If Wishes Were...Daddies

by Jo Leigh

  The food came, but Jessica barely noticed. She was too stunned. It was as if she didn’t exist. As if her opinion didn’t matter at all. Nick had found a church? He’d set a date? Rome for a baptism?

  “I still say two weeks isn’t enough time,” Jeff said. “You’ve got to move to the new house. It’s impossible.”

  “Did you see that house on Sunset?” Alan asked.

  “If we wait, Jessica will be out to here,” Nick said. “Besides, I don’t have that much time off. I have to get back to work in three weeks.”

  Jeff sighed dramatically. “It’ll be horrendous, but if you insist.”

  “We do,” Nick said, smiling his satisfaction. He turned to Alan. “Jessica didn’t like the house. It was too big. Now, I’ve found another. Cozy, just like she wants.”

  “No,” Jessica said.

  Nick turned to look at her, his expression startled, as if he’d forgotten she was there. The rest of the group quieted, and soon they were all staring. Good. She wanted their attention.

  “What’s wrong, cara?” Nick asked.

  “Nothing. Except I’m not getting married. But you all go on with your plans. I don’t want to spoil your fun.” With that, she stood up and walked away.

  Nick couldn’t have been more shocked if Jessica had stood up and sung the National Anthem. Naked.

  He looked at his mother and saw the same openmouthed surprise he felt himself. Jeff, Alan and Paul all seemed equally confused. It was only Theresa who wasn’t floundering.

  “What happened?” he asked.

  “I’ll explain later,” Theresa said. “You go get her. Now.”

  Nick stood, anxious about leaving his family alone, but not wanting Jessica to get away.

  “Go,” Theresa said, waving at him. “We can take care of ourselves.”

  He nodded, then walked quickly through the restaurant, trying to figure out what in the world could have made Jessica bolt like that. And to say she didn’t want to get married? It was crazy.

  When he got to the parking lot, he ran toward her car, grateful he’d spotted it as he’d come in. Only the car wasn’t there any longer. He spun around, searching for her white Honda, and finally he saw her waiting for a big truck to maneuver into a little parking space.

  Running full out, he made it to the passenger side and opened her door. Another second, and he was beside her.

  “You scared me,” she said, holding her hand to her chest.

  “I’m sorry. But I couldn’t let you go. Please, Jessica, park again. We’ll talk, eh?”

  She shook her head, then looked straight out the windshield. “I don’t want to talk.”

  “Please, Jessica. I’m confused. I don’t understand.”

  “That’s the trouble.”

  “So if you tell me, I can fix it, no?”

  She looked at him, and he saw that she was hurt. Not angry. That only confused him more. What had he done to hurt her? Everything he’d done was for her. “Jessica, please. I want to understand.”

  She looked like she might cry. He hoped she wouldn’t. Fervently. The last time she’d cried, after he’d told her about Mama’s visit, he’d felt like a helpless boy. He’d tried to talk to her, to tease her, to make her better, but in the end he’d left her in tears. It had bothered him all that night.

  “Cara,” he said, touching her thigh gently. “Whatever I did, it wasn’t meant to hurt you. I hope you believe that.”

  She sighed, and he saw her shoulders relax. The truck was safely out of the way, and she drove the car a little ways to a more isolated parking spot. Nick didn’t speak until she’d put the car in gear and turned off the engine.

  “Thank you, cara. Now, please. Talk with me.”

  Jessica turned slightly toward him, but then she looked at her hands instead of him.

  “Please?” he whispered.

  “It’s too fast, Nick. Too much. I can’t think straight when it’s all rushing at me like this.”

  “Think straight about what?”

  She looked up then, her eyes filled with hurt and confusion. “All of it. The house. The wedding. The baby. You’re not giving me a chance. It’s all being decided as if I’m just along for the ride. It’s my life, too, Nick.”

  “Of course it’s your life,” he said. “Your future.”

  “Then why aren’t I being consulted?”

  “But I found a new house,” he said, trying hard to follow her logic. “It’s cozy, only four bedrooms. You’ll like it, I know. But if you don’t, we’ll find another.” It didn’t make sense to him. They all had her best interests at heart Everything was about Jessica and the baby.

  She shook her head, and he could see the frustration in her face. “That’s not the point.”

  He lifted his shoulders, completely baffled. “I don’t know what the point is.”

  “Nick, you never asked me.”

  “Asked you what?”

  She didn’t answer him for a moment, as if she were struggling with something. “You never asked me to many you,” she said finally, her voice so low he barely heard the words.

  A great weight lifted from his shoulders, and he fought the urge to laugh. The ormones, again. That’s what it was. She was upset because he hadn’t given her a ring! He should have known.

  “Why are you smiling? I don’t find this very amusing.”

  “I know, cara, and I’m only smiling because I finally understand. I was a fool. Of course, you’re right. Tomorrow, first thing, I’ll go buy a ring, okay? Or maybe you come with me? That will be good, because Mama and Theresa can come, too, and then we can all go see the house.”

  She looked at him as if he were the one with the ormones. “Get out,” she said.

  “What?”

  “Get out of my car.”

  “What?” He reeled back, completely off balance. What had he done now?

  “Nick Carlucci, if you don’t leave right now I’m going to scream.”

  “But cara—”

  “Don’t call me that.” She leaned over his lap and opened his door. “Go on. Get out.”

  He wanted to stay, but the look on her face scared him. She was going to scream. For what, he had no idea. But for the moment, it was probably best that he do as she asked.

  He got out of the car, and before he could even shut the door, she took off. Nick watched the car until she turned the corner two blocks away. The whole time, he kept wondering what in the hell had just happened.

  Chapter Ten

  Nick went back to the table. Everyone looked up at him, waiting to hear what happened. He sat down, put his napkin back in his lap and shrugged. “She told me to get out.”

  Theresa shook her head. “What did you expect?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You didn’t tell her about the church, did you?”

  “No, but she’ll like it. It’s very nice.”

  Theresa looked at Angelina. “Can you believe it?”

  His mother frowned. “No, I can’t.”

  “What?” Nick looked to the men at the table. “What did I do?”

  “It’s her wedding, Nick,” Jeff said. “That’s a very big deal in a woman’s life.”

  “So?”

  “So she has to be the one to choose.”

  Theresa took his hand in hers. “Nick, I love you. But you’re an idiot.”

  “Thank you very much.”

  “You have to listen to her,” Theresa said. “Let her decide what she wants.”

  “But I don’t want her to worry about anything.”

  “There’s a difference between choosing and worrying. All the women you’ve known, and you still don’t understand?”

  He sighed. “No, I don’t.”

  “Let me tell you something about Jess,” Jeff said. “She’s one of the strongest women I’ve ever met. She’s logical and practical and smart as hell. She doesn’t make snap decisions, and she doesn’t like to be rushed. It’s just who she is.”

  “But there isn�
��t time,” Nick said.

  “Make time,” Stan said, scowling at him.

  “Listen to her,” Alan said.

  “Let her make up her own mind,” Theresa said.

  He looked around the table, clear about one thing. He wasn’t doing anything right. What he didn’t know was how to fix it. What he knew about women was mostly how to please them in the bedroom. He used to be proud of that. He’d always felt at ease there. Sure of himself, and of what he was doing. Now? He felt like a child. Inept. Confused.

  What he wanted was to leave. To get on a plane and fly away. But he couldn’t. Not with the baby coming. Not with his mother and sister here.

  “Call her tonight,” Theresa said, patting his hand. “Tell her you’re sorry. That you won’t rush her anymore.”

  “That will do it? That will fix things?”

  “I think so,” she said. “But mean it, don’t just say it.”

  He nodded. He’d try. But none of this was easy. No wonder he hadn’t wanted to get married.

  JESSICA WAITED UNTIL the fourth ring to answer the phone. She knew it was Nick. It could only be Nick. Even though she had no idea what to say to him, she picked up the receiver, anyway. “Hello?”

  “Please, don’t hang up.”

  “I won’t,” she said, leaning back on her pillows. She brought her blanket up higher on her chest, then relaxed a little. She glanced at the clock and was surprised to see it was just past eleven. It felt much later.

  “Are you still angry with me?”

  “Yes,” she said. “But not fatally.”

  “Theresa and I had a long talk,” he said. “She told me I was being an idiot.”

  Jessica laughed. “I like your sister.”

  “She likes you, too. But she wants to know you better. So do I, Jessica. And I want you to know me, too. Please, let’s start again. We’ll take it slow; just like you want. No buying houses, no wedding dates. But while Mama and Theresa are here, I’d very much like you to spend some time with them. With us.”

  Jessica sighed gratefully. For the first time since Nick had arrived, she felt as though she’d been heard. So it had taken his sister to make him listen. That wasn’t so bad. At least he’d finally understood. Perhaps if they did get to know each other better, it wouldn’t take an intermediary to explain. “I’d like that,” she said. “I’d like it very much.”

  “Really?”

  She smiled. He sounded so surprised and relieved that she had to wonder just what Theresa had said to him. “Yes, really.”

  “Good. Then tomorrow, we go out together, okay? You and me and Mama and Theresa. We do whatever you like.”

  “Okay.”

  There was a long silence where all she heard was his gentle breath. “Cara?” he said finally, his voice softer, seductive.

  “Yes?”

  “I’m ashamed that I hurt you.”

  “It’s okay, Nick. I know you didn’t mean to.”

  “It’s just that I got excited. About the baby, I mean.”

  She winced. Of course it was about the baby. What did she think? That Theresa had somehow made him love her? “I know,” she said, struggling to keep the disappointment out of her tone.

  “You forgive me?”

  “Of course.”

  “Jessica?”

  “Hmm?”

  “I could come apologize in person.”

  She smiled. “Thank you, but it’s pretty late.”

  “You’re in bed already?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “Five minutes I could be there. Maybe four, if I don’t hit any lights.”

  She laughed. “While that’s a very sweet offer, I don’t think so.”

  “Sweet? I’m not talking about being sweet, cara.”

  “Really?” she said, only slightly teasing him. “I’d never have guessed.”

  “Ah, you toy with me.”

  “I know. I’m a terrible person. Horrible.”

  “I think I can forgive you,” he said, his voice low and sexier than it had a right to be. “But cara, it’s been too long.”

  Jessica shifted on the bed, remembering the last time they’d made love. That fateful event that had been such a turning point in their lives. She’d wanted him so badly, so desperately. The truth was, she’d never stopped wanting him that way. But now the stakes were so very much higher.

  “Jessica?”

  “Hmm.”

  “What are you thinking?”

  “Just that it’s late.”

  “Yes, I see. Well, you get some sleep. I’ll call you in the morning, and we’ll go to breakfast, yes?”

  “Yes,” she said. “I’d like that.”

  “Jessica?”

  “Hmm?”

  “Lei e cosi bella che quando siamo soli ho para did fare delle pazzie.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “You’re so beautiful, I don’t trust myself alone with you.”

  She closed her eyes and took in a deep, steadying breath. “Then we’d better be alone together soon,” she whispered. “Ciao, Nicolo.”

  “Ciao carissima.”

  NICK HUNG UP THE PHONE, then walked over to the sliding glass doors that led to the balcony of his suite. He stepped out into the cool night and let his gaze wander over the brilliant city lights.

  He turned toward the east, where Jessica lay in her bed, and wished that he could be with her. Lose himself in her. The irony was not lost on him—she wanted time to think things through, while time to think was the last thing he needed. If he thought about anything at all, it had to be the child. Because thinking about marriage, about being Jessica’s husband, scared the hell out of him.

  Theresa had explained that he wasn’t giving Jessica a chance to choose what she wanted to do, and although he saw her point, he had to wonder what choices were available. Admittedly, he didn’t know Jessica as well as he’d like, but he couldn’t imagine her not wanting their child to have a father, a name. No matter what arrangement they eventually came to, Nick was determined that his child have every advantage he could give him. Even if she decided that she didn’t want to have anything but a paper marriage, that paper was going to mean something.

  He’d always appreciated that he’d been born into money, but never so much as when he thought about the things he’d be able to provide for his son. Or daughter. The best nannies, the best schools, the best life possible. The child would be from two countries, which pleased him, and he wanted to make sure that his Italian heritage wasn’t lost in the shuffle. He wanted to raise that child equally between Italy and America, and being married to Jessica would make that more likely.

  He hadn’t realized until tonight that part of his rush to the altar was an attempt to secure Jessica, to bind her to him so that she and the baby couldn’t get away. It wasn’t very noble of him, but dammit, this was his heir. He couldn’t take any chances.

  Now he had to slow down, but it didn’t mean his goal had changed. He would convince Jessica to marry him and make sure that his child was raised the way he saw fit. Really, the only thing that had changed was the time it took to get there.

  He leaned his arms on the railing and focused on the blinking stoplights far below. He marveled at how his life had changed so drastically in such a short period of time. A few days ago the idea of marriage was the furthest thing from his mind. Now, it was all he thought about No, that wasn’t quite true. He didn’t think about the marriage—just the wedding. After that? Well, that was still uncomfortable.

  He knew too well what a real marriage took to succeed. Commitment, trust, respect. He had all those things for Jessica, but could she feel those things toward him? Could he ever earn those feelings?

  He’d had it good—too good. He was blessed a hundred times with wealth, a fine upbringing, and he had never wasted his looks. He knew full well that women found him attractive—that simple fact had shaped his life up till now. But being handsome wasn’t going to help make him a good father. Or husband.

&nb
sp; It wasn’t all that long ago that his cousin Carlo had told him he didn’t have what it took to make a successful marriage. That making it work required sacrifices, and that he wasn’t the type.

  At the time, Nick had laughed, brushed it off as jealousy. Now he wasn’t so sure it was funny. He tried to think of the last time he’d really sacrificed for another person. He couldn’t. He’d designed his life to have few obligations. The airlines employed him, but even there he didn’t have a full-time schedule. He flew because he liked it, not because he needed the paycheck. His commitment to them was as tenuous as his whims.

  As for other people, that was even harder to pin down. He was devoted to his mother and Theresa, that was something that would never change. If they needed him for anything, he would stop the world to be there. But that didn’t count. That was family.

  He didn’t have many friends. Only Carlo and Freddo and Paolo, his cousins. They didn’t ask much of him. His lady friends didn’t, either. It occurred to him that no one in his life asked much of him. Was it because they didn’t have needs, or did they just assume he wouldn’t follow through? Did everyone in his life see him as a wastrel? Was that why Jessica didn’t want to many him—because she feared he wouldn’t be there for her or the baby? And was she wrong?

  This was why he wanted to hurry, dammit. He stood up, walked inside, slammed the door shut. This thinking, what good did it do? Jessica with her charts and lists, all that planning and plotting. All it did was make her crazy, and now she was making him crazy, too.

  Well, he wouldn’t do it. He wouldn’t think these thoughts, that’s all. His job now was to convince Jessica that he would be a good father. That’s all. The rest...well, he’d deal with the rest when it became necessary.

  Chapter Eleven

  Breakfast was to be in Venice.

  As Jessica drove into the parking lot at Venice Beach, she wondered if Angelina and Theresa had ever been to this mecca of aging hippies, bodybuilders, in-line skaters and sidewalk merchants. If not, they were in for a treat.