To John

by Kim Itae

  "John, John, here he comes... don't go near there... shit... he is gone now... wait..."

  "The way he is getting in is always so sneaky. He drops it down first. Hard. Then he pulls it up. Sharp. Drop it. Pull it up again. Such a bastard, isn't he? I tried to copy his style, but it's too fast for me. I almost broke my fingers. At least I had developed arthritis on my wrist. Paganini. He composed a piece to break other player's fingers."

  "If you sell now, you are hooked. You know what I mean..."

  "I remember his unhappy face when I finally bit him up. His tight mouth, grinding his molar teeth. All old days when I was a child. I wonder he changed his habits by now."

  "Anyway, good night, John. Long day..."

  She pickep up another mobile.

  "Sofia, how much is your margin level?"

  "952"

  "Me too. Shall we hit the Fez club?"

  "Dress code?"

  "Black tights and boots. No make-up. Curly hair. Lip gloss, no sticks."

  "Got you. What time?"

  "Normal time."

  "Bingo."

  "See you then, darling. X"

  Ana's little note before dinner

  'Oil price drops. Americans started doing their usual stuff. Because Pakistan did not let them to go through their country. What dirty pigs to kill those children! Do I make myself clear about my pathological hatred of Americans! They kill people, other people and their own people for the oil.'

  'If you are a normal American, I have to ask you whether it makes sense to you. In order to make money, do you have to constantly kill people? Of course not. You make money, you make money. You don't have to kill people. So, why do these Americans kill people? Because, they do not know other way. Dumb heads? Old and stuck. Will you follow them for your future and your kids? Hell, no. If then, you have to prepare yourself. Dollar will collapse. US bonds will be dishonored. Come on. You moved already. Move faster for taxation, ie, better financial system. Very organic, is not it? If you feel choked, you move for fresher air. If you feel sterile, you move for more sunlight. Phototaxis.'

  17 Dec 2014

  "55.93 Another sharp drop. Another crack."

  Ana got really upset when she saw the obvious US attack to Pakistan. It was well known that US could not pay the sum Pakistan asked for the route. Now look...

  'US cannnot use Taliban Insurgency to open the route from Afghanistan. Iran has long distance nuclear missiles. OPEC versus US only. Time has changed. No Israel, no UK, no France, no any other EU country. US has no alley. Syria proved it. US backstabbed their alleies too much. Get the Guantanamo details published. Most of them, after interrogation, started working for US. Terrorists made in USA shit. The apprearance of Jeb Bush and this terror was timed by Texan based Republicans. How sick! I like to throw up on theirs knees. One of Bushes had a heart attack, rececntly? Another heart attack for you then. How many children did you kill this time? I cannot calm down. OPEC cannot calm down. $40 for sure. You will be grinded into bread crumbs. You will bend down your knees as beggers to pick up the oily crumbs.'

  She came back from her part time job and wrote:

  'I am not scared of my anger any more. There is an anger. I will express it. I will make it realized. Otherwise it is physically too painful. The problem with my nerve system has a limit for a patience.'

  Ana had a terrible headache. She sweat like a hell. Her whole body was buzzing with fast and sharp pains. She felt as if thousands arrows penetrating her. She started watching one by one. Once any pain go through, there is nothing with sweet after effect. She felt refreshed. Neuralgia? What a funny name. It means unknown, various pain. She named it as Wednesday Blue. As it was Wednesday, those pain looked like blue lightening. A bit green too. Rather illuminating colors, they have. Brighter than turquoise. When she opened her eyes, that color was tinting certain places. Then she saw thousands of white, short arrows not in her body, outside. They almost looked like very fast snow falls. It was so real. Anyway...

  "Focus on your feet. Feel me. We are moving together. We are connected technically and partly physically as we are using five senses here."

  "Toe ring time."

  Ana's mindless note:

  'You say I am cute. You might say differently when you have the pain which I had... Or if you get a few million out of nowhere within a day... Or you grow up, get married and lose your child like that, you might say differently. Taste the hell and come back.'

  "Sofia, I am going to a party. I will wear teardrops of pink diamond. Rather plain clothes as we all are lamenting."

  “John, Iran started nuclear talking. Good subject, don’t you think? Right timing. Or they just had enough. I felt the same. We had enough of that terror shit.”

  'Personnally I think it's their turn to taste the air strikes and see their decapitated 2 year daughter. Otherwise they will not stop their dirty habit. Destinations will follow...'

  Ana remembered something and wrote it down:

  'It feels like long time ago but it was recent. US asked Iran to help them to punish Iraq. Rouhani said,

  "We would like to. But US has problem with informations. They do not know where to strike."

  Then a general in Pentagon said the same thing.

  "We need more information."'

  The conclusion is that US wants to strike anywhere in Middle East.

  The reason is oil and weapon. It sounds simple but how many people has been killed. Did that mindless airstrike make US rich? No. The opposite. Apparently their financial system turned out to be a real crap. Traders hate it. There is no bank who was not fined to a choking level. Even BNP Pribas, who shifted the whole shit from America to Europe, got fined severly. Israel got bankrupted. Something very wrong... Two near sovereign default, one government shutdown, one more sovereing default.

  The weapon, which they can not sell in Middle East, was sold or dumped to their domestic policy called national guard. Now the policy started shooting their own people. All this has to be ended by force. Otherwise there will be a nuclear war, which will destroy the earth by 9/11. What a number. It is like a well-laid plan. But actually what is worrying me is the KP pipeline. They are so desperate for oil. They are trying so hard to get that pipeline to draw oil from Alaska and Canada. But the structure has problem. They dig too deep or too shallow. Earthquake is like cancer. If you cut an inch wrong, everything starts spreading. Ok... The real problem is GE faulty reactors mark 1 are aligned with the line. Before nuclear war, they might have nuclear explosions first. Oh my god...'

  "John, John, I met a Texan John. Can you believe it? He said he has been building up aircrafts called Ego. He said you need a lot of patience in England. They don't deliver food instantly. But they don't chuck out us neither."

  The Texan John said

  "Texas is five times bigger than UK."

  I asked him.

  "Where is Oklahoma?"

  "North of Texas."

  "Where is Cooper?"

  "Don't know..."

  Ana felt helpless. She thought that the Texan John should know where the first and the biggest hydro explosion might happen in a very near future. People call it man made disaster if any of them survive through.

  'I am not helping you. I just want to let you know. That is my nature. My tiring nature.'

  "John, not much to say today."

  "What's up, doc?"

  "Sorry, personal problem. Do not ask further. I feel like a shit. I am in a deep shit."

  "I told you my deepest shit. You can tell me."

  "Sorry, hell, no. My husband cannot get pregnant with my sister, no? Sorry. It's just that American bitch messed up again. If I happen to see her again, I will put out all her hairs in front of all the guest. Anyway, I am supposed to be a mentally ill person. Even though I kill her, I go to a phychiatric hospital, not a prison. I can do whatever I want. I will put an end to her social life in UK. She cannot sell any more illegal immigration visas, Bitch. So, I don't care whether you go up or down. I don't c
are. Do not try to calm me down, so I can help you. No. I am in a serious mood swing."

  Ana just walked straight forward. She cannot remember how many cars or bikes stopped or jerked. She just walked for miles and miles through the Christmans shopping crowd.

  "It's your turn to make me feel good. And you know how."

  Ana was trying to sort out her mad anger.

  'It is not an anger. It is just an energy, which is very similar to anger. My mind is trying to find a reason. I can make a reason but that is not proper for this kind of anger. It was exploded this morning. I could not control it. I almost killed myself. It moved me so wild. I am still in it. Painful and numbing. Moving and shooting through my face, backbone and the end of coccix. My mind is still telling me that I am avoiding something. I am not. Can I say I am not? What if my husband has an actual, emotional tenderness towards to that Amerian bitch? That is my question. Can I find out tonight? If I can find out, what can I do? Divorce? Because of that emotional tint? I suddenly remember my husband was almost about to kill that man. The man. I thought life is too bury for that kind of emotional indulgence. But maybe this is time for myself. I've been denying my feeling for so many years. My turn. My turn to wank hard.'

  "John, life is sad, is not it?"

  "Sorry, Ana, are you a wank?"

  "Yes. Who is not?"

  "True. Did you do your homework?"

  "What? I've been working in the clinic for the last, fucking for how many hours?"

  "Didn't know that."

  "Are you closing now?"

  "Waiting for a news..."

  "What? FOMC said the fat ass stuck. What else? Putin's perfect storm thingi? Anyway Yellen is so, so fat and ugly. I am missing Christine. She looks so cool but is she still under the investigation? I can not stand ugly women."

  Ana totally forgot about her man. She was more interested in Putin's storm. Well it failed.

  Putin did not fail. He made it as a world news. Meaning: attracting like Peromon. Something is going on... People started sniffing... Or it's like a CPR.

  "John, John, are you interested in CPR?"

  "What do you mean?"

  "Cardio something. Hang on... Cardiopulmonary resuscitation. Forget the jargon. Just look what Putin did. That chart, if you do not mind a few fractures."

  "I do mind fractures. Forget it."

  "Am I agitating them too much?"

  "What are you talking about?"

  "Americans."

  "Too late..."

  "Got you."

  19 Dec 2014

  "CPR in the morning. You give me a heart attack. Ho Ho * ^^ *"

  "You should keep the vertaevrae straight in order to avoid sudden suffocation. @-@"

  "Mixed signals means fucked up. Straightforwardly."

  "Sofia, do you remember the dress when we first met? The same. Black and white stripes. You can open another account in case of a few fractures. Girls only."

  "John, I want some more stripe candies. Let's swap."

  Ana read Daily Telegraph. Two funny things.

  "Wendi Deng's description about Tony Blair: What else, what else, what else?

  Sony hacking: Koreans. Kneel down Hollywood shits. We will join one day in a very near future."

  "John, the Yellow Emperor said that in winter we have to live as if we have a deep secret. He said that is the way to keep the energy efficiently."

  "Ana, who is the Yellow Emperor? Another asian contact?"

  "No, he wrote a foundation book for oriental medicine. My point is that at his time, 4 thousands years ago, there was no central heating. That means we do not have to live as if we have a secret. No secret."

  To John, it was quite a tiring day. He preferred to keep the secret with Ana. Why? Too much work if they open their networks. Ah...

  "Sofia, I am going to a Hell-Gate party. I will wear the same bloody dress."

  "Ana, no one will notice."

  "Ok. Cool."

  20 Dec 2014

  Ana's saturday, quite meaningless, crazy jotting.

  "I killed my self. Not bad. And I am born again. Shit. Now the sky knows. The earth knows. Everybody knows. Do not fiddle with me."

  "If you do, something will happen to you. I have no conscious idea about it. I just know something will happen. I don't think I am lucky as I am suffering from the consequences too. I buried too many things in my heart for so long. My heart is like a lump of tar. I will burn it as my fuel."

  "I warned you. It's too late. You are burning with me."

  "Did you see? I am not joking. Do you think you are still alive? Physically, yes. But no spirit. It is called a zombie. Your children know it very well. They will leave you because you are disgusting."

  "A three year old girl told me,

  'Mum and dad are different. Dad stay longer.'"

  "I can not do anything about it. You can not do anything about it. This is what you call the judgment."

  "Some zombies look like pathological liars. In fact they are not. They just don't know what they are doing. Of course."

  It was like automatic writing. Somebody else moved her to jot it down. Ana prayed to that somebody else. It definitely felt like a possession.

  'Please do not stay in me too long. I will be busy tomorrow night at 10:00. I don't think you can handle it. Any mistake? We are all dead, Super Power.'

  21 Dec 2014

  Ana's reasoning about Sony hacking.

  "Internal Affair, nothing to do with North Korea. CIA hacking.

  1. Sony (8,000 bil net income a year) is a major sponsor of Obama. Their financial software was ruined. Of course they could not tell to Obama. Sony is pushed to make up its mind before next presidential election as a show case.

  2. This is a counter attack of CIA as Dem revealed their Guantanamo files. Republicans, Jeb Bush. It's their job. I can see the obivious crack in the US government, or I can see two governments. FBI and CIA = Dem and Rep.

  Obama, if you want to win next year, you should crack this down. Joint inquiry, whatever. Dig the whole thing out. Fundraising is the Achilles in the election, is not it?

  By the way, North Korean are different. They have long-distance nuclear missles. That's why Japan do not need American's protection. They can shoot missiles across Pacific. You should be very careful this time. They have 'you die, I die' strategy. Slightly different from Kami Kase. Kami Kase is 'I die, you die', not 'you die, I die'. Basically it means 'you die, first'.

  In case, they don't have, they can easily borrow from either South Korea, who does not want another war, or China, who is not happy with the US debt, or an old friend Iran, who is dying to use theirs. Pakistan. That's why US could not make a move for Taliban.

  "John, I got a budget for a short film. Killing of one of the followings.

  George(38) has one kid *

  Noelle(37) drug addict, useless: 2001 arrests of Noelle Bush's cousins, Jenna & Barbara Bush, for underage drinking.

  John Ellis(31) known as Jebby **

  Jenna & Barbara(33), TV personality for more publicity

  Either George's kid or Jebby or Jenna. Of couse, it will be an accident. A tragedy not a comedy this time. One of them just forgot to wear the seatbelt somehow. They were in a hurry, the seatbelt was too tight. They could not be bothered."

  "The only problem is that they are all too ugly. Not photogenic. Disgusting. I will think of something else. The point is that I got a budget. Let's say 12 min film."

  Ana started writing another scenario about a monster. Half alien and half IVF human.

  "I am not afraid of pain. Pain is my friend. Pain is guiding me. I see my body all the time like a scanner. I can see the pain when it comes and goes. Pain comes in and starts burning. My body gets very hot. Then it shoots fire balls. Pain goes. The reason I am regarded as a monster is I don't have a control of these fire balls time to time. The direction and angle of these balls are calculated and predetermined by the pain. I am not guilty. I can not live with too much pain either. Unfortunately so
me unlucky people who got on my nerves have these. They do not know what I am. They insensitively come near me. If they are pretty, they are ok. If they are not, and they are smelly, they got these balls."

  Ana thought she is not very good at writing. It sounds like a badly written teenage horror. Worse than that. She had to kill some time. So she continued.

  "Some people think I am their savior or something. Of course not. I have no such an intention what so ever. Just these fire balls can cure people. I saw they killed pre-cancer cells. I saw they cured all sorts of neuralgia, severe depression and even impaired hearing."

  Ana started being fond of this monster.

  "I am half an alien. I did not come from other planet. I came from other universe, ie, other dimension.

  As pain started penetrating through the brain, particularly through the hypothalamus, my memories were activated. Long and painful progress. Still it's worth going through. At least I know who I am. I still have problem with five sensces. I hear two languages at the same time. I see two figures at the same time. I am not hallucinated either. Then I noticed quite a lot of, so called mental illness, have so similar symptoms including autism, dyslexia etc. That's why I started contacting other people, working in a clinic. I would like to find my own kind. I am a male but people started calling me Rea. I should get used to these dual identities, dual realities."

  Ana thought,

  'This is not going to work. Too typical. Half what and what? You need an action, thrill and hooker. Something else... Back to killing story? No... Assasination? Who? Obama will be gone next year any way. More hacking? Some serious hacking? I am not that bad at hacking thanks to Carl... Hacking what? CIA has done most of jobs. What can be worth being hacked? Everything is in the cloud. Keeping data in isolated system is so old fashioned and tedious. Also it costs too much for backups. Secret bank accounts? Joking... My typing as I am typing is sending signals already. Is there something new under the sky? Something new... something new. In order to survive in an old world. Kinetic power plus trading? Someone can control the screen for 10 min or so. Not psychic. Too tiring. In order to move 10 cm of a 10g object, you have to use 2kg of your body. You lost 2kg. What on earth do you do that for? Show business? possible.'