Dead Vampires Don't Date

by Meredith Allen Conner

  My legs shook so I rolled to my side and just crawled. I paused under the low pine branches, shoulder leaning heavily against the rough bark.

  Sweet. Glinda.

  I'd created a road.

  Where Ivan had stood, a wide-open section - wide enough to drive a very big truck through - took the place of the woods. As if a meteor had crash-landed, trees were tossed, dismantled and splintered, creating a smoking hole that continued up and over a small ridge. Confused and disoriented leaves fluttered down on my insta-path.

  Aunt Tabs would have my hide at the destruction of nature and I have to admit to a small amount of guilt. Small amount.

  Morgan stood, hands on hips, hair-do totally destroyed and tangled about her shoulders. A small branch, caught on the ties of her bustier, stuck out near her elbow. Three leaves dangled listlessly. The silver thread of one boot had broken midway up, long frayed ends wavered drunkenly. That leg stuck out at an odd angle.

  I'd never seen a more beautiful sight.

  "Morgan!" I lurched to my feet, got caught by the branches, fought my curls loose and battled my way out of its clutches.

  She turned. "Day-Yam Kate."

  I choked. I meant to laugh. I wanted to. Pure giddy relief welled up and demanded release. Screamed for it. But I was just so thankful Morgan was okay, that I was okay, I simply choked.

  We'd done it.

  Ivan was gone. Heck, part of the woods was gone and the prince . . . I stumbled forward. He lay inside the grave, completely undisturbed. Green aspen leaves and broken pine needles littered his body. Stuck to his oozing parts.

  We'd truly done it.

  Morgan joined me. She set her shoulder on mine. We leaned into each other. Contemplated the prince.

  "That's really disgusting." Morgan sighed. "I've never seen what happens when we . . ." she lifted a hand.

  I looked at her out of the corner of my eye. She didn't seem upset. Tired. Bruised. Contemplative. But not torn up over the idea that this could one day be her.

  I looked back at the grave. I bet Morgan would be able to make even this look good somehow.

  I shook my head, cleared my thoughts.

  Wow. I couldn't ever remember being this exhausted.

  A rock rolled down the small incline on the other side of the pit, teetered on the edge and dropped on top of the body. It sank in about two inches.

  I looked up.

  Ivan stood at the top of the ridge.

  I blinked slowly. He didn't go away. In fact, he gripped his big assed sword and started down the hill. Walking. Toward us. Where Morgan and I stood.

  The static returned. A sort of strange incomprehension followed by pretty much nothing.

  Then in one moment, I had a blinding flash of clarity: this is exactly how the chicken feels right after the farmer has chopped its head off and the body part is running around impotently, spewing blood and the head part is lying somewhere in the dirt watching this and the only thing going through its little chicken brain is - WHAT THE FUCK?!

  My quotient of question marks and exclamation points had topped off and reached their limit.

  "It's Ivan." I pointed out to Morgan. "He didn't die."

  Yes, I know I should have been running like hell in the other direction. In any direction. As far and as fast I could run. Pleading should probably be considered.

  I couldn't force my feet to move. I'd lost track of my broom. The harness remained in place. I knew because I had at least one large splinter jabbing me in the back.

  I still held my wand. Fat lot of good that did me.

  I'd done everything I could. Used all of my power and some I didn't know I had. And he continued to live. I had nothing left.

  The fuck-head bastard was going to win.

  "My leg is broken," Morgan said. "I think I've got some internal damage too. I don't know if I can fly." Ivan strode closer. "You should find your broom. Fly away." She had the same curiously detached tone I felt.

  "Fly where?" There just wasn't any point. He'd track me down. If I went back to my apartment, he'd get Al too. Aunt Tabitha. Ash. My brain shut down, went mercifully blank again.

  "I love you, Morgan."

  "Same here, Chicky."

  With that, we both straightened. I moved several steps to my right. If I could distract Ivan, Morgan might have a chance. I didn't know how much of one if she couldn't fly, but some small stubborn part of my brain still clung to hope.

  "Impressive, Ms. Storm." Ivan leapt into the air and landed gracefully, opposite us, on the other side of the grave. He twirled his sword slowly. "I underestimated you."

  I really wanted to tell him that indeed he had and he was going to regret it. That would be a lie. I wanted to die with a clear conscience.

  I said nothing. Waited.

  "It's time to end this." Ivan lifted his sword.

  I closed my eyes.

  "Touch her and you die."

  I jerked my eyes open, turned to the side. Ash stormed towards us, chest heaving as if he had run all the way from Hell itself. He held a massive sword in one hand. Red and orange flames shimmered over his shoulders and along his horns.

  "You must be the demon," Ivan mused. As confident as if he had all the time in the world. "I've heard about you. Do you plan to die for the mortal as well?"

  Ash stopped next to me. He cupped my face, eyes narrowed as he turned my head one way, then another. He touched a bruise under my eye. "I shouldn't have left you alone."

  I totally agreed. And I could scarcely believe that he was here at the same time. He'd come back? For me?

  Ash moved in front of me, positioned his body so it completely blocked mine. He even reached around and pushed on my stomach to move me back and out of harm's way.

  Physically inserting himself between me and danger.

  It's damn hard to hold a grudge when someone will do that for you.

  "I have no plans to die today," Ash informed Ivan. "But I'm more than happy to send you on your way." He lifted his sword and charged Ivan, jumping over the hole.

  Ivan deflected his blow. The clash of steel rang out loud. Ivan twisted, lunged forward. Ash parried his thrust.

  Morgan grabbed my arm, pulled me back. "Use your wand. I'll help Ash. We can really kill him this time now that we've got help."

  She shot forward, kicked Ivan on the thigh and narrowly missed the blade as he swung toward her. Ash took advantage of his distraction to press his lead. He slashed upward. Ivan jumped back.

  I held my wand tightly, called upon my magic and picked up a large boulder from behind Ivan.

  Ash swung his blade. Ivan met the attack. The swords hit midway. Morgan launched herself forward, feet first. Her flying kick hit Ivan in the stomach. I flung the boulder forward.

  Ivan flew backward, slammed into the boulder. The momentum of the rock jarred his sword loose. It fell to the ground. Ivan slammed face first next to it.

  Ash was waiting. He brought his blade down in one clean sweep. Ivan's head rolled to the side. His body twitched several times then lay still.

  ****

  Morgan limped over and punted Ivan's head. It sailed off into the trees. Vampires heal rather quickly.

  "Compensate that, you asshole!" She grabbed her leg immediately, cursing loudly. They don't heal as quickly as with a little helpful magic though.

  That's my girl.

  I dropped to my knees. He was gone. Dead. Totally and utterly dead. I didn't have to look over my shoulder anymore. I was safe. Morgan was safe. Al and Aunt Tabs were safe.

  Ash grabbed my shoulders and pulled me up into his arms. I laid my head on his chest, leaning into him, his strength, his heat.

  I wanted to cry again. He'd come back. He promised he would, but I hadn't believed him. Not really. And here he stood, with his strong arms around me.

  He tugged on my harness. "Let's take this off." He unsnapped the release. "This will hurt." He yanked out the three stakes that were imbedded into my back.

  I've never been a rip
-the-Band-Aid-off type of witch. I screamed.

  He slapped his hand over the wounds. "Cast a spell."

  "That hurt!" I snapped.

  "Cast a spell." He pressed harder. I hissed. Damn it, that hurt.

  "Stop pressing so hard. That stings." I shifted to the side, Ash pulled me right back. He leaned down until our noses touched. "Kate, cast a spell," he growled.

  Sheesh. All right already. I cast my spell. Of course my back quit hurting immediately. Guess I should have done it sooner.

  He cupped my face, lifted my arms, held me at arm's length and checked my front then spun me around to do the same to my backside. I didn't protest.

  Aunt Tabs and Morgan don't fuss. The last time I could remember someone fussing over me had been when mom was alive. I like to be fussed over. It's a nice warm tingly.

  Ash twisted me back around. "You look better," he said gruffly. He placed his hand along the side of my neck, thumb stroking my skin.

  I really liked to be fussed over.

  "I vote we toss the body in with the prince." Morgan limped her way over to us.

  "What about the head?" I asked. I turned toward Morgan, set my hand on her shoulder and whispered another healing spell.

  "Thanks." The lines bracketing her mouth disappeared. She balanced her weight on both legs, flexed her shoulders.

  Morgan does not like to admit to any vulnerability. At all. Having survived for over fifteen hundred years, I can see her point.

  It's another common bond between us.

  "I'll have to find it." She scowled. "I'll bury it somewhere else."

  "Why not bury it here?" Ash pointed at the open grave. He wrapped his other arm across my upper chest and hauled me firmly against his chest. It's a lovely resting spot.

  Morgan eyed Ivan's headless body. Blood spilled in a steady stream from the sliced neck. It showed no signs of slowing. Thankfully, I couldn't detect any trace of goo at this point.

  "I'm not one hundred percent certain it wouldn't grow back."

  "What?" I whispered. Ash stiffened behind me.

  Morgan shrugged. "He's really old. I don't know what he could do, even truly dead. He was able to hide his presence. I didn't know we could do that." She paused. "I don't want to take any chances."

  Good idea. Ivan wouldn't bother torturing us if he got a second chance. We'd just be dead.

  I stared at his body. I shivered. We needed to get that thing buried in a hurry and . . . was his skin starting to look a little soft?

  "Let's toss him in and cover up all the evidence." I may have said it, but I didn't move. I didn't want to touch his body. Even totally dead, he still scared me.

  "I'll do it." Ash squeezed me gently. "You stay here."

  Well, okay.

  Morgan made to go with him. Ash stopped, narrowed his eyes. "I said I will do it."

  Morgan raised her brows. I carefully firmed my lips. This should be interesting. "Demon lord, huh?" She tilted her head, glanced at Ivan, considered the situation. "I'll go get the head." She headed off into the direction she kicked it.

  Ash grabbed the feet and casually flung the body part of Ivan into the pit on top of the prince. They squished together. I moved back several feet.

  Morgan not arguing with Ash bothered me. She doesn't like arrogant males. I, myself, have a slight weakness for them. She was a lot more upset than she let on. I didn't know if Ivan's nasty sexual suggestion continued to bother her. It certainly bothered me. Or if it was something else entirely.

  She'd just killed one of her own kind. Very few vampires are created these days and Ivan's death was the first in hundreds of years. Ash picked up the shovel and threw dirt on the bodies. Make that the second.

  I personally thought they both deserved it. Not very nice at all, but truthful. If anyone discovered the bodies and/or Morgan's part in it, she'd be sentenced to death.

  That's enough to pray on anyone's mind, no matter how old they are. And Ivan's cryptic comments about Morgan's background, what did that mean?

  I wondered if she would ever explain.

  Ash tossed the last shovel-full of dirt on top, patted the entire site down and then scuffed up the area, mixing pine needles, trees and rocks in with the dirt. By the time he finished, I couldn't tell where our illegal grave was and I stood only feet away.

  Why would a demon lord know how to disguise a gravesite?

  28. Gotta Love Me Some Demon.

  Morgan walked out of the trees. Ivan's head dangled from her right hand, fingers knotted in his short white hair.

  "Found it." She held it up in front of her. Like I might somehow miss the decapitated head she held. She tossed it casually in the air, caught it by the hairs again.

  "Morgan!" I closed my eyes, my stomach heaved. I know death doesn't exactly bother vampires and Ivan's probably less than another, but still . . .

  Morgan sniggered. Blood-thirsty permeates every aspect of her personality. Again, she is a vampire. It sort of goes hand in hand. I just don't often see it so literally.

  "What do you plan to do with it?" I peeked an eye open. Ash stood in front of me, his massive body blocking my view. I would have to lean way to the side to see around him. I stayed put.

  I waited for Morgan's answer. We all had a vested interest in the whereabouts of Ivan's remains. Both sections.

  "I'm going to put him in the waste water facility."

  "What about the explosion and fire part?" I know there are other things to consider. I do get it. Starting at the top of the list seemed logical.

  "I don't think this will cause an explosion." I did not have to look around Ash to see her holding up the head. Probably wiggling it. I could imagine that quite easily. I pressed a hand over my stomach. Too easily.

  "It's not big enough," she continued. I swallowed a few times. "I'm pretty sure once the sun hits it, it will burn up rapidly. I'll stay around just to make sure."

  Yes, she definitely had a few issues she had not yet resolved with Ivan. Morgan would most likely kick him into the disgusting, stinky pond and then do a happy dance as she watched him burn. I'm not judging. I'd do one myself if I thought I could keep my stomach intact.

  "What about the sun, Morgan?" There were no trees, or protective covering, around the facility.

  "I've got some UVBGone at home. I'll be fine." If she was willing to use UVBGone, she'd probably bring her i-pod too, as a little musical accompaniment for added impact. She's quite thorough, my UDBF.

  I found my broom leaning against the same tree I'd propped it on and we all headed out. At the edge of the woods, Morgan turned to Ash. She held out her hand. The one without the head.

  "Thanks."

  "My pleasure."

  "I'll call you tomorrow, Kate." Then she took off into the air.

  I leaned on my broom, Ash put his arm around my waist and we watched her go. In seconds, she was out of sight.

  "She's a good friend."

  "The best," I agreed.

  I should take off myself. I knew it. We'd killed Ivan, buried the body – bodies – and it was time to go home. I leaned a little more heavily into Ash. I didn't want to go.

  We were far enough away from the grave for me to put a bit of emotional distance as well. And he'd come back.

  I sighed.

  "I have to go."

  Damn it to hell.

  "Why? Where do you have to go? What do you have to do?" He might not think that we were at that stage in our relationship, but I sure did. My top does not come off for everyone.

  "I just have to go."

  I straightened, pulled away. Fine. I had things to do myself. Places to be. And a clear takeoff in front of me.

  "Well, maybe I'll see you around." I turned my back on him.

  Ash encircled my upper arm with his big hand. He yanked me around. I slammed into his chest. He tugged my broom out of my hand and dropped it to the ground. I placed both hands on his hard chest and pushed. He wrapped one hand around my neck and cupped my ass with the other to pull me i
n close. I tried very hard not to notice the flexing of his muscles under my palms or the ever-increasing heat of his skin.

  Little flames sparked over his shoulders, neck and down his upper chest.

  "Ash!"

  "Cast a spell, Kate." He tilted my head up and kissed me. Hard.

  I gasped. I couldn't cast a spell. I couldn't utter protective words with his tongue in my mouth. And I didn't want to. His hot tongue invaded my mouth like a conqueror in pursuit of a new realm. Ash sought out each and every place inside of my mouth, discovering, tasting, dominating.

  He rubbed over my teeth, dueled with my tongue and then sucked hard. I rose up onto my tiptoes. Grabbed hold of his shoulders.

  Fire scorched my palms.

  I jerked back. He held me inches away. "Now, Kate." I watched fascinated as ruby tipped flames made their way down his entire chest. Lingered at his waist. He'd be consumed in fire in no time. For me.

  "Kate," he growled my name. Urgent. Determined.

  I cast my spell.

  The last words barely left my lips when he yanked me up tight again. His hand under my ass pressed me into his hard erection. He nudged one thigh in between mine, settled me even closer in and ground against me. I ground right back.

  Ah, Sweet Glinda, this demon just did it for me.

  He melted my heart, my defenses and my body.

  I couldn't get enough of him.

  Ash twisted, moved forward and my back met a tree trunk. He pinned me there with his hips, pulled both my thighs open and looped them around his waist. He leaned in, his cock nudged my center, pressing, seeking - demanding. I moaned.

  He cupped my breasts with his large palms. Fire danced from his flesh to mine. He gripped my tight nipples between fingers and thumb, and tugged. I arched into his touch.

  His lips met mine again. Firm and wicked. He licked the seam of my lips. I parted them, allowing him entrance. He pressed deep, taking what he wanted. Giving me what I needed.

  I shoved my fingers under his vest, searching for and finding his flat, masculine nipples. I rubbed my fingers over them, tracing their outlines before I pinched the small hard tips. His entire body tightened. He gasped. I did it again. He pulled away from my mouth and groaned.