Breaking the Reins

by Juliana Haygert

  Leo put his hand over my knee and squeezed it. “Give him time.”

  I raised my eyes to him, and his stare took my breath away. When would I not be this breathless around him?

  “How was practice?” I asked, in need of something to distract me from his hand and his heart-wrenching stare.

  “Good,” he said, pulling his hand away. I had to restrain myself not to grab it and put it on my knee again. “Gui fell off his pony when he tried to steal the ball from me.”

  I gasped. “Is he okay?”

  Leo laughed. “Oh yeah. We teased he’s gonna be even more cuckoo after hitting his head, but he’s fine.”

  “You guys are crazy.”

  “We’re also fun.”

  “Yes, you are,” I whispered, remembering the monster truck game.

  For the next few minutes, we watched Argus as he ran along the arena. The silence between us was comfortable, and I actually felt like I wasn’t alone.

  When Argus stopped to drink some water, Leo turned to me. “So, my mother is making a Brazilian dish for dinner and she told me that I’m not allowed to eat at home if I don’t bring you with me.”

  I gaped. “What?”

  “She knows you’re here alone and she wants to feed you, because according to her, you probably don’t eat well.”

  I chuckled, my heart warming. Then my face fell as a thought came into my mind. “Leo, what did you tell your parents about me? I mean, they think I’m still Eric’s girlfriend. They probably think the worst of me.”

  “Pois então.” Leo ran his hand over his hair. “I kinda told my mom you’re not dating that jackass anymore.”

  “What?”

  “Why that face?”

  “What face?”

  “As if it was a lie.”

  I averted my eyes. “It’s not a lie, but … nobody else knows. I don’t want people talking about it behind our backs. I need to solve this with Eric first, before everyone else finds out.”

  “My mother would never tell anyone,” he said, his tone tight and a little disappointed. “In fact, my entire family would never tell anyone. I trust them.”

  “Sorry.” I returned my eyes to his. “I didn’t mean any disrespect.” A small smile spread on my lips. “I think your family is pretty cool, actually.”

  His eyes lit up. “Does that mean you’re coming?”

  As much as I wanted to try a nice Brazilian dish, and see more of his life with his family, it wasn’t right. He might have told his parents that I wasn’t dating Eric anymore, but I would feel out of place and as if they were asking “what is she doing here” behind my back.

  I jumped off the fence. “No.” Dismayed with myself, I walked toward Argus along the fence. He stopped trotting when he sensed my approach. I slowed down, my hands to my sides, showing him I had good intentions.

  A few moments later, Leo appeared by my side.

  “I thought you were gone,” I said, my eyes on Argus.

  “I was calling my mother, letting her know you and I won’t be having dinner with them.”

  I halted and stared at him. “What?”

  He seemed disappointed. “Why do you sound so mad?”

  “Because …” I shut my mouth.

  He took a step toward me, and his body loomed over mine. “Because you like when I spend more time with you, even though you don’t want to admit it.”

  “Oh, I’ve admitted, all right, but I—”

  His eyes bugged and he interrupted me. “You’ve admitted it? That you like me? When?” I walked around him, shaking my head. He gently clasped his hand around my arm and pulled me toward him. “Morena, tell me. Please.” I averted my eyes, and he tilted his head toward me. “Don’t make me beg.”

  I raised my chin and looked into his eyes, suddenly wary that I couldn’t escape him. Even if I wanted to. And I wasn’t sure I wanted to. “To myself. I’ve admitted it to myself. But—”

  “No buts,” he interrupted me. His hands snaked around my waist, pressing me against him. “I can’t think of any reason not to kiss you right now.”

  Without giving me time to form a coherent sentence in my jumbled mind, Leo erased the last three inches separating his mouth from mine. His lips touched mine, tentatively at first, testing me, giving me time to back away, but I, too, couldn’t think of any reason not to kiss him back. I wanted to kiss him, to taste him, to touch him.

  He pulled away slightly and his eyes searched mine. To show him I wouldn’t back out, I stood on tiptoes, sliding my hands up his arms, and licked his lower lip. He groaned before capturing my mouth with his and taking it all. And I willingly gave it to him.

  His lips were soft and demanding, moving with mine in a perfect rhythm, and his taste was delicious. When I kissed him harder, stroking his tongue with mine, he groaned again. Then his hands slid down my legs, to my thighs, and tugged them up, around his waist. Without breaking the kiss, he backed us up, pinning me against the dirty fence. But dirt was the last thing on my mind as he pressed his hips against mine, and I could feel how much he wanted me. I whimpered, the heat in me increasing.

  I almost died when his lips left mine, but I sighed in relief when he traced his tongue along my jaw and down my neck. I sunk my nails into his shoulders, pulling him closer, if that was even possible.

  I had never felt like this. Eric never made me feel this hot, this needy, this wanted. Kissing Eric had been good, but this … this was magical.

  “Delícia,” he whispered against my skin before gently biting the soft spot where my shoulder and my neck met.

  I tugged his earlobe between my teeth, then ran my tongue behind it. He shivered.

  Then his mouth was over my ear, but he didn’t really touch it. He provoked me with his elaborated breath brushing against my skin. It made me crazy, just as I suspected he wanted. His hands slipped under my tank top, his skin hot on mine. His fingers teased the edge of my bra.

  “I want you,” he breathed out in a husky tone, and to prove his point, he thrust his hips against mine once more, making me gasp.

  I wanted him too. Right here, right now.

  But I didn’t feel free yet.

  I tried to get through the heavy lust cloud in my head to tell him that, but his mouth was back on mine before I could utter a single letter, and I was lost once again. His kiss was … perfect. The right equilibrium between hard and soft, demanding and asking, giving and taking. It was intoxicating and I was already becoming addicted to it. And to his touch, and to his scent, and to his body ……

  I was taken.

  But I couldn’t be. Not yet.

  It took all the inner strength I had, but I lowered my legs, put my hands over his shoulders, and managed to push him away. Thinking I was probably playing, he pushed against me, but I held my arms between us.

  Leo looked at me, confused. “What? I thought you were enjoying this.”

  “I-I was.” More than I thought possible. Avoiding his inquisitive eyes, I looked past his shoulder to Argus. “But this isn’t right.”

  He stepped in my way, making my eyes meet his. “Why not? You said you’re not that guy’s girlfriend anymore.”

  “I’m not. But he doesn’t know that yet, and until he does, I don’t think I’ll feel … free.”

  He frowned. “Free? You sound like you’re his slave.” If only he knew. “Morena, is there something you’re not telling me?”

  “No,” I said too quickly. “No. Everything is fine.” I watched him, the concern on his expression. “I knew asking your help again would be a bad idea.”

  He took a long breath, stuffing his chest. “I respect you and that means I respect what you want too. If you want me to pretend we don’t desire each other, I will try to.” I squinted at him. “I promise I won’t touch you, I won’t kiss you, I won’t say anything that suggests it, unless … you make the first move.”

  “I won’t make the first move.”

  One corner of his lips tugged up, and his eyes shone with mischief. �
��We’ll see.”

  I crossed my arms. “Now what?”

  With loving eyes, he reached to my arms, unknotted them, and took my hand in his. “Now, we work on Argus.”

  Chapter Twenty-One

  True to his words, Leo didn’t try anything during the next two days. We spent the entire weekend together. We worked on Argus, we helped Jimmy, we got the riding classes ready, and we helped them when they were back.

  Jimmy barbecued for us on Saturday evening—Leo insisted on putting a fillet on the grill.

  “It’s a gaúcho thing,” he said.

  Jimmy made a face at Leo, and he explained people who are born in the south of Brazil are called gaúcho.

  I got a dose of my whiskey on the rocks to go with the barbecue, and offered them drinks. Jimmy had a beer, and Leo refused them all and grabbed a soda. I found it odd that a guy his age was refusing alcohol, but I didn’t dwell on it.

  The next day, Leo made us lunch—something called carreteiro─in which he used the leftover fillet from the barbecue, and it was delicious. We gazed at the stars while closing the stable doors, and he would leave with a frown, worried that I was alone on a ranch that had already been set on fire. We walked around the property, and I showed him where the waterfall was. He tried to push me in the water, but I dodged him. At that moment, his arm locked around my waist, and that was the only awkward moment of the entire weekend.

  More importantly, Argus was responding well to the exercises. He even ate a full bucket of grain and a couple of strawberries from my hand on Sunday.

  It was perfect.

  On Monday, Leo came early, before his practice, and then in the evening.

  Jimmy had just left when Leo brought Argus to the round pen and gave me his reins.

  “What do I do?” I asked, taking the reins.

  He leaned on the fence, and I tried to focus on his instructions, not on the fact that his gray polo shirt hugged his shoulders and arms like they were breathing him in, or that his dark jeans were fitted in the right places. I loved the fact that he always wore his black hat and matching black boots—like a true cowboy.

  I shook my head and cursed myself for being this weak around him.

  “Hold on to the reins and walk around with him,” he said, as if that were the most normal thing in the world, especially with a mistreat horse. I raised my eyebrows at him and he smiled, taking my breath away. “Walk at different speeds. Pause. Retreat. He should remain half a foot behind you and do what you do.”

  “That’s it?”

  He nodded. “That’s it.”

  It seemed simple enough.

  I turned to Argus and looked into his eyes. “We’re going for a stroll, okay, boy?” My fingers itched to reach up and touch him, but I held on. This was not the time and place. Maybe after we were done practicing, not before when I could spoil everything.

  Argus didn’t snort, didn’t whine, and didn’t blink.

  Great.

  I took a deep breath and tugged on the reins, giving the first step. He didn’t come.

  I looked at Leo with a now-what expression.

  “Relax the reins and keep going,” he explained. “If he doesn’t go, then you stop after a few steps, but remember to keep the reins relaxed.”

  I tried again. With relax-the-reins in my mind, I gave the first step. And the second. And the third. I was about to stop on the fourth, but Argus moved, following me.

  A smile threatened to burst on my face, but I shooed it away, lest I disrupt Argus’s collaborative mood. I kept my lips straight, my mind calm, my posture firm but not imposing, and the reins relaxed. And I kept moving.

  I increased my speed and Argus matched my steps, always half a step behind. I stopped. It took him a second to do it, but he stopped. When I walked slowly, Argus waited for two or three of my steps before giving one of his own, but he was coming. He was following me.

  I halted once more, and this time he did it half a second later. I retreated—and that he didn’t do. He actually snorted and stomped his foot.

  Leo pushed away from the fence and started toward us, but I raised my hand, stopping him.

  I turned to Argus and looked into his eyes. The urge to touch him grew within me. “What is it, boy? Hmm? Don’t like walking backward? Me neither. It’s strange and you never know where you’re going, right? You can’t see if there’s any obstacle to trip over. I totally understand. But you know,” I whispered, leaning closer. “I’m here and I’m taking care of you. I won’t let you go through any obstacles you don’t want to, okay?”

  Argus nickered and my eyes widened. Had he really understood me and agreed with me? I glanced over my shoulder to where Leo was, and his proud smile was enough to make my pride rejoice.

  I got ready and returned to the exercise. I pulled Argus forward first, on a speedy walk, and he came with me. I stopped, he stopped. I went forward again, walking normally, and he kept up with me. Without halting first, I started walking backward. Argus instantly stopped.

  “Come on, boy, you can do it.” I gently tugged on the reins.

  He made a loud noise like a sigh and then, slowly, he moved backward.

  I had to lock my body not to jump up and down, and held on to my hand before it stroked his white coat.

  Calm, Hannah. He feels what you feel. Stay calm.

  Argus and I played that game for over forty minutes, until he didn’t hesitate stopping or retreating when I did.

  “Good job, boy,” I said, pulling the reins over his neck, so he could trot around the round pen without having them hanging and bothering him.

  Whirling on my feet, I walked to where Leo was leaning against the fence, and noticed Argus was coming with me. Leo raised one eyebrow at me, and I smiled.

  I took two more steps before stopping. Argus stopped too.

  I put a hand over my mouth to help me suppress the happy laughter trying to come out. Oh damn, the horse was following me without any reins or ropes!

  I walked in a circle, and Argus followed my every step. I sped up, and he caught up with me. I stopped again, and he did too. I retreated and he did too.

  With a big grin, I strolled to Leo with Argus in tow.

  “Impressive,” he said, his face alight.

  “I’m impressed too,” I whispered, afraid of scaring Argus. I turned to the horse again. “You can go exercise, boy.” Instead of trotting away, he advanced a step. “What is it, boy?” I extended my arms to my sides, wary of moving too much, too sudden. Argus took another step toward me and nudged my forearm with his muzzle. I froze.

  Slowly, Leo stood behind me, closer than necessary, clasped his hand around my elbow, and guided my hand to Argus’s neck.

  I held my breath.

  Until my cell phone started ringing. Argus neighed and trotted away, and Leo closed his arms around me and pulled me back, probably trying to get me out of the way, in case Argus advanced on me.

  “No, no, no.” I cursed with some nasty words in my mind as I reached for my phone in my pocket. Eric’s name flashed on the screen, and I only pressed the end button.

  Leo offered me a knowing look. “Have you accepted any of his calls lately?”

  I averted my eyes and shook my head. Deep down, I knew this action would make Eric even more upset than he already was, but I didn’t know what to say to him, I didn’t know what to tell him. I didn’t want to tell him anything. Hi, how are you? Are you winning? I didn’t care about that anymore.

  Leo ran the back of his hand down my arm, and I shivered. “How about we finish for today?”

  I checked the hour on my phone. It was almost eight and we hadn’t dined yet. Would he stay for dinner? I hoped so.

  “Sounds good,” I said.

  I picked up the ropes and whip from the floor while Leo grabbed Argus.

  We walked across the arena in silence. I looked up, hoping to find some stars, but the sun hadn’t set yet. When lowering my eyes, my gaze fell on Leo. I could stare at him forever, it seemed. So handsome
, so alive, so sure of himself, so simple, so kind, and so caring about Argus … and me.

  Leo saw me staring. “What?”

  I looked down as heat crept up on my face. “Nothing.”

  He put Argus in his stall with a bucketful of grain, and helped me check the other horses and to close up.

  We exited the stable, and I worked up the nerve to invite him to stay longer, to have dinner with me and talk a little.

  I opened my mouth, but he spoke first.

  “I should get going,” he said, his tone low.

  My heart sank. “Oh. Okay.”

  He turned to the path leading to the parking lot, and I caught up with him.

  He showed me a lopsided grin. “Are you doing the guy thing? Walking me to my car?”

  I shrugged. “It’s my house. I can do whatever I want.”

  His smile was gone, and his eyes were serious. “And you want to walk me to my car?”

  I returned the stare. “I want to,” I said, not sure where this bold feeling was coming from.

  As we approached his car, butterflies assaulted my stomach. What was I doing? I was encouraging him. Perhaps I should stay behind and say goodbye from the path.

  I couldn't make up my mind, and then we were standing by his SUV’s door.

  Every nerve in my body came alive when he turned around and stepped too close to me, his body hovering inches from mine, his intense eyes on mine. His eyes flicked down to my mouth, and I inhaled a sharp breath.

  Groaning, Leo put his hands on my waist, whirled us around, pushed his hard body on mine, and pressed me against his car.

  “You said you wouldn’t try anything.”

  “I tried to resist,” he said, his voice breathless. “I told you. It’s hard. Especially when I notice you don’t want me to resist. I cannot resist it.”

  I put my hands on his chest with every intention of pushing him away, but the muscles of his pecs under my palms caught my breath, and I melted. I was melting, and there was nothing I could do.

  “You have no idea how much I want to kiss you right now,” he said, his breath brushing against my lips.