Breaking the Reins

by Juliana Haygert

  He hadn’t imagined it. I did find him intriguing. But I couldn’t tell him that, could I? “I’m sorry I gave you the wrong impression.”

  “Me too.” He pushed away from the wall and started for the door.

  I sighed, relieved I didn’t have to send him away myself, although my chest tightened when he walked out without saying a goodbye. For some reason, I felt like crying. What a stupid thing.

  I focused on the pain in my foot, blaming that for the tears in my eyes. Better that than being sad over something that wasn’t and would never be.

  I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. It wasn’t the first time I’d noticed other guys. After all, I wasn’t blind, and some of my classes had some good-looking men in them. But to look at them, to notice them, was one thing. To instigate it, to talk to a guy and let him believe I was single and interested was another. If hell existed, I would die young and go straight there because of my impure thoughts.

  This would pass. I was sure it would. Leo would go back to Brazil, and he would be out of sight and out of mind soon enough. For now, I just had to avoid him, and the club, as much as possible. Eric would be pissed if I didn’t go to the games, but it was for the best. I could lie about having something urgent to take care of here. He would understand, everything would go back to normal, and I would be able to focus on Eric again.

  I groaned when I stood. More like a scream, but who cared? I was alone in the stable and only the horses could hear me. I bet they didn’t care about my outbursts.

  I tested my foot and grumbled again. I couldn’t put too much weight on it yet, but at least I could limp to Argus’s stall before heading to the house and sinking into my bathtub, filled to the brim with hot water—with my foot hanging out, enveloped in ice. I was in desperate need of a relaxing bath.

  Leo walked into the room and, startled, I jumped back, lost my balance, and fell on my butt.

  “Ouch,” I yelled.

  “Meu Deus, desculpa!”

  I shut my eyes, fighting back tears of pain and frustration and embarrassment. I felt arms slipping under me and then I was being lifted from the floor. My eyes snapped open. Leo gazed at me, and I noticed how close his face was to mine, how bright his eyes shone, how the muscles in his arms popped, how wide his shoulders were, how …

  I shook my head and looked away. “What are you doing?”

  “Helping you,” he said as he sat me back on the bench.

  I scooted away from him. “I thought you’d left.”

  He stared at me. It was hard not to feel anything when his blue-green eyes locked on mine like that. “I was going to, but then I saw Jimmy putting the horses’ rations away and helped him.”

  “Why?”

  He shrugged. “They looked heavy and I have nothing better to do at home.”

  “That’s not what I meant.”

  “I know,” he said, still looking at me. “Desculpa, for making you fall.” The corners of his lips tilted up. “I had no idea you were this jumpy.”

  “Try living alone on a ranch that was set on fire under suspicious circumstances.” The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them.

  His eyes widened. “What?” I looked away, but only for a moment, because when his hand clasped around my arm, I couldn’t help but gaze at him again. “What happened?”

  “Nobody knows for sure. Someone started a fire at the stable, on purpose. In seconds, it was all destroyed.”

  He looked around. “This one is new?”

  “Yes. It was built a couple of months after. An exact replica of the old one.”

  “And the horses?”

  An anguished pang rushed through my chest. “The fire took all the horses in here, including mine, Hercules. And my grandma.”

  “Droga. I’m so sorry. I had no idea she died like that. When you mentioned it, I thought it was of old age.”

  I swallowed, finding it difficult to talk about this, though I wanted to. “Nope. Someone killed her. Why? I’ll never know.” I held back the tears. I didn’t want to break down in front of him.

  “That’s … horrible.”

  “The worst part is that the police never found whoever did it. They just told me it wasn’t accidental and, after a couple of months without any results, they dropped the case.” A sob wracked my chest. “I was here half an hour before. If I’d stayed, I could have saved her.”

  “You don’t know that. For all I know, you could have died too.”

  It had been ages since I’d spoken about the fire. I thought about it all the time, but I never said anything. Eric didn’t want to hear about it; he didn’t want to know anything related to my grandma and the ranch, so I closed up. I bottled all the feelings and forgot about them, knowing they would explode someday.

  I just never thought today would be that day. Here I was, baring my soul to a stranger. Another sob found its way through me, and I wiped the tears away. Leo pulled me to him, and I couldn’t find the strength to protest. Quite the opposite. I buried my face in his chest as his arms tightened around me, pulling me close, toward safety. He rocked me like a child, and I felt myself entranced in that, as if he were singing a lullaby and I was drifting to sleep, confident only good dreams would find me.

  After a few moments, my sobs calmed down. His scent filled my nose, and it was delicious. A mix of wood, spices, and something unique to him. I turned my head up to his neck and inhaled deeply, taking in as much as I could, relishing in the feel of his hot skin on my face. I could die here, in his arms, breathing him, feeling him.

  He shivered, and realization fell over me like a kick to my gut. I stiffened and slowly lifted my eyes to his, finding his face tilted down toward mine. The shine in his eyes was pure longing. Desire. It made my heart flutter. His gaze lowered to my lips, and I realized his were only inches away.

  I snapped out of it.

  Blushing, I pushed away from him and looked to my solitary boot on the floor. “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s okay. You miss your grandmother and your horse. I understand.”

  That wasn’t what I meant and I thought he knew that. Still, I was grateful he didn’t say anything about what almost happened. The feel of his arms around me and the sensation of his scent in my lungs were still too vivid in my mind, and I shivered. Damn it, this wasn’t happening.

  Afraid of any more pain, physical and emotional, I stood slowly. My shoulders relaxed when I attested that my butt didn’t hurt anymore and my foot was a tiny bit better. Tension built up again in my body when Leo stood beside me.

  “Hmm, I need to go check on Argus,” I said, limping past him. I hoped he took that as a goodbye, go away, and don’t ever come back.

  “I can help you.”

  Perhaps I needed to be more specific. “It’s okay. I got it.”

  I limped to the main hallway of the stable and to the far back, where the biggest stall was. Where Argus was safely tucked away. The sun was setting, filling the place with a few orange rays and dark shadows. I turned on some lights and Argus neighed, kicking at the walls.

  “Shh,” I whispered. “It’s okay. It’s only me.”

  He snorted, circled the stall, and bumped against the wood.

  “Poor animal,” Leo said from right behind me, and I jumped. “Desculpa.”

  For all I knew, he was doing that on purpose. “I thought you were leaving.”

  “Well, I’m not.” He leaned against the rail, looking at the horse. “How is he doing?”

  “Not well.” I grabbed one of the empty buckets along the wall. “He isn’t eating enough. He’s too thin and has a lot of healing to do. The vet was here this afternoon—”

  “The vet comes in on Sundays?”

  “Dr. Bohm was a close friend of my grandma, and he lives nearby. He simply comes over sometimes to check on the horses.”

  Leo glanced around the stable. “All of these horses, they are all new?”

  “Nope.” I looked through a window and pointed toward a hill. For a moment,
I was lost in the view. Tall and lush trees, big blue skies, orange sun descending and being engulfed by the perfect green lawn. It was a pity I couldn’t see the waterfall from here. “There’s another stable on the other side of that hill. These horses were there during the fire.”

  “And your horse was here?”

  “Yes.” Pursing my lips, I filled half the bucket with grain. I tried to pick it back up, but it was too heavy. I couldn’t limp and hold it at the same time.

  “Me dá.” He reached for the bucket. “Hmm, sorry. Portuguese keeps slipping in here and there.”

  I smiled. I kind of liked his accent. A lot. “It’s okay. It’s similar to Spanish, so I understand it most of the time.”

  He smiled and took the bucket from me, causing my cheeks to heat up. “My sister, Beatriz, flips every time someone asks if we speak Spanish. Or if Buenos Aires is the capital of Brazil.”

  We walked to the stall and I opened the door. I grabbed a handful of grain and extended it toward Argus. “Here, boy. I have something for you.” With his back to me, Argus snorted, not caring one bit. “Come on, boy. If you eat just a little, I’ll grab an apple for you. Deal?” He didn’t move, and I decided to take a step forward. “Argus?”

  The horse bucked, kicking his hinder legs high. I retreated as fast as I could, which wasn’t much with my hurt foot. I saw the legs coming down, right at me. I stumbled back and fell, but I didn’t hit the ground. Leo wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me out of the way just as Argus’s legs fell right on the spot I’d been. Leo closed the door and leaned against it, holding me close to him, while I shook.

  I should have pushed away, but I couldn’t. I folded my arms around him and pulled tighter. I needed the comfort, the understanding. Argus nickered, and a strong tremble coursed through me.

  Leo cradled me, his head lowered toward me. “It’s okay,” he whispered in my ear, his breath warm on my neck. I shivered. This time it wasn’t because of Argus.

  Trying to find the self-respect I’d lost along the way, I pushed away from him. “I shouldn’t have let them bring him here.”

  “Why not?”

  “The animal control officers think I can perform the same miracles my grandma could, so they pushed it, and I ended up accepting. You should have seen him when they brought him in. So thin and fragile and terribly scared. Worse than now, if you can imagine that. It broke my heart. But the officers are mistaken. I'm not my grandmother. I just ... couldn't let them put him down, you know? I had to try.” I sighed. “But I can’t. I tried. He doesn’t respond to me.”

  Leo stared at me, serious. “I think what you're trying to do is noble. I hope you don’t give up. Not yet.”

  “I can’t get near him without him freaking out. How am I going to fix him?”

  With a small tug of his lips, Leo reached for the bucket and got a handful of grain. He opened the stall door and stayed there, frozen in place, his arm extended forward.

  A few minutes passed before Argus turned his head and peeked at Leo. He snorted, but turned a little more. Curious, I approached the stall and leaned on the rail, trying to see exactly what he was doing.

  A few more minutes went by, and Argus moved a couple of inches toward Leo, who remained with his face calm and relaxed, his eyes fixed on Argus’s, his open hand forward. It was a game of patience, and I was tired from only watching.

  Almost fifteen minutes passed before Argus took an entire step toward Leo. Another ten passed before he touched his nose to Leo’s hand. He smelled it and retreated a step. I was about to sigh loudly when Leo crouched, his hand still in front of him, and Argus gave half a step to him. The patience battle continued for over forty minutes, until Argus reached over and ate what Leo had in his hand.

  I smiled.

  Without changing his expression or moving too much, Leo dipped his hand into the bucket and left it there. Argus followed Leo’s hand and dunked his nose on the grain. And he ate.

  I wiggled my butt and moved my arms in a circle as a small victory dance, and blushed big time when Leo stood up and watched me, a wide smile on his face and a warm shine in his eyes.

  Embarrassed to my bones, I stood still. “Thank you.”

  He chuckled. “You’re welcome.”

  Chapter Six

  “Here you go.” I held the ten-year-old girl by the waist, helped her sit on the horse, and handed her the reins.

  “Thanks,” she said, with a huge, nervous smile.

  I patted the horse’s side. His coat was shiny and silky, much like Hercules’s had been. “Don’t worry. Paul here will take good care of you,” I told her.

  Over his own pinto horse, Paul tipped his cowboy hat at us. “Come on now,” he called the group of kids. “Let’s ride out of here.”

  The kids pulled on their reins and turned their horses, following Paul to the fenced arena near the main stable. Smiling, I watched them go. At age ten, I’d already participated in local jumping tournaments. And won.

  But that belonged to my past.

  I readjusted the pink hat on my head and set out back to the stable, hoping to avoid Jimmy and his philosophical questions. “Why aren’t you on a horse? You know, this is a ranch. A riding ranch. And you ain’t riding.” He knew the answers, so why ask? He wanted to make me think about it. Which I did. All the time.

  I walked around the stable, checking if the remaining horses had enough water. It was only early June, and the heat was already picking up too much for my taste.

  I wiped my forehead with my arm and decided to ditch the hat. It was cute and it helped when I was under the sun, but it suffocated me when I was under a roof.

  In his secluded stall, Argus was unsettled. When I leaned over the rail, he neighed, making me jump back in surprise. Stupid horse. Leo may have gotten him to eat, but one meal wasn’t enough to keep him standing. Only one way to help him. I filled a bucket with grain and opened the door to his stall. I waited as he circled the area, nickering and snorting.

  Patience. Lots of patience.

  A couple of minutes passed, and he finally stopped in the back corner. He peered at me and I offered him my hand, the grain on my palm. He snorted and turned away. Of course, he wouldn’t make it easy. Doing like Leo did, I knelt down, my arm still extended, and tried to put a blank mask over my face, as if nothing in this world bothered me.

  After an eternity, Argus walked closer, but not close enough. A frustrated scream lodged in my throat. Damn, this horse was messing with me. Determined to make this work, to feed him and heal him somehow, I dragged my knees forward a few inches and leaned closer, hoping the grain’s scent would reach his nose.

  Wrong move. He reared and neighed, the fear and shock clear in his dark eyes.

  The grain fell from my hand and I crawled back. Breathing heavily, I slammed the door closed and rushed away from him.

  Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

  In the tack room, I took a deep breath and forced my mind to think of something else. Anything else. I wouldn’t let a horse bring me down.

  I stared at the schedule attached to the message board on the wall. Two more classes and Monday would be done. And it was only three in the afternoon. I rolled my shoulders, forgetting about Argus, and dreamed about my bathtub, some quiet music, and my glass of whiskey.

  Thinking about drinking made me thirsty. What a shame it was too early in the day for an alcoholic beverage. I could settle for coffee, though, and I had made a pot after lunch. It would have to do.

  After taking off my red boots and leaving them on the porch, I entered the house and headed to the kitchen at the back. I turned on the speakers with my iPod and swayed to the rhythm of Taylor Swift while the coffee heated.

  Like a ritual, I glanced at the picture on the wall and my heart squeezed. I wondered if it would ever stop hurting.

  The sound of a car coming down the road caught my attention, and I leaned over the kitchen window. It was Eric. I looked at the clock on the wall. Only 2:20. He was supposed to be practic
ing at the club. Who cared? It was always nice to get an unexpected visit from him.

  I smiled. For three seconds. The memories of the previous evening invaded my mind and I pursed my lips, my cheeks heating. Leo and I hadn’t done anything wrong, per se, but Eric would throw a fit if he found out Leo had been here.

  Embarrassed of my bad behavior, I inhaled and focused on calming down and keeping my expression neutral. Eric wouldn’t find out if I didn’t tell him. All I had to do was keep calm.

  To please him, I put the kettle on and brought the tea selection to the island. He would scowl at my coffee, since he hated it, but at least he would have something to drink and would leave my coffee and me alone. Hopefully.

  The front door rattled when Eric barged in.

  “Hi,” I chimed, all too happy as I made my way to the doorway to greet him. Still in his practice uniform, he pushed past me, glowering and puffing. “What happened?”

  “They happened,” he yelled.

  I cringed, but managed to turn him to me. “You’re gonna have to be more specific,” I said, my tone soothing.

  At his sides, his fists clenched and unclenched. “Those Brazilian parasites. They happened. They came here for a few exhibition games, but they’re going to stay.”

  I froze. “What?”

  “See, even you’re appalled. Can you believe it? I almost jumped at Ronny’s throat when he told me this morning that he offered them a six-month contract. And they accepted it.”

  “But why?”

  He shrugged. “Who knows? I didn’t let him explain. I just left. We still had at least one more hour of practice left, but I couldn’t stay. I just left the club and came right over here.”

  I hugged him. “Everything will be all right. Ronny will explain and it’ll be fine again. You’re overreacting.”

  He pushed me away, and I bumped my back against the island. “Overreacting? They are trying to steal my club and my spotlight, and I’m overreacting?”

  I gritted my teeth, suppressing the pain spreading through my back, and walked to the stove. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way. I just know there must be a good explanation for it.”