Between The Spreadsheets

by Nicky Fox

  “What do you want, Dylan?” I sound tired. I just want to crawl back in bed.

  He raises up a bag of takeout. “I brought you some food. I knew you’d be hungry about this time. I wanted to check on you.” Now he’s concerned for my well-being?

  “Look, Dylan. I don’t appreciate you putting me in that position today. Takeout isn’t going to smooth things over. I just want to be left alone.” I begin to walk away from the door when he speaks up.

  “I talked to her before we left to meet her. She promised she was going to be on her best behavior. I wanted her to meet the mother of my child. I wanted . . . I don’t know what I wanted. I thought for the first time she would be proud of me. I’m becoming a father. I own my own company. I bought out Johnson and Banks and now I’m expanding. I’m landing even bigger clients than they ever did.”

  “Wait. What? You were head of the hostile takeover of Johnson and Banks? You’re the reason Cindy and I and everyone lost our jobs?” I gasp after that sentence. How could I be so obtuse? The same clients were there. I just thought they transferred with Dylan. I didn’t think he would be capable of taking over the company. Everyone lost their jobs. He was there to swoop in and save the day. Offer me a job. It all makes sense. He kept this from me.

  “Shit. Andy, I didn’t mean for you to find out like this.” Dylan bangs his head against the door.

  I hit the door with my fist. “No. You didn’t expect me to find out at all. Did you? You lying asshole! Cindy’s been struggling since she lost her job. You heard me talk about her and you didn’t feel guilty once? She has kids!” Tears stream down my face, but I’m so mad.

  “Baby, I planned on hiring her when we got another office. You know that. I didn’t mean for anyone to suffer—” I cut him off.

  “Well, we did. All of us. Get the hell out of my building. I don’t want to see you anymore!” With that I turn around and stomp toward my sleeping area causing Birdie to run under the bed. Plopping down on my bed, I hit my pillow a few times. I can still hear Dylan’s muffled voice through the door. I ignore it and turn up Beauty and the Beast. Unfortunately, it’s at the point in the movie when the beast is being a dick too. He yells at Belle and she flees. I can sympathize with her. Maybe I should just go back to Alabama? Different scenery might be good for a while. I look down under my bed and see a little pink snout peeking out from underneath it.

  Poor Birdie. I didn’t mean to scare her. She has no idea what’s going on. She probably thinks I’m a madwoman. She has no idea what an asshole Dylan is. Just then, I feel a little flutter in my belly. Then there’s a strong kick. “Ow! Oh my goodness.” Cradling my stomach, I wait to feel more baby movements. This is such a special moment, I wish I could share it with someone. At least I don’t feel completely alone anymore. I feel my little peanut moving around. I smile. “It’s okay, baby. I’m going to take very good care of you. I can’t wait to meet you, little one.”

  Fresh flowers are at my doorstep the following morning. The beautiful arrangement of roses brightens my kitchen nook area. I open the card and it reads:

  Dear Andy,

  I know you think I’m a monster right now. I’m disappointed in myself too. I should’ve told you. Now, I’m paying the price. I should’ve done a lot of things differently with you. I’m sorry for every time I hurt you. I want to see you. If you don’t want to see me, I’ll wait.

  I’ll wait forever for you, Andy Roberts.

  Dylan

  It’s a nice gesture, but it doesn’t explain anything. I look at that one sentence again, I’ll wait forever for you. And sigh. Dylan can write a sweet note but I still haven’t forgiven him for the multiple things he’s done. Pinning the note to my bulletin board in my kitchen, I spend most of my Sunday folding clothes and watching movies.

  Monday comes and goes and another bouquet of roses greets me when I get home from work. This one comes with a note as well. I take Birdie for a walk before I open it. By the time I get back, I’m on pins and needles. The note attached reads:

  Dear Andy,

  You’re the first person to tell me that you love me. Did you know that? My father died when I was little and as you can see my mother isn’t the type for sentiments like that. I’m still reeling from your declaration. I miss you terribly. I think of you and the baby all day, even Birdie.

  I’ll wait forever for you.

  Dylan

  For once, I feel I’m getting to know what his soul is like. It’s sad. How could no one tell him they love him? I feel sorry for him. I know he’s not looking for sympathy. He said it matter-of-fact but I can tell it bothers him. He probably doesn’t know what to do with it either. Looking around to make sure no one’s looking, I bring the note to my nose. It smells like him, that cinnamon smell. He’s beginning to explain himself and that’s good but I’m not ready to forgive and forget.

  He kept that information from me about buying the company. I don’t want a relationship with secrets. I need to be able to trust my partner. I want a strong foundation with someone. When I think about Dylan’s and my relationship, it has crumbled at the seams. I pin his note to the board and fix myself and Birdie some dinner.

  The week passes quickly. Each day I receive fresh flowers from Dylan. Every day he exposes his heart a little more to me. I wish we didn’t have to do it through notes, but I appreciate seeing what he’s going through and what he’s been through. It definitely allows me to understand a few things about his behavior.

  Dylan’s sorry he didn’t tell me about the buyout. He didn’t want me to be deterred from working for him. He said he would’ve told me after he hired Cindy on. It reminds me to call Cindy.

  “Hey. Did Dylan tell you I’m working for him now? He’s paying me the big bucks.” Cindy laughs over the phone. I’m shocked.

  “No. He didn’t tell me. There’s a lot he doesn’t tell me, apparently.” I sit down at my kitchen table.

  “Yeah, I started on Tuesday. He called me up over the weekend, said he found a new office and asked if I could start soon. I jumped at the chance. My old job just wasn’t cutting it, as you know.” Cindy seems so chipper and less stressed. It’s good to hear her voice.

  “Is he treating you right?” I tease.

  “Oh, you know he is. He won’t shut up about you and the baby. He’s so gaga over you, sweetie. We need to have lunch soon. I gotta go. The kids need some dinner. They’re like a pack of wolves. I’ll talk to you later.”

  I hang up with Cindy and think about our conversation. Tomorrow’s my appointment with the doctor. We’re supposed to find out the sex of the baby. I wonder if Dylan will be there. Honestly, I’d be disappointed if he wasn’t. I can’t believe he gave Cindy a job. It makes me smile. Is he doing this for me or because it’s the right thing to do? I guess time will tell.

  17

  It’s finally Friday, appointment day. I’ve been excited all morning at work. A few of my colleagues have picked up on my mood. They have a pool going as to what sex the baby will be, it’s fun. I really like my job. It’s not like my old job, but it’s different in a good way. The clock hits twelve and I’m off like a prom dress.

  I walk to the L and get on. It’s faster than an Uber would be. I can’t wait to hear whether I’m having a girl or a boy. I’m sitting in a seat thinking about baby names when my cell phone rings from my purse. I quickly scramble for the phone and see that my dad’s calling me. That’s a first. I answer before it goes to voicemail.

  “Hello?” I know I must sound confused. This isn’t the best place to have a conversation with my father. It’s rather noisy on the train. I plug one of my ears to hear better.

  “Hello, Andy. It’s your father.” I roll my eyes. Yeah, he would have to tell me it’s him.

  “Hello.” This is awkward. I haven’t told him I’m pregnant yet and we usually only call on holidays just to say Merry Christmas and then we both hastily hang up. I don’t want to say my dad is a bad guy. He just wasn’t ever there. He’s like a stranger I’m related
to. He’s handsome and charismatic around other people, especially people he works with, but at home he couldn’t be bothered with me. It’s like it wasn’t his decision to become a father. We’ve never talked about our strained relationship if you can even call it a relationship.

  “I just wanted to call to tell you I’m getting married.” My mouth drops open. What the hell? Am I in a Twilight Zone episode? Am I being punk’d right now? My father doesn’t have a loving bone in his body. Who would he marry? He’s too involved in himself to care about anyone else. If my dad was a Disney character he would definitely be Gaston. “Andy, are you there?”

  “Yup.” I’m pretty much speechless as this point. I have no words. What the hell do I say to that? “Umm, congratulations?” It sounds like a question because I can’t believe this is real. Maybe I’m still sleeping in my bed right now. Yeah, I never got up, I’m snuggled in bed with Birdie. I pinch myself. Ow! Nope, I’m definitely on the L with a bunch of smelly people going to the doctor.

  “Well, I’m in Chicago and I would like to have dinner to finalize everything. Are you free tonight?” Finalize everything? He’s here in Chicago?

  “Umm, no I don’t have dinner plans. What do you mean finalize?” He clears his throat over the phone.

  “Well, I would like you to come to the wedding. I’m getting married here in Chicago. She’s still arranging things and we need to get everything set up. So, how about we have dinner tonight at seven?” My father is getting married here in Chicago and he wants me to come to the wedding? This whole scenario is so bizarre. I guess it would be a good time to tell him in person that I’m pregnant. We need to hash out some things and I need to meet this woman I guess.

  “Okay, how about seven at Pequod’s? They have the best deep-dish pizza.” I’ve seriously been craving this pizza for over a week. Their pizza is amazing. It’s like a religion there, very sacred. They have their priorities straight that’s for sure. My father grunts, but then acquiesces. It’s not his scene. He’d rather go to a fine Italian restaurant. Well, too bad. I’m pregnant and I want what I want. He’ll thank me later when he tries the pizza.

  We say our goodbyes as the train comes to my stop. This doctor’s appointment should be interesting. Dylan and I are still on the outs and my mood swings are driving me crazy. I’m missing and loving Dylan and then I’m hating and cursing his Prince of Darkness ways. He’s trying though. I get fresh flowers every day with a peek into his mind. He’s never been forthcoming when it comes to his feelings, but when he writes me those notes I feel like I’m getting to know him better. I get a little peek into his soul.

  I just don’t know what to do about us right now. I’d like us to be together and I want to be a family. That just might be something Dylan isn’t capable of. He continues to keep things from me and he still has a wall up. Except with those notes. I feel the wall coming down brick by brick. He’s trying for me. Maybe he would like to meet my dad? That would show me he’s serious about this. I met his mom, it would only make sense. Yes, I’ll ask him at the appointment, if he shows.

  Arriving at the doctor, I don’t see Dylan in the waiting room. I go through the normal weigh in and blood pressure. I can’t wait to find out if we’re having a girl or boy. There’s a light knock on the door. “Come in,” I call out. Then, there he is. Dylan peeks in and smiles when he sees me up on the examination table. He’s wearing his usual attire of jeans and a dark T-shirt. This man doesn’t even have to try to look good.

  “Hey.” He rushes over to me and gives me a strong hug. I hug him back and smell that wonderful cinnamon scent.

  “Hi.” I’m so glad he’s here. I’ve really missed him. I know it was me pushing him away, but I just can’t take much more of him withdrawing or keeping things from me. Dylan pulls back and cups my face. His eyes are asking. I nod in response. His eyes light up and then his lips are on mine. I grip onto his black shirt as my legs wrap around his waist, pulling him toward me. His moan kills me.

  I forget we’re in a doctor’s office and make out with him like we’re at home. My hands run through his hair as his tongue probes my mouth. I open for him as his hands grip my sides. His face pulls away slightly.

  “Andy, I’ve missed you so much.”

  “Shhh, less talking. More kissing.” I bring his mouth back down to mine. He chuckles but obliges. I needed this so bad, this connection with him. I’ve missed him as well. I want us to be together. We’re better together than we are apart. We can totally master this parenting thing. Dylan pulls back quickly and then comes in for one big smacking kiss.

  “Did you get my flowers and my notes?” I nod. “I really need to talk to you. Can I take you home after the appointment?” His forehead rests against mine, his eyes pleading.

  “Yes. I would like to talk to you too.”

  He smiles and peppers my face with kisses. I giggle and fan him away. Our doctor arrives shortly after and we move to another room where the sonogram machine is. Dylan and I are so giddy we can’t stand still. I don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl, I’m just excited to know. I’m a planner; I need to plan out the nursery, baby clothes, and toys.

  “Now, it’s time for the big question. Would you like to know the sex of your baby?” My doctor looks to us as her hand lingers on the strange nozzle laying on my stomach. Dylan and I both say yes at the same time. The doctor laughs. “It’s a girl!” Grinning ear to ear, I can’t contain my excitement for this little girl growing inside me. We will have tea parties and I can decorate a pink nursery! We’ll make cookies in the kitchen and I’ll take her to the park. While I’m planning all the things I’d like to do with my little girl, Dylan squeezes my hand.

  He leans his forehead against my temple. “Pink everywhere.” I belly laugh at his comment. Yes, there will be pink everywhere. “I can’t wait,” he adds. Tears stream down my face as he kisses me sweetly on the lips.

  18

  We drive back to my place in relative silence. We’re both taking in the news of this little girl. I couldn’t help smiling and rubbing my belly. A couple of times Dylan reached over and petted my stomach. It’s such a sweet gesture. I feel like we’re on the same page now and in a good place.

  When we get to my apartment, I decide Birdie needs a walk. Dylan suggests we go to Montrose Dog Beach. I’ve never taken her there, but I can’t wait to see how she reacts to the sand and water.

  Dylan and I take a romantic stroll on the beach with my little pink pig. With the Chicago skyline behind us, we talk about our future ahead of us. “Andy, I hope you know by the flowers and the notes that I only want to be with you. I want you to move back in with me. I want to wake up to you every morning and make love to you every night. Ever since you told me you loved me, I’ve been in a tailspin. I can’t sleep. I can’t work. I can only think about you. I’ve realized I’m in love with you too.”

  I stop in my tracks. I’ve waited to hear those words from him. I almost can’t believe what I hear. Dylan walks ahead of me and then turns around, holding my hands in his. Birdie sits at my feet, reveling in the sand. He steps closer and moves his hands to the back of my head. “I love you, Andy Roberts.” Tearing up, I close my eyes to soak in this moment. When I open them, he’s waiting for my reaction. His eyes are pleading. I’ll put him out of his misery.

  “I love you, Dylan Ryder.” He rushes to kiss me. His beard tickles my face, I’ve missed that. I wrap my arms around his neck and rise up on my tiptoes to deepen the kiss. I’m so elated. I might’ve waited forever for this man to come to the conclusion that he loves me. I’m just glad he’s smart enough to figure it out now. “Will you come meet my dad? He’s in town and wants to meet with me. Apparently, he’s getting married.” I blow out a breath.

  Dylan’s reaction is reserved. “Yeah, I’ll be there for you. Does he know about the baby?”

  “Nope.” I shake my head.

  “This should be interesting.” He kisses my forehead. “Do you get along with your dad?”

  “Sure, I
guess. Can’t really fight with someone who’s never there.” Dylan nods and grips my hand tighter.

  “I’m glad we’re doing this. We should tell him you’re expecting together. Do you think he’ll be excited to be a grandfather?” I shrug my shoulders. Who knows.

  “Probably not. He wanted me set in my career. He doesn’t really hold personal relationships very high, obviously. He’s all about work and making something of yourself. It’s sad really. I’m the total opposite, I think family is everything.”

  Dylan looks off into the distance. I shake his arm to bring him back to me. I give him a bright smile to let him know we’re together in this. He returns my smile and we move on down the beach. Our little family of four, Dylan, Birdie, our baby, and I.

  We arrive at the quaint brick building at seven on the dot, walking hand in hand. The bar greets us on the right and small booths and tables flank the other side of the space. We make our way to the back where I see my dad’s salt and pepper hair. I know this isn’t his type of place, but it’s definitely Dylan and I’s. Before I get to the table my father rises up and meets us with a smile, which slowly turns into a frown. He looks down at my stomach and then points. “What is that?”

  Oh, boy. This isn’t going to go smoothly at all I’m afraid. We haven’t even made it to the table. Dylan steps up and extends his hand. My father takes it without thinking. “Hi, sir. I’m Dylan. Andy is carrying our baby girl. She’s due in June. Congratulations! You’re going to be a grandfather.” Well, that’s getting it all out there on the table. My dad looks between us in shock. He’s not saying anything. Dylan motions us to step over to the table my dad just vacated. That’s when I see who’s sitting at my father’s table. It’s none other than Mrs. Ryder, Dylan’s mother.