Lovefool (complete 1st part of Lovefool trilogy)
Page 63
#61 SAY IT RIGHT
Mia covered herself with the blanket and went down from the room she was sleeping in into the kitchen. She felt that her medicine was successfully protecting her from the pain. It had to be a dose for a hippopotamus, other way it wouldn't work. Mia knew she should not move around much, but she had to speak with him. He wasn't a human being. Somehow, she knew it already. She assumed it for a long time, although she was scared to think about Julian this way. It was more logical that she wasn't at her senses, but if he told her the truth, then she was right in her theory. So what was he? Somehow, she wasn't scared either. She was curious. If he would like to hurt her, he would have done it already a long time ago. He had been helping her up to now, even if she didn't make it easy for him.
She was home alone. She came into the kitchen and sat down at one of the chairs. This kitchen still gave the impression that it was rarely used. It was strange. For Mia, every kitchen was the main room in every apartment. She couldn't imagine it was different. She remembered how she was sitting in the kitchen with her mother and observed how her mother was cooking or baking. A kitchen has to be full of life, otherwise you don’t feel like home – her mother said it, touched Mia’s nose and left some trail of flour there. Mia laughed. Her mother laughed back. Even now, Mia could hear this laughter in her ears. It echoed shortly in her head, then in this kitchen and came out through an open window.
It was cold here. It was the last April evening and it was quite fresh. Mia would normally go and close this window, but now she was too tired. Walking to the kitchen was already straining. If you don't want to waste your energy, you should keep it for the moment you really need it. She appreciated it even more in the last few weeks.
Mia waited for him and Julian did apparently not intend to come back. She laid her head on the table and stretched her arms out in front of her. She was observing her hands. The internal side of them was a mosaic of lines. She had read in a book about the line of living, the line of heart and many other very important lines.
Then she felt something. It was a wave of air, but she turned around and there was nothing. Nothing changed. The kitchen looked the same: the cup of tea stayed at a cupboard and washed plates laid out at a dryer. Nevertheless, she trembled shortly. It wasn't cold, it wasn't warm, but it was a wave of air strong enough to move her hair.
Mia sat straight at the chair and looked around once more. Her movements became slower. She thought the draft might come from the open window, but the white curtains didn't move. It was suspicious.
-Julian? – Mia asked and thought she was the crazy one who wants to prove something herself, which doesn’t make sense.
Of course, she didn't get an answer.
Mia looked around for the third time and then she saw him. Julian was standing at the other side of the kitchen table. She was so surprised that she startled. Her breath stayed just in her throat.
Julian was unnaturally calm and concentrated. He observed her a couple of minutes and it felt like an eternity for her. However, Mia didn't want to be the one who starts talking. She waited. She felt, he had to get together inside and then he would speak.
Indeed, it was so. Julian watched her intensively and his deep blue eyes changed the tone from very deep blue to the familiar one. It was fascinating to watch this spectacle.
Finally, he opened his mouth, but she couldn't hear the whisper. He noticed her reaction and said louder:
-It is not easy for me, and everything I will say can shock you. It is beyond anything you are familiar with. In addition, once you get to know my secret, there will be no return. You can't jump the track and you won’t find the rewind button. That’s why I have to ask you whether you do want to know my secret.
Mia wanted to answer just in this moment, but he shook his head and she knew she should stay quiet. Julian kept on talking in his very kind and pleasant tone.
-If you decide to say “yes”, what I am not hoping, you have to be prepared for great troubles. It’s indeed very serious. Such a betrayal of my secret is penalized with the greatest punishments of all: you will have to die in the worst case. That’s why I don’t expect your answer now. You have to think about it. It is up to you. I am scared not because I can die, but because I am afraid for your life.
Julian looked sadly at her and her heart slowed down notably.
-It isn’t about my life now, it’s not important. It is all my fault; I should not let this happen. So please, follow my advice and choose the option I recommended.
Mia knew already which answer she had for him, but she knew as well that it wasn't the proper time to say it. She had to wait for a while and then come back to this topic. The only thing she could ask him now was this one specific question:
-And what will happen with you, when I follow your recommended option?
Julian looked even more sad, but somehow relieved.
-You will never see me again.
-So briefly summarized: if I won’t discover your secret, you will disappear from my life and I will live furthermore as if I had never met you at all, and if you tell me your secret I will die? Correct?
Julian didn't move. He was still observing each of her reactions and the way she was speaking. She wasn't unsettled. She was indeed still.
-Yes. – He said, and then he added quite fast:
-No. I cannot say whether you will die. It is not up to me. It won’t be my decision, but I have to count with the worst. There were no exceptions until now, because this situation is unique.
-In the worst-case scenario we will both have to die?
-Yes. – He confirmed and let his head fall down.
Julian was looking at the floor while she slowly stood up from her chair and went towards him step by step. He didn't move although he heard her coming. Mia came to him and wanted to hug him. Her hands started to twine around his body. He was tense and felt like a rock. His skin wasn’t gentle anymore. Mia's surprise was written on her face. In this moment, he just stepped aside. His movement was so fast that she hugged the air and was astonished by this fact. She looked shocked at him, standing two steps further away from her.
-I am sorry, I can’t. You should rest. When you’re getting better, I’ll take you home and I won’t ever bother you again. – He said painfully.
She frowned and opened her mouth to say something. Julian was quicker again, he laid his hand on her lips, and at the same time, he shook his head. She should not speak now.
His skin was very tender and his move was fluently like of a crouching tiger.
They stayed in this position for a while until he was sure, she wouldn't say a word. She looked at him as if she would guess what he was thinking about. He was too confused and too torn to let her come up with some arguments against this solution.
-Would you like to eat? You haven’t eaten since yesterday… - He said then with his normal, pleasant tone.
She nodded. In fact, she got hungry, when she heard it. Her body demanded some food. He took some things out of the fridge and laid them at the kitchen’s table. Then he left the room again.