Insight

by Jennis Slaughter

  “I’m fine...I just want to go home and have you hold me. This was a long time coming, and I’m glad that this is over with.” Jenny leaned her head against Kasey’s shoulder.

  “I think I can manage that. Perhaps we could cuddle in a nice big bubble bath, eh? Maybe a little wine?” Kasey asked, rubbing the younger woman’s back.

  “That sounds heavenly. Thank you for going with me. I really didn’t know what I was going to say until I said it.” Jenny sighed.

  “It’s okay. I wanted to be here to support you. I wish I could have done something, but I know sometimes, just having someone there is enough,” Kasey responded, kissing Jenny’s head.

  “Let’s go home Kasey. I just want to be with you,” Jenny whispered.

  “Sure thing, Boss.” Kasey opened the truck door and closed it once Jenny was in and then walked around to let herself in. She reached over and ran her fingers across Jenny’s cheek before she started the truck and they made their way back to Leroy.

  j

  Del finished unlocking the door to her apartment and turned to look at her wife. They'd arrived in New Orleans after Jessie's car had refused to start, and they'd driven her and Ariel back with the promise of getting her car looked at. She leaned back against the door, subconsciously taking up as much space in it as she could. “Um, it’s not really much. It certainly isn’t an entire house. You saw my office downstairs and all, but it’s not much smaller than my place. It’s probably a mess too, since I kind of left for Leroy on short notice and all.”

  Raelin bit her bottom lip and took a step forward, placing her hand against her wife’s chest. “I don’t care what it looks like. I’m looking forward to learn more about you and to making love in your bed. And not in that order.”

  Del frantically tried to remember if she’d made the bed before she’d left for Leroy, a small blush splashed across her cheeks. “I don’t know why I’m so nervous. It’s not like this is a first date or anything,” Del mumbled.

  “No, but it’s the first time you’ve brought home a wife,” the witch reminded her.

  “Yeah, that’s true,” Del sighed and turned, opening the door and flicking on the lights. She let out the breath she’d been holding when she saw that the place wasn’t a total wreck. At least, what she could see of the open kitchen and living room wasn’t. She stepped in and toed off her shoes, dumping her keys on the counter out of habit. “Well, this is it, I guess. Not much, but I kinda liked the whole industrial loft feel. Besides, it worked for just me.”

  Raelin walked in and immediately felt her wife in that apartment. Little things like her placing the keys on the counter and her pushing off her shoes beside the door. She smiled as the blonde padded barefoot though the apartment, picking up a discarded newspaper.

  Del picked up the newspaper and tossed it into the fireplace as she made a beeline for her room, practically running up the stairs to the loft, hoping to beat Raelin there and catch any mess she might have left. She quickly started kicking dirty clothes under the bed and tossing clean ones back into her closet. She froze when she heard a light laugh from behind her and turned slowly to see the amused expression of her wife looking back at her. “Uh, yeah, I guess I left in kind of a hurry. I’m not always this messy.”

  “Honey, get your dirty clothes and we’ll take them home with whatever else you need to take. I still think that you should keep the apartment.” Raelin leaned down and picked up a couple of T-shirts off a chair.

  “You actually want me to keep it?” Del asked, bending over to retrieve most of the clothes she’d kicked under the bed so she could toss them in the nearby hamper. “I just figured that this place is me and not us. Does that make sense?”

  Raelin looked at her wife curiously. “Does that mean that the house is me and not ours?”

  “I...no, that’s not what I meant. I feel welcome there. I love the house. I just, I don’t know.” Del’s face twisted into a frustrated frown, irritated that she wasn’t able to voice her thoughts properly.

  “I understand what you are trying to say hun.” Raelin went over to hug her wife. “But I like it...it’s you.”

  Relaxing into Raelin’s touch, Del took a moment to get her head settled. “Okay, I don’t know what I have for food here, if any. So why don’t you let me make the bed since these sheets have been on here since I left. Then we’ll think about some food and relax for a while. That okay?” Del suggested, her fingers gently massaging the small of Raelin’s back.

  “That sounds fine by me...is it okay if I look around while you do that?” She was curious to learn more about the woman she was going to spend the rest of her life with.

  “Yeah sure, I don’t have much here, but feel free to look around.” Del smiled, stepping away from Raelin to start pulling the sheets off the bed. “I won’t be too long, so make yourself at home.”

  Turning away from the bed, Raelin looked around the bedroom and smiled as it was most definitely her wife’s place. It had a well-worn, comfortable feeling and the brick wall that ran from ceiling to floor on one side gave it an industrial feel.

  Slowly making her way downstairs, the witch saw criminology, history, and science text books. Over the small sofa there was a painting, beautiful in its simplicity. It showed a woman, falling over the edge of a building in the dark of night, surrounded by ravens. It used only four colors; black, white, blue, and pale yellow for the moon. It showed little detail, mostly in silhouettes, but it worked for the piece.

  Raelin couldn’t decide if she liked the piece, so she moved on. There were a leather sofa and chair that looked like it had seen a lot of use, but was well taken care of and a desk covered with papers, an old coffee cup that thankfully didn’t have anything growing in it. And then she saw it. It was an upside down picture frame, and before she even thought about it, she picked it up and turned it over.

  It was a picture of Delaney and another woman at a beach. It seemed that they were at a cook out, and the other woman was standing behind the blonde with her arms around Delaney’s shoulders and the way that they were looking at each other, Raelin knew this was someone her wife had loved very much. However what really caught the witch’s attention was how much the other woman looked like her. She sat down in astonishment on the sofa and stared at the picture until Delaney called out from the loft.

  “Hey, I’m finished with the bed. What did you want for dinner?” Del called, pushing some clothes into the closet. “There are some great places around this neighborhood.”

  “I’m not really hungry right now,” Raelin called back. Her mind was going a thousand miles an hour wondering if Delaney had fallen in love with her because of who she was or was it because who she looked like.

  Del moved down the stairs, a bright smile on her face, which promptly fell when she found Raelin sitting on the couch, picture frame in hand. “Where did you find that?” she asked, curiously.

  “It was on the desk, and I’m sorry, but I just picked it up,” she held the frame out to the blonde. “You looked very much in love.”

  Del took it, and without looking at it, placed it face down on the nearby counter. “I’d always meant to get rid of it, but with work always being so crazy I guess I never really got around to it,” she said quietly.

  “There was a reason that you never did, Del; you know I believe that, so why don’t you tell me who she is?” Raelin stood up and went over to the blonde.

  “She isn’t important,” Del said, offering a weak smile. “It was a long time ago. You sure you aren’t hungry?”

  “If she isn’t important to you, you would have found the time to throw away the picture, but you didn’t. And no, my appetite has flown the coop, which is something that I should do since it seems that you cannot be honest with me,” the witch softly said. She knew that Delaney had been with other women, but how much did she really know about her wife?

  The blonde couldn’t help but wince at the harsh words directed at her. She turned away for a second, trying to gather he
r thoughts. She took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “Her name was Sarah,” she finally said, turning back to face Raelin once more. “She was a Sociology major while I was doing my physics degree.”

  “How long were you together?” Raelin just stood there. She wanted to cross her arms over her chest, but knew that Delaney would read that wrong, thinking that the witch had already made up her mind and wasn’t truly listening.

  “Long enough for it to hurt like holy hell when she left me,” Del admitted. “Five years. She left me two years ago. Seems kind of pathetic to still have this picture here.”

  “Are you still in love with her Del? I need you be honest with me.” The brunette knew that she was. No one got angry about something that was completely over.

  “No, I’m not. Had someone asked me before we met, I might have answered yes,” Del said, starting to lose her patience ever so slightly. She had no interest in opening up old wounds. “It’s different with you Raelin. Everything is different with you. I thought I had been making that clear to you.”

  “Well, you could have told me about her then, but you’re good at keeping things from me...like Ariel. I know you didn’t carry her, and you don’t consider yourself her mother, but you are. She is a mini you if ever I’ve seen one, and a little bit of a heads up would have been great. I wouldn’t have felt like a fool.”

  “Look, I already said I was sorry about that. I didn’t mean to keep her from you. Like I said, I’m so used to it that I didn’t think twice about it. For God’s sake Raelin, I didn’t even know she’d be bringing Ariel,” Del answered back. “What is this really about? You know I’ve had other relationships. Why is this a big deal all of a sudden?”

  “A big deal...you know what? In the scheme of things it isn’t, but that woman looks so much like me, I guess that it just threw me.” Raelin sighed and turned away, running a hand through her hair. It did bother her to think that Delaney had loved someone before, and she hated feeling that way. “Let’s just forget that I saw the picture and go to dinner. Maybe a glass of wine will help.”

  “She looks like you?” Del hadn’t really thought of that, and glancing at her wife she had to admit it was true. “Is that why you are so upset about this?” she wasn’t about to drop it now, not until she’d gotten to the bottom of Raelin’s sudden jealousy.

  Going over to pick up the picture, Raelin held it out to the woman. “She is almost my twin Delaney...looks like same height, hair color...the only difference that I can see is the eye color.”

  “Raelin, I hadn’t even thought about it. It’s just a coincidence,” Del replied, not even glancing at the photo. “I love you, because you are Raelin, not because you look like an ex who’s long gone.”

  Putting the picture back, Raelin crossed her arms across her chest. She didn’t care what Delaney thought now. She felt the need to protect herself. “Why did you break up? Will you tell me, or should I take a guess?”

  “Okay, I’m trying to be honest with you, but I’m getting a little tired of the pot shots,” Del said, crossing her own arms. “If you must know, she left me because she was sick of me traveling all the time and hated the work I was doing. I wasn’t willing to give it up.”

  “I’m not trying to take pot shots. I’m just trying to understand what happened. Just forget it...it’s your past, and I can’t change it. I’ll get over it.” Raelin shook her head and turned away.

  “Don’t, Raelin. Don’t turn away. We’ll talk this out. I will tell you whatever you want to know.” Del offered, knowing that Raelin was probably a little out of her comfort zone. Sometimes she forgot the other woman hadn’t ever really been with anyone else. “I’m not trying to hide things from you, and I’ve always answered questions about myself when you asked.”

  Looking at the blonde, the witch knew what she was saying was the truth, but it didn’t make the hurt go away. “I shouldn’t have to ask or have something pop up and be surprised. I...I don’t know.”

  “Okay, that’s a fair point. I guess I’m not used to talking about myself all the time. It’s been just me for a while and Jessie practically knows my life story already,” the blonde explained.

  “One last question about the past. Where is Sarah now? Do you still keep in touch with her?”

  “No. Last I heard she’d accepted a position teaching at a University in Europe somewhere. honestly, I haven’t even thought about her in ages. You are about the only thing I have on my mind nowadays,” she answered before cautiously approaching her wife. She took her hand and placed it against her chest, holding Raelin’s hand so it sat against her heartbeat. “There is a reason I can feel you in here like I do, and no one else. You are the only person I feel with me no matter where I am or who I’m with. I didn’t have that with Sarah, and I sure as hell won’t have it with anyone else. I love you Raelin. This alone should be proof enough of that.”

  Looking down into worried green eyes, Raelin knew that she was speaking the truth. “I love you too, and I’m sorry I let jealously take over. I can’t explain it, but I won’t let it happen again,” she leaned down to give her wife a reassuring kiss. “Now about dinner, is there a place that has some good jazz and great seafood around here?”

  “Yes, of course. But I think I still owe you an explanation for Ari. If you want it,” Del offered.

  “I don’t need it. Just tell me things before they show up at our door. I love you, Delaney, and that isn’t going to change.” The witch wrapped her arms around the blonde, pulling her close.

  Del took in the warmth of her wife’s embrace, closing her eyes and enjoying the moment before pulling back just enough to be able to catch her dark gaze. “Will you let me tell you anyway? I don’t want to have anything like this happen again.”

  “You can tell me anything you want me to,” she breathed in Delaney’s perfume and the underlying aroma that was purely the blonde’s.

  “Well, Jessie has been my friend for ages now. I watched her and Mike grow as a couple. Even though I gave him hell while he was dating Jessie, he made her happy. Deliriously happy.” Del grinned, rolling her eyes. “Eventually they got married and wanted kids so badly. They tried for a long time and eventually they went to see a doctor. For whatever reason, she never told me the specifics, there was nothing there. She could carry a child, although with high risk, but she was infertile.”

  Del paused there, remembering back on those days and knowing that Jessie had been hurting so badly. “It hurt Jessie. She was devastated. She’d wanted children so bad, and now she couldn’t have any. I hated to see her in so much pain. So after a month or two of debating, I offered to help. Jessie didn’t want to at first, but I guess she and Mike had a long talk and told me they would let me help. So I did the whole process. Had to give myself needles every day, and take all these meds. Then when they took the eggs I ached for a day or two after, but it was worth it. Jessie was so happy the day Ari was born. I don’t regret it for a moment, Raelin.”

  “I know you don’t. You were right to help out your friend. I just hope Jessie and...mike, you said, will be able to adjust to Ariel if her abilities keep growing. You may not have carried her, but she has a part of you with her, and it’s gonna get stronger,” Raelin tried to explain.

  “Poor Jessie, Ari is a handful as is,” Del chuckled knowingly. “So am I allowed to kiss you now? Because I’ve been wanting to for the last few minutes.”

  “You never have to ask hun.” Raelin smiled down at the blonde. “And yes, you may.”

  “Thank God.” Del grinned, pulling Raelin down into a deep kiss. She held the taller woman close, wanting to get them both back on an even keel.

  Moaning into the kiss, Raelin poured love through their link, knowing the blonde needed a bit of reassurance, and she felt Delaney’s love rush right back at her. It was such a heady feeling.

  “I love that feeling. When that indescribable feeling of you rushes over me. It’s like I drank too much wine.” Del smiled, when she pulled back for air. She bu
ried her fingers in silky dark hair, pressing gentle kisses to her wife’s jaw.

  “Mmm, I know what you mean...umm, can we order in? I want to be with you and you alone.” Raelin moved her head slightly, allowing the blonde better access to her neck.

  Allowing herself a few moments to nibble and kiss the elegant neck of her lover, Del simply nodded her head. “I think that would be best,” her voice already laced with want.

  Regretfully taking a small step back, Raelin ran her hands through her hair. “Uhh, where are your take-out menus? I know that you must have a stack of ‘em.”

  Del groaned as Raelin stepped away, already missing the contact. “Over on the counter next to the phone,” she answered, rubbing at her face to try and get her body back under control.

  “Don’t get too comfortable. I just thought that we might want to order now before it gets too late and everyone’s closed.” The witch went to find the menus. “What are you in the mood for?”

  Del let her eyes roam over the back of her wife’s form as she moved away, biting her lip as she paused on her perfect ass and legs. “You.”

  Looking over her shoulder, the witch decided to keep on teasing. “Okay, let me rephrase. What would you like to eat?”

  “The answer remains the same.” Del grinned, stepping up against Raelin’s back.

  “Hmm, let me see. What do you want to sustain you?” Raelin sighed as the blonde pressed against her.

  “Babe, that’s no better. All I need to keep me going is you.” She laughed in response, nuzzling the space between Raelin’s shoulder blades.

  Clearing her throat, the witch tried to keep her thoughts on food because she knew that they were going to need something to eat afterwards. “Well, I may want to keep you going all night, so we need to get something in our stomachs. Any suggestions?”