Come Back to Me

by Sara Foster

  After an hour of this, Chloe had had enough and stalked out. But she didn’t want to be at home alone for the Millennium, particularly as both her housemates had paid to go to swanky dos, and would be full of it when they got in. She decided she might as well show her face at Susan’s bash, as she was now much closer to that than anywhere else. It began to rain as she made her way there, so she ran along the pavement in the gloom, trying to dodge all the swaying, merry people calling out their New Year’s greetings to anyone around, and pushed her way into the packed pub. It was hard to see anyone, but she finally spotted Risto in conversation at the bar. He raised his eyebrows and smiled at her, using his thumb to point behind him as he carried on his discussion.

  She made her way over and then stopped in her tracks.

  She’d thought New Year’s Eve couldn’t get any worse, but this topped it off.

  Right in front of her was Mark, his lips locked with Charlotte’s.

  In a daze, Chloe turned away immediately, but before she could make her escape she heard someone say, ‘Hey, Chloe!’ from behind her.

  She swung round again awkwardly and waved hello to the people at the table, now looking at her, then at Mark and Charlotte, who were both staring at her. Charlotte was smiling like she hadn’t a clue, and Mark looked as shocked as she’d ever seen him.

  ‘Chloe,’ said a voice behind her. She turned. It was Risto.

  ‘Can I get you a drink?’ he asked.

  She nodded, trying not to show him how upset she was, and he ushered her towards the bar. She moved automatically as he said, ‘I saw what just happened. Do you want me to take you home?’

  She just nodded again and let him lead her outside.

  57

  Alex was just about to go out the front door with Jamie when he saw Ray coming up the drive.

  ‘Come on, Al, let’s go,’ Jamie said. He had decided he didn’t like Ray after hearing snippets of what had been going on.

  ‘No, Jamie, I’ll just be a minute,’ Alex answered, alarmed.

  ‘But, Al, I really want to -’

  ‘Just wait inside for a sec,’ Alex said, shoving his brother back through the door.

  His heart thudded as he saw Ray’s stricken face. ‘Oh my god, what is it?’ he asked.

  ‘She’s okay… I think,’ the older man said sadly. ‘It’s just I’ve made a terrible mistake.’

  Alex let him in, and he came into the lounge, said a subdued hello to Alex’s mother and father, and told the whole family the story.

  Amy had snuck out. She was gone. Tess was furious with him for not taking Amy more seriously when she had confided in him, for allowing it to happen.

  Alex’s mother pointed out that there was little he could have done other than physically restraining her, and Ray nodded sadly. ‘I know, but still… looking back, I should have realised how determined she was. I just never thought she’d go that night…’

  He looked at Alex. ‘I came to see if you’ve heard anything from her.’

  ‘I’m sorry.’ Alex shook his head. Oh, Amy, he thought, why haven’t you been in touch? Why are you pushing us all away?

  ‘Have you talked to the police?’ Alex’s father asked.

  ‘Yes,’ Ray nodded. ‘They’re sympathetic, but say that often there’s nothing much they can do. She’s an adult, entitled to exercise her own free will; she’s never had any mental health issues before, even though she’s obviously been through something truly terrible… They can do some checking, but once we said we thought Amy might have gone overseas they weren’t very optimistic about locating her.’

  He got up to leave. He looked broken. ‘Anyway, I won’t keep you. You’ve probably got things to be doing tonight. I just wanted to give you this.’ He held a piece of paper out to Alex, who took it, his heart thumping. ‘Just let me know, will you, if she…’ Ray added, looking at Alex. ‘Keep in touch.’

  Alex nodded. ‘Of course.’ He watched as his mum and dad said polite goodbyes, the paper scratchy in his hand, then saw Ray out to the door.

  Ray turned at the doorway. ‘Alex,’ he said. ‘I’m sorry if I was a bit harsh on you… in the hospital. I wasn’t thinking very clearly, and I…’

  Alex didn’t know what came over him, but as Ray stood there on the doorstep he moved forward and patted him on the shoulders in an awkward semi-hug. ‘I understand,’ he said, pulling back quickly for fear of overstepping the mark, but Ray was smiling sadly at him.

  Amy’s father turned to go. ‘Ray,’ Alex called.

  Ray swung around.

  ‘Did she really not want to see me last week, or was that just you?’ he asked.

  Ray shook his head. ‘I’m sorry, Alex. She said she didn’t, but we know she’s not thinking straight, don’t we?’

  Alex nodded, and Ray turned to go.

  Jamie appeared behind him. ‘Happy New Year,’ he called to Ray’s retreating back.

  Ray raised a hand in acknowledgement, but didn’t turn round.

  ‘Come on, Al,’ Jamie said once Ray had gone. ‘Let’s go. I’m desperate for a pint.’

  58

  The little street was dark, though there were lights shining intermittently from the few restaurants dotted about the place. Behind the street, the sea lapped gently at the narrow shoreline, a rhythmic watery lullaby you could only hear between gaps in traffic noise and voices.

  This seaside Caribbean village felt incredibly peaceful. And that’s why Amy was here.

  She did feel calmer, being away. And she felt sad about that, but it was so much easier, saying hello to strangers who knew nothing of her; being around people who didn’t care a jot, rather than the slow, constricting, suffocating love from those she had left behind. She wasn’t thinking long term, just trying to put one foot in front of another, get through the next hour, the next day. Seeing if she could heal from the inside as well as out, now the bruises had faded.

  Yet she couldn’t help but make the phone calls earlier. It was New Year’s Eve, the Millennium, after all.

  ‘Amy, thank god,’ her mother had cried down the phone. ‘Where are you?’

  ‘I’m okay, Mum. I’m just letting you know I’m okay.’

  ‘Come home, Amy, it’s better for you here.’

  ‘No, it’s not.’

  ‘Your dad will be so sorry he’s missed you. He’s just popped out.’

  ‘That’s okay. Tell him I love him. I love you both.’

  Her mother was sobbing down the phone. It was frightening. She rarely lost control like this.

  ‘Amy, you have to promise me one thing right now.’

  ‘Mum, I -’

  ‘PROMISE ME you’ll do no harm to yourself. If anything happened to you… well, your father and I, we would die too – do you UNDERSTAND, Amy?’ she said fiercely.

  ‘Yes,’ she replied.

  ‘Say you promise.’

  ‘Okay, I promise,’ Amy agreed, as yet unclear about the implications of this.

  ‘Right.’ Her mother sounded a bit calmer. ‘I want you to check in with us every day.’

  ‘Mum, that’s not realistic.’

  ‘Every day,’ she asserted.

  ‘Mum, I can’t,’ Amy said. ‘Look, I’ll do it every week, okay? Even then, my money…’

  ‘Do you have your bank card?’ her mother asked.

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Then we’ll put money in your account, okay?’

  ‘Mum, I -’

  ‘Amy, the money will be there. Now, please tell me where you are.’

  But she knew she couldn’t. Her father would be on the next plane, looking for her. ‘I’m sorry, Mum. I can’t. Please understand. I just called to say Happy New Year.’

  Her mother had begun to cry again. ‘We love you, Amy.’

  ‘I love you too, both of you,’ Amy told her. She couldn’t take any more, though. ‘I have to go,’ she said. And hung up.

  Then she dialled the other number, quickly, before she could think too much.

  His mum
answered.

  ‘Is Alex there, please?’ she whispered.

  There was a weighty pause. ‘I’m so sorry, Amy love, he isn’t,’ his mum said in a tremulous voice that told Amy she knew everything. ‘I can go and get him, though – can you ring back in twenty minutes? Or he can ring you?’

  ‘No, no, it’s okay,’ she said quickly. She knew where Alex was. She had been with him last year, in his local, where all his mates gathered to see in the New Year. She felt glad he was following the routine. It meant he was getting on with things. He was okay without her. He really was. ‘Please don’t tell him I called. Happy New Year,’ she said, then hung up before his mother had a chance to say more.

  59

  Mark had stormed out of the pub to try to find Chloe. But she’d already gone. With Risto, by the look of it. He was about to go inside again when Charlotte came flying through the door.

  ‘Mark, there you are!’ she cried happily.

  He smiled reluctantly and made a move to step around her.

  ‘Where are you going?’ she pouted. ‘I thought you might take me home, for a little Millennium celebration of our own,’ she intoned, as seductively as she could while obviously trying hard to balance.

  He looked her up and down. She was wearing a low-cut dark blue sparkly top with tight jeans and high heels. She looked fantastic.

  She was asking him to take her home.

  He had a choice. Find Chloe. Continue down that path, which made him feel so alarmed as his mind oscillated between Chloe’s confused face and his father’s furious expression. Find Chloe. Who, after all, had gone with Risto.

  Or he could give it up and take Charlotte home. And, undoubtedly, other girls like Charlotte in the future.

  ‘Come on, then,’ he said. ‘Where do you live?’

  As they moved off, there was a chorus of voices as the countdown began in the pub behind them.

  60

  Risto dragged Chloe through the crowds in the small square near her flat. As they moved along, people began to chant. ‘Ten… nine…’

  They stopped instinctively and joined in.

  ‘… two… one… HAPPY NEW YEAR!’

  ‘Happy Millennium.’ Risto smiled at Chloe as people hugged and kissed and danced around them. He leaned forward and kissed her quickly and softly on the mouth, politely but with a definite promise. And to Chloe’s surprise as he caught her off-guard, for just a moment the churning thoughts of Mark disappeared as she leaned into him.

  61

  The pub was a seething, rolling mass of drunken, sweaty bodies overbalancing as they revelled in the first seconds of a new year. A new century. A new millennium.

  Alex was trying his best to pretend to join in as his mates danced round him, whooping and cheering. He could feel the note in his pocket; he’d memorised it already:

  Al,

  Thank you for your message. I understand this is difficult for everybody, not just me, but I need to get away for a while, to sort myself out. When I get back I will come to you.

  I love you.

  Amy

  Where was she? he wondered. He wholeheartedly wished he were with her, not here in this claustrophobic press of people.

  He forced himself out of his distraction as his mum and dad arrived, and he watched them make their way over.

  ‘Happy New Year, love,’ Alex’s mum said, hugging him. She pulled away from him, and looked at him with a strange expression, as though debating something.

  ‘What?’ He attempted a quizzical smile.

  She paused, then the moment passed. ‘Nothing. Never mind.’ She smiled too and hugged Alex again, and his father leaned over and handed him another pint as the party went on.

  62

  The only way to tell the New Year had come was a truck with lots of young boys leaning over the sides, swinging their shirts and yelling, ‘Happy New Year’.

  There were a few other people in the restaurant, mostly couples or groups, and everyone was pretty quiet. However, there was one woman on her own with a shock of curly hair and kind eyes, wearing the baggy shirt and trousers combo that was almost a traveller’s uniform. As the van full of screeching lads went past, followed by a car with a waving Santa perched on top, she came over.

  ‘May I?’ She indicated the empty seat.

  Amy recoiled at first, but then suddenly craved company. She glanced at the other people in the bar. They weren’t going anywhere. And this woman didn’t look like she’d follow her, or attack her once she’d befriended her. Besides, Amy decided, she didn’t want to be watching over her shoulder all the time. And she could always move on. Now she was free to run away whenever she chose.

  She wished she could be someone else; someone completely different.

  Maybe that was the answer.

  Immediately a person floated into her mind. The sunniest person at school. The girl everyone loved, who didn’t seem to have a care in the world. Who floated through life, smiling. What was her name?

  The woman was looking at her curiously, still waiting for an answer.

  ‘Sorry.’ Amy shook her head and gave a small smile. ‘Of course.’ She gestured to the seat. ‘Happy New Year.’

  ‘Same to you.’ The woman sat down. ‘Amazing, isn’t it – the Millennium’s arrived in most parts of the world now, and so far nothing terrible seems to have happened. So much time spent putting the fear of god into people, and it nearly always amounts to nothing.’ She leaned across the table and held out her hand to shake. ‘I’m Sophie.’

  Slowly, Amy lifted her arm and tentatively grasped the other woman’s fingers.

  ‘Julia,’ she replied.

  PART THREE

  LETTING GO

  63

  London

  November 2009

  Chloe walked through the front door and down the hallway, peering into the living room on her way to the kitchen. Everything was neat and tidy, and very still. It felt as though the house were holding its breath.

  She was unnerved by the quiet. Hearing a small noise behind her, she swung around.

  Alex was standing there. ‘We need to talk, Chlo.’

  ‘Has she gone?’ Her voice came out quiet and hoarse, and sinisterly calm.

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘For good?’

  Alex paused a fraction too long. And Chloe’s frayed temper finally snapped.

  ‘Alex, you’d better start talking, and fast,’ she shouted at him.

  Alex came towards her and tried to put his hand on her arm. ‘Chloe…’

  She shook him off, walked a few paces, turned back and yelled, ‘Just tell me, for god’s sake – I can’t bear all… this.’ She threw her hands in the air. ‘If you’re having some kind of affair, just bloody well admit it.’

  ‘No! Chloe, look at me. Look at me, please! I’m not having an affair. I’m not having an affair…’ He strode across and grabbed her by the shoulders, shaking her slightly, trying to force the truth into her. She looked in his eyes and saw nothing except an entreaty for her to believe him. She felt a little calmer.

  ‘So then, what’s going on?’ she asked.

  ‘We were together for a couple of years, a long time ago,’ Alex answered, not slackening his grip. She could feel the warmth of his breath on her face with each word he spoke. ‘We met at university, and then went travelling. And while we were in Australia she got attacked and raped and nearly killed. And after that, we fell apart.’

  ‘What?’ Chloe couldn’t take it in. She watched as Alex spoke; every muscle of his body seemed taut with tension.

  ‘When we came home, she disappeared. She said she was only going away for a little while, but she never came back. I never saw her again until Thursday night – that’s why I was so shocked. That’s why this is all so awful and weird.’

  Chloe just looked at him, her mind a jumble of incoherent, half-formed thoughts. How could she have ever prepared for this?

  In a few days it felt as if her whole world had changed.

 
‘Chloe?’ Alex’s voice was alarmed.

  She stared at him blankly, then was jolted out of her stupor on seeing the tears in his eyes. They were still so close, his hands on her arms, his face inches from hers.

  ‘So you were a couple for how long?’

  ‘Two years.’

  Two years, Chloe thought. She and Alex had been together only a little longer than that.

  ‘And you loved her?’

  Alex sighed and closed his eyes for a moment as he said, ‘Yes, I did.’ She watched his face as he looked at her again, his intense dark eyes boring into hers. ‘But it was a long time ago now, Chloe. Way before you and I ever met.’

  ‘So you don’t love her any more?’

  Why had she asked that, when she was so close to his face she couldn’t fail to gauge his reaction. He looked as though she had struck him.

  There wasn’t much of a pause before he tried to speak, but it was enough. She let out a cry and pushed him away, running out of the kitchen, down the hallway and up the stairs. She could hear him chasing her.

  ‘No, Chloe, no, you’ve got it wrong. Don’t do this, please…’

  She swung around at the top of the stairs as he took them two at a time to try to reach her. ‘Me do this?’ she screamed. She turned on her heel before he could touch her and strode into the bedroom, pulling open the closet and beginning to throw random items of clothing onto the bed.

  ‘Chloe,’ Alex cried as he came into the room. ‘What are you doing? Come on, we need to keep talking about this.’

  ‘I can’t, Alex,’ she said, as tears began to stream down her face. ‘I just need some space.’

  Alex came around the bed fast, and tried to pull her to him. He caught her arm but she wrenched herself away, her free hand groping along the dresser and grabbing things, hurling them onto the bed.

  ‘Don’t go, Chloe,’ he said, his voice low and husky with emotion. ‘Please. This thing happened so long ago – and I’m so sorry you’ve been caught up in it like this. But it doesn’t change you and me at all. I love you, Chloe. Don’t go.’ He stood there watching her sadly, his eyes moist.