Always Remember

by Hestand, Rita

  "He knows Mama, and it wasn’t me that told him," she quickly added. "Even though I wanted to tell him why…I couldn’t bring myself to say the words, Mama."

  "Then how does he know?" Her mother tilted her head to the side in question.

  "He saw her…he’s been hidin’ out not far from here, and watchin’ the place. He saw her," Josey said softly.

  "Then that’s settled."

  "What is?" Josey asked her eyebrows bunched together in a big frown.

  "He won’t be marryin’ Rose. But now you…I’m not so sure…" Her mother looked her over like a side of beef. "You’ve come into womanhood real fine. And he’s noticed. In fact, by the look on his face, he’s known for some time. And he’ll be doin’ somethin’ about it before long if I know him."

  "How can you tell?" Josey rushed to ask.

  "I’m old, but I’ve been around the mulberry bush a few times." Her mother grinned.

  "You look better now Mama, are you feelin’ better?" Josey asked wanting to change the subject.

  "Right now, I’m walkin’ in tall cotton. Don’t know how long it will last, but for now, I’m fine. Been takin’ some of that medicine the doc gave me, helps with the pain."

  "Oh Mama…I wish…"

  "I know, but hush now. I got to get dinner on the table. I’m gonna set the plates out and you sit there and pass them out and the forks and knives."

  "Where is Rose?" Josey asked not seeing her in the yard or inside.

  "Probably in the barn with Hank. That’s where she usually is these days." Her mother shook her head as though reminded of something unpleasant.

  "Oh no…what if Leroy goes in there?"

  "Then he’ll catch them red-handed and it will be over and done with," her mother said firmly. "Serves her right."

  "I don’t want to hurt Rose…ever…Mama, she’s been hurt enough. I’d never intrude upon their…"

  "There is no their—Josey. Not with the two of them. Leroy is just not the kind of man that would tolerate her."

  Josey’s mouth opened but nothing came out.

  "Don’t worry child, everything is gonna be just fine. Don’t you make the same mistakes I did with Rose. You gotta be tough on her.”

  "But Mama," Josey protested.

  "Let the Lord handle it, Josey," her mother corrected.

  "Yes Mama, of course, you are right." Josey sighed.

  Josey looked at her mother and tried to laugh.

  "See how much I need you, Mama?"

  "Yes darlin’ I see." Her mother chuckled.

  ~*~

  Leroy left a few more instructions for his men, and then turned toward the barn. He knew what was going on in there. He wanted this out in the open so he could be honest with Rose and Hank too. He’d gotten over the hurt of it and realized that he really didn’t feel any pain from it. What bothered him was that he couldn’t tell Josey how he felt.

  He sighed heavily. Best to get this over and done with, he decided. And if he caught her red- handed, he would have good reason to break the engagement that was a mistake all along.

  As he went inside he heard voices, soft and low. He moved to the last stall and found them, butt naked and busy too. He almost laughed at the enthusiasm they displayed. And very surprised at how much Rose had taught his little brother.

  Leroy cleared his throat and stared down at them. "Excuse me…"

  Rose grabbed her dress, threw it over her head, and looked up at Leroy with pleading eyes. His brother frowned mightily and grabbed his britches to pull them on over himself.

  Their faces were red as fire and Rose seemed to scramble for something to say.

  "Okay, so you caught us." Hank huffed, obviously trying to figure out what to say or not to say.

  Rose faced him. "Leroy, it’s so wonderful to see you, darlin’." She went to throw herself into his arms, planting a more than robust kiss on his lips.

  Leroy let her kiss him, but slowly began peeling her away from him. "Rose…honey, I think one man a day is enough…don’t you?"

  Rose gasped. "Why Leroy…what are you sayin’?"

  "When you witness something with your own eyes, explanations are futile. I’m sayin’ you are no longer my betrothed, but that maybe you should check with my brother first and see how he feels." Leroy chuckled.

  "You-you’re laughing. How can you stand there and laugh? Why aren’t you at least distraught? If you loved me you’d be distraught, wouldn’t you?" Rose protested her indignation. "You mean your breaking our engagement…over this…"

  "Over this…and more. You see Rose most men want a woman that can be true to her husband. I’m one of those. I’ve had my eye on this place for two weeks and you…well, you’re just not very discreet. I bet I wasn’t off the property good before you were showing my brother the intimacies of making love." Leroy chuckled.

  "Why…I never!"

  "Of course you have." He laughed, happy that he could laugh now. "Besides, let’s don’t start denying what is obvious. I’ve had time to get over this, Rose. It was shocking at first, but then…I began to understand. I was off to war, you had no idea how long I’d be gone and you were lonely. Things like this happen all the time. Besides, it’s understandable to some degree. I do love you Rose, in my fashion, but not as a wife. More as a friend. And I have to admit, this isn't all your fault. Since this war I have considered my feelings too, and they were never what they should have been.

  "Now, straighten your clothes, and get the hay out of your hair and scoot on up to the house. Your mother is busy preparing another feast. I’m sure she’s had her hands full lately feeding everyone, and could use your help," Leroy dictated.

  "But where’s Josey?" Rose asked. "We’ve been lookin’ all over for her. Why, that’s the very reason we are in here in the first place."

  "Rose, you weren’t in here for Josey. I’ve had plenty of time to see what you’ve been doin’. I’m not accusin’ or even mad anymore. But let’s be honest. You and I never were that close, anyway. At least not like you and Hank. And Josey has been with me… to answer your question."

  Rose's mouth hung open. "With you?"

  "That’s right. The other day when you were giving those Yanks supper, they were trying to take an advantage of Josey. I caught them and we escaped back to my camp. But everything is fine now. Not to worry, she’s in the house, I brought her."

  "Josey’s been with you?"

  "Yes, she has. Now, come on you two, I’ll explain when we are inside. I heard about your ordeal with the Yankees from Josey."

  Hank seemed disgruntled. However, Leroy put his arm on his shoulder and smiled. “It's okay, Hank. She’s a handful, and you’ve got your work cut out for you if this is the one you really want."

  "I love her, Leroy. I can’t help it," he announced loudly.

  Leroy slapped him on the shoulder hard. "Good and good luck—because you are gonna need it."

  "He does not love me, he just thinks he does," Rose protested.

  Leroy put his arms around them, one on each side of him. "Come on…we’ll talk this over in private in the house. But Rose, I think you better pay attention to my brother here. He’s not often frivolous. If he says he loves you, I’d believe him."

  "But we…Of course he loves me." She raised her nose to the air and smiled at them both.

  His eyes strayed to Rose with a new understanding of his own feelings for her.

  "You don’t love me, Leroy?" Rose asked in a soft voice as her eyes went to him and stared a long time.

  Leroy paused at the question.

  "There’s a war goin’ on Rose, and I’ve learned to appreciate the family I have. I love my brother, and in my fashion, I love you. But more in a family way now. Like a sister-in-law, maybe." He smiled. "Would that be okay?"

  "Hey, I ain’t even asked her yet," Hank said, and then smiled at his brother. "I’m glad your home, Leroy."

  "Me too…but not for long…"

  ~*~

  When they all sat down to the table, Ler
oy glanced about, and then looked at their mother.

  “Mrs. Anderson, under the circumstances—of which we will not go into—my engagement to your daughter is hereby annulled. Of course I still care about her, but in an entirely different way. She understands. Now, that said, I must ask about the Union soldiers. Which way were they headed?" Leroy asked as her mother passed the mashed potatoes.

  He watched Josey excuse herself from the table to tend to his men, and he smiled. She sent plates out to all of them heaped with fried chicken and mashed potatoes and gravy. There was corn on the cob and pickles too. Leroy was sure his men would appreciate her effort.

  She returned in time to hear him explaining what had happened to her yesterday. Ruby and Rose both gasped. "Have no fear, he didn’t touch her," Leroy explained.

  "Thank God." Ruby and Rose both blurted.

  "I took her back to our camp and she told me they were leaving this morning, so that’s why we are here. They won’t be back for a while. But mark my words, they might come back, so be ready."

  "Do you think we should run them off with guns? I mean, the Captain was not a nice man. He subjected Hank and Jacob to complete humiliation, and they beat George up." her mother asked, her hand going to her chest in anguish.

  "No ma’am. I think you should do exactly as you did. Instead of having the girls feed them, send the men with the plates. Jacob and George can do it just as easily. That should keep the girls out of their clutches."

  "That’s a dandy idea." Ruby laughed. "I should have thought of it."

  "Under the circumstances I think you did very well." Leroy smiled. "Sometimes soldiers forget their manners, but if that Captain had caught the young soldier in the barn, I’m sure he would have dealt with him severely," Leroy explained. "And it surely explains why he said Josey ran off. Even in war, there are gentlemen. That kind of plunder is not tolerated by the Yankees or the Rebels, I can assure you. It comes from facing death every day, scrounging for food, and tolerating bad condition, like no shoes. In war sometimes the gentleman in the man totally forgets."

  "I know there is a war, and that most people go to fight them, but with two girls to worry about and a sizeable farm, he should’ve understood this is all I can handle. He practically accused us of harboring Rebels…which I suppose if he could see the yard today, he'd think he was right. But Leroy you are family, no matter where you go or what you do, or who's side you are on. Family takes care of family." Mrs. Anderson sighed.

  "He found you a little less than a patriot, I gather."

  "Yes sir, he did. Practically put a Rebel hat on our heads. But I’m not a Rebel, we're farmers. At least that’s how I see it."

  "Exactly And you stick with your guns, okay?"

  After a short silence Leroy added. “We don’t plan to let these Yanks through again. For now, they are in front of us, not behind. Nevertheless, Hank, I don’t want you to sass them, again. With the least provocation they would kill you for bein' a sympathizer. Sometimes things get too out of hand. If they do come again, do as they ask and stay out of their way. They’ll be gone before you know it," he explained. "However, if trouble comes that you can't handle, try to get word to me. Please. We’re trying to drive them out of Texas. So far we’ve been successful. Not just us, but also the darn Texas weather has helped, the rains were our best defenses. You’d think a Yankee didn’t know how to handle mud."

  Everyone laughed.

  "Still don’t give them any trouble, it's too dangerous. If you have to humble yourself, do so. I don’t want a dead brother on my hands."

  Hank nodded. "I guess you know how to handle them better than me," Hank admitted. "We’ll drive them across the Red before long. They won’t occupy Texas, ladies. Not here, not anywhere in this state."

  When Josey sat down, Leroy cast her a quick smile and looked away. He knew she was avoiding him and although unsure why, he didn’t want to embarrass her further by asking.

  After dinner everyone went to the porch, the men were mostly smoking and talking about how good it felt to be close to home for a change, Leroy relaxed knowing his men felt the same. They patted their full tummies and smiled a lot, erasing the long worry lines in their faces.

  "We’ll be leaving very soon now," Leroy announced. "I’ve left some payment for supplies and we’ll be back when we can. Although, I’m not sure when. From here we go south to the ports."

  He went up to Rose, kissed her on the forehead. "Rose, you’re a lot for any man to handle, but if it can be done, Hank is the one to do it." He smiled and kissed her again on the forehead. "Goodbye sweet Rose."

  He looked at Hank. "You’ve got your hands full now. I reckon you’re growing up in a hurry. Maybe that’s best…for you. I’ll be seein’ you." He nodded and shook hands with him.

  Hank smiled shyly. "Thanks Leroy…for everything. And I mean it."

  He shook hands with Jacob and George and then turned to Mrs. Anderson.

  "Where is Josey?"

  "Inside," her mother said. "She's not good with goodbyes."

  "Then I’ll pay my respects and be gone."

  He pulled his hat off his head and kissed Mrs. Anderson on the head. "You take care of yourself. I want to see you when I get back."

  He saw tears in her eyes and so wanted to comfort her, but he wasn't sure how.

  "I’ll try, Leroy." Mrs. Anderson wiped her eyes with her kerchief.

  Leroy walked up on the porch casting a glance back at Ruby; he couldn’t stop the lump in his throat. He glanced around and didn’t see Josey. He peeked into the bedroom and he saw her lying on the bed, crying.

  "Hey…what’s this?" he asked pulling her upright and around so she had to face him.

  "Oh…I’m just feelin’ puny is all." She turned away so he couldn’t see her face.

  "Oh…is that all." His voice sounded disappointed and she looked up.

  When a big grin stretched over his face, she hit him on the chest. "You’re making fun of me. I don't like goodbyes."

  "Neither do I" His voice went very husky as he stared into her lovely face. "No…I’m not making fun, honey, I don’t like goodbyes either." He chuckled, then snuggled her closer.

  Josey started to get up but he pulled her back against him and kissed her. This time he really kissed her on the lips. Her mouth opened like a flower to him. He took the advantage as his tongue tamed hers with soft strokes. Her arms flew around his neck, pulling him closer.

  His kiss challenged her for more and she gave in to his mastery. Letting him lead her into an intimacy she'd never known with man.

  His tongue shot out to mate with hers over and over again. She groaned a little in her throat and he pulled her closer, as a hunger took hold of him. Heat radiated between them.

  They drew apart, breathless, speechless. Unbidden excitement keyed the air about them. Unbridled desire sent sparks between them.

  “You’re too young, too sweet, and too wonderful to touch…but I needed this kiss." His eyes said differently, as his hands stroked her burning cheeks. “Write to me…will ya?”

  "Of course." She whispered, still reeling from the kiss. "I-I hate you’re leaving," she cried out. "I don’t want you to go."

  "I know my sweet. I wish that I could stay, it would be pure heaven, but I have my orders. I’ll be back…I promise."

  She looked away, and he turned her chin up to look into her lovely brown eyes. "I know exactly how you feel, sweet Josey, but I have my duties. I hate to leave you…your mother…even Rose and Hank. But I’ll be back and I want you to remember one thing…"

  "What?"

  "This," he whispered as his lips met hers and this time neither of them were shy. She melted into his arms and moaned as their tongues joined. Her lips softened against his, and he moaned from her swift action. When he turned her loose he stood up, cleared his throat and composed himself.

  She started to stand, and he motioned for her to stay put. "No, don’t get up. And whatever you do, don’t kiss me again…not like that. It’s too
tempting. Just…always remember our kiss, Josey, and what it means to us both." he whispered. "You’re so beautiful, my love… but I can’t resist what I see in your face when I look at you.

  “I’ve wanted to say so many things for a long time—longer than you can imagine. I know you think my actions odd, but it’s nothing like that. But before, well before you were too young. At the time it wouldn’t have been proper. And now, you’ve budded into a beautiful young woman, ripe for the taking and…I have to go to war. How unfair to both of us. It pains me to leave you, with unsaid things between us. I’ve watched you grow, watched how lovely you’ve become and my heart turns over at the thought of someone taking you to wed. However, it would be unfair to ask you to wait for me. But I hope you’ll keep me in your thoughts and heart. You’ll certainly be in mine."

  "But Leroy…"

  Josey’s cheeks burned from his intense gaze, for he no longer smiled. His eyes met hers and what he saw was shocking—a warm growing desire burned there!

  "Goodbye my sweet." He nodded slowly and moved to go out the door. She didn't move.

  Always remember!

  Chapter Nine

  For the next two months there was constant cannon fire along the Red.

  Josey feared for Leroy, knowing he might not come back. She cherished their moments together, thinking of their kisses and his words. However, the saddest part was she hadn’t said the words that would bring him back to her.

  Perhaps things were best left unsaid for now. Perhaps time and distance would make such a difference they would have to bear themselves to each other the next time. She knew every day she thought of him more. Every day she loved him more.

  Smoke from the constant gunfire leaked its way toward the farm and made everyday tasks harder.

  Josey looked out over the cotton fields beyond their farm and marveled at how something as trivial to her as cotton could cause such a stir in the war. Why didn’t they grow their own cotton up north? Why couldn’t they leave Texas alone?