Ties That Bind

by Debbie White

  Not knowing how to respond, I just answered, “That’s great for her.”

  “Would you like to see her?”

  I looked at Charles. He nodded for me to go.

  “Charles, come with me,” I pleaded.

  The woman led us to a room down a hallway. As we approached the room, I saw a frail, gray-haired woman sitting in a wheelchair gazing out a huge picture window.

  “You have visitors, Inez,” the lady said.

  She didn’t respond. I didn’t expect her to, and honestly, the caregiver didn’t either. It was just about pleasantries and respect.

  The caregiver moved the wheelchair around so we could see her face. This was my mother. The mother I never knew. I choked back the tears. It was so surreal. After all these years, after all, the questions, the memories, I had now come face to face with the woman I’d been searching my whole life for.

  I stood frozen for a few seconds. What would I say to this woman I didn’t know. What was I expecting? She had a major illness that wouldn’t allow her to recall anything. What did I think I was going to get from her? After a few more seconds, I began to speak.

  “Inez, it’s me, Patsy . . . Patsy, your daughter.”

  Nothing. No facial expression, no tears forming in her eyes, no twitching, nothing.

  I tried one more time. I reached out and gently caressed her hand. Her hands were cool to the touch.

  “Inez, my name is Patsy Bowman. Lyle was my father. I came to say hello. We finally get to meet,” I added, desperate for some sign of recognition.

  A mumble came out of her mouth. No one could make out what she said, but undoubtedly, she was trying, to say something.

  “I think she understands you,” the caregiver said.

  I tried one last time. I’d come all this way. I just had to know if she knew it was me, Patsy, her long last daughter standing before her. This was the day that both of us only ever dreamed could happen.

  Pulling up a chair, I sat right in front of her. I took both her hands and gently massaged them.

  “Inez, this is my husband, Charles. He’s the love of my life. We have three children. They’re your grandchildren. Charles Jr., Carole, and Peter.”

  I paused for a moment, took a deep breath, and then tried again.

  “We live in California. We have a small business there, and we like it a lot,” I said looking up at the two people in the room with me for guidance.

  “Well, I can see you are well taken care of. I don’t harbor any bad feelings toward you. You were young, and you did what you did. Daddy played as much of a part in it as you did. Irma was in the middle. She had to live with the fact that Daddy betrayed her, and I was a constant reminder that he hadn’t been faithful. I wish you well, Inez . . . mother.”

  I got up and gently touched her shoulder. “God Bless you, Mom,” I said.

  “Patsy.”

  I gasped and turned around to face Inez. She’d said my name. “Yes, it’s me. Patsy,” I said anxiously.

  But, there was nothing. Not another word came out of her mouth. She closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.

  “She nods off a lot during the day,” the caregiver said.

  I slumped back into the chair, feeling disappointed, but also realizing there was nothing more to gain from our visit. I reached over, caressed her hand and said, “Goodbye Mom. I love you.”

  I slowly stood and said, “Well, I suppose we should be going. Thanks so much for letting us see her.”

  “It was my pleasure. I’m so glad you got to see her at least. I know she didn’t make all the right decisions as a young woman, but she tried to make up for it. She was very active in donating to the orphanages, and she sponsored a few foster children as well. She always thought of you, but she also thought it best not to interfere with your life. It may not have been the right decision, but it was hers nevertheless.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  We packed up all our belongings. I’d done a thorough cleaning of the apartment, making sure that we’d get our deposit back. Charles packed all the suitcases in the carrier attached to the roof of our car. A couple of large plastic containers which held household items filled the back cargo area of our vehicle. I made a nice bed for Spunky so he’d be comfortable as we made the long trek back to California.

  “Everything is all packed. Let’s do one last walk-through of the house to make sure we didn’t leave anything behind,” I said, delaying our departure some.

  Charles was on to me. He knew me well. I had a hard time with departures.

  After I convinced myself the house was clear of all our belongings, we walked out the door, locking it behind us.

  We drove for a few minutes, stopping in front of the real estate office that leased us the house.

  “I’ll be right back,” Charles announced.

  Spunky and I sat in the car listening to the radio, waiting for Charles. My mind was blank. I was exhausted beyond anything I’d ever felt before. I was ready to go home and see the family and neighbors.

  * * *

  We were going to try and locate Teresa’s son. We’d found out he was living in Corpus Christi, Texas. It was a little out of our way, but at least, we’d get to see that part of the gulf coast. Corpus Christi was a vacation destination for many families because of their beaches.

  We found a place to stay for the night, and then Charles looked up the address for his law firm. He thought it might be simpler to make an unannounced visit. It always scared me to do these, but Charles always said it was the best way.

  * * *

  The office was a single story wood framed building. The exterior was battered; no doubt from the severe weather Corpus Christie endured each year during hurricane season.

  We entered the building and saw a small counter with a woman sitting behind it was to our immediate right.

  “Can I help you?” The woman politely asked.

  “Yes, you can. We’d like to see James Spencer.”

  She replied, “Do you have an appointment?”

  Charles responded, “No, we don’t. Please tell him Charles and Pat Phillips are here.” Spunky let out a little bark letting the lady know he was there too. She peered over her desk to see him.

  “He’s a good dog. He won’t cause any trouble. I didn’t want to leave him in the car,” I said.

  The young woman pushed her chair out from behind the desk and walked down a hallway to another room. We could hear conversations in the offices we passed. Our footsteps echoed loudly as we walked down the wooden floored hallway.

  Opened a door toward the end of the hallway and escorted us into a little anteroom. At the same time, the inner door opened. There standing in the door was a man we assumed was James.

  “Please, follow me,” he said as he gestured for us to come.

  I already knew I’d let Charles do most of the talking. We already found out everything about the adoption, and the cover-up. We just wanted to introduce ourselves.

  Charles looked over at me. I nodded for him to take the lead. “My name is Charles Phillips, and this is my wife, Pat.”

  James acknowledged our greeting by nodding his head.

  Motioning for us to have a seat, James sat behind the large wooden desk and waited for us to continue.

  I cleared my throat and began. “I was known as Patsy when a child. Maybe that name sounds familiar?”

  James’ eyes widened. He started to act restless and began thumping his fingers on the top of his desk. “Go on,” he said.

  “Your mother, Teresa, is my half sister.”

  James smiled. “I guess we’re related then.”

  I nodded. “We just are on our way back home to California, and thought we’d stop by and introduce ourselves,” I said.

  The corners of James mouth turned up. He brushed his hand across his face. “I guess you came to find out answers. Did you find them? He asked.

  I responded, “Yes. It’s been quite the trip.”

  He nodded his head. “I�
�m glad the trip was fulfilling then.”

  “We won’t keep you any longer, but just wanted to say hi, and if you’re ever take a trip our way, please stop by. We have three children, and grandchildren that would accept you with open arms,” I said with a small tear trailing down my cheek.

  “That’s good, Pat. I’m happy to hear that. I won’t pretend to know how it feels, or be able to offer you any advice. I’m glad you found out the truth, though,” he said.

  “Just because your mother and I didn’t have the best relationship doesn’t mean we can’t. I promise I will never try to turn you away from your mom. She loves you, and I’m sure you love her. If you want a relationship with me, then that would be fine too.”

  “Thanks for the offer. I’ll consider that.”

  He walked out from his desk and extended his hand to Charles. He then came over to me and gave me a gentle hug. He reached down and gave Spunky a pat on the head. We’d said what we came to say. Now we could continue on home.

  Charles and I didn’t say too much about our visit with James. We instead went down to the beach and walked barefoot along the sand, and let Spunky enjoy some freedom. He’d been so good about being in the car for hours on end. We ended our visit to the beach with fried clams and fries from a nearby fish shack.

  * * *

  After about five long days on the road, we pulled up to our driveway. It was so good to be home. I rushed to the front door where Peter and Charlie were waiting for us.

  After hugging and kissing them both a multitude of times, I asked them where the rest of the crowd was.

  “They’ll be calling you over the next few days. They wanted to give you time to settle back into your routine,” Charlie said smiling.

  Charles brought in all the suitcases and greeted the kids as he struggled with the luggage.

  “A little help here, please,” he said.

  “I’m sorry, dear. I was so happy to see the kids,” I said taking one of the bags from him.

  “Well, Mom and Dad, you must be tired. We can catch up tomorrow. We just wanted to be here to say welcome back.”

  “We love you guys,” I yelled as they walked out the door.

  “We have the best kids,” I said to Charles.

  He nodded. “When are you going to tell them?” He asked.

  “I’m going to invite them all over for dinner. We’ll tell them together,” I said in between yawns.

  We both slept like babies, and even Spunky was sawing logs in his cushy bed. Being home was great.

  * * *

  Over the course of the next few days, Charles and I got back into our routine. We ate a light breakfast, went for a long walk—taking Spunky with us. We’d come back to the house and do a few chores, and then have lunch. Charles still did some investigating part time. But he even had to admit, he needed some time off after our trip to Iowa.

  I called each of the kids and invited them and their families to dinner. We made the date for a week from Sunday. The only one that would be missing from the group was Carole and her family.

  Charles and I planned the menu. We both enjoyed cooking as much as we liked to eat. We decided on grilled steaks, baked potatoes, corn on the cob, and for dessert, strawberry shortcake. It was near the end of summer, and we wanted to get in one last barbecue before summer was over—although summer was almost year round in California.

  * * *

  The kids arrived on time, and we sat outside talking and sipping wine. It was so good to see Charles and our sons laughing and talking sports. I had missed my family so much while we were away.

  Peter tossed a Frisbee out for Spunky to fetch. Charles grilled the steaks to perfection. We sat around the patio table eating and enjoying one another’s company.

  “Mom, are you going to tell us what you found out in Iowa?” Peter asked.

  I could see all the kids looking at me, waiting for me to come clean.

  “Yes, I was just waiting for the right time.”

  I told them everything. I told them how we met Francis, and Louise, and Mary. I told the kids how Francis had so much information and Louise was a distant relative and Mary . . . I told the kids poor Mary’s story too.

  I cleared my throat, and I looked to Charles. He nodded at me assuring me he had my back.

  I pulled out the picture I had of a teenager with a young child. It was the one from the convent. I told the children that the teen was Irma, and the little girl was her sister, Inez. I could see the shocked look on their faces. A new name added to the mix.

  “Inez?” Peter answered.

  “Priscilla Inez is her full name. You see, Inez is my mother.”

  All at once you could hear the surprised sounds coming from each of their mouths.

  “Not only did I find out who my biological mother was, but I also found out who my real dad was too. Lyle was married to his first wife, and they had Teresa. The marriage ended in divorce, and that’s when he fell in love with Mary and had my half-brother, Thomas. During a visit to a bar one night, Lyle ran into both Irma and her sister Inez. Inez apparently had been eyeing Daddy, and the two of them came up with getting him drunk. Dad did love his whiskey. Anyway, he got drunk and passed out. Irma came up with the story that he had messed around with her, and that is what caused the breakup of Mary’s and Lyle’s marriage. ”I took a drink of my wine. My throat was getting dry, but I could see all eyes on me, wanting me to finish the story.

  “So Irma goes in for the kill and one thing led to another and Irma and Lyle are married. Daddy is never happy with her, and he starts to do what he’d been accused of all along. He cheats on his wife. He ends up getting Inez pregnant. Irma is angry, and so they come up with the harebrained idea of someone leaving me on the bed in their house.”

  “Oh, Mom, that’s crazy. I mean what the heck were those people drinking?” Charles Jr. asked.

  “It was the depression. People did all kinds of crazy things. I’m just glad to find out that Lyle was, in fact, my real dad. That was so important to me. I loved him, and I could feel his love to the very end.”

  “What about Inez? Is she still alive?” Charles Jr. asked.

  I gathered my strength for the last part of the story.

  “Yes. She’s seventy- five years old and has severe dementia. She didn’t know who I was, but a nurse who had worked there for several years knew about me and filled Dad and me in on all the details. You see, my dad cared about Inez. The problem was she was young and didn’t want to settle down. She lived in Texas but would come to Iowa now and then, and stir up trouble. She and Irma did not have the best of relationships. Irma saw her as a burden.”

  “We’re so sorry, Mom. I know you wanted to get to know her,” Peter said.

  “I did know her—somewhat. After everyone had come clean, I recalled several times a lady would come visit me. She’d bring me toys, and play games with me. Irma was not nice to her, though. I remember that as well. After we moved to California, I never saw her again.”

  “Why do you think it was so imperative that everyone keep that secret from you, Mom?” Peter asked.

  “Yeah, Mom,” Charlie echoed.

  “I guess to cover up embarrassment and shame. Who knows? If Irma told the truth, then everyone would have known Lyle was a cheater. It would have made him look bad. Maybe she did have some love for him after all. She did protect him, I guess.”

  “Are you okay with what you know?” Peter asked.

  “I’m more than okay. I have a wonderful husband, three great children, who all married incredible people. I also have the best grandchildren a woman could ask for,” I said smiling at each of them. “My cup runneth over,” I said with a tear in my eye.

  I looked around the table and saw all the twinkling eyes and bright smiles. At that very moment, something so profound hit me. I had the best family right here. I didn’t need to travel clear across the United States to discover that. Those days in Iowa were in the past. It’s true, the past made me who I was today, but it woul
dn’t determine my whole legacy or my path to happiness.

  It was troubling for me as a young mother to understand how a mother could be so mean to their child. I guess that is essentially what drove me to investigate my adoption.

  I should have listened to Charles. He said it didn’t matter. It was only important how I lived my life today. As usual, he was right.

  Epilogue

  The years rolled by and with each passing one, Charles and I got older. Unfortunately, with age comes not just wisdom, but aches and pains and if you’re unlucky; doctor appointments. It happened suddenly. One day we were young and carefree, and the next we were shrouded with doctor appointments, surgery dates and hospital stays.

  I didn’t want to focus on the negative, but deep down inside I knew it was coming. The doctors said things like bad heart, and liver, kidneys failing, and it would just be a matter of time before I’d lose my beloved Charles.

  I shouldn’t have been surprised that his declining health would lead to death. But how can anyone truly prepare for the death of a loved one, especially a loving husband?

  After Charles passed, I found it difficult to cope. He’d been my rock for so many years. My spirits were lifted when Carole told me the good news that they’d be moving back to California to be near me. If it weren’t for my children, I’d have been very lonely.

  Carole and I spent many wonderful afternoons together. She was great about going with me on senior trips, and Saturday shopping and lunches. I looked forward to spending time with all of my children. The boys and their families were wonderful too. I don’t know what I would have done without them.

  My health started showing signs of decline. First I was diagnosed with heart problems, and then Rheumatoid Arthritis, which caused me severe pain, and the last big blow, a broken hip by someone opening a door into a hallway and knocking me over—walker and all. But I still tried to live life to the fullest, and no matter what obstacles were put in my path, I found a way to maneuver around them. My strength came from having wonderful children.

  * * *