front me and my siblings. We were powerless to do anything to help her then. I am part European American and part Spanish. Due to the need for an effective immigration reform policy within the United States, a lot of Latin American people are being mistreated. Like Sam said, I want to be able to help from the inside. I want to help young men like Omar to reach their truest potential. It is so easy to get caught up in street life and not so easy to get out. If children like Omar can see someone living the dream maybe they won’t get off track,” I answered.

  “Do you guys lose hope when you see cases like Sandra Bland, Michael Brown, Freddie Gray and Walter Scott?” Lamar asked.

  “Yes, it is discouraging when the system fails. It undoes all the work of good police officers everywhere in the world. I was also discouraged the 17 times we were notified that we had lost a brother or sister in blue last year. It’s hard every day to suit up and hit the streets where people are more inclined to hate you than respect you. Where children are being taught to hate you rather than respect you. It’s hard because every day can be your last. Sometimes I have to wonder if it is worth it, you know.” I said honestly.

  “How do you keep going?” Domonique asked.

  “We pray a lot. We meet with a group of officers from the area and we read and pray twice a week. We become part of programs that allow us the opportunity to be the change that we want to see in the world. I am sure that you guys have patients who are drug addicts, and you provide the tools for them to get clean as well as inform them of free services. I am also sure that sometimes it feels like it the same old story but then you get that one. The one who changes and gets better. It makes all the other times worth it. It’s the same thing with us. We do it for that one,” I explained.

  “I like that,” Domonique said.

  Shanice nodded her head in agreement.

  We sat there for a little while longer and enjoyed conversation on a variety of lighter topics. When the evening was coming to an end, Shanice order another cup of coffee for the road. She allowed me to walk her to her car. We arrived at her car and she used a key pad to unlock the doors.

  “Thank you for carrying my things and walking me out,” Shanice said to me.

  “My pleasure. Look, I don’t know if I’d ever crossed your mind since that night at the club. I have been watching my phone daily hoping for a phone call, with an invitation just to spend a little time with you. I was kind of heart broken and my self-esteem is all messed up,” I said being a little dramatic at the end.

  “I don’t date,” Shanice said kind of going cold on me. I could see the shadows of yesterday’s hurts and pains chase across her face. My heart actually hurt for a moment.

  “Okay, can I be your friend,” I asked not giving up.

  “I already have a lot of friends. Look, this isn’t me playing hard to get. You seem like a great guy and I am flattered by the interest, but I just can’t.”

  “Why not?” I asked pushing the envelope just a little.

  “I am damaged goods. It took me a long time to put myself back together. I don’t want to put myself out there like that again,” she answered.

  “Look, I am damaged too; hell we all are if we are completely honest. I just want to get to know you better. Find out all of your little quirks. Your likes and your dislikes. I want to see you laugh and hold you when you cry. We can take it as slow as you need for us to take it. Just give me a shot?” I asked one final time.

  I had never really felt like this before. I want to know her story. I want to know what happened or didn’t happen to her that turned her into the woman she is now.

  I didn’t ask her because she has her walls ready to go back up at the first sign of anything uncomfortable. She was kind of like a wild horse that someone had tried to tame. When they couldn’t they turned to abuse. As soon as the thought crossed my mind I balled my hands up on either side of me. She wouldn’t have to worry about that anymore. I had to take a few deep breathes before I relaxed my hands again.

  Shanice sat there and let my words sink in. I took the moment to take in all of her facial features. She had beautiful flawless sable brown skin, her jet black hair was gathered together in a messy ponytail on top of her head. Her eyes were the color of rich dark chocolate and she had such a serious face. During certain moments when she had smiled, her features had softened. She had beautiful full lips and straight white even teeth.

  She reached for a business card and an ink pen. She shook her head back and forth as she wrote her number down on the back of a business card.

  She handed me the card slowly and said, “That’s my personal number.”

  She was giving me a chance and I would do everything in my power to make sure that she didn’t regret it.

  “I will be calling you,” I said with a smile.

  “Good night D.C.,” Shanice said as she started the car.

  “Good night Shanice,” I said as she pulled out of the parking space.

  ~Shanice~

  Some people come in your life as a blessing and others come into your life as lessons.-Unknown

  I am awakened from yet another night filled with erotic dreams. I lay back against the mound of pillows as the now familiar ache between my thighs began to dull. I could feel the dampness between my thighs and smell the scent of my desire in the air. I closed my eyes and vivid images of the dreams that I had been having flashed on the screen of my mind’s eye. It was always Darren and I. Our bodies doing a horizontal salsa. All of this is the result of one night of dancing, one passionate kiss, and one night with coffee and books. I craved that man, my body yearned for his touch. My eyes flew open, dating and giving my heart away wasn’t in the cards for me. This man could be lethal to my resolve. I threw the covers back in an angry gesture.

  I set the coffee to brew me a single cup of coffee. Then marched into the bathroom like a zombie and turned on the shower. I stripped down out of my pajamas and climbed into the shower. I smiled because the water was already the right temperature. I lifted my face to the spray of the water, like a flower reaching for the sun and just enjoyed it for a few moments before getting back to my routine. I smeared my facial cleanser onto my face in a circular motion then grabbed my favorite body wash and poured it into my wash cloth before rubbing it all over my body. I completed my shower and dressed in my lavender colored scrubs. I unwrapped my hair, brushed it and allowed it to fall around my shoulders. I took care to put on a little make-up using earth tones so to appear a natural beauty. I grabbed my keys from my desk and reached for my thermo mug in one fluid motion pouring my coffee into as I gathered the rest of my things and headed out to my car.


  I enjoyed the morning radio show as I drove to the hospital. It was late January, and the hospital had been crawling with flu cases. I knew that it would be a busy twelve hours. I gathered my hair accessories because I knew that I would be pulling my hair up before the shift was over. I spoke to the charge nurse and got an update on the patients that were in the back bays and the ones that were waiting to be seen. I took a sip of my coffee, and prepared mentally and physically to switch gears.

  I grabbed up all the charts and went one by one to the eleven rooms that we have the back. Then I went back to the front desk and began to triage the patients that we didn’t have a room for. Whenever I had to deliver blood to the lab for analyzes I got to chat with Lamar, but not for long.

  “Today’s the day huh,” Lamar said as he accepted the tubes of blood that needed to be tested.

  I smiled back at him and said, “Indeed it is. I’ll be back shortly.” I called over my shoulder.

  I smiled to myself as I walked back down the hallway. Each day a single blood red rose with hints of yellow had been delivered with a question on the card from Darren. It was a bit much but it was also very enduring. He asked questions like what is your sign, and “what is your favorite color? It was sweet because he was trying to get to know me. Today I had agreed to join him for lunch at a popular restaurant. I had to admit I was actually excited. I was only working a half day at the hospital and I honestly needed some down time.

  I looked up at eleven thirty and Domonique was making her way into the hospital with her things.

  “Girl, you are early,” I said as she approached.

  “I wanted to give you some time to freshen up before your lunch date,” Domonique stated as she reached me a bag.

  “What is this?” I asked as I accepted the bag.

  “It’s a beautiful outfit for your first official date with Darren,” Dominique replied.

  “I was just going to wear my scrubs?” I replied.

  “I figured as much. Put forth some effort and get dolled up for him. It will probably give you a little more confidence and he would appreciate the effort, you put into it. Comb your hair out as well,” Dominque said taking in the fact that I still had my hair up in a messy ponytail.

  I decided quickly not to argue and just be grateful that Domonique had thought about things that I had not.

  “Thank you Domonique, I really appreciate it,” I said.

  “No problem, that’s what friends are for. Go ahead and get changed. I got it from here,” she said taking over the nurse’s station.

  I took a quick shower in the locker room and dressed in a thick peach colored sweater and a knee length jean skirt. I put some lotion on my legs and feet. I applied my make-up with extra care before unwrapping my hair. I combed through my thick jet black hair with a rack comb. I still had plenty of body and shine. I was pleased. I slipped my feet into a pair of wheat colored wedge heels and then I was ready to go. As I folded up my scrubs and placed them into my locker, I also reached for my body spray and sprayed a couple of drops on my pressure points.

  As I took one more look at myself in the mirror I realized that I was both excited and scared. It was exciting because I am physically attracted to Darren. I am excited because I had finally taken myself off the bench of this game called life. Even if this went nowhere I had put myself back into the game. I was scared of putting my heart out there on the line just to get heartbroken again. I don’t think I can survive putting myself back together.

  Lamar walked in just as I was about to get myself all worked up.

  He let out a low whistle before saying, “you are seriously beautiful. Are you ready, because the gentleman is waiting?” Lamar asked.

  “Thank you, yes, I am ready,” I said smiling back at Lamar.

  “Leave everything but your purse you can come back and get your things later as well as tell us everything,” Lamar said teasingly.

  “Okay,” I said as I put my things back into my locker.

  “After you madam,” Lamar said and walked up front with me.

  I spotted Darren as soon as we walked into the lobby. He was dressed in a white button down dress shirt with a pair of indigo blue jeans. He held the most beautiful arrangement of yellow and orange roses in his hands.

  I smiled a smile as big as all outdoors, I can’t believe that he remembered what my favorite flower was.

  “Hello,” I said as I approached.

  “Hello, you look beautiful. These are for you,” he said as he reached me the flowers.

  “Thank you so much, they are beautiful. You look handsome as well. Let me put these in some water and we can be on our way,” I said prepared to walk back to the nurses station.

  “I got them, Domonique responded. You two just run along and have some fun.”

  I smiled at Domonique and Lamar who weren’t even trying to hide how nosey they really truly are.

  “I will see you guys later, I said as I turned to Darren said, I am ready.”

  We walked out of the hospital together. We approached his car, he unlocked the door and held it up for me.

  “Thank you,” I said as he closed the door and I secured my seatbelt.

  He walked around and got into the driver’s seat and secured his seatbelt as well.

  He was listening to a local radio station that played songs from the top ten of a variety of genres. We enjoyed the customary small talk conversation on the way to the restaurant. When we arrived, Darren walked around and opened my door for me again as well as held the door to the restaurant and entered after me. The icing on the cake was when we were seated he held the chair out for me. Is he super sweet or what, I thought to myself. A perfect gentleman.

  The waitress placed two menus on the table and took our drink order. I scanned the menu quickly and selected an item from the two for twenty-two dollars menu. I sat there looking at his warm chestnut brown hair as he poured over the menu. His eyes were a warm cognac color and he had twin dimples. His lips were fuller than the average European American, but I know that is from his mixed heritage of Spanish and European American. His skin was naturally tanned. He was very handsome. He also smelled so good. It was a sexy blend of orange tree blossom, something citrus, guaiac wood, Tonka bean, and bergamot. It was light but intoxicating.

  He looked up from his menu and discussed our menu choices, right before the waitress came and took our orders.

  “Thank you so much for finally agreeing to go out with me,” Darren said.

  “It has been my pleasure, I replied sincerely. So what is your favorite color, your sign, and what do you like to do for fun?” I asked reciting some of the questions he had asked me via the flowers.

  “I love beige, black, and white, I am a Capricorn, and I like to go hiking, mountain climbing, local concerts, dancing, house parties, playing all kinds of sports and I like to read,” he replied answering my questions with ease.

  “Okay, what is your favorite movie?” I asked as I took a sip of my tea.

  “I have too many to name just one, but I absolutely love the Fast and Furious series,” he replied.

  “Name one thing about yourself that will absolutely shock me?” I asked.

  “I have a son, his name is Immanuel Rodriquez, and he is four years old. We call him Manny. He lives with his mom and I don’t get to see him as much as I would like.”

  “Why?” I asked.

  “His mother and I don’t see eye to eye on many things. She uses him as a bargaining tool to get her way. The court system leans towards the mother having the child during his/her infant years. I pay my child support and I get him every opportunity that I have. I buy clothes, toys, and educational tools for him and drop them off. I am trying my best,” he finished.

  I reached across the table and held his hand for a brief moment. I was trying to reassure him that I believed him and I trusted him.

  “Do you want to see a picture of him?” he asked as he reached for his phone.

  “Sure,” I said genuinely
curious.

  Oh, he was a handsome young fellow with black curly hair; he had rich caramel colored skin, and nut brown eyes. He was dressed nice and loved to smile it seemed.

  “He is a handsome fellow,” I said aloud.

  “He gets it from his father,’ Darren said playfully.

  “Oh, last question before our meal comes, what are your plans for the future?” I asked.

  “I want to continue in my career in law enforcement, I want to build a custom designed home from the ground up, I want to continue to work with the kids in the neighborhood, and I want to pursue an avenue where I can get partial custody of my son,” he answered.

  Our spinach dip and chips arrived at the same time as our meal. We had been so engaged in our meal that we haven’t even noticed that our appetizer hadn’t arrived. We enjoyed our meals. He had a half rack of ribs, a loaded baked potato, and a salad with honey mustard salad dressing. I had a steak, cooked medium well, loaded baked potato, and a salad with honey mustard dressing. Rather than pass on dessert, we ordered a single brownie with roasted pecans, covered in hot fudge with a scoop of vanilla ice cream with two spoons.

  He picked up the check and left the tip. Then drove me back to the hospital, were he did not kiss me but he did walk me into the hospital. I was more disappointed than I had a right to be. I was the one who said I wanted to take things slow.

  I laid my jacket on the counter along with my purse and walked swiftly to catch up with him.

  “D.C.,” I called out to him as he reached his car.

  As I approached he asked, “did your forget something?”

  “Ah, yeah,” I said as I closed in the gap between us and stood on my tip toes to kiss him.

  I thought you wanted to go slow, mama,” Darren stated as he lowered his head.

  “Not that slow,” I said as he gathered me in his warm embrace and devoured my mouth.

  I melted into him as he deepened the kiss.

  When we finally broke the kiss, I said, “thank you for today. Now don’t make me ask you for a kiss ever again, understood?” I said with more courage than I had.