The Weirdest Noob

by Arthur Stone

  Truly, it would be hard to find a more warped character than him…

  Oh, and Ros did hadn’t yet cleared the lowest level of the dungeon. But he did meet a new mob at the end of it.

  And it was a very strange mob, indeed.

  Chapter 28

  “Trathkazir the First, Viceroy of Chaos. Level: hidden. Abilities: hidden. Stats: hidden.”

  “Attention! You have found a creature that has not yet been added to the world bestiary! You receive a reward: 1 undistributed secondary base stat point. You can receive the reward for discovering a new creature at the Academy of Magic.”

  This was something new. He didn’t even have to kill the beast to earn the achievement, receiving it just for looking at the ugly thing.

  Now why would that be…

  Viceroy Trathkazir sat at the far end of an oval hall, perched on an enormous drum upholstered in red fabric as a kind of throne. The path to the monster led through a colonnade of sorts formed by gigantic stalactites hanging from the ceiling of the cave, with the floor carpeted with the same garish red as the upholstery. There were no torches here, but the space was well-lit by a strange luminescence that radiated from behind the mob in waves, its source ostensibly being the far wall of the cave.

  As for the creature, it looked very much unpleasant. And it wasn’t just that humans found insects revolting, and anthropomorphic insects doubly so. Ros was prepared to let that slide. What he couldn’t forgive was the fact that the creature was some nine feet tall even sitting down.

  He looked at the leprus sideways, comparing their respective bulks, and found the disparity somewhat depressing. He recollected yet another tidbit of info Pup had told him once. This must be the final mob. The top dog in the entire raid dungeon.

  But Ros had no raid party of high-level players to accompany him. He was on his own. On many occasions both he and his pet had been a step away from death as they descended through the levels of the dungeon. This, however, promised to be a whole new level of peril. He was looking at the final round of the battle, with this overgrown freak guarding the dungeon’s most valuable prizes.

  Should he head back? No way—he didn’t come all the way here just to turn back and not even try getting his hands on the sweetest stuff.

  He might die, but that wasn’t such a terrible thing in the game. Thirty days had already passed, so was no longer bound to the mine, and would respawn a long way away from Greedie. He might lose his pet, but he’d soon have to part ways with him, anyway, no matter how much the thought of it upset him. They had gone through a lot together, after all. The pet may have been a zombie raised from a nondescript grey crystal, but Ros had gotten quite used to the leprus.

  If the loss was indeed inevitable, he’d have to get over it one way or another.

  So, what was he working with? 682 hit points altogether, with item bonuses. The boss may be fearsome, but surely it wouldn’t be able to take off as much in a single hit… Or would it?

  Ros would prefer not to find out personally…

  The boss twitched and peered at the entrance to the hall, then chirped something—Ros thought he perceived a mocking intonation.

  They must have been made. Or, most likely, the boss had noticed them long ago, and was now hinting that they shouldn’t tarry too long. Ros was a simple noob, his numerous successes notwithstanding, so the boss’ Perception had to be higher than his Disguise.

  “All right, Gorgeous, I believe in you. Let’s show that freak! Get him! Stun!”

  The leprus darted forth along the red carpet. The viceroy didn’t even rise, simply waving a thin arm. The very air before the boss formed a jelly-like blob that hung in the air for a split second, then caught the running pet full in the chest with the speed of an arrow.

  The leprus as though crashed into a stone wall, falling a few paces back, his HP bar shrinking by ten-fifteen percent. Were Ros to attempt a heal, the boss would turn its attention to him; and even if he managed to withstand one such blow, the next one would surely kill him.

  The pet tried to rise, but was thrown back with the same spell at once, rolling across the red carpet.

  Ros bit his lip, then raised a hand and activated the Chaos Arrow icon. He had to save the leprus.

  “You hit Trathkazir the First, Viceroy of Chaos, for 36 damage.”

  Ros did not wait for inevitable retribution, jumping aside and hiding behind a stalagmite. The rock icicle instantly shook as though struck with a huge steam hammer from the other side. Another blow followed a few seconds later.

  “Gorgeous, stun!”

  There was another blow, followed by another. Rock dust started to fall onto his head, and then the stalagmite itself shook and toppled. Ros hopped behind the next one, catching a brief glimpse of the leprus frozen in a runner’s posture, his paws thrust toward the boss who had risen from the drum and was unhurriedly heading toward Ros. The creature’s intentions were clear—to swiftly dispatch a certain pesky someone to his next incarnation.

  What a bastard! The boss also had Stun, or another skill with a similar effect. The pet was helpless, and Ros would have to wait for the effect to wear off.

  A new stalagmite started to shake under the boss’ blows, but then the sounds of hammering suddenly stopped, replaced by the familiar sounds of scuffle. Ros took a peek and saw something quite pleasant: having come to his senses, the pet was attacking the boss in the most perfidious manner—from behind. Specifically, the leprus was clutching the boss by the throat with both paws, following his ingrained habit of strangling. Alas, the trick wasn’t going to work this time—the boss’ bulk was just too enormous.

  “Do not strangle! Stop! Hit him! Stun!”

  The Stun spell failed to incapacitate the boss. However, its HP bar flickered as the leprus started to tear at its neck and mug with sharp talons.

  “Chew on him!” shouted Ros, casting one heal after another.

  The viceroy darted toward the closest stalagmite back-first, smashing the leprus into the rock. But the pet did not release his grasp, holding fast with one paw while slashing at the boss with the other at a rapid rate, and gnawing at Trathkazir with his long fangs. The boss dealt the leprus another blow, followed by another. Yet, the pet’s HP bar did not shrink. On the contrary, it was growing, albeit slowly, as the leprus kept stealing HP from the boss; apart from that, Ros was now much more efficient with his healing. His Mental Power had grown, and his accessories raised it even further, and that was the main stat responsible for heals, as well as magic damage.

  The boss started to chirp furiously and spun about, driving the leprus into the stalagmite. All to no avail—the pet held on like a famished tick. The viceroy emitted a shrill whistle, and waves of upturned stone rolled across the floor in concentric circles, sending heavy rocks flying. Ros was knocked off his feet and yelled, feeling a sharp pain in the back as something heavy crashed into him. Another blow on the head made him dizzy.

  “Trathkazir the First, Viceroy of Chaos, hits you for 149 damage. Trathkazir the First, Viceroy of Chaos, hits you for 162 damage. Debuff received: you are disoriented. For the next 45 seconds, spells will take twice the normal time to cast.”

  As Ros scrambled to his feet, he kept casting Heal, while his other hand rummaged in his belt. There were two potions in its pockets, and the time seemed just right to drink one so as to get some of his health back.

  The boss’ health bar had shrunk almost by half, but the same was true of the leprus. And the spells were now taking Ros a frustratingly long time to cast due to the debuff.

  “Stone Skin!” he shouted.

  The leprus had received the skill from one of the thylbit mages. It was the reason why they had been enduring his strangling far longer than most, reducing the incoming damage by several times. The skill’s biggest downside was its overly long cooldown, which meant you could only use it once per battle.

  The pet’s HP bar started creeping up again, while the boss’ kept on shrinking. Clicking furiously, the bug sent
forth another stone wave, but as soon as Ros heard the familiar sound, he dashed toward the exit, dodging the impact. He produced a mana potion out of his bag on the way back—even though his mana regenerated at a high speed, aided by the items looted off the mages, he was still spending it at an alarmingly fast rate.

  The boss, in the meantime, had managed to land a few good hits, crushing the leprus and finally shattering the unfortunate stalagmite. Its HP scale kept shrinking fast, but the leprus was likewise disturbingly close to dying. Ros kept casting one Heal after another, his mana points vanishing frighteningly fast. He wanted to run closer and help, but that would be dumb—he wouldn’t take more than a few percent off the boss’ HP even if he kept hammering at the creature for an hour. The difference in levels and stats was just too high.

  The viceroy howled, its voice sounding almost human. It had no more than fifteen percent health left, while the leprus had at least twenty. The boss must have realized the battle was all but over.

  But no—Trathkazir was simply preparing for another dirty trick. The air in the cave started to shimmer, and there was a wave of heat, as if an enormous oven popped open somewhere nearby. Another wave of concentric circles rushed forth from the boss, but this time made of fire and not rock. The red carpet and the “drum’s” upholstery caught fire, and some smears on the walls of the cave began emitting a putrid smoke. Ros didn’t manage to reach the exit in time, and was soon rolling on the ground trying to put out the flames, yelling shrilly with pain. Thankfully, he had gotten caught by the very fringes of the spell, when it no longer had full potency. But in the epicenter, where the two foes were locked in a deadly battle, the flame roared like a hungry tiger.

  Ros saw most of it in his peripheral vision, fighting through the pain that was unbearable. Such games should be banned well before release—this level of realism is too much, he thought to himself.

  The ground shook. Something smacked into Ros’ leg as an enormous piece of stalactite came crashing down right next to his head. He was gulping the hot air with cracked lips, trying to evade the heat still emitted by the combatants that were rolling on the floor of the cave.

  “Your summoned creature dies.”

  Farewell, leprus… Well, at least we tried…

  The floor shook again.

  “Trathkazir the First, Viceroy of Chaos, is hit for 926 damage. Critical hit: broken skull.”

  What could that be? Ros peeked from behind a rock, still cherishing some naïve hope.

  At the final stage of the battle, the boss and the leprus had rolled all over the floor, holding fast to each other and crashing into numerous stalagmites. Weakened by the viceroy’s magic, the stalagmites didn’t always withstand the impact—some of them fell, which explained the rumbling earth and the scattered debris.

  As the boss finished off the charred leprus, suffering no damage from its own fire, it began to crawl out from underneath the pet’s body. But that was when disaster struck—a stalactite that had been uncertain as to whether or not it should fall finally decided that it should. And it fell so fortuitously that the top of the viceroy’s skull got sheared right off, revealing a whitish brain with only two acid-green gyri.

  The boss was pinned down by the enormous weight, trying to free its damaged head. It looked a lot worse for the wear, its HP bar near-empty with less than one percent health left.

  Ros got up hastily, favoring the hurt leg, and started toward the viceroy, taking the pickaxe out of his bag. Upon reaching the boss, he stuck it into the creature’s open skull, and started to rotate his peaceful mining implement like a blender blade, turning the inside of the boss’ skull into goo.

  “Critical damage dealt: grave craniocerebral injury. You kill Trathkazir the First, Viceroy of Chaos.”

  Ros didn’t even feel cheated by the brevity of the message. The boss had drained him completely—both physically, leaving a measly forty-six HP, and mentally, with his soul feeling totally empty. The pain from the blows and the burns was abating, but the feeling of emptiness persisted. He had spent too long underground, and this battle was the last straw—the heaviest of them all. He had won, but he was in no condition to celebrate his victory.

  He also pitied the poor leprus so much he could cry.

  He had gotten used to the pet, becoming truly attached to a cluster of digits generated by a computer program.

  “Attention: please wait. A database error has occurred because of an unpredictable concurrence of low-probability events. Scenario merging. Initial data reloaded. Location data loaded. Battle logs loaded. Scenario debugging. Scenario initiation.”

  What was that all about? He had never seen messages like that before.

  “Attention! Displaying the logs in full will take up to forty minutes of real time. Do you agree to have the logs displayed in brief? Yes/No.”

  Ros didn’t care either way. However, the flickering system messages irritated him, so he chose “Yes.”

  “Confirmation accepted. The logs will be displayed in brief. Worldwide messages will be displayed every minute. Beginning of the event. Trathkazir the First, Viceroy of Chaos, is dead. XP received: 439. Points left until the next level: no data. Attention: you need to unlock your account to be able to raise your level. Your Strength grows by 2. Current value: 37. Your Agility grows by 1. Current value: 44. Your Mental Power grows by 9. Current value: 24. Your Intellect grows by 11. Current value: 38. Your Attack grows by 3. Current value: 26. Your Summoning grows by 4. Current value: 19. Congratulations! You have destroyed a monster one hundred or more levels above yours! Achievement earned: Crazy Loner, Part Eight. Achievement bonus: +1 point to every primary base stat, +1 to Reason, +50 HP & MP, Vigor, and Fury. Bonus effect: permanent. Achievement unlocked: Giant Slayer, Part Eight. Kill 50 monsters whose level exceeds yours by one hundred or more without any help to complete the achievement. Achievement bonus: random. You have compiled a complete map of the wormhole. You receive +1 to Cartography and +1 to Visual Memory. You…”

  Ros saw the numbers, and even tried to focus, but his weak efforts were insufficient, and the mathematics kept slipping right past him.

  “Attention! You have killed Trathkazir the First, Viceroy of Chaos! You are the first to defeat this incarnation of Chaos! You have earned the title: Monster Slayer, First Class. Title bonus: +8 to Attack, +8 to Defense, +4 to Luck, and +4 to Speed. When you join a guild, a party, or a raid group, all the members of the respective guild, party, or raid group receive half the bonus for the duration of your stay. The bonus is permanent, unless the title is rejected. Attention! Unique achievement! This is the first time in the history of Second World that a single player has discovered a wormhole and destroyed all the Chaos spawn inside it! You are a hero! Your level growth block has been removed! You receive +4 to all your primary and +2 to all your secondary stats. When you join a guild, a party, or a raid group, all the members of the respective guild, party, or raid group receive half the bonus for the duration of your stay. You also receive +1 to all auxiliary skills, those already unlocked as well as those that haven’t been unlocked yet. Auxiliary stat unlocked: Charisma. You gain 5 undistributed levels. You gain a level. You gain a level. You…”

  Ros could hardly keep his eyes open.

  “Attention! You have broken the record of level advancement in the course of a single game day by more than three times! Previous record: 29. Current record: 89. You are a tenacious hero! All the auxiliary function locks have been removed from your account. As tradition has it, the difference between the previous and the current record is awarded to you as Luck points. Your Summoner stat reaches 20. Your spells for healing, buffing, and summoning pets now consume 40% less magic energy and are cast 20% faster. Your pets are now 10% more intelligent. Attention! Unique achievement! This is the first time in the history of Second World that a single player has defeated a creature of the higher order whose level exceeded theirs by more than tenfold! You are a legend! You get access to expanded account functions! You receive +8 to al
l your primary and +2 to all your secondary stats. Your HP, MP, and Fury points will regenerate two times faster. When you join a guild, a party, or a raid group, all the members of the respective guild, party, or raid group receive half the bonus for the duration of your stay. You also receive +2 to all auxiliary skills, those already unlocked as well as those that haven’t been unlocked yet, and an extra +5 to Charisma and Luck. You gain 10 undistributed levels.”

  His eyes closed.

  “Attention! Unique achievement! This is the first time in the history of Second World that a single player has become a legend! You are a star! You have won the sympathy of many NPCs. From now on, you will lose your money and possessions a lot less often in the event of death! It is very hard to steal from you! Stat unlocked: Appeal. You receive 20% more experience for killing monsters and completing quests. When you join a guild, a party, or a raid group, all the members of the respective guild, party, or raid group receive half the bonus for the duration of your stay. You also receive +5 to Charisma. Dirt does not stick to you, and Earth-based elemental attacks deal 50% less damage. The shine of your glory scares small insects: mosquitoes, flies, horseflies, and other pests steer clear of you. Snakes become 50% less aggressive. Your Charisma level reaches 10. Any party you lead will receive a bonus: damage sustained lowered by 8%, damage dealt increased by 8%. You gain 8 undistributed levels. Attention! Unique achievement! This is the first time in the history of Second World that a single player with incomparably weaker stats has defeated a creature of the higher order in fair duel! You are a great legend! You get partial access to the account’s administrative functions! You receive +8 to all your primary and +2 to all your secondary stats. Magic and physical defense of equipped items will increase by 26%, and the physical and magical damage done by equipped weapons is increased by 20%. When you join a guild, a party, or a raid group, all the members of the respective guild, party, or raid group receive half the bonus for the duration of your stay. You also receive +2 to all auxiliary skills, those already unlocked as well as those that haven’t been unlocked yet, and an extra +5 to Charisma and Luck. Your Mining & Quarrying level reaches 10. Damage done to resources increases by 15%. Your Charisma level reaches 20. Any party you lead will receive a bonus: damage sustained lowered by 15%, damage dealt increased by 15%, experience earned increased by 20%. Once every 24 hours you can transport a party to a zone you have discovered. If you have no party, the bonus effect extends to you. You gain 10 undistributed levels. Attention! You…”