The Weirdest Noob

by Arthur Stone

  Ros took a few steps back to evade the potential menace. And just in time, too, as three miniaturized copies of the first thylbit came out into the torchlight. These wore no capes; two were armed with short spears, and the third had a sword hanging from his waist. The creatures surrounded the body of their kinsman and engaged in what appeared to be conversation, making clicking sounds. They were obviously discussing the incident. Ros feared they might run back to get reinforcements, which was the last thing he needed.

  He’d killed the bigger one without any trouble, so the three smaller ones shouldn’t be that hard.

  “Gorgeous! Get them! Stun!”

  The stunning was not completely successful—two of the thylbits froze, while the third struck at the leprus with its spear.

  “Hit this one!” Ros shouted. “Then give the other two a lick each, and then strangle them, one after another!”

  The command had a purpose—he wanted the creatures to be angry at the leprus, not him. He’d had many marks left on him with claws and fangs at the beginning of his career as a noob for rushing to attack his quarry before his pet had dealt it any damage, or simply letting himself be detected first. The leprus was much more intelligent than a zombie rat, and understood most complex commands.

  The Stun soon wore off, and all three of the mobs attacked the pet. His HP bar flickered, but did not shrink visibly—in no small part thanks to the leprus munching on the head of the nimble spear-wielder in a chokehold, and thus replenishing its own health. Ros cast a healing spell on his pet nevertheless—it would raise his Intellect stat, and extra mana points wouldn’t be amiss.

  “You kill the Thylbit Scout. XP received: 931. Points left until the next level: no data. Attention: you need to unlock your account to be able to raise your level. Attention! You have found a creature that has not yet been added to the world bestiary! You receive a reward: +5 to Vigor! You can receive the reward for discovering a new creature at the Academy of Magic.”

  Drawing closer, Ros threw his pike, cast a heal, and then grabbed his pickaxe and started helping the leprus vanquish the remaining foes. The reward wasn’t long in coming: “Your Strength grows by 1. Current value: 21. Your Intellect grows by 1. Current value: 11.”

  He barely managed to rejoice at the news when something quite unexpected happened—a shadow flickered to his left with a whistling sound, and a long arrow plunged into his shoulder, causing a sharp pain.

  “An unknown creature hits you for 39 damage.”

  It was the first time Ros encountered a monster dealing damage over distance—and one attacking as suddenly as this. Collecting himself quickly, he jumped to the side, realizing that the archer was shooting from the same gallery the scouts had come from.

  “Gorgeous! Head in that direction! Punish the bastard! Strangle him!”

  The new foe didn’t resist long.

  “You kill the Thylbit Archer. XP received: 784. Points left until the next level: no data. Attention: you need to unlock your account to be able to raise your level. Attention! You have found a creature that has not yet been added to the world bestiary! You receive a reward: +1 to Vigor! You can receive the reward for discovering a new creature at the Academy of Magic. Your Stamina grows by 1. Current value: 20. Your Summoning grows by 1. Current value: 13.”

  Ros found two more scouts at the very end of the same gallery. They were lounging on the rocks, shooting dice.

  No discipline whatsoever…

  The scouts helped him raise his Mental Power. He carried on through the main tunnel, and was soon attacking two thylbit guards found standing in a pool of torchlight. One of them managed to slash at the leprus with a halberd, but to little effect. Six scouts arrived shortly from another gallery to investigate the noise, forcing Ros to start dodging arrows from two archers at once—for some reason, the two had chosen Ros as their target and not the pet. Fortunately, both were lousy shots.

  Apart from the thylbits that still had to be finished off, he saw something else in the gallery—something mining galleries were made for, in fact.

  “High-density quartzite with purple quartz veins and a bright purple geode. Chance of finding an amethyst crystal: 89.72%. Chance of finding an additional amethyst crystal: 39.35%. Chance of discovering an unexpected resource: 0.08%.”

  He couldn’t help himself and started tapping away with his pickaxe.

  “Amethyst crystal. Bright purple, extremely clear. Weight: 6.7 g.”

  He never saw gems of this quality before, and knew nothing about their value, but suspected it to be considerable. It appeared that, apart from mobs dropping valuable loot, the dungeon was also full of valuable resources.

  He decided against taking to mining right away—the mobs needed to be exterminated first.

  Ros soon realized that such dungeons provided opportunity for more than moneymaking, as he was leveling at a much faster rate. He received a ton of experience for the mobs, but more importantly, he didn’t need to waste any time looking for them. There were between one and three guards at every intersection, and up to a dozen scouts and archers in the galleries, which were hardly longer than a hundred feet. Whereas in the mine the most rat-infested areas would usually yield ten or twelve kills an hour, here he’d managed to slay more than forty thylbits over the same period, having passed four intersections of the main tunnel and sidewise galleries. And their level was at least thirty times higher than that of the rats.

  Though his level wasn’t budging, his stats were growing at such a rate that he found no reason to complain.

  By evening he’d mopped up another eleven intersections. Wobbly with fatigue, he was becoming skittish, flinching at the first hint of danger, taught by experience not to underestimate the danger in the face of sneaky perfidious archers, who were also masters of disguise.

  It was time to finish his hunt. Another battle, another gallery, and he would head back to get some sleep.

  He saw something that surprised him at the next intersection—instead of the familiar guards, it was guarded by thylbits that looked rather intimidating. One was tall and broad-shouldered, with a brightly-polished cuirass and a helmet to match, carrying a heavy double-bladed hatchet, and two more that looked just like him, only clad in leather armor and with long broadswords at the waist.

  Though the three guards looked strong, the battle didn’t last that long. Ros kept to the standard scenario, getting the pet to stun and then hit all three, and then strangle them one by one while Ros healed the leprus, threw his pike, and hit the mobs with his pickaxe, aiming at their vulnerable spots for a better shot at landing a crit—he was becoming much more proficient at it, and raising his Agility as a result.

  “You kill the Thylbit Swordsman. XP received: 1422. Points left until the next level: no data. Attention: you need to unlock your account to be able to raise your level. Attention! You have found a creature that has not yet been added to the world bestiary! You receive a reward: +20 HP! You can receive the reward for discovering a new creature at the Academy of Magic. Your Accuracy grows by 1. Current value: 7. You kill the Thylbit Commander. XP received: 1796. Points left until the next level: no data. Attention: you need to unlock your account to be able to raise your level. Attention! You have found a creature that has not yet been added to the world bestiary! You receive a reward: +1 to Disguise. You can receive the reward for discovering a new creature at the Academy of Magic. Achievement completed: Monster Researcher. Achievement bonus: +1 to Reason, +1 to Perception, +1 to Arcane Knowledge. Random auxiliary stat unlocked: Poison Specialist. Achievement unlocked: Master Monster Researcher. Discover ten monsters that have not yet been added to the world bestiary to complete the achievement. Achievement bonus: random.”

  Immediately following this message, mobs started to pour out of the gallery in larger numbers than usual, and there was no more time for Ros to admire his new achievements—the leprus could not hit all the creatures with his Stun spell at once.

  It looked as though he’d have to level up hi
s Stamina some more.

  * * *

  At the end of the incomplete day, Ros ended up raising many stats aside from Stamina, as the dungeon ended up proving a veritable treasure trove of leveling opportunity, even for a character as challenged as his. One point to Agility, two points to Strength and Stamina each, and three to Intellect as well as Attack. That made ten primary stat points raised just from mobs, without counting the achievement bonuses.

  The loot was nothing to grumble about, either. The thylbits dropped no entrails, but he’d found tons of armor, clothing, and accessories. Unfortunately, most of the stuff was cheap junk, but Ros nevertheless managed to get an enhanced sword, a belt, a few rings, and a glove. He had a very vague idea of the prices they’d fetch, but the extra stats looked nice, and there were a lot of them. Even if he earned a hundred silver pieces for each item, he’d end up receiving around five hundred for everything. And this was just the beginning of the dungeon.

  Dungeon crawling was turning out to be a lot less scary than the picture Pup had painted.

  Then again, no way Pup could have foreseen the ace up Ros’ sleeve—his seemingly invincible monster of a pet?

  Chapter 26

  Some data center somewhere.

  “Is there anyone here capable of explaining just what is going on?!”

  “Actually, we were kind of hoping you could do that.”

  “And whatever gave you that bright idea?”

  “Well, you are one of Second World’s leading developers…”

  “Oh, but I developed nothing of the sort, and there should be nothing like it in the gameplay. As for the governing AI issue, we aren’t the only ones to panic. Have you tested the data media again?”

  “Four times over—everything’s in perfect order.”

  “Can you guarantee that the blaze didn’t damage them?”

  “This is your experts’ conclusion.”

  “I’m asking you, not them.”

  “Yes, I can guarantee it. The fire source was a few dozen feet away from the data media, and they were all shut down at once as per protocol. They kept operating on emergency power all the while, and the fire never reached them. We had them connected to a backup server, and that was when we found out the AI was down. The storage media are there, but no attempts at launching the software have proven successful, even in test mode. We have no idea what could have happened to it. We just don’t know. Physically, the AI is there, but we have no access to it de facto.”

  “We will ask the developers of the system regarding any precedents. Do not attempt anything else until then.”

  “Understood.”

  “Someone should also get in touch with this player at once.”

  “We have already tried.”

  “And?”

  “No success.”

  “Disconnect him from the server—we’ll apologize later. I only hope he doesn’t get stuck inside the game when we do it.”

  “There is a problem.”

  “Did he already get stuck? How did you find out without disconnecting him?”

  “I’m afraid the nature of the problem is a whole lot more original.”

  * * *

  The next morning, as he was mopping up the monsters in yet another gallery, a long-anticipated thing happened:

  “Achievement completed: Giant Bane. Achievement bonus: 3 undistributed primary base stat points, 1 undistributed secondary base stat point, +1 to Summoning, 15 magic energy points, and 45 Fury points. Bonus effect: permanent. Achievement unlocked: Giant Vanquisher. Kill 400 monsters whose level exceeds yours by thirty or more without any help to complete the achievement. Achievement bonus: random. Achievement completed: achievement database error. Achievement bonus: Chaos Arrow, a unique skill. Achievement unlocked: achievement database error. Kill 400 monsters whose level exceeds yours tenfold or more without any help to complete the achievement. Achievement bonus: achievement database error.”

  Strange… It was clear enough that the two achievements were being completed simultaneously. It just so happened that Ros had instantly switched from measly rats to mobs in the thirty plus level range. However, the mysterious “achievement database error” suggested that he might receive far more substantial bonuses than just another magic skill. And yet, none of his stats had grown, which was somewhat irritating.

  What kind of skill did he receive, anyway?

  “Unique ability: Chaos Arrow. There cannot be more than one wielder of this skill. The caster’s hand releases a ball of primordial Chaos that strikes the foe at the speed of lightning, dealing Chaos damage. Ignores all defenses and resistances. Magic energy cost: 15 points. Fury cost: 5 points. Base damage: 25 points. Cooldown: 12 seconds. 5% chance of removing all buffs from the target. 5% chance of dealing double damage while stealing 25 hit points. Partially homing. Dynamic skill: the stats grow along with the character’s level. Can be modified into Chaos Javelin.”

  The skill seemed odd. It was the first one that required Fury points from the bar that had puzzled him initially. It had later turned out that the bar became refilled as he mined for ore, and even faster during hunting, especially when he dealt or received damage.

  Ros couldn’t tell whether he received a rare prize or an overripe lemon, so he headed onward. There was a rather bright luminescence further down the tunnel, which looked nothing like the light of a single torch.

  * * *

  The tunnel led to an enormous hall, the center of which was occupied by a crater that looked like a smaller copy of the one Ros used to access the Ravenas copper mine. Large tents of thick green canvas lined the perimeter, with fires burning in front of some of them, and thylbits of all kinds sitting around the fire. Ros watched one of them approach the fire with a bundle of wood from a mining cart and start feeding the flame. Strangely, all the smoke the fires exuded was hardly noticeable, despite the space being a cave, and not an open area.

  He looked up, but saw no ceiling—only another veil of mist, just like the one at the dungeon’s entrance.

  There were many thylbits—Ros counted twenty-five of them altogether. He had already killed a far higher number, but never this many at once. Were this entire mob to pounce on him at the same time, he wouldn’t suffer for too long.

  And they would definitely attack all together. He was lucky to have evaded detection so far. The minute he stepped out of the tunnel, he’d be in for some fun. Should so much as a single mob fail to direct their aggro at the leprus, he might be in for a rebirth. What did the system recommend? Take along some friends level forty-five or higher? Such players should have at least two hundred and fifty primary stat points between their level, gear, and all sorts of bonuses. Ros only had one hundred and thirty-four. He was also a virtually naked noob, whereas players wore armor and wielded weapons of the appropriate level. Not long ago, mobs could snuff him out in a single blow. Now it would take eight or nine—if he got very lucky.

  Ros crawled back cautiously, and mused:

  “Time to reprise the role of revolutionaries defending barricades…”

  * * *

  The mining carts were old—some even fell to pieces when he tried to move them. But Ros didn’t care, gathering any construction material he could find, including rotten debris. The barricade made from the remnants of mining vehicles and rocks grew quickly. Fortunately, he didn’t have to carry any heavy loads or hurl them on top—the leprus performed all the hardest menial labor.

  Ros stuck a few sharpened stakes here and there aimed at discouraging the thylbits from forcing the barricade, having made them out of planks that he’d split with a pickaxe and sharpened with a knife. They weren’t much of an obstacle—it would be easy enough for the mobs to break through his fortifications if they really wanted to. Ros hoped the leprus would not let him down.

  Ros made his way toward the thylbit camp cautiously. He thought about firing an arrow, but decided he would probably miss from this distance. Perhaps he should try his shiny new spell? He’d forgotten about it co
mpletely, yet it should be more effective in terms of aggro than even Soul Trap due to actually dealing damage.

  Ros chose a thylbit scout sitting near a fire as the honorary first guinea pig, thrust a hand in the mob’s direction, and mentally activated the skill icon. His hand let loose a blob of inky black matter that rushed to meet the target, stretching into a thin spindle-like shape.

  “You hit the Thylbit Scout for 37 damage.”

  Why was he dealing so much damage? He had been barely managing eight or nine points when smashing these mobs on the back of the head with his powerful pickaxe, sparing no effort, while the spell delivered four times that much!

  He had to run as he pondered this, and run as fast as he could, with the collective clicking of the enraged thylbits urging him on. An arrow whistled over his head, and he set to running in unpredictable zigzags, cursing himself for having placed his barricade too far away from the exit.

  Another arrow, followed by another. None of them found their mark. The thylbits were poor shots—firing from a long distance, lacking the patience to get nearer. And he wasn’t just any noob, but a noob with high Agility, which made him much harder to hit.

  At last, he reached safety. Darting through the passage in the barricade, Ros shouted:

  “Gorgeous! This way! Stand guard! Block the passage! Slash at them as they approach! Kill! Stay put!”

  The pet obeyed, blocking the passage with the bulk of his body and meeting the nimblest scout with a wide swing of the paw. The rest crowded in the back—not all of them, just the vanguard, but it was imperative that none would reach the barricade.

  “Panic! Hit them with panic!”

  That wasn’t the most useful skill, since it made most of the foes scatter in fear, albeit for a short time. There was no point in using it while hunting—why would anyone want their quarry to run away? But here the utility of the skill was on full display.