The Busy Woman's Guide to Murder

by Mary Jane Maffini

  “I’m so sorry.”

  She nodded. “He doesn’t deserve it. He’s always been wonderful to everyone. Not like me. But, anyway, we have to keep going. He took over an office cleaning business and I work with him. We have enough customers to keep us afloat. A lot of people know Randy and like him. We even do some weekend maintenance work at St. Jude’s. How’s that for a comedown for me?” Her lower lip quivered. I glanced away until she managed to pull herself together. “I shouldn’t complain. We’re lucky. We had a cabin outside of town near the ski hills. We moved there when we lost the house. I mean, we could be living in our car. Also, it’s mostly nights so it gives us some freedom. If he isn’t well, I can fill in and Brie helps out. I hate that she has to, but we need to survive.”

  My bet was that Haley worked darn hard too and worried while she did. Working nights couldn’t be easy, especially with a sick husband.

  I said soothingly, “Mmm. At any rate, I don’t want you to worry any more about anything you may have done to me when we were kids. It’s all water under the bridge. I’m glad to have reconnected with you.”

  “I’m surprised.”

  “At what?”

  “That you can. It’s just that they were so awful. The things we said, I mean. It takes a big person to forgive that, Charlotte.”

  Of course, I am a small person. Four feet eleven, to be precise. And I’d been prepared to forgive, although I wondered exactly what they might have said that might have been so awful that Haley couldn’t believe I’d forgive her. I resolved not to find out. I was better off not knowing. And it wasn’t as though I was going to spend any time with the former mean girls.

  “I got a terrible shock when she died,” Haley said.

  “What? Who died?”

  “That girl, the woman who was killed by the hit-and-run driver last night.”

  I dipped my chocolate biscotti into the latte. “For sure. Sad story, that.”

  “Did you know she was the spitting image of Serena? I saw her in the photo they showed on the news.”

  “She was? I saw the news last night, but they hadn’t released any information about her.”

  “WINY had her photo on this morning. They showed members of her family too. That’s awful, isn’t it? Her sisters couldn’t stop crying. It doesn’t seem right to me to go up to a person whose sister has just died and ask them how they are feeling.”

  Just like that toad Todd Tyrell, stalking some grieving family member with his microphone stuck out in the hopes of a sound bite. I said, “I can’t believe the media sometimes.”

  “But, of course, it wasn’t Serena. Just some nice woman going home after being out hunting for her cat. That’s what they said.”

  “Did they give her name?”

  Haley shook her head. “I missed her name. I just saw the photo and the sisters crying. She was about the same age we are and she resembled Serena. I knew she couldn’t have been Serena because Serena was an only child. And I heard she’d moved into a huge mansion out of town on the river.”

  She shrugged and glanced at her watch. “Oh sorry, Charlotte. I have to get a move on. I need to get the truck back to pick up my husband. We just have the one vehicle and I don’t like to keep Randy waiting.”

  As we parted company and as I hadn’t seen her in fourteen years, I figured I wouldn’t see her again, except possibly at next week’s session. I congratulated myself that I hadn’t fallen into the trap of asking what they’d said about me.

  “Thanks for spending time with me, Charlotte. And for forgiving me. You have no idea how much it means. I have a lot of regrets. Maybe I’ll have them all my life.”

  I felt the need to cheer her up.

  “I guess you can be thankful that it wasn’t Serena who was killed,” I said. “At least your friend is still alive.”

  Surprise washed over Haley’s pasty face. “She’s not my friend anymore. I don’t know how I could have been her friend back then. I was under her spell. She was so . . . wicked. I wouldn’t have been surprised if someone had killed her.” She put her hand to her mouth. “That’s awful, isn’t it?”

  Somewhat belatedly, I clued in that Haley would have been far more thankful if the victim had been Serena. At the minimum, Haley McKee Brennan would have been very, very relieved.

  Confine your daily To Do lists to the five top items you need to accomplish. You’ll get more done than with a rambling, unfocused list. You’ll feel less stress too. Trust me.

  3

  “So isn’t that weird?” I said to my best friends in the world, Sally Januscek, Margaret Tang-D’Angelo, Pepper Monahan, and, of course, the ever-present Jack. It was getting close to eleven and we were still gathered that Saturday evening, happy to escape from the cares of the world and enjoy one another’s company, as we had for so many years, always at Sally’s place. As usual, Benjamin, Sally’s busy doctor husband made himself scarce in the farthest reaches of the sprawling house. We were clustered around the coffee table in her relaxed living room, still strewn with kids’ toys, most of them pointy. Every now and then one of us plunked down on the sofa or on a chair and jumped up with a squeak. Sally just laughed.

  Unfortunately, the topic had turned to Serena and her fellow bullies and Haley’s hope for forgiveness. I said, “I couldn’t figure out what I was supposed to forgive her for.”

  “Are you serious?” Sally said.

  “Why wouldn’t I be serious?”

  “Jason Gardner, for one reason.”

  “The football player?”

  “Of course the football player. What other Jason Gardner is there?”

  “The one who asked me out and then changed his mind?” My heart did a little flip. My first big crush.

  Sally gave me her most dismissive glance. “Well, yeah. That’s the Jason Gardner.”

  “Why? Did Serena and Haley have something to do with that? Why are you rolling your eyes, Margaret?”

  “Because of course they did. I can’t believe you don’t know that.”

  “What?”

  I noticed Sally, Margaret, and Pepper exchanging glances. Pepper cleared her throat at last. “I didn’t realize you never heard anything about it. They circulated a rumor that you had something, um, contagious and weren’t careful about not spreading it.”

  I opened my mouth, but no words came out.

  Jack tuned in to the conversation. “What? That’s a horrible thing to spread around about someone. Especially Charlotte.”

  “No kidding,” Margaret said.

  Jack was pacing now. “It’s so nasty. I can’t believe that they—or anyone—would invent that. What kind of creep could even dream up something like that?”

  Sally said, “Of course you wouldn’t, Jack. But Serena and her coven would have. I think it was Tiffanee who had a hankering for Jason. And, funny thing, didn’t she end up going out with him?”

  I said, “She did, I think. But how could they?”

  Sally added, “With great glee. You weren’t alone, Charlotte. They started a rumor I’d been pregnant and . . . got rid of the baby. In tenth grade. Me! The baby lover. I’d never even been out with a guy.”

  “That’s right,” Margaret said, “you were a late bloomer too.”

  “We all were,” Pepper said. “We were pathetically innocent up against that crowd.”

  I stared at Sally, tall and gorgeous with her wild, tumbling blond curls and willowy figure, which had always snapped back, even after four children. It was hard to recall the gangly girl with the frizzy ash-colored hair when I saw this beautiful woman. I’d loved Sally for her forthright comments and bravery and the sense of humor that had been very well developed, even as a young teenager. I still did. I turned to Pepper, sleek and professional now that she was back on top of her game on the police force. She’d trimmed down and spent a bit of her salary on clothing and a new hairstyle. Unlike Sally, Pepper didn’t thrive as a stay-at-home mom. Perhaps because of whom she’d chosen to marry.

  On the other ha
nd, marriage agreed with Margaret. She looked great, but, as always, her expression was deadpan. “And they said that I’d found a way to cheat on the Regents exam in chemistry.”

  “But you always had almost perfect marks.”

  “Right, and they put those under suspicion. That exam rumor got right to the administration as it was intended. Somebody made an anonymous call and was believed, unlike me. Luckily, my chemistry teacher knew better. That rumor followed me for a long time, probably cost me a recommendation for a scholarship. I hated those girls.”

  I guess I’d been out of town for that too. “Why would they do that?”

  “I stood up to them once in the cafeteria.”

  “I remember that,” Sally gasped. “It was the time that someone squirted ketchup over some girl’s skirt.”

  Margaret nodded. “Mona Pringle. They did target that poor kid. I couldn’t stand there and let that go. But she never tried to fight back.”

  I said, “What chance would she have had?”

  Pepper said, “None. She wasn’t any threat to them.”

  Sally shrugged. “It was just sport for them. The fun of being cruel. And, in practical terms, it would serve to keep other people cowed, so that they wouldn’t retaliate. Like Margaret and the cheating rumor.”

  Jack said, “We all stood up to them in some small way.”

  “That’s right,” I said, “you got Mona out of the locker.”

  “I heard them laughing about it. I just went in and checked. She might have been there all weekend. That was the plan. The expression on her face was one of the saddest things I ever saw. And she wouldn’t let me rat them out. She said it would be the worst thing I could do to her. I let it go, but I shouldn’t have.”

  Margaret said, “Charlotte, you, Sally, and Pepper stood up to them too. Remember when you found Mona in the locker room, naked? And you found Sally who could lend her some clothes? And Pepper walked her home when they were waiting for her. But they made Pepper pay for that.”

  “How?” I said.

  Margaret said, “Another rumor. They were specialists.”

  Pepper said, “Oh yeah. Can you imagine when my father got wind of the story that I’d spent the night with two guys from the team?”

  I’d known Pepper’s father. “That would have been awful.”

  “Yeah. I was black-and-blue for weeks and I didn’t even know those two guys, let alone would I have done something like that. I found out who started the rumor from Nick. It was Jasmin. She had a thing for him and she actually thought he would think it was funny too. Nick told her what he thought of her and set the record straight too. People listened to him because he was a popular jock. Too late for my father, although Nick did his best to convince him.”

  Pepper had carried a torch for Nick Monahan all through high school after that. Now she was married to him. Not that it was any happy ending.

  I said, “But you were still black-and-blue.”

  Pepper shrugged.

  I said, “A lot of this is new to me. It’s horrible.”

  “You had it easy. You were always flitting off with your mother somewhere exotic. Paris. London. Milan. You weren’t stuck here all the time like us. I remember whole semesters we never spotted you.”

  “Hang on. How did you know that they were the ones who started the rest of the rumors?”

  “They made sure you knew they were behind them, in a way that kept you from doing anything about it. They probably let you know too, but you would most likely have been obsessing about putting your socks in alphabetical order and not paying attention.”

  I turned to Jack. “What about you, Jack? You stood up.” The other three laughed long and hard. In fact, I thought Sally would choke.

  Jack and I both said, “What?”

  “Idiot. He was a guy.”

  “Still am,” Jack said, “last time I checked.”

  I said, “So?”

  Margaret said, “They only targeted girls, potential rivals.”

  Sally added, “And anyone helpless, disenfranchised. Sad.”

  Like Mona.

  “They were typical bullies in that regard,” Pepper said, “and they used it to maintain their power base.”

  I thought about my earlier phone call. “Right. So I guess I found out why Haley wanted my forgiveness today. But I was thinking about Mona Pringle, and the incidents in the gym and the locker. She’s the one they should be asking for forgiveness.”

  Margaret said, “No kidding. Poor Mona. They made her life hell.”

  Sally squeaked. “She asked you for forgiveness. I can’t get over that.”

  Pepper said, “Amazing. Not that I would forgive her for those bruises.”

  “Haley was a follower,” Margaret added with contempt. “But even so, she was quite enthusiastic about her participation. I think Serena would get her to do some of the worst things and then, because Haley was needy herself, she’d do whatever, and if there’d been consequences, say with the school or with someone’s parents, naturally, Serena would have made sure that Haley carried the can. She would have been expendable. And she never would have turned on Serena.”

  I’d never heard Margaret talk so much in one stretch.

  “Serena was too dangerous,” Sally said. “Probably still is. You’re right about Haley, though, Margaret. I heard that she was the one who called in to say you had been seen cheating. She did great imitations of half the teachers. She could fool anyone. She was very proud of that.”

  I said, “Well, I guess a lot’s changed. Because she sure isn’t proud of herself now. I think she’s been ground down by life.”

  “Glad to hear it,” Margaret said. “Justice prevails.”

  I could understand that, but when I thought about Haley’s life, I couldn’t hate her.

  I felt my cell phone vibrate in my pocket. I decided to ignore it. There are rules at our misfits nights. Taking business calls was top of the verboten list. Spouses are barely acceptable, as Benjamin, Nick, and Frank know. The phone kept vibrating, stopped, and started again. The fifth set of vibrations sent me to the kitchen on the pretense of getting some more salsa and cheese.

  I checked the phone. Blocked number. On all five calls.

  I continued on to Sally’s downstairs powder room and miscellaneous headless-doll storage area. The phone vibrated again.

  This time I answered. Mona said, “I didn’t do it.”

  I said in a whisper, “What is it, Mona? I’m not in a position to talk.”

  “Whoop de doo. Poor you. What about me?”

  I sighed. Maybe all that stress of being a 911 dispatcher had sent Mona over the edge. “What about you, Mona?”

  “I didn’t do it.”

  “Yes, you mentioned that. Didn’t do what?”

  “Kill that woman, of course. What else could I be talking about?”

  “Kill that woman? What—? Oh. You mean the pedestrian who died on the corner of Long March Road and Amsterdam?”

  “There was only one woman killed in Woodbridge last night, Charlotte. Who else could I possibly mean?”

  “I’m sorry, Mona. We’ve been through all this before. It’s obvious that you are very upset, but I am missing something. Of course you didn’t kill her. Who would even suggest such a thing?”

  “I don’t want anyone to suggest it. Don’t tell anyone!”

  “Well, who would I tell?”

  “Your friends. You know how you all practically live in each other’s pockets.”

  “Mona. I’m not about to tell anyone that you killed this poor woman and I have no idea why you would think I might.”

  “Didn’t I tell you I wanted to kill Serena?”

  “Yes, but—”

  “And this woman was the spitting image of her. I mean a body double. Didn’t you see the news? They had her photo.”

  I felt a little buzz around my head. “I missed the photo. Mona—”

  “And didn’t I say I wanted to run Serena down and see her body splat up
against my windshield?”

  “Words to that effect.”

  “So I don’t want anyone to think I murdered this innocent person. That’s all.”

  “Okay. Well, Mona. My lips are sealed. I won’t say a word to anyone and I hope you won’t try to run Serena down if you do see her.”

  Mona laughed, a strange, demented, hyena-like chortle. Goose bumps rose on my arms. “Mona?”

  “Yes?”

  “Are you all right?”

  “I’m just peachy, Charlotte. Can’t you tell?”

  “Promise me you won’t do anything . . . inappropriate.” Okay, I realized as soon as the words slid out that it was a pretty silly promise to exact from someone who was obviously losing it. The problem was, did Mona present a danger to Serena? I’d just learned that Serena was a nasty piece of work, no question. But splatting on the windshield wasn’t the type of tidy solution I’d prefer.

  “Sure,” Mona said. “You can trust me not to do her any harm. Good-bye, Charlotte.”

  “Wait!” I must have shouted it because outside the bathroom door, Sally shouted back. “Charlotte? Are you on the phone in there? Or did the killer zombie dolls get you?”

  “Ha-ha,” I answered. “I’ll be fine. I’m fighting them off. See you in a couple of minutes.” I changed to a whisper. “Mona? Are you there?”

  “Where else would I be? It’s not like I have much of a social life. That was all ruined for me when I was a kid.”

  “What about the other dispatchers? Don’t you hang around and—?”

  “And what? Compare dead and dying stories? So how many shaken babies today, Sharmaine? How about those heart attacks, Brian? Hey, Jim, I bet you’re some jealous I got the guy with the nail in his—”

  “I didn’t mean to be insensitive. I’m just worried. You seem so upset.”

  “Oh yeah? Where were you when I needed you? When I was a tormented kid?”

  “But I helped you. When you were in the change room that time?”

  “Well, it wasn’t enough to make them go away, was it?”

  “No. And I’m sorry about that. I didn’t understand everything they were doing. Honestly. I regret not being more aware.”