That Ain't Witchcraft (InCryptid #8)
Page 42
Basilisk (Procompsognathus basilisk). Venomous, feathered saurians approximately the size of a large chicken. This would be bad enough, but thanks to a quirk of evolution, the gaze of a basilisk causes petrification, turning living flesh to stone. Basilisks are not native to North America, but were imported as game animals. By idiots.
Bogeyman (Vestiarium sapiens). The thing in your closet is probably a very pleasant individual who simply has issues with direct sunlight. Probably. Bogeymen are close relatives of the human race; they just happen to be almost purely nocturnal, with excellent night vision, and a fondness for enclosed spaces. They rarely grab the ankles of small children, unless it’s funny.
Chupacabra (Chupacabra sapiens). True to folklore, chupacabra are blood-suckers, with stomachs that do not handle solids well. They are also therianthrope shapeshifters, capable of transforming themselves into human form, which explains why they have never been captured. When cornered, most chupacabra will assume their bipedal shape in self-defense. A surprising number of chupacabra are involved in ballroom dance.
Dragon (Draconem sapiens). Dragons are essentially winged, fire-breathing dinosaurs the size of Greyhound buses. At least, the males are. The females are attractive humanoids who can blend seamlessly in a crowd of supermodels, and outnumber the males twenty to one. Females are capable of parthenogenic reproduction and can sustain their population for centuries without outside help. All dragons, male and female, require gold to live, and collect it constantly.
Fūri (Homo therianthrope). Often proposed as the bridge between humans and therianthropes, the fūri is a monkey—specifically, a human—that takes on the attributes of another monkey—specifically, some form of spider monkey. Fūri transform instinctively, choosing their human forms for camouflage and their more simian forms for virtually everything else. A transformed fūri is faster, stronger, and sturdier than a human being. Offering bananas is not recommended.
Ghoul (Herophilus sapiens). The ghoul is an obligate carnivore, incapable of digesting any but the simplest vegetable solids, and prefers humans because of their wide selection of dietary nutrients. Most ghouls are carrion eaters. Ghouls can be easily identified by their teeth, which will be shed and replaced repeatedly over the course of a lifetime.
Gorgon, Pliny’s (Gorgos stheno). The Pliny’s gorgon is capable of gaze-based petrifaction only when both their human and serpent eyes are directed toward the same target. They are the most sexually dimorphic of the known gorgons, with the males being as much as four feet taller than the females. They are venomous, as are the snakes atop their heads, and their bites contain a strong petrifying agent. Do not vex.
Hidebehind (Aphanes apokryphos). We don’t really know much about the hidebehinds: no one’s ever seen them. They’re excellent illusionists, and we think they’re bipeds, which means they’re probably mammals. Probably.
Jackalope (Parcervus antelope). Essentially large jackrabbits with antelope antlers, the jackalope is a staple of the American West, and stuffed examples can be found in junk shops and kitschy restaurants all across the country. Most of the taxidermy is fake. Some, however, is not. The jackalope was once extremely common, and has been shot, stuffed, and harried to near-extinction. They’re relatively harmless, and they taste great.
Jink (Tyche iynx). Luck manipulators and masters of disguise, these close relatives of the mara have been known to conceal themselves right under the nose of the Covenant. No small trick. Most jinks are extremely careful about the way they move and manipulate luck, and individuals have been known to sacrifice themselves for the good of the community.
Johrlac (Johrlac psychidolos). Colloquially known as “cuckoos,” the Johrlac are telepathic ambush predators. They appear human, but are internally very different, being cold-blooded and possessing a decentralized circulatory system. This quirk of biology means they can be shot repeatedly in the chest without being killed. Extremely dangerous. All Johrlac are interested in mathematics, sometimes to the point of obsession. Origins unknown; possibly insect in nature.
Jorōgumo (Nephilia sapiens). Originally native to Japan, these therianthropes belong to the larger family of cryptids classified as “yōkai.” Jorōgumo appear to be attractive women of Japanese descent until they transform, at which point they become massive spider-centaurs whose neurotoxic venom can kill in seconds. No males of the species have ever been seen. It is possible that the species possesses a degree of sexual dimorphism so great that male Jorōgumo are simply not recognized for what they are.
Laidly worm (Draconem laidly). Very little is known about these close relatives of the dragons. They present similar but presumably not identical sexual dimorphism; no currently living males have been located.
Lamia (Python lamia). Semi-hominid cryptids with the upper bodies of humans and the lower bodies of snakes. Lamia are members of order synapsedia, the mammal-like reptiles, and are considered responsible for many of the “great snake” sightings of legend. The sightings not attributed to actual great snakes, that is.
Lesser gorgon (Gorgos euryale). One of three known subspecies of gorgon, the lesser gorgon’s gaze causes short-term paralysis followed by death in anything under five pounds. The bite of the snakes atop their heads will cause paralysis followed by death in anything smaller than an elephant if not treated with the appropriate antivenin. Lesser gorgons tend to be very polite, especially to people who like snakes.
Lilu (Lilu sapiens). Due to the striking dissimilarity of their abilities, male and female Lilu are often treated as two individual species: incubi and succubi. Incubi are empathic; succubi are persuasive telepaths. Both exude strong pheromones inspiring feelings of attraction and lust in the opposite sex. This can be a problem for incubi like our cousin Artie, who mostly wants to be left alone, or succubi like our cousin Elsie, who gets very tired of men hitting on her while she’s trying to flirt with their girlfriends.
Madhura (Homo madhurata). Humanoid cryptids with an affinity for sugar in all forms. Vegetarian. Their presence slows the decay of organic matter, and is usually viewed as lucky by everyone except the local dentist. Madhura are very family-oriented, and are rarely found living on their own. Originally from the Indian subcontinent.
Manananggal (Tanggal geminus). If the manananggal is proof of anything, it is that Nature abhors a logical classification system. We’re reasonably sure the manananggal are mammals; everything else is anyone’s guess. They’re hermaphroditic and capable of splitting their upper and lower bodies, although they are a single entity, and killing the lower half kills the upper half as well. They prefer fetal tissue, or the flesh of newborn infants. They are also venomous, as we have recently discovered. Do not engage if you can help it.
Oread (Nymphae silica). Humanoid cryptids with the approximate skin density of granite. Their actual biological composition is unknown, as no one has ever been able to successfully dissect one. Oreads are extremely strong, and can be dangerous when angered. They seem to have evolved independently across the globe; their common name is from the Greek.
Sasquatch (Gigantopithecus sesquac). These massive native denizens of North America have learned to embrace depilatories and mail-order shoe catalogs. A surprising number make their living as Bigfoot hunters (Bigfeet and Sasquatches are close relatives, and enjoy tormenting each other). They are predominantly vegetarian, and enjoy Canadian television.
Tanuki (Nyctereutes sapiens). Therianthrope shapeshifters from Japan, the Tanuki are critically endangered due to the efforts of the Covenant. Despite this, they remain friendly, helpful people, with a naturally gregarious nature which makes it virtually impossible for them to avoid human settlements. Tanuki possess three primary forms—human, raccoon dog, and big-ass scary monster. Pray you never see the third form of the Tanuki.
Ukupani (Ukupani sapiens). Aquatic therianthropes native to the warm waters of the Pacific Islands, the Ukupani were believed for centuries to be an all-male species, until T
homas Price sat down with several local fishermen and determined that the abnormally large Great White sharks that were often found near Ukupani males were, in actuality, Ukupani females. Female Ukupani can’t shapeshift, but can eat people. Happily. They are as intelligent as their shapeshifting mates, because smart sharks are exactly what the ocean needed.
Wadjet (Naja wadjet). Once worshipped as gods, the male wadjet resembles an enormous cobra, capable of reaching seventeen feet in length when fully mature, while the female wadjet resembles an attractive human female. Wadjet pair-bond young, and must spend extended amounts of time together before puberty in order to become immune to one another’s venom and be able to successfully mate as adults.
Waheela (Waheela sapiens). Therianthrope shapeshifters from the upper portion of North America, the waheela are a solitary race, usually claiming large swaths of territory and defending it to the death from others of their species. Waheela mating season is best described with the term “bloodbath.” Waheela transform into something that looks like a dire bear on steroids. They’re usually not hostile, but it’s best not to push it.
PLAYLIST:
Everybody needs a soundtrack, and Antimony is no different. Here are some songs to rock you through her adventures.
“Happy Phantom” by Tori Amos
“A Summer in Ohio” by The Last 5 Years
“Midnight Radio” by Dar Williams
“Go to the Woods” by Dar Williams
“The Ballad of Mona Lisa” by Panic! At the Disco
“Cold Cold Water” by Mirah
“Haunted” by Taylor Swift
“You Were the Lie” by Girlyman
“Coffee and Roses” by Thea Gilmore
“Death of a Bachelor” by Panic! At the Disco
“Tik Tik Boom” by Britney Spears
“Paths of Desire” by October Project
“Blood Red River” by beth Orton
“Attic Window” by Idgy Vaughn
“Underwater” by Tegan and Sara
“Evil I” by Ookla the Mok
“Liar Liar” by A Fine Frenzy
“Keep Your Heart” by Belle Histoire
“Tall Towers” by Tori Sparks
“Home” by Barenaked Ladies
“The Babysitter’s Here” by Dar Williams
“Shadows of Evangeline” by Tracy Grammer
“Crossroads” by Bekah Kelso
“Part I: The Broken Bride” by Ludo
“Bones” by Marian Call
“Burning Witch” by Rachael Sage
“When Can I See You Again” by Owl City
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS:
And with that, Antimony Price takes a bow and leaves the stage, at least for now: she’s done her part for the family, and she deserves a bit of a break. But the beat goes on, as it always must, and we’ll be back next year for Imaginary Numbers, when Sarah Zellaby finally gets a chance to tell her side of the story. I’m so thrilled that you’ve all come with me this far. When I started telling this sprawling tale of cryptozoologists and secret societies and crossroads and chaos, I didn’t expect to make it eight books in. Thank you all for reading.
As a life-long horror movie girl, there’s something intensely satisfying about writing a story where a bunch of twenty-somethings face off against supernatural forces in a rickety old house in the forests of Maine. Big thanks to my New England experts, Shawn and Cat, and to Heath and Sebastian, who may not know as much as the long-timers, but are charming all the same. Thanks to everyone who’s been dragged into a haunted house or evil corn maze over the past few years: this book, in many ways, is for you.
The team at DAW Books remains one of the absolute best groups of people I could hope to work with, especially Sheila Gilbert (my editor), Joshua Starr (the managing editor, who puts up with way too much of my nonsense), Katie Hoffman (I like her cats a lot), and Lindsay Ribar (she doesn’t have cats, but she is extremely tolerant when I call her during the work day to wail). Everyone at DAW is amazing, and my life wouldn’t be the same without them.
I know I sing the praises of the machete squad a lot, but that’s because they’re the absolute best and I adore them. Kory Bing continues to illustrate the amazing Field Guide to the Cryptids of North America, located at my website. Tara O’Shea provides dingbat and short story cover designs, as well as designing the overall look of my website. Chris Mangum, Kate Secor, and Michelle Dockrey complete the “home team,” and I would be absolutely lost if they weren’t here to keep shoving the map into my hands.
Aly Fell is back for this book’s gorgeous cover art, and I couldn’t be happier about that: I missed him immensely on our last adventure (although thanks again to Lee Moyer for stepping in and making sure we had a cover that matched the rest of the series).
Things are still good here in the Pacific Northwest, even if I saw less of my home than I wanted to during the past year. My beloved Alice, the first of my Maine Coons and the true owner of my heart, left us shortly before the publication of Tricks for Free. I traveled way too much in the aftermath, as a way to cope with my grief. The house is still too empty. I want my girl back. But everyone here stepped up and kept me flying straight until I was once again able to fly on my own, and I appreciate that more than words. I couldn’t have made it without them.
Big thanks to all the conventions and bookstores that have played host to me over the past year, especially Borderlands Books and Flying Colors Comics, both in the San Francisco Bay Area, both owned by very caring, very tolerant friends of mine. I am so grateful for the people I have in my life, and so fortunate that they like me as much as I like them. Thanks to Jay and Tea, for fancy cocktails; to Leah, for Emma Frost feels; to my agent, Diana Fox, for laughing at me when necessary; to Merav, for not laughing when it wasn’t necessary. I adore you all.
Any errors in this book are my own. The errors that aren’t here are the ones that all these people helped me fix. I appreciate it so much.
Any errors in this book are my own. The errors that aren’t here are the ones that all these people helped me fix. I appreciate it so much.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Seanan McGuire lives and works in Washington State, where she shares her somewhat idiosyncratic home with her collection of books, creepy dolls, and enormous blue cats. When not writing–which is fairly rare–she enjoys travel, and can regularly be found any place where there are cornfields, haunted houses, or frogs. A Campbell, Hugo, and Nebula Award-winning author, Seanan’s first book (Rosemary and Rue, the beginning of the October Daye series) was released in 2009, with more than twenty books across various series following since. Seanan doesn’t sleep much.
You can visit her at www.seananmcguire.com.
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