Affair of the Heart

by Joan Wolf

  It was a disturbing thought, and one she banished instantly from her mind. For almost the first time since she had known him, they were at peace together. She wanted to hold on to it, to catch this moment in her hands and savor it, not spoil it with fears for the future. She looked down at his dreamy face, and he opened his eyes and smiled at her. At that look, everything inside her seemed to melt. She ran her fingers gently through his hair and struggled to deal with the strange new emotion that filled her heart. It still did not seem real, the fact that everything in the world that would ever matter to her was lying right here with his head in her lap. He reached up and caught her hand, then drew it down to his mouth. At the touch of his lips she felt a shiver go through her. He released her hand, sat up, and began to unbutton his shirt.

  “Are you going swimming now?” she asked a little unsteadily.

  His eyes were bluer than the high Wyoming sky. “Actually,” he said, “I had something else in mind.”

  With a supreme effort she kept her face expressionless. “Oh?”

  He stripped off his shirt, and she regarded his shoulders and chest with detached approval. “I take it back,” she told him. “Without your shirt you do look like a football player.”

  He reached over and began to unbutton hers. “Let’s see what you look like,” he said.

  “I look like a swimmer,” she replied smartly, and, pulling away from him, she stood up. Under her clothes she was wearing a lime-green one-piece bathing suit that fit like a second skin. She looked fabulous in it, and she knew it. She kicked off her jeans and laughed down at him. “I came for some therapy, remember?”

  He looked down the long slender length of her to the bandaged ankle. He sank back down and put his arms around his knees. He hadn’t taken off his jeans yet. “Go right ahead,” he said amiably. “I’ll watch.”

  “Chicken,” she said and began to walk slowly down toward the spring.

  She didn’t hear him until he had scooped her off her feet and up into his arms. She yelped in surprise and grabbed him around the neck for support. He ignored her and went striding on toward the spring. He had taken off his jeans and was wearing a pair of light-blue bathing trunks. “Jay,” she said threateningly, “don’t you dare throw me in that water.”

  He reached the edge of the spring and waded out until he was up to his knees. He looked down into her face. “What will you give me if I don’t?” he asked.

  His head was very close to hers, and she noticed again how beautifully shaped his mouth was, how silky his straight brown hair. “Anything you want,” she answered him softly, and her gray-green eyes were smoky with promise.

  A small smile curved the line of the mouth she was watching. “Well, in that case ...” And he lowered her carefully onto her feet. She yelped again at the coldness of the water.

  “Chicken,” he said, and, wading out a little farther, he dove in and began to swim. For a minute Caroline watched the powerful strokes of his bare brown arms, and then she gritted her teeth and dove in as well.

  “I will say this,” she told him when they stood together on the shore some ten minutes later, “it doesn’t get warmer the longer you’re in. It gets colder!”

  “And I thought you were a tough Maine girl,” he said scornfully.

  “You don’t think the people who live in Maine go into that water, do you?” she asked incredulously. “It’s only the crazy tourists who do that.”

  He chuckled. “Come on and I’ll towel you dry.” She limped beside him up to where their things were spread out, and, true to his word, he picked up a towel and began to dry her vigorously. She was shivering a little with chill. “What you need to do is get out of this suit,” he said, and, putting his fingers on the straps, he expertly pulled the suit down to her waist.

  “Jay!” she protested, laughing, and he took her competently into his arms.

  “Cara!” he said mockingly and began to kiss her.

  When he lowered her to the ground she went easily, watching him as he stripped off his trunks, her senses deeply stirred by the sight of his lean brown body. The blanket was rough under her back, the sun warm on her bare breasts. He put his hands on her bathing suit, and she let him pull it all the way off her. She was so much in love with him that the thought of denial never crossed her mind. Her arms went up to circle him, and her lips parted under his. It was a very long kiss, full of sweetness and slowly building passion. Caroline moved her hands along his bare back, caressing the smooth brown skin with her fingers, feeling the strength of the hard muscles. Her mouth under his was passionate yet exquisitely yielding. He moved his lips along the hollow of her throat. The fiercely passionate caress seemed to burn her flesh.

  “Jay,” she breathed as his mouth moved lower, moved toward the swelling fullness of her breasts. She buried her hands in his thick hair and closed her eyes against the brilliance of the sun and of her own flaming response to him.

  He said her name, and she opened her eyes to look into his. Their faces were very close, and she could feel the evidence of his desire pressed against her.

  “Darling,” she said. “Oh, darling.”

  He drove into her, and she shuddered with sensation, shuddered with the glory of that hard, powerful possession. How she loved to give herself up to him, give herself over to him. He was saying her name over and over, as if it were an incantation, and she lost herself in the ecstasy of his movements. The world shook and the sun splintered, and she clung to him and he to her until, finally, they came to rest together. They lay quietly for a long time, wrapped in each other’s arms, and Caroline was filled with a happiness so intense that it was almost unbearable.

  How had she ever been so stupid as to suppose she might fall in love with Cliff or Gerald? That making love would bring love? She had known she loved Jay before he ever touched her, known, she thought now, the first time she had seen him smile. She moved her lips slowly along his collarbone. Here was her world, here in the circle of his arms. She never wanted to be anywhere else.

  * * * *

  They rode back to the ranch, saturated with sun and with pleasure. When they stopped the horses at the ranch house, Jay dismounted and came around to lift Caroline down. She swung her right leg across the saddle, and he put his hands on her waist. Through the cotton of her shirt their strength and hardness were unmistakable. He lifted her up into the air, and, laughing, she put her hands on his shoulders.

  “So you’re back,” said a cheerful voice, and for a minute Jay and Caroline froze. Then he slowly lowered her to the ground and they both turned to face the girl on the terrace.

  “Mary Anne!” said Caroline. “How—how lovely to see you. I didn’t know you were coming.”

  “I wanted to come all last week, but Daddy needed help in the store.” She came forward, smiling, and held her face up to Jay. “How is the hero?” she asked.

  He kissed her lightly on the mouth. “Fine.”

  “What have you two been doing?”

  Jay caught Caroline’s eye, then quickly looked away. “I took Caroline swimming. It’s good therapy for her ankle.”

  “How is the ankle, Caroline?” Mary Anne’s brown eyes held real concern. “I really wanted to come out to keep you company last week, but I just couldn’t,” she repeated.

  “It’s much better.” Caroline’s voice sounded shrill to her own ears.

  “Well, you two girls sit down and relax,” said Jay, “and I’ll take the horses down to the barn.”

  “Okay.” Mary Anne gave him a warm smile, and Caroline refused to look at him. “Come on back, though,” the dark girl continued. “I want to hear all about that mountain lion.”

  “Sure,” said Jay. “Be back as soon as I get the horses settled.”

  Caroline sat down on the terrace with Mary Anne and for forty-five dreadful minutes tried to make intelligent conversation. Then Jay came back and began to talk fluently of people Caroline didn’t know. Caroline listened, thinking that for a man who didn’t like to talk a lot
, he could sure do a good job when he had to.

  Mary Anne sat and smiled and answered and didn’t seem to have the slightest idea that anything was wrong. Couldn’t she feel the tension? Caroline thought. But apparently she could not. Caroline looked at her vividly pretty face and divined, instinctively, that Mary Anne was a virgin. She had no idea as yet of what had been between Jay and Caroline ever since their eyes had first met.

  Caroline looked at her stepbrother. He had had a lot of practice as a lover, she knew that as well. But not, apparently, with Mary Anne—the girl he had said he was thinking of marrying. He was smiling lazily at her now, and her big brown eyes were fixed worshipfully on his face.

  Caroline stood up. “Well, I think I’ll go take a little rest before dinner,” she said and hoped her voice sounded casual. “All this exertion has tired me out.”

  “Can you make it upstairs by yourself?” It was Jay speaking.

  “Oh yes.” She smiled brightly at the two of them. “I’ll see you in a little while.”

  Mary Anne smiled back. “Have a good rest.”

  Jay didn’t say anything.

  Dinner seemed to go on forever. Joe was obviously delighted to see Mary Anne and pressed her to stay for a few days.

  “Yes,” said Jay, with every sign of pleasure. “Why don’t you?”

  “Well, I’d like to, if you’re sure it’s all right.” She looked shyly up at Jay. “You promised to show me the horses, remember?”

  Mary Anne was really very pretty, thought Caroline dismally. She was very sweet too. Jay was very attentive to her all during dinner and afterward over coffee in the living room.

  Caroline took refuge in her room at an early hour. She tried to read, but her eyes didn’t see the print. They saw instead the face of her stepbrother as it had looked as he bent over her at the spring—and as it had looked as he smiled at Mary Anne.

  It was quite a bit later when she heard the sound of Mary Anne’s feet coming along the hall. She was to have the room next to Caroline’s—the room between Caroline and Jay.

  Then Joe came, and last of all Jay. The house settled down, and Caroline turned off her light. She wouldn’t see Jay tonight. The silence of the house was unnerving, and the loneliness of her bed made her ache. She closed her eyes, snuggled down into her pillow, and determined to go to sleep.

  An hour later she was still very much awake when she heard the soft sound of a doorknob being turned. She jolted up in bed and stared toward the door. The tall shadowy figure came silently into the bedroom and approached her on noiseless feet. “What are you doing here?” she demanded.

  “Shh,” he whispered. “You’ll wake them up.”

  “You’re crazy,” she whispered back. “Mary Anne is right next door.”

  “I know.” He sat down on the edge of the bed. He was wearing only a pair of beltless jeans. “We’ll have to be very quiet.”

  “You should go right back to your own room,” she whispered.

  “I will.” He pulled the covers off her and swung into the bed. “Later.”

  “Jay ...” She felt a surge of triumph as his mouth descended on hers. He had come to her after all. With Mary Anne in the next room, still he couldn’t stay away. His body crushed hers down into the softness of the mattress, and soon she couldn’t think at all.

  Chapter Eleven

  Mary Anne stayed for four days, and for four days she was sweet and friendly and helpful to Caroline. Under any other circumstances. Caroline would have liked her very much. That she did not like Mary Anne was something she could not disguise from herself. Nor could she disguise the reason. Caroline had never been jealous in her life, but she knew damn well she was jealous of Mary Anne.

  It was ridiculous, she scolded herself when she first realized what was the matter with her. Jay was only being polite to a guest. He could scarcely ignore the girl, after all.

  This excuse lasted her for three of the four days of Mary Anne’s visit. It was enough for her, during this time, to know that she, not Mary Anne, was the woman who held his real interest. He came every night to her room, and Caroline, dizzily and hopelessly in love, welcomed him with a passionate abandon she had not dreamed she possessed.

  On the last day of Mary Anne’s stay they took a trip up into the mountain pastures to see the mares and foals of the Double Diamond breeding herd. The stallion, Mahogany, was still down at the ranch house being prepared for the race in Utah, but the mares hadn’t been moved.

  Joe came with them. The day was windy, with high clouds scudding across the sky and occasionally dimming the otherwise bright sun. Caroline rode Magic. She was still not using her irons, and this brought a surprised comment from Mary Anne.

  “She doesn’t need them,” Jay said briefly. “Rides just as well without.” He glanced at Caroline. “Better, probably.”

  “So I hear,” Joe grunted. “The boys want you back to ride Mahogany for them.”

  “You rode Mahogany?” Mary Anne sounded incredulous.

  “Yep.” Joe looked at Mary Anne. “I’ll admit I wasn’t too pleased when I first heard of it. He’s not a vicious horse, but he’s a stallion and only half-broke. But I got the whole story from Frank the other day. She managed him fine.” Joe shook his head. “What I don’t understand is how a gal who can ride Mahogany managed to fall off Dusty and sprain her ankle.”

  Caroline grinned. “Pure carelessness, Joe. No excuse, I’m afraid.”

  “Well,” Joe continued to Mary Anne, “Caroline sure put the boys in their places but good. They had all been looking down their noses at her little saddle and the way she posted to the trot, you see, and then she got on and rode the damn stallion better than any of them could!”

  “Good for you, Caroline,” said Mary Anne warmly.

  Caroline cleared her throat. “How are they coming along with Mahogany, anyway, Joe?”

  “Not so good.” Joe looked at his son. Jay ignored him. “It sure is important to them to run that horse,” Joe said, his eyes on Jay’s profile. “I hear they made a lot of noise about him at roundup time. Put some money down as well.”

  “That was foolish of them,” said Jay.

  “Isn’t there anyone who can ride him?” Mary Anne asked innocently. “Apart from Caroline, I mean.”

  Joe didn’t answer, but his eyes remained on his son’s face. “The race is supposed to be for the men, Dad,” he said at last, irritably.

  “But the men can’t ride him,” his father replied patiently. Then, as if a thought had struck him, “Perhaps Caroline ...”

  ‘Whoa!” Jay glared at his father. “You can’t seriously expect her to hold that horse on a track with other stallions.”

  “I don’t know,” said Joe thoughtfully. “She’s damn good.”

  “I’ll ride him.” Jay’s voice was cold and flat.

  Joe grinned. “Well now,” he said heartily, “that’ll please the boys mightily.”

  “Are you sure it’s just the boys you’re aiming to please?” his son asked disagreeably.

  Joe chuckled. “Well, I’d surely like to see that horse win myself.”

  Jay only grunted, and Joe, having won his point, obligingly changed the subject.

  “Why didn’t Jay want to ride Mahogany?” Caroline asked Joe later as they sat together on a rock overlooking a field of wildflowers.

  “Jay doesn’t like Owen Macdonald,” Joe said bluntly. “The boys don’t either, and that’s why they’re so eager to win this race.”

  “And Jay isn’t?”

  “The difference between Jay and the boys is that they want to show Owen up—Jay just wants to keep clear of him.”

  “And you?”

  Joe grinned. “I wouldn’t mind winning that race. Owen sorta rubs me the wrong way too.”

  “What’s wrong with him?” Jay and Mary Anne were walking through the field together, and Caroline’s eyes were on them as she spoke.

  “Nothing radical, I guess. It’s his attitude that folks object to. Thinks he’s better
than other people around here. He spends half his time in England, hobnobbing with the lords and such. Then he comes home and looks down his nose at the rest of us.” Joe shook his head. “But he sure does have some good horses.”

  Down on the field, Mary Anne slipped her hand into Jay’s and looked up at him to say something. His head bent down toward her, and at the sight of them Caroline felt an almost physical pain.

  “Now that’s a pretty sight,” said Joe with a truly monumental lack of perception.

  “Yes,” Caroline croaked.

  “I like that little gal,” her tormentor went cheerfully on. “And what’s more, I think she’s the right woman for Jay. He thinks so too, I reckon. He respects her, and that’s important. There’s not too many girls he does respect, I’m afraid.”

  “Because of Nancy, do you mean?”

  “Partly. And partly it’s the gals’ own fault.” He gave Caroline a humorous look. “I guess I’m old-fashioned, but in my day it was the men who did the chasing. Nowadays it seems it’s the other way around.” He chuckled. “I wouldn’t be surprised if Jay became interested in Mary Anne because she was the first girl who refused to go to bed with him.”

  The earth seemed to drop away from beneath Caroline at these words. “Oh, surely not the first?” she managed to get out.

  Some of the humor left Joe’s face. “I wouldn’t be surprised,” he said darkly. “He seems to have the knack of charming women into doing whatever he wants. Even Ellen is his slave.” He looked at Caroline, and his smile came back. “Except for you, Caroline. You just keep on giving him the sharp side of your tongue. It’s good for him.”

  Caroline could find absolutely nothing to say.