The OUT OF LINE Series

by Jen McLaughlin

  Marie nodded. “Do you think he’s stressed out about maybe leaving? Stress can cause men to act like weirdos. One time my dad was acting like a jerk, and we had no idea why. Turned out, he had learned he had cancer and was processing it all. And one of the ways he did it was by ranting at the whole world.”

  I swallowed hard. It hadn’t occurred to me until now, but Finn and Marie had both lost a parent at the same age. “God, that’s awful. I’m so sorry.”

  “Yeah, it sucks,” she said softly, her eyes sad despite her words. “But thanks.”

  I hugged her, feeling like an idiot. All this time I’d been judging her as vapid and empty, and here she was making me feel better. Sharing life stories with me. I hadn’t treated her fairly, but I made a vow to stop doing it. “I’m sorry I’ve been so quiet with you. I…I’m not used to this kind of life. I’m not good at this.”

  Marie grinned. “You mean like how you didn’t want to bathe the first week because people might see you in the communal shower?”

  I facepalmed myself. “You noticed?”

  “It was pretty hard to miss. You were hand bathing for a while.”

  “Yeah. It was pretty pathetic.”

  “Pretty much,” she teased, her eyes sparkling again. “But anyway, about your man…do you think that’s what this was about? Him taking out his stress on you?”

  I straightened my back. “Now that you mention it, that’s probably what this was. He’s nervous and he lashed out at me. That’s what he was trying to talk to me about. I’m such an idiot.”

  “It’s not your fault. Guys are weird,” Marie said, patting my back. “How are we supposed to understand how their brains work?”

  “I have to go find him.” I grabbed the knob, but froze with my hand on it. “Hey, thank you. I’m sorry I cried all over you. I owe you a shirt.”

  Marie grinned. “It’s okay. It was kind of nice to be the one comforting someone else for once. I’m usually the one who’s a mess.” Marie met my eyes. “Besides, I picked one up from the lobby earlier. Thanks for the donation.”

  I froze. “You know?”

  “Well, I did see it laying out on the bed earlier, and then it was in that mysterious donation box.” She shrugged. “It wasn’t hard to figure out. But don’t worry. Your secret is safe with me.”

  “Thank you.” I hesitated. “You can have first pick if you want.”

  She laughed. “I might agree to that.”

  “Okay.” I still didn’t leave. Instead, I looked at her again, trying to see past the smile and glasses. Maybe it was time to try being friends with a girl for once. I hadn’t really wanted to try again, after all the girls I grew up with turned out to be major bitches. But maybe it was time to grow up a bit, like Finn said. “Hey, want to go get coffee sometime? Maybe talk some more?”

  Her cheeks flushed and she wrapped her arms around herself. “I’d like that. Now go get him…whoever he is.”

  Maybe I’d tell her tomorrow, but tonight I had to go get my man.

  I closed the door behind me and rushed down the stairs, passing a surprised-looking Cory without so much as a word. As I dialed the local cab company, I decided to see what I could do about getting a car ASAP. Calling a cab every other day was ridiculous.

  “Yes, hello. I’d like a cab to get me at—” I broke off as soon as I saw him. Finn hadn’t left. He sat on the bench outside my dorm room, his face in his hands. “Never mind.”

  I hung up on the cab company and slowly walked over to him. He looked so vulnerable.

  He’d taken off his jacket and tossed it on the ground, and his tie hung loosely off his neck. My heart broke at the sight of him. When I stopped directly in front of him, I fisted my dress in my hands and tried to figure out what to say that wouldn’t lead to another fight.

  “You ready to talk without the fighting?”

  His head snapped up and his bright blue eyes pinned me in place. He swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “I’m sorry. So fucking sorry.”

  “I know.” I sat down beside him and sighed. “I am, too.”

  He gave a harsh laugh. “You didn’t do anything to be sorry for. I’m the one who took a simple conversation and turned it into this.”

  “I’m the one who got angry and didn’t let you talk.” I took a deep breath and rested my hand on his knee. “You’re nervous, aren’t you? That’s what you wanted to talk about? What you were trying to say?”

  He shook his head, his expression ironic. “Nervous? I’m fucking terrified. I’m scared because your father isn’t texting me, and I have to go talk to my C.O. I’m terrified because the one time that I try to do something nice for you, I fucked it up.”

  “It’s okay. I get it.”

  “It’s not fucking okay. That’s not all I’m scared about.” He dragged his hands down his face and looked at me, his eyes raw and open. “I’m scared your father is going to shove me out of your life when he finds out about us. That he’s going to make you see I’m not good enough for you or your world. But most of all? I’m scared you’ll realize it all on your own without him there to tell you.”

  I recoiled. That’s not what I’d expected him to be scared of, for God’s sake. He was supposed to be afraid of leaving and war and guns. Not something that would never, ever happen. “That’s ridiculous.”

  “No, it’s not. It’s the fucking truth.” He lifted his head. “How many presidents’ daughters have you seen married to bikers, standing up there on the stage during the primaries, with their ink hanging out for all of America to see?”

  All my life, I’d lived according to my father’s plans. I’d missed my own graduation because we had to go out of town campaigning for the senatorial primaries. I’d given up everything for my father’s agenda, but I wouldn’t be giving up my Finn.

  I pressed my lips together. “None. Now ask me how much I care about that?”

  “You might not care now, but you will eventually.” He gestured toward the moon, his entire body seeming tense and angry. And a little bit…defeated, maybe? “It’s only a matter of time, but I have a plan. I’m going to—”

  “Shut. Up.”

  He turned to me, his jaw squared off in that way he always did when he was determined to win a fight, but there would be no victory this time. “I know I said some mean things in our time together, but the truth is…you are younger than me. You don’t know how cruel the world is. The first thing your father is going to say when he finds out about us—once he’s done pounding me into the dirt, that is—is that I’m not good enough for you. And he’ll be right. But I’m going to fix it.”

  “How many times do we have to go over this?” I asked through my teeth. “There’s nothing to fix. We’re not broken in the first place.”

  “I know you love me and you know I love you, too.” He reached out and grabbed my hand, squeezing it tight. “But I can see how this is going to end, Ginger. I’ll stay until you send me away, but it’ll happen at one point if I don’t take the necessary steps to avoid it.”

  I blinked away tears. “It sounds to me like you’re just making excuses so you can walk away with a clear conscience.”

  He made a tortured sound and shook his head. “Hell no. Never.”

  “If you want to walk away…” I said, my voice breaking so badly I couldn’t even finish the sentence. The mere thought of Finn leaving me was enough to break me.

  He swiped away tears off my cheeks I hadn’t even realized escaped, hugged me tight against his chest, and buried his face in my neck. “I don’t want to lose you. I just say all this shit and ruin perfect nights because of my stupid fears, but I’m not scared anymore. I know what to do to make us work.”

  I curled my hands into his shirt. “We already work.”

  “Now, yeah. But once you graduate, it’ll be different. We’ll have to be different.”

  I wanted to fight him on this, but I knew no matter what I said, he wouldn’t believe me. He was convinced I was my father’s puppet who would br
eak up with him if Daddy told me to. I’d have to prove him wrong. “What are you planning to do?”

  “I’m going to change.”

  I narrowed my eyes, trying to make sense of his words. “I don’t want you to change. Even if he doesn’t like you, I won’t care.”

  He rubbed my head almost absentmindedly. “It’s the one conflict in our life I can see coming—and avoid. He’s going to fire me. Hell, he could even sue me. It was in the contract that I couldn’t touch you.”

  “He put that in there?” I asked, gripping my dress tight.

  “Yeah.”

  I shook my head. My father was freaking ridiculous. “If he does, then we’ll handle it together. Right?” I bit down on my lower lip. “Maybe you could do something else.”

  He pushed me away and squeezed my arms with a smile on his face. “Exactly. Like I said. Change.”

  I hesitated, my heart picking up speed. This kind of change I could probably work with. “What are you going to do?”

  “I can maybe change my MOS.”

  I blinked. “What’s an MOS?”

  “It stands for Military Occupational Specialty, but it’s basically my position. My career in the Marines.”

  I nodded. “What would you change it to?”

  “I’m not sure. Maybe I could go into active duty with the Marines. I bet that will look good on Election Day. Having a Marine up on the stage with him in Dress Blues. He can’t complain about that, can he?” he asked me, his eyes on mine.

  “No. Of course not.” And just like that, down came my bubble. “But what about going back to school? Becoming a chef or a surf instructor? I don’t know. Something.” I shrugged. “Growing up, was there something you wanted to be?”

  He blinked at me, a weird look on his face. “Um, I wanted to work on computers as a kid. You know, build them.”

  I perked up at that. Computers were safe. “Well, you could go to school for that.”

  “I could.” He straightened up, blinking rapidly. “I don’t even have to re-up when my time is up, if I don’t want to. Or, I can become a commissioned officer and get a job in that field through the Marines.” He snapped his fingers. “Ooh, yeah. That’ll look really good on your father’s campaign. An officer at his side.”

  “I don’t care about his fucking campaign!” I shouted, my hands curled into tight balls. God, Dad had gotten to Finn, too. Without even trying. His reach was that freaking far. “I care about you. About us.”

  “But this is for us.” He stood up and paced, his steps hurried and uneven. He stepped on his jacket and didn’t even care. “We won’t have to worry about what happens after he kills me—as long as he doesn’t actually kill me, that is.” He swung me into his arms and hugged me tight. “This obstacle between us? It’s gone. I can be that guy.”

  The obstacle that didn’t exist? Yeah. It was gone.

  “I don’t think you need to be any guy but you. I love you the way you are—tattoos and all.”

  He grinned down at me. “And I love you for that.”

  He kissed me hard, right in front of my dorm in the moonlight. I clung to him, gripping his dress shirt in my fists and pulling him closer. By the time he pulled back, I forgot all about what we were saying.

  All I knew was Finn was smiling at me, and he looked happy.

  I wasn’t about to ruin it.

  Wednesday night I waited on my bike outside Carrie’s dorm. She had to study late with some friends from chemistry, so I told her I’d pick her up at eight. After our fight last night, I wasn’t sure what to expect from her when she came outside. Would she still be mad at me, or had she really forgiven me for being an ass?

  All I knew was I needed to get through the rest of the week, find out what my C.O. wanted from me, and then move on with my new life plan. I was more determined than ever to get through this year alive, get out of the Marines, and go back to college. Until Carrie, I hadn’t wanted to do that. I had been perfectly content being a Marine.

  But now? I wanted more. I wanted to be more.

  For her and for me.

  My phone buzzed, and I looked down at it with my heart racing. Had her father finally texted me on his own? I glanced down at it, but it was from Carrie. Be down in two minutes.

  Okay. I shoved the phone into my pocket.

  A few minutes later, she came out of her dorm, her usual bag over her shoulder and a gorgeous smile on her face, and she looked so damn happy. So much like my Carrie that she took my fucking breath away. I had no idea what I’d done to deserve her in my life, but I’d do it again and again if it meant I got to keep her forever.

  I shook my thoughts and straightened my back, waiting for her to make her way over to me. When she was within reaching distance, I snatched her up and kissed her before she could say a word. I slipped my hand into her back pocket before carefully removing it.

  Then, and only then, I let myself get lost in our kiss. I needed the affirmation that she was here and mine and happy, as pathetic as that might be. I pressed my mouth to hers, urging her to open to me. And when she did, I slipped my tongue between her lips and kissed her hungrily. As if I would never get enough of her sweet taste.

  And I didn’t think I ever would.

  When I broke the kiss, she rested her hands on my shoulders and blinked up at me. “Wow. I should be late more often.”

  “That had nothing to do with you being late.”

  “Then what was it?”

  “I wanted to kiss you, so I did.” I shrugged, trying to play it off as if I wasn’t going completely crazy right now. Because I abso-fuck-ing-lutely was. “Why were you late, anyway?”

  “I was chatting with Marie.” She glanced up at me. “We’ve been talking, and we have a lot more in common than I thought. We’re getting coffee later this week.”

  I’d told her she should try talking to Marie some more. My Ginger wasn’t the most open when it came to making friends—with reason. But Marie seemed a pretty safe bet. “That sounds fun.”

  “Yeah.” She bit down on her lip. “I think she’s homesick, and sometimes I get that way too, even with my crazy parents. She doesn’t seem to have many people here, besides me. I’m lucky I have you.”

  She had a knack for finding the loneliest sucker and making her feel welcome with nothing more than a smile. It was one of the things I loved most about her. “She can have me too if you want.”

  She slapped my arm. “Haha, really funny.”

  “What? I was just trying to be supportive.” I threw my arm around her. “But you know I’m kidding. I only have room for one college student in my life.”

  “I might take her to the soup kitchen with me this weekend while you’re gone.” She stole a quick peek at me. “If you don’t mind, of course.”

  “Of course not,” I said through the nervousness trying to strangle me. “But you have to leave with her, and not walk down any dark alleys.”

  “I’ll leave before it’s dark, I promise.” She grabbed her helmet and tugged it on. When she was finished, I held out my hand for her bag. She handed it over and I slid it over my head, watching her the whole time.

  I slipped my own helmet over my head and revved the engine, disgusted with myself. “You ready, Ginger?”

  She glided on behind me and wrapped her body around mine. I’d never get sick of this feeling with her. This utter shiny happiness at her arms wrapped around me, her head on my shoulder. It never got old and I hoped it never would.

  “Ready,” she called out.

  When we pulled up to my apartment building, I stopped the bike and took a deep breath. I’d made a move that she may or may not appreciate, and I was about to find out.

  “I’m exhausted.” She took off her helmet and started up the pathway toward the stairs. After yawning loudly, she added, “I need to do some more homework, then we’re going to bed early. I didn’t sleep well after you left last night.”

  I hadn’t asked her to come home with me, and she hadn’t suggested it. It stil
l stung that after our first fight as a couple, we’d spent the night apart. “Yeah, me either.”

  “Next time, no matter the fight, we sleep together. Deal?”

  “It’s a promise,” I said, leaning down to kiss her.

  When she broke off the kiss, we walked hand in hand to the door. Halfway there, she looked over her shoulder, her brow furrowed. “Did you hear that?”

  “Hear what?” I immediately stopped walking and pushed her behind me. I scanned the shadows for any sign of movement. “What did it sound like?”

  “A footstep.” She bit down on her lip. “Is someone watching us?”

  I closed my eyes and listened. There wasn’t a sound, not even a breath or a footstep. She was getting as paranoid as I was, because as far as I could tell, no one was there.

  “I don’t think anyone is there,” I said, reaching behind me to squeeze her hand. “Maybe it was a raccoon or something.”

  “Yeah. Probably.” She laughed uneasily. “I’m imagining things.”

  “Hey, better safe than sorry,” I said, smiling at her. “If you ever think you see or hear something, definitely let me know. You might notice something I don’t.”

  “I will.” We reached the door and she waited for me to open it. When I didn’t, she shot me a look. “Uh, are you going to open the door?”

  My heart skipped a beat or two, and my palms grew sweaty. Was this a good idea? It was too late to go back now. I’d already made the steps toward this, and I wasn’t one to back down. “You open it.”

  She looked at my empty hands first, then up at my face, her brow crinkled. “Okay? Give me your key.”

  I crossed my arms. “Why don’t you use your own?”

  “Maybe because I don’t have one?”

  “Check your back pocket,” I said, my voice low. I really hoped she didn’t freak out or throw the key back at me or tell me I was moving too fucking fast. When she just stared at me, her cheeks flushed, I tapped my foot. “Well? Go on. Check.”

  She slid her hand into the wrong pocket, then moved on to the right one. Hopefully it hadn’t slipped out on the ride, or all this show was for nothing. When she pulled her hand out, the little gold key in her fingers, I held my breath and waited to see her reaction.