Lean On Me (Take My Hand)

by Nicola Haken

  As yet, I still don’t know what will happen at our twenty-week scan. I am literally vibrating with desperation to know what we’re having, but I just don’t think I could cope with the disappointment on Jared’s face.

  “Cute,” he responded, taking the jumpsuits from me. “Do you still think we’re having a girl? You’ve not mentioned it since we found out we were having twins.”

  “I don’t know,” I shrugged. “I wasn’t exactly shit hot at predicting how many babies we were having so I kind of lost faith in my gender guessing abilities too.”

  “You still want to know, don’t you?”

  “Yes,” I admitted honestly. “But I will wait if you don’t. It’s not like I won’t get to find out eventually.”

  “If it makes you happy, then finding out will make me happy too.”

  “Are you serious?” I screeched. I didn’t even try to play the ‘oh no, you can’t agree just for me’ card. He’d said it, so I was bloody well taking it. “Jared, I love you!”

  “Yeah, so you keep saying.” I leaned over and smothered his whole face with kisses – his forehead, eyebrows, eyelids, cheeks, jaw… then I licked his nose. “Eww,” he complained, wiping his nose on the back of his hand.

  “Everything’s going to be okay, isn’t it?” It wasn’t really a question. I knew that because I didn’t wait for an answer before starting up again. “Everything is slotting right into place. I know there’s still a lot to figure out, but I really don’t think I’ve ever been so happy.”

  “Me too, saffy. Me too,” he agreed, kissing the top of my head as I rested it on his chest. “You ready to see the house tonight?”

  “Hmm. I guess so.” Maybe I was being an ungrateful bitch but I couldn’t seem to push the reservations I felt from my mind. Alistair Mattheson is a jumped up prick and I didn’t quite trust that he wouldn’t use this house against us some day. I didn’t like the idea of him having a hold over us, but I also knew we couldn’t afford to do it alone in today’s economy and I needed to do what was best for the babies.

  “I understand why you’re worried – really I do. And I can’t believe I’m even saying this but… I really think he’s changing. I think he’s trying really hard to be a good grandparent.”

  “Well, we’ll see,” was all I could muster. If he wanted me to trust him, the pompous prick was going to have to earn it with more than a show of his wallet. Although naturally, that helped a little. “Ugh,” I groaned.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “I need a wee again.” Damn if this isn’t the worst thing about being pregnant – needing the toilet every five bloody minutes.

  “Let me know if you need any help,” Jared offered.

  “You offering to wipe my drips off?” He was just too easy to take the piss out of sometimes.

  “I was trying to be nice!” he protested. “You always have to ruin it.”

  Sticking my tongue out at him, I scooched to the edge of the sofa and lifted myself into my chair.

  “I wouldn’t say no to a Pot Noodle when I’ve finished,” I said, winking at him.

  “If our babies come out bright yellow I’m blaming you,” he joked, shaking his head.

  “And if they come out wearing your goofy grin, I’m putting them back!” I called over my shoulder when I was half way out the room.

  **********

  Jared had to nip into work on the way to his parents’ to go over the new rota with Mick. I went with him seeing as we were heading straight to his mum and dad’s and everything was going fine until Mick offered to give us a ride. Jared tried to decline for obvious reasons – you know the whole ‘brothers hating each others’ guts’ thing – but Mick all but insisted, saying he would park at the end of the drive and leave before anyone saw him.

  This plan was all working out pretty well… until Alistair stormed out of the front door just as Mick was getting my wheelchair out of the boot of his car.

  “What the hell are you doing here?” Alistair growled at Mick. Mick set my chair down by my open door and then surrendered his palms.

  “I’m not here to cause trouble, Al. I’m just leaving.”

  “The fact you’re still breathing causes trouble for me!” Alistair snapped, closing in on Mick. Christ he was angry – livid in fact. So mad the thick veins in his neck popped out.

  “Dad, back off. He’s going.” Jared tried to intervene but his dad shoved straight past him like a man on a mission – a mission to destroy.

  “How have you got the nerve to show your face around here?” Alistair continued to snarl, pressing his body against his brother’s. I attempted to hoist myself from the car, but Jared stopped me with a firm hand on my shoulder.

  “Stay in the car,” he ordered. Um… no! I decided petulantly. I wasn’t having him ordering me around like that. “Stay in the goddamn car, Rachel!” he yelled when I lifted one of my legs out of the footwell. The fierceness in his voice startled me and I shrank back. Good job too, because seconds later I heard the crunch of a fist hitting flesh, and Mick’s body slammed into my side of the car, flying into my empty chair and only narrowly missing where I was sitting.

  “ENOUGH!” Jared roared. I didn’t realise my eyes were closed until they sprung open at the sound of his voice. “She’s pregnant, you selfish idiots! You could’ve hurt her!”

  “You’re out of your fucking mind, brother,” Mick sneered as he climbed to his feet, pressing his fingers against the dripping cut on his lip.

  “You’re no brother of mine after what you did to my wife.”

  Okay, I get that Mick made a pass at her years ago but was it really worth all this? Unless of course that was just a bullshit story they fed to Jared. Seeing the rage blazing from Alistair’s usually reserved eyes, that was seeming more likely.

  “Dad come on,” Jared tried to calm, holding Alistair back by placing his hands on the front of his chest. “Isn’t it time we moved on from this?”

  “Moved on?” Alistair blasted, tossing a revolted glare towards Mick. “He attacked her!”

  What the fuck?

  “Attacked?” Jared repeated, shaking his head in confusion before turning to Mick. “What the fuck is he talking about, Mick?” You could see the darkness of betrayal cloud over Jared’s eyes as he silently begged his uncle to say this was a pack of lies. “MICK!” Jared yelled, taking a forceful step towards him when he got no response.

  “You need to ask your mother,” was Mick’s calm reply.

  When I caught sight of the drapes twitching in the window, shortly followed by an anxious looking Sue bounding out of the front door, I dragged my chair back into position and lifted myself into it. If the shit was going to hit the fan I wasn’t going to sit back and watch from the car.

  “W-what’s going on?” Sue stammered nervously, pressing a hand to her chest.

  “You tell me,” Jared spat. “Dad said Mick attacked you! Is this true?”

  “Go on, Sue,” Alistair interjected. “Tell him what that bastard did to you!”

  Holy shit. This couldn’t have been further from how I expected today to turn out. My heart was racing and not knowing what else to do I reached up and placed my hand on the small of Jared’s back – a small gesture to let him know I was with him.

  “Let’s not do this outside,” Sue whispered tersely, nervously scanning the surrounding houses for signs of busybodies.

  “Well he is not stepping a foot inside my house. In fact,” Alistair’s gaze flipped to Mick. “If you don’t get off my property within the next thirty seconds I’m calling the police.”

  “Al, please,” Sue begged.

  “Don’t worry, Sue. I’m leaving.” Mick held his palms in the air and I swear I saw a flash of sorrow in Sue’s eyes.

  “No. This has gone on long enough. We have babies coming! This family has been falling apart for years. I’ve had enough! It ends. Today.”

  “Spray,” Alistair sputtered, clutching at his chest. “I need my GTN spray.” Fabulous. Let’s throw a
heart attack into the mix while we’re here huh?

  “Dad – inside,” Jared ordered. Obviously anxious about the pain in his chest, Alistair complied while Sue hurried in after him. “There better be a good fucking explanation,” Jared growled at Mick, keeping his wary eyes on him as he bent down to kiss my forehead before pushing me inside. His green eyes were narrowed – suspicious and oozing warning. “I’m sorry, baby,” he whispered as he tilted me backwards to get me over the small step by the front door. “You don’t need this shit right now.”

  “None of us do,” I replied. “But it’s happening so we need to give our balls a scratch and deal with it.”

  Sue and Alistair were in the living room. Alistair was spraying his angina spray under his tongue while Sue hesitantly patted his back. A tense silence ensued while everyone waited for Jared’s father to either regain his breath or collapse to the floor. Thankfully, after a couple of long minutes, he straightened his back and blew out a forced breath.

  Alistair took one glance in Mick’s direction and his shoulders instinctively tensed.

  “Now,” Alistair began. “Does someone care to explain to me what the fuck he is doing in our home?” The air was so thick it was difficult to breathe. Alistair was such a refined and serious man, so to hear him swear with such disdain in his gruff voice was as disconcerting as it was intimidating.

  “Calm down, Al,” Sue attempted to placate, placing her quivering hand on his arm.

  “Calm down?” Alistair blared, shrugging out of Sue’s grasp. “Have you forgotten what he did to you?”

  “He didn’t do anything, Al.” Whoa. A collective gasp resounded through the room.

  “I saw him, Sue! Don’t play me for a goddamn fool.”

  “No, Al. You saw him comforting me. You saw me crying, with my shirt ripped open, and Mick with his arms around me. You didn’t see what you thought you saw.”

  “I… I don’t understand,” Alistair replied, sinking into ‘his’ leather armchair and scratching at his head.

  “Mick was here when I got home. I’d already been attacked. He took me in his arms and he consoled me. Nothing more.”

  Holy shit balls…

  “You’re lying. Why are you lying for him?”

  “It’s the truth, Al,” Mick interrupted, still standing in the doorway.

  “Then why the hell didn’t you tell me that?” Alistair roared at Sue. “I put him in hospital! My own brother! Jesus, Sue what were you thinking? What were either of you thinking?”

  “Whoa,” Jared piped up. “Hospital? No one’s ever mentioned that before.”

  “Broken nose, fractured ribs and swelling on the brain,” Mick shrugged as if it were inconsequential.

  “I’m sorry,” Sue muttered to no one in particular. “The whole thing spiralled further out of control than I ever expected it to.”

  “I still don’t understand,” Alistair said, rubbing at his chin. “If it wasn’t Mick, then who was it?”

  “George.”

  “George? Wait… George Hollins? My old registrar?”

  “You were best friends. I thought you’d do something reckless if you found out.”

  “Reckless? Dammit, Sue I would’ve fucking killed him!”

  “If you’d retaliated you could’ve lost your whole career! When you saw Mick… you just assumed… and, well I didn’t stop you.”

  “Wait, is that why he transferred? Looking back it must’ve been around that time.”

  “Yes. Although I got away before anything technically happened, I think George scared himself with how far he went. He arranged his transfer the next day and swore I’d never hear from him again. I always planned to tell you once he’d left town, but… things had gone so far between you two,” Sue said, nodding her head between the brothers. “You hated him and I imagined after you put him in hospital, he hated you too.”

  “That’s not true,” Mick interjected. “I’ve never hated him.” Guilt swam from Sue’s eyes, pouring down her cheeks in the guise of tears. “You’ve been a pompous, arrogant arsehole since we were teenagers, but I’ve never hated you, Al.”

  “Jeez, Mum… why the hell didn’t you say anything? Years these two haven’t spoken to each other. Years.” Jared shook his head and I took hold of his hand, squeezing slightly. “And what about you, Mick? You knew all along you hadn’t done anything. How the fuck could stand the fact your own brother thought you were some kind of sick rapist?” Jared shuddered at the word.

  “To be honest, I convinced myself my brother and I didn’t have a relationship to begin with if he could ever assume that of me. Didn’t think twice – didn’t say a damn word before he hauled me off the couch and straight into the nearest wall. To me, that said it all. If he thought for even one split second that I was capable of doing something so despicable to his wife… to any woman… then I saw no future for us as brothers.”

  Ouch. That’s gotta sting huh, Al?

  Alistair’s face paled at the same moment more tears started seeping from Sue’s eyes. The atmosphere was so deathly quiet I could almost here the sound of every beating heart in the room.

  “This is all my fault,” Sue whispered. “I always meant to tell you,” she turned to Alistair.

  “Then why the hell didn’t you?” Alistair asked. His words were harsh but his tone was calm… regretful almost. “And why didn’t you?” he directed to Mick who simply shrugged.

  “I’ve told you my reasons,” was all he said.

  The silence returned and when I looked up at Jared I noticed his eyes were closed as he pushed out steadying breaths.

  “This could go on all night,” Jared said, breaking the stillness. “Going back and forth, trying to place blame, isn’t going to resolve this. Mum, Dad? You need to talk this through. Alone. I think we should leave.”

  Best thing anyone had said since we arrived! I already had my hands braced over my wheel trims before Jared had even finished speaking.

  “But… the house?” Alistair remembered. Until that very second I’d completely forgotten that was why we were even here – to see our new house. I still didn’t know how comfortable I felt with accepting it, but feeling our tiny babies squirm in my belly, I knew this was for them.

  “It’s fine,” Jared waved him off. “We’ll see it another day.”

  “No,” Alistair insisted. “I want you to see it today. You need to let me know what you think before we draw up the rental agreement.” Formal much? I swear you wouldn’t know he was talking to his son sometimes. “Those children will be here before you know it. You need to be settled in before then.”

  “Dad, really it’s-”

  “Mick?” Alistair interrupted. “Perhaps you could take them?” Mick’s eyes widened and I didn’t miss the tighter grip his hand suddenly held on the doorframe. Looking around the room at the sets of stunned faces, it seemed Mick wasn’t the only one winded by the fact Alistair had just spoken to him like a decent human being – like his brother.

  “Um, sure,” Mick hesitantly agreed. “I’ll need the address.”

  “Of course, of course,” Alistair muttered before turning to the oak bureau and rummaging through the papers hidden inside. “Here,” he said, turning back to us and handing a glossy blue file to Mick. “The key is in there too.”

  “Dad, really this can wait…”

  “Go, Jared. See the house. If you’re serious about becoming a man then you need to start planning your future. This house is the first step.” You could always trust Alistair to toss out a little patronising comment. I don’t even think he knows he’s doing it – being a condescending pillock just comes naturally to him. Still, much to my and I’m sure Jared’s astonishment, he has stood up to the post where our babies are concerned and I will always be grateful to him for that. “And Mick?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I’m… sorry.” Wow. You could hear the strain in his voice as he choked out those two little words. Words I suspected he never expected to say to his brother, and hi
s brother never expected to hear. “We will, um… discuss this again. Tomorrow perhaps.”

  “Whatever,” Mick grumbled – his way of reluctantly agreeing. I couldn’t blame him for being pissed off. Having your own flesh and blood thinking you were capable of something so disgusting must be the ultimate betrayal.

  “Now go,” Alistair ordered, addressing all of us. “I need to speak with my wife.”

  And that was that. With questioning eyes, Jared shook his father’s hand and then leaned in to kiss his mother’s cheek. Alistair offered his hand to Mick but, understandably in my opinion, Mick backed away and uttered “not yet”. Then, we left. Mick headed out first and Jared pushed me out behind him.

  Holy fucking fuckety fuck balls with bells on.

  What the hell was that?

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Jared

  “Why didn’t you ever say anything?” I couldn’t help continuing to probe Mick while he drove us to our new house. “I thought we were close.”

  “We are. That’s why I would never willingly put you between a rock and a hard place. I didn’t want you to have to side with your dad or me. I didn’t know if or when your mum would ever say what really happened, and well, I guess I didn’t know if you’d even believe me.”

  “Of course I’d have believed you,” I insisted. But would I? What if my mum had kept the truth close to her chest? The thought of someone attacking her… could I have ever doubted her? Guess I’ll never know. “Regardless, I’m glad it’s out. Maybe we can be a proper family again. The family I remember when I was a little kid.”

  “Don’t get your hopes up, lad. I’m not sure I’m ready for that yet. Your dad…”

  “I get it. I understand. I can’t imagine how shit you must feel knowing he thought you could do that.”

  “We’re here,” Mick announced, interrupting the dismal conversation as he pulled onto a bricked driveway lined with evergreen shrubs. A driveway I might never use…