Love & Decay, Episode 11

by Higginson, Rachel

  “We’ll talk to Gage after Matthias leaves and start classes next week,” Haley declared. She shot me a huge, optimistic smile and then turned it on the younger side of the Parkers. “Aren’t you all excited to go back to school again?”

  Page squealed that she was and wrapped her arms around my legs. She melted my heart with her sweetness.

  Harrison and King mumbled something obscene and then ran off before Page could call them out for the cuss jar. Class dismissed.

  Page tugged on Haley’s oversized Henley and whispered something in her ear. Haley nodded patiently and then stood up to face me.

  “We’re working on something we need to go finish,” she said cryptically and then mouthed It’s for you! “Get cleaned up, Reags, and you can tell me more about your Cabin in the Woods experience with Kane the Insane.”

  “Clever,” I grinned at her. “I like it much better than Reagan the Idiot. However, there’s not much to tell.”

  “Surely you have at least three almost-kiss moments and one super steamy make-out right before Hendrix busted in and saved the day!”

  Hendrix turned to stone next to me- hard granite of tensed fury.

  “Hales,” I really tried not to laugh- honestly, I tried. “You know we don’t live in a daytime soap, right?”

  “Sure, I know that.” She grabbed Page’s hand and started walking backwards. “I know we don’t live in a daytime soap,” she gestured around the room and then pointed back at me. “It’s just you that brings the drama to the Zombie Apocalypse with such style and class.”

  “You’re such a b-brat,” I censored quickly.

  “You love me!” And then she was gone along with Nelson and Page.

  Also, she was right. I did love her.

  I turned toward Hendrix and threw my arms around his neck. “She was kidding. There were no almost kissing moments.” He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me hard against his chest. “Just that one make-out right before you walked in. But that was it. I swear.”

  And then all I could do was gasp and squeal because he was tickling me like crazy. I started laughing until tears pooled in my eyes and my stomach hurt from his torturous hands. I was practically screaming for him to stop, desperate to breathe again.

  Tickling was the worst. How could something make you laugh that felt so panicky and horrible at the same time?

  “Hendrix!” I screeched as he attacked my ribs with his skilled fingers.

  “You are going to give me a heart attack, woman,” he growled, slowing down his attack until his fingers gently stroked my sides in a feather-light touches that tickled for an entirely different reason now.

  My breathing heaved erratically in my chest and my vision blurred from the tears that had yet to fall. I let my lips curved in a secret smile meant only for Hendrix, and my hands now clutched at his chest where I had been pushing him away only moments ago.

  “Jealous?” I whispered, tilting my face up so I was in range of his beautiful lips.

  “Mmm,” he answered noncommittally. He leaned forward and brushed his mouth teasingly against mine.

  “Don’t worry, I’ll be fair.” I reached up on my tip toes and gave him my own version of a teasing kiss. “I’ll make-out with you later, too, behind a locked door, in the dark.”

  Hendrix made an animalistic sound in the back of his throat and turned me so my back was pressed into the cold cement wall. He lips descended on mine, hungry and demanding. He nibbled on my bottom lip and then swept his tongue over the same place. His hands gripped my waist, anchoring him to me, keeping them from exploring my body like he desperately wanted to- I knew he wanted to because I was just as needy to touch him.

  He pulled back a little to say, “I don’t know whether to be very pissed off or very excited for later.”

  “I never made out with Kane. You should know that!” I tried to sound offended but I was too worked up and breathy.

  “I’m not worried about you and Kane,” Hendrix chuckled against my temple and then let his nose and lips work their way down the side of my face and to my ear where he went back to work, tasting me, kissing me, loving me. “But that doesn’t mean I’m going to let you get away with teasing me.” His mouth dropped to my neck, at which point my eyes rolled to the back of my head and I lost my battle with regulated breathing.

  “Yeah?” I whispered.

  “I’m probably going to make you pay for all this emotional damage to my poor ego.” He tugged the collar of my flannel shirt open and continued wet, hot kisses along my collarbone. My stomach literally started quivering. His voice was low, growly and vibrating with lust and desire. “Later, behind closed doors…. in the dark.”

  A throat cleared behind us.

  Oops.

  Hendrix dropped his forehead on my shoulder and groaned. “I hate other people.”

  I laughed away the sexual tension and anxious energy buzzing inside of me and opened my eyes to meet Vaughan’s steady gaze.

  “Sorry to interrupt,” he drawled.

  “You should be,” Hendrix mumbled into my arm, his breath was hot through the fabric and as soon as it cooled, I shivered.

  “I’d like to go over what happened, Reagan. I have this bad feeling Kane is going to make our lives as difficult as he can now that he’s back in his father’s company and I want to know as much about him as I can.” Vaughan looked exhausted standing there behind Hendrix. His shoulders sagged, his eyes were black and blue in the candlelight flickering from file cabinets and other tall, solid pieces of furniture that wouldn’t tip over and spill lit candles, his hair was more disheveled than usual and his beard longer. This was a man carrying a heavy burden and I started to realize that burden was me.

  Vaughan was worried or had been worried about me.

  My heart clenched inside my chest and I felt more grateful for this family than I ever had. Where would Haley and I be without them? What would have happened to us if we never would have walked into that department store?

  Our journey would have ended at Gary’s settlement. I knew that was true. Gary would have forced us into his brothel and stripped us of our dignity and souls.

  Actually, we had like three bullets left when we wandered into that Missouri department store. Maybe we wouldn’t have even made it to Gary. Which in that scenario would have been a blessing.

  Yikes.

  I shook my head and banished those thoughts. Looking back at Vaughan, I said, “Let’s talk.”

  He nodded and led the way over to a worn couch and wooden rocking chair that creaked with every movement whenever someone sat in it. Hendrix and I took the couch and Vaughan sat a little higher in the rocking chair.

  “Start from the beginning,” he ordered gently.

  So I did; mostly for Vaughan’s benefit since I had already filled Hendrix in on all the highlights. I went over the conversation with Gage and how I thought I could help with Kane without causing too much drama. I told them about Tyler and how she was upset and supposed to get Hendrix to come help me. They did confirm that she went right to him, but the Zombies had already attacked by the time Hendrix got down there. And then I told them about the fight for our lives, running through the forest and surviving the night in the bunker.

  “So, he didn’t try anything with you?” Vaughan asked with soft eyes. He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees so we could meet each other at eye level. Hendrix put his hand against my back and let me know he was here to support me.

  “No,” I confirmed for them- again. “But I think that’s part of his game. If he were pushy or overly aggressive, I could point to that and say, ‘See? You’re a monster.’ But his whole thing is proving to me that he’s not a monster, that he’s not a bad guy.”

  The boys snorted almost simultaneously. Vaughan leaned back and rubbed his palms on his kneecaps and Hendrix pulled me close so he could press a kiss to my temple.

  “What do you think his game plan is, Reagan?” Vaughan asked after a few moments of thoughtful sile
nce.

  “I think he wants me as his possession. For whatever reason, he’s latched on to me with this idea that I belong to him. He’s playing it smart, really smart actually. He does a great job with the non-threatening gentleness, he’s patient until I almost forget about him. And then he’s there for me, you know?”

  “No.” Hendrix was that unmoving rock again. “No, I don’t know what you mean by, ‘here’s there

  for you.’”

  “He waits for me to need something, or someone. And then he finds a way to make sure I need

  him.” I paused to gather my thoughts but rushed forward when I noticed the reaction my words were getting. “Not that I let him be there for me. I’m just saying, that’s what he tries to do.”

  And Ok, sometime succeeds.

  But they didn’t need to hear that last part.

  Their murderous expressions softened into only extreme rage and hatred. So, that was a step up.

  “He thinks he’s going to convince you to go willingly,” Vaughan decided. “He thinks he can make you want him.”

  “He’s out of his mind,” I whispered. And then tried to believe it. He was. In some ways at least. But then he was also redeemable and vulnerable in other ways. Was his dad the catalyst to his fall? Or did he just understand how to use those endearingly humane pieces of him to manipulate and control and get his way?

  I would never trust him.

  I could never trust him- that would be the end of me. If I let Kane in in any way, he would take over completely. My small window to him would become his complete seizure of all control. That much I knew.

  “But you’re right about him using you guys to get to me. I’m pretty confident that’s his plan.” I put my hand on Hendrix’s thigh and squeezed it. Or tried to squeeze it. His lean, solid muscle didn’t exactly squish easily.

  “I thought as much,” Vaughan grunted. “What about Tyler and Miller? Did he say anything about them?”

  “I think they’re safe. He knows what Matthias is like, he doesn’t want to see them punished for running away. He doesn’t think Matthias will kill them, but even Kane can’t be sure. He said he wouldn’t say anything about them being here.” I found that a little hard to believe, but Kane was hard to read in this circumstance. There were times he really seemed to care about his brother and sister.

  And there were times when he only cared about himself.

  And that’s when I decided not to ask about Tyler and Miller. It was better that I didn’t know where they were or what they were going to do while Matthias was here. That way when it came up- and I was sure that it would- I could be honest and convincing.

  “Do you believe him?” Hendrix asked.

  “Sure, until I don’t bend to his will. Then I’m sure he’ll give me a new incentive to be obedient.” I stood up abruptly, feeling antsy an responsible for a tragedy that hadn’t even happened yet.

  I walked forward and turned my back on Hendrix and Vaughan, then I turned around and looked at their sullen expressions, then I paced to the side. I already felt the control slipping from my grasp and I hated it. I hated that the Allen’s were a part of our lives, that they intruded on this put-together happiness I had to fight to keep. They would take it all away from me if they could- the Parkers, Haley, Tyler and Miller, and I hated Matthias and Kane most of all for that.

  “Hey,” Hendrix called out in a voice that demanded I turn around and give him my attention. “He only wins if you let him. You know that, right?”

  “And if I lose everyone I love trying not to let him win?” I asked in a pleading tone.

  Hendrix shrugged and shared a look with Vaughan, “Don’t you know us better by now? We don’t let anything come between us, Reagan. Not even psychotic assholes that don’t understand the meaning of the word ‘no.’”

  Instead of relaxing, a tremor shook me at my core. I did know that about the Parkers. I admired that about the Parkers. But that meant this could only end one way and that was in a fight.

  And I knew it would end in a fight because I wasn’t selfless enough to sacrifice myself. Survival had taught me to be selfish, greedy for life. There were other things I would put before myself, but in the end they all revolved around me. Haley, because she was my sister by now and I couldn’t imagine my life without her. I wouldn’t survive the break between us, therefore I needed her for my survival. The Parkers, even Tyler and Miller, because I needed family, I needed companionship and conversation. They were good for me because they kept me human. But they also kept me safe. Yes, I loved all of these people beyond myself, but my interests were all self-centered. Hendrix, because I’d fallen for him so hard I couldn’t separate us now. There was no me or him. There was us. And what we could do together. And I wouldn’t give any of them up by leaving them. If I left them, then there would be nothing left of me. If I surrendered to Kane, what was even the point of the rest of this horrible existence? I needed them.

  I planned on keeping them, no matter the cost.

  I’d already given up more than I ever thought I could once before. I’d grieved my parents. I’d grieved the loss of civilized society and the world as I knew it. I’d grieved the decline of humanity and goodness and decency. There wasn’t much left for me to want out of life.

  So, I would fight tooth and nail, until I had nothing left to fight with, until I couldn’t fight anymore to keep those worthy, pure, beautiful and lovely things in my life. I would not give them up to save myself.

  This was not a love story that ended in tragedy.

  This was a tragedy that ended in a love story.

  I held Hendrix’s steady gaze and nodded. “I won’t leave you for him. As long as you’re prepared to fight him on this, or them, or The Colony or whomever comes after us… I will not leave you.”

  Out of my peripheral I watched Vaughan sink into his rocking chair. He blew out a relieved breath and ran a rough hand through his hair. But my eyes stayed firmly on Hendrix and his proud, adoring gaze.

  “We’re going to go clean up,” he told Vaughan while standing to meet me.

  “Be back in time to deal with all this,” Vaughan commanded. “You have two hours at the most.”

  Hendrix didn’t respond, just walked straight to me and kissed me sweetly on the lips without touching any other part of my body with his.

  “I’m serious, Hendrix,” Vaughan said louder. “Two hours or I’m coming to find you.”

  “Sure,” he threw over his shoulder. “Come find us.” And then he was guiding me toward the hallway.

  “Two hours is plenty of time to get cleaned up and meet back here.” I wasn’t sure if I was flirting with him or just trying to get a reaction out of him but suddenly a nervous chill racked my body.

  “If that’s what we were doing, you would be right,” Hendrix agreed.

  I cleared my throat and dug deep for courage, “Um, what are we doing?”

  I could hear the seductive smile in his voice even in the almost pitch-dark hallway, “We’re going to find that locked door and dark place now. We have promises to keep to each other.”

  Chapter Four

  Nervous insecurity warred with excited anticipation in my body and I was ninety-nine percent sure I was going to stroke-out before we even got to our destination.

  First things first, I hadn’t really been alone with Hendrix since our first kiss and that was still outside in the open where any Feeder could have stumbled upon us or Page could have walked in on our very amorous admission of feelings. If Hendrix could pull it off, we were going someplace alone, with a door that locked. I mean, was that even possible? Did those places even exist anymore?

  God, I hoped so.

  And also kind of hoped they didn’t.

  Because now was the perfect time for me to start feeling like a girl with insecurities and body issues and doubt. Awesome.

  I needed a little preparation before I went into this kind of thing. There were rituals to be done, steps that needed to be taken so that when-
and if- my clothes came off Hendrix could identify me as a woman!

  Oh, no! When was the last time I shaved my pits? It had been like…. Way. Too. Long.

  I winced thinking about the other places of my body that needed trimming. Holy hell, Hendrix was going to get eaten by my crotch that had evolved into a man-eating gorilla sometime over the last two years!

  Why hadn’t I invested in laser hair removal before I graduated high school?

  I hadn’t even been able to give my girly bits a good, sufficient scrubbing since we met up with the Parkers since we’d all been enjoying communal bathing with most of our clothes still on. It wasn’t like I could just turn around and loofa!

  Oh my gosh, this was so the end of everything I had built with Hendrix.

  Sex was clearly out of the question.

  And not just because there might possibly be mold growing on my va-jay-jay… No, that was only a small piece of the puzzle.

  One I would seriously fix immediately. Next bath down by the river, I was going to make a serious statement about feminine hygiene. I just hoped I didn’t traumatize anyone for life.

  I mean, Zombies were one thing. Asking almost complete strangers and one innocent little Page to witness an attack on my vaginasaurous was an entirely other thing to ask of humanity.

  No, sex was still out of the question because everything with Hendrix was still new. Even though we’d known each other for over three months and even though my feelings for him were concrete and potentially eternal, why didn’t I get to hold on to the one thing I had left to give to a man? It wasn’t that I didn’t think it would inevitably be Hendrix. I did think that. I believed that with everything inside of me.

  But there were still things that deserved to be special. Even in the Zombie Apocalypse, there were still parts of my life that could be given a higher standard.

  This was my first time. And once I gave it away, it could not be ungiven. There wasn’t this moral issue I had with it, nothing like that. But it was just that my virginity was mine- maybe the only thing I had left that nobody had any part in… uh, yet. And I wanted it to be special. I wanted it to stay with me when the world was bleak and crumbling around me. I wanted it to fill me with hope and joy and intimate moments that I would hold against my heart and not even share with Haley. I wanted it to remind me there was more to life than killing and nearly dying. I wanted it to represent this love I shared with Hendrix, to be the life inside this world of decay.