“For coming here and helping me, well, for helping Ma.”
I turn my head to the side and he gives me a weak smile.
“Axel, I came here to help you with Ellie. I even brought Gabby along because she’s more than willing to help with the shop and anything that you need her to do. We are here for you, okay?”
He nods at me, lowers his head, and looks down at his hands. He takes a deep breath and looks at me again.
“I am going to head to my hotel. I’ll be here bright and early, alright?”
“That sounds great.”
I start to walk towards the door and I can feel Axel behind me, he continues with me and opens the front door. I am about to turn around but I feel him put his hand on my lower back, guiding me to the rental car. I hit unlock, open the door, and am about to get in when I feel Axel grab my hand. He tugs me towards him, and I look up at him and he has pure appreciation in his eyes. It looks like he isn’t as worried as he was when I first arrived.
“Thank you again, Samantha. I can't believe that you came. I don’t think that I’ll ever be able to thank you enough for this.”
“Axel, you and Ellie are important to me, I’ll always be here to help you.”
He pulls me into another hug and I wrap my arms around him— damn, his body is rock solid and feels so good. He lowers his mouth to my ear and whispers, “You are very important to me, too.”
I look up and smile before I get into the car.
He has his hands on the door and is about to close it when he says his goodbye.
“I’m happy you’re here, Samantha.”
“Me too. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Alright, drive safe and send a text to let me know that you got to your hotel, okay?”
“Will do. See you in the morning.”
The door is almost shut when he opens it once again and lowers his body to where he is eye level with me.
“Samantha, you look incredible. You always did but, damn, you left me speechless.” He winks at me, shuts my door, walks to the front of the car, and watches me back out. I wave and start to head down the street when I notice him turn to walk to the front door.
Damn, that man can make me feel hopeful. I head back to the hotel, trying to stop myself from smiling, while I try to keep my mind on why I am here. Yet, my mind just wants to go back to the way he leaned in and said that I look incredible and how he whispered that I was important to him. The drive was quick and I head to our room and make sure that I text Axel.
I am up and back at Ellie’s by six in the morning. When I knock on the door, Axel answers and looks like he was run over by a truck in the night. To my surprise, he smiles and wraps me into a hug—a great, strong bear hug and I can't help but breathe him in.
“Morning, Samantha,” he whispers in my ear as he kisses my cheek. My heart actually starts to race with such a simple gesture.
“Morning, Axel, how was the night? You look exhausted.”
I walk in and follow him to the kitchen where he has eggs and bowls of cereal.
“It was a long night because she had a few episodes. I finally calmed her down to fall asleep around three. Now, I am making her usual breakfast, but she wants cereal and she is asking for something I have never heard of . . . I was trying to figure out what I was going to do, all she has in the cupboard is Cheerios and she wants some type of corn flakes.” He looks utterly panicked as he is telling me this.
“Sit down, Axel. I’ll take care of this okay. Is she in her bedroom?”
“Yeah, she normally stays in there now, since she doesn't recognize the house and where she is.”
I pat his hand, just like Ellie does, and give him a wink.
“Okay, get some coffee or go lie on the couch and get some shut eye.”
With that, I walk past him, heading towards Ellie's room. As I am approaching, I get a little nervous since I don't know what to expect. I googled dementia and read a bunch of scary comments about how some with this disease can become very violent and hard to control, but I just take a deep breath, knock on the door, and slowly open it. My heart drops when I see the woman sitting in her armchair. The vibrant 84-year-old woman, who was filled with life, isn't the woman sitting in the chair. Normally, Ellie is up, dressed in her neon pink walking suit, with her hair and makeup done. Sitting in front of me is Ellie, but she looks weak and lost. Her hair is a mess and she is still in her blue robe. She looks up at me and there is no recognition, so I just smile and walk toward her.
“Good morning, Ellie.”
She gives me a small smile and just looks out the window.
“Wanted to see if you needed any help getting dressed this morning.” I walk behind her chair and start to brush my hand through her hair, to try and tame what is going on with it. “I could help you get your hair done and maybe get your walking suit on. Would that be good with you?” There still is no response so I walk over, bend down, and start to speak to her hoping that if she looks into my eyes she may recognize me. “Ellie, it’s me, Sam. Would you like some breakfast? I can get you dressed and up and ready so that we can dance along to some music before breakfast. Is that alright?” She turns her head and looks at me. She is studying me, trying to figure who I am—I can see it in her eyes.
“Hello.” She smiles at me and is waiting.
She hasn't really heard anything I just said, so I smile and say hello back. I get her pink walking suit out along with a brush that I have run under the water so that I can try to make her presentable. Ellie would want to be presentable. When I start to get her dressed, she is very helpful and cooperative. I did her hair and then heard a soft knock on the door. I locked the door when I got her clothes out just so Axel didn't walk in. I wanted her to feel that it was just the two of us and not get confused with “new” people walking into her room.
I take Ellie's hand and walk her to the door with me.
“Ellie, let’s go get some breakfast, okay?”
She has her head down and slowly looks up at me with her eyes that look lost, yet again. She just nods at me and I open the door and see that Axel wasn't standing there anymore, but I hear him in the kitchen. While walking down to the kitchen, I keep telling her that she was with me and I was going to be right there with her—there was no reason to be scared. She just kept her head down and held my hand.
When we enter the kitchen, Axel is by the refrigerator. When he hears us, he turns around and the shock on his face is laughable. He looks at me and I see all the questions in his eyes. I smile and shake my head and pull out the chair for Ellie. As she sits, she still keeps her head down.
“Ellie, look, Axel is here to have breakfast with us.”
Again, slowly Ellie raises her head and looks between us and just smiles and says, “Hello.”
“Hi, Ma, you look good this morning. Want some breakfast?”
“I'm Ellie. Yes, I would love some corn flakes.”
I pat her hand and walk towards Axel who now has a look of despair on his face. I can see that her correcting him on her name gutted him, but I grab his hand and whisper to him that it will be okay. He gives me a weak smile, turns around, and sets a bowl of cheerios in front of her. She smiles up at him like a child on Christmas morning, then she looks down and takes a bite. The silence is a bit overwhelming so I walk over to Ellie’s radio and press play. Unchained Melody starts up and I am shocked as I was expecting some Hip Hop to be playing. I start to sing along to myself while Axel and I clean up the kitchen while she eats. I am washing the pans from the eggs that Axel attempted to make when I hear her.
“Axel, my boy, you can't just stand there. Go grab Sam and twirl her around like Pa did with me. You remember this is our song, now, you can dance with Sam and it can be your song. Go on . . . chop chop.”
I turn around and see Ellie is at the table looking at Axel and he is standing there with tears in his eyes. He shakes them off, looks at me, grabs my hand, and pulls me to him. With my hand in his and his other around my
waist, he dances with me in the kitchen while Ellie smiles up at us. I pull back and look into his eyes. He smiles and mouths, “Thank You,” to me and pulls me closer. I close my eyes and take it all in.
“Give her a twirl, Axel. Yep, that’s it and now a good dip.” She is smiling and you see the love she has for her boy. It’s there right across her face. When the song ends, she is clapping and gets up and walks to us.
“You are a wonderful man, Axel Davis, a wonderful man.”
When Axel bends down and hugs her, I see he is holding her so tight, it looks like he is going to break her in half.
“I love you, Ma.”
She starts to giggle, pulls back, and pats his cheek. “I love you, too, my boy. Why do you look so sad? Don't be sad.” She turns and walks to the sink and stands there for a few moments.
“Ellie, you okay?” I touch her shoulder and she looks at me with tears in her eyes.
“I don't know. I don't know what I was going to do.”
She is shaking her head at me, looks up, and smiles still with tears in her eyes.
“Hello.” I can feel the tears that are pooling in my eyes because Ellie is lost again, but we had her for a few moments.
“Hello, Ellie. Come on, darling, I am going to take you back to your room, okay.”
She smiles and nods and we start to walk out the room while Axel just stands there and watches us head down the hallway. I get her settled, close her door, and lock it now that the lock is on the outside, as we can't risk her getting out and falling down the stairs. I walk into the kitchen and see Axel still standing in the same spot that I left him.
“Axel, you okay?”
“It’s just hard to see her like that. She looks so weak and lost. Thank you for helping. She wouldn’t get dressed in the morning for me.”
“It’s no problem. I am here now, alright. We are going to get through this.”
He starts to break and I can't stop myself from wrapping my arms around him. He tries to be strong, he is a rock to everyone around him, but this . . . this is breaking him and I want to take all of this pain away, I do. But all I can do is stand here in Ellie's kitchen, in his childhood kitchen, and hug him and let him break.
Everything is still a bit up in the air right now. Gabby is now helping out at Two Pricks with the front desk and some of the paper work. I took her down there the afternoon that I went to Ellie's. Everyone was so happy to see me, yet were all worried about Ellie. Gabby hit it off with everyone and Carrie is extremely happy to add another name to her checklist. Camaron wasn't there when we arrived but I did see that he had a paperback of my book in a frame hanging on the wall in his workstation. It’s great to see that he was proud of what I did. I hung around for a while but he never showed and Carrie said he probably wouldn’t, since he was back together with Roni.
When Gabby and I left, we picked up a pizza and took it back to Ellie's since she was already in bed, and if I knew Axel, he hadn't eaten. It was actually peaceful during dinner and after discussing it, since Axel was staying with Ellie to care for her, he offered Gabby and me his apartment, for the time being, so we didn't have to rent a hotel room. There was an extra bedroom at Ellie’s and after a few days of driving from the shop, I decide that I, too, would stay at Ellie's, since I was giving her care round the clock.
Axel would help in the mornings, schedule his appointments until six, and then head back so that he could have dinner with Ellie and me. I pretty much had Ellie on a schedule, getting her out of bed in the morning and dressed for the day. Axel and I dance around the kitchen during breakfast—sometimes she recognizes us. But I have noticed, those times are getting few and far between. During the afternoon, Ellie stays in her room either looking out at the garden or taking a nap. Today, though, she wanted to sit on the couch and watch some television. I take this time to write and Jessica, my personal assistant, keeps me on point, reminding me that my release is coming up and that I have to get this book done so I can get it to editing on time. I love my assistant, she really is the best but dang, she is more anal with dates and times and not budging on moving a date back. It’s Friday afternoon and I am pounding away at the keyboard when I hear a knock at the door.
I check to make sure Ellie is all right sitting on the couch—she hasn't even realized that there is someone at the door. I open the door to see Camaron standing there. I thought that when I saw him again, in person, that I would melt like I always have. But this time, all I see is Camaron—just Camaron. The boy that was my friend. My heart doesn't race and there are no butterflies taking off in my stomach. For the first time in my life I see Camaron as just . . . my friend.
“Wow, Sam, you look great,”
“Hey, Camaron. Come on in.”
I walk towards the kitchen, passing Ellie on the way. She doesn't even look up, not even when Camaron says hello—she just sits there and watches I Love Lucy and is in her own little world.
“Sam, I can't get over your new look. Babe, you look great.”
“Thanks, Camaron.”
“I was at the shop today and saw Gabby. She said you were here helping out with Ellie. Why didn't you call or text me to let me know that you were here? I would have come sooner.”
I grab two waters from the refrigerator and hand him one as I sit at the table. “I did call but it went to voicemail. I guess I just got really consumed with helping Ellie. When I do have some time, I am writing, because my second book is on a deadline and I need to get it done and off to editing.”
“Well, Sam, if you have things to do, let Axel hire someone to come in and help. Damn, you don't want to spread yourself too thin.”
I look at him and I want to punch him. How could he honestly say something like that?
“I can handle it, Camaron. I came here to help and that’s what I am going to do. Where have you been the last two weeks?”
I see the guilt come across his face because he doesn't want to tell me and he doesn't want to lie either. He starts to look around not making eye contact with me.
“Well . . . I took some time off, but I’m back. You staying in a hotel? You can come home, ya know.”
“Thanks, Camaron, but no, I am staying here with Ellie and Axel, while Gabby is at Axel’s until we figure out what we are going to do. It makes it easier, staying here.”
His face becomes red, he looks pissed, and he raises his voice at me. “So, what, you’re with Axel now? What the hell, Sam? You left saying that you needed to find yourself but then you come when Axel calls you?”
“Are you seriously being a dick right now, Camaron? No, Axel didn't call me and tell me he needed me. I’m friends with Axel. I talk to him more than I talk to you and you were my best friend. He told me about Ellie and, without a doubt or a second thought, I was packing my bags and heading back here to help him. Ellie took me in, Camaron, she has done a lot for me, and I bet she has done a lot for you, and you are going to stand there and question me on why I am here helping. Wow! You seriously have changed, Cam.”
“Camaron, my boy, how have you been?”
We both turn and see Ellie walking into the kitchen. I smile at the fact that she is with us again, even if that is for a few moments.
“I am good, Ma. How are you feeling?”
“Oh, sweet boy, this old lady is doing great. Why are you being so loud to my girl here? Camaron, you need to speak nicely to a beautiful woman. Like Axel, Tony taught him right. He would say, ‘treat a woman with respect, son. When you find the one you call home you will cherish her.’”
Both Camaron and I scrunch our brow as we are trying to figure out who she is talking about. Is she talking about Axel or Mr. Martinelli?
“I bet he cherished you, Ma,” Camaron replies to her.
“Oh, Tony, yes, my boy, he loved me with all that he was, the same way Axel loves.”
She then starts to hum, turns around, and walks back to the couch. I see that seeing Ellie in that state really affects Camaron. He starts to gather his water and he is
about to leave. Like all of the pricks, they have a tight bond with Ellie and to see her in this state truly breaks his heart.
I walk him to the door and he pulls me into a hug. The hug that use to melt me to pieces, now I feel nothing but just a simple hug. As I pull away, Camaron notices the tattoo on my wrist. He holds it and looks down at it.
“Not only did you change your look, you got ink as well? Damn, and I thought I would be the first one that would put the ink on you. I hope you went somewhere that was reputable.” He looks at me, waiting for my answer. I smile because I am still so proud of my tattoo.
“I did. Actually, Axel gave it to me before I left to go to California.”
That was not what he wanted to hear. He drops my wrist and shakes his head as he starts to walk away. He stops and looks back at me with anger lingering in his eyes and I want to make things right.
“Camaron, there is no reason to get angry. What the hell is your problem?”
I am off the porch and in front of his face.
“Sam, you inked your body! You inked your body and I wasn't the one to do that!”
“Yeah, Camaron, I got a freaking tattoo! You have a dozen of them, what the hell?”
“You had AXEL make his mark on you, NOT ME!”
“His mark? Ya know what, Camaron? Fuck a duck! You weren't around—you screwed that up NOT me!”
Once I say that, his face falls because he knows that I’m right. I stand there, panting, and I am so mad. I’m mad that he has the nerve to try and pull the best friend card when he wasn’t there for me, he can go fuck a duck for all I care. Ugh!
“I'm sorry, Sam, you’re right. I fucked up and I have apologized for the last six fucking months. I’m sorry. If I could take it all back, I would. I just want my best friend, I want you back, Sam. I want MY Sam back. Please.”
I walk to him and look him right in the eye. “I’m here, Camaron. I am standing right here.” I guess that’s not the answer he was looking for because all he does is shake his head in agreement, turn around and walk to his car.
“Well, I may have been a dick, Sam, but I love you. You know that and I never meant to hurt you. If you don’t want your heart broken then steer clear of Axel because he doesn't settle, Sam, never has.” He gets in his car and leaves.
Guided Love (Prick #1) Page 25
