Guilty! The Trials of Phil Ferguson

by Sean Russell

  TherewassomejazzfilteringthroughtheB&W

  DiamondseriesspeakersandtheyweresippingonadelightfulShirazAmanda

  selected.Philhadstartedlookingthroughherfolder.He’dactuallygottenasfar asthecoverwhenhebecamedistracted.

  His Blackberry burst into life, the ring tone exclaiming that it was Jade on the other end. She was on cloud nine. She had just got word that she had successfully defended her thesis. She had earned her masters. It had been her dream and she had been sidetracked because of her family’s poor finances, but withPhil’ssupportshehadwon.Shewassograteful.

  Shewassohappyandshewassoinlovewithhim.

  Shecouldnotwaittohearhisvoice.

  Philwasdistracted.Hedidnotopenthefolder.

  Instead he responded to his auditory senses. He responded to Amanda’s voice.

  Hedidnothearhismobile…itwasinhiscar,whereheleftit.

  Jade was crestfallen. She really wanted to hear him. Her disappointment was fleetingthough.Sheknewhewasbusyatworkorwithaclient.Sometimesshe

  thought he pushed himself too hard. She left him a text. She would hear from him soon enough. She would celebrate on her own… a mini celebration. The realonewouldtakeplaceathomewithherhusband.

  Amanda was singing to Phil. She had a soft, sultry but slightly raspy voice. It was distinctive. No one had ever sung to Phil before. It was unreal. Her voice caressedhisears,thewinerelaxedhismind,loweringhisdefenses.

  Shewalkedabouttheroomasshesang.Shecamearoundthecouchwherehesat

  and stood in front of him. The silhouette of her very sexy body announced its presencetohiseyesastheanglingafternoonsunlightpenetratedherdress.She drewhimuptoher.

  “Let’sdance.”

  “Iwasverymuchenjoyingtheshow.”

  “It’s time for you to get involved.” Phil was looking into her eyes. He was smilingnow.

  “Thisiswheretheperformancebecomesinteractive.”

  She pressed closer to him and they danced together slowly, intimately, like loversdo.

  Philwasslippingquickly.Hehadneverbeeninthissituationbefore.Heknew heshouldfeelguilty,buthewasovercomewithanother,moreintenseemotion.

  Hisconsciencemadealastditchefforttosavehissoul.Itsentamessagetohis brain. Getoutnow,itsaid.Itwastoolateinitsattempt.Itwasambushed.

  Her lips met his. His lips, his tongue, his hands, everything else responded. It was all over. His conscience was ejected. It was as close to him as his

  BlackberrywithJade’smissedcallwas,sittinginhiscar.

  CHAPTERTEN

  Amandalayonthebed,aking-sizedonefittedwithamattresswhichpractically caressedherasshelaydown.Itwasafarcrythecrampedquartersshehadinher childhoodwhenshealwayshadtoshare.

  She was accustomed to having her own bed now, and she’d had so much fun sharingitwithPhilFerguson.

  Themanwasblessedinallways.Whataman.Hehadthelooks,thecharm,the

  money,thestatus.

  He also had the equipment and he sure knew how to use it. He could make a South American woman scream. Her body shuddered just remembering. She remembered with all her senses. It felt so real, like it was happening all over again.Shewantedhimagain.

  Now.Themessagecamefrombetweenherlegs.Shecalledhimonhiscell,but

  he did not answer. She then sent him a very provocative text: ‘ I can’t stop thinking aboutthisevening.Ican’twaittofeelyouinsideme again.I’mgoingto startparttwowithoutyou. ’Shewassohornythatshedecidedtopleaseherself, andthenshewentstraighttosleep.

  WhileAmandaslept,Philwasguilt-ridden.Hehadbeenimmersedintheheady

  afterglow of their passionate encounter. He was high on endorphins when he enteredhiscar.Hismobilechirped,alertinghimofawaitingtextmessage.He hadexpectedthat,aswellasafewmissedcalls.Afterall,hewasamaninhigh demand.

  ThetextwasfromJade.Hissexuallyinducedeuphoriadisappeared.Hebecame

  immediately sober and somber. The realization of what he just did struck him tangibly,asifJadehadkickedhiminhisballs.

  Philheldhimselftohighmoralstandardsandethics.Itcamefromhisupbringing and his self-image as a lawyer who was the antithesis to the usual public perception that his less scrupulous colleagues had managed to invite. He had nevercrossedthelinewithaclientbefore.Itwasunprofessionalandunethical.

  He had never cheated on Jade before. He took his marital vows seriously, and

  believedinwhattheystoodfor.

  He was in a deep mire of guilt. He had never fallen so short of his moral standingsandhedespisedtheweaknessandlackofcharacterthatheshowed.He groundhisteethtogetherveryhard.Heracedoutoftheparkinglotandvirtually flew home. He would call Jade when he got there and had a chance to gather himself.

  He fell into a deep depression after that evening with Amanda. He took his failings hard—Phil rarely failed at anything. He was ill-equipped to deal with failureandhewasreallytakingthissituationtoheart.Partoftheproblemwas that he had really liked Amanda and enjoyed her company before any sexual interactionhadtakenplace.Heknewnowthathecouldneverseeheragainasa client,orasafriend.

  Nothing.Jadewasreturningtomorrow.Hecouldnotallowhertofindhimlike

  this.Itwasnotlikehim.Shewouldnotice.Jadewassuchadeterminedperson thatshewouldpryandprobeandprodandpickuntilshegotananswer.

  Phil had to pull himself together in time for Jade’s return. He’d never actually madethatcalltofindoutwhoshewaseither.Hehadplannedtothatafternoon, the second time she came, and he was about to make the call when Sandra buzzedhimaboutanurgentmatter.Infact,hehadtogotocourtonthatmatter the same evening. The next call he made was to the magistrate seeking an audience to argue the case. He did not get back to checking out Amanda. Of course,thenexttimehethoughtaboutheritwasbecauseshewasinhisoffice fillinginforSandra.

  CHAPTERELEVEN

  AmandalovedBarbadosandshehatedBarbados.

  Shelovedtheluxury,theoptions,thelifestyle.

  Life was easy here, but she hated not belonging. She hated being an alien, a secondclasscitizenwhowasnotwanted.Shehadnochallengebeingaccepted

  bymen.Herlookswereaninstantvisa.Butshewashatedbywomen.

  Schoolwasherintroductiontothisreality.

  Everyone knows that school children are merciless in their teasing. With her accentandthefactthatshewasGuyanese,theboysandthemenallwantedher.

  She never got discouraged and she was never down for long. Whenever things startedtogettohershewouldrememberTankoandhisclumsyrapeattempt.

  LifeinBarbadoswasabreeze.

  AmandaalsodiscoveredsomethingelseinBarbados—education.Barbadoswas

  once a British colony, and when it became an independent nation, a lot of emphasiswasplacedoneducation.Backhomenoonecaredwhethershewentto

  school or not. What mattered was that she did her chores; that she pulled her weightathome.InBarbadosshehadhershareofdomesticdutiestoo,butitwas light in comparison to what she was expected to do before. She was able to manage them and do her school work. Whatever string Mickey pulled was a goodone.

  MickeyflewoutwithAmandatwodaysafter
thatfatefulnight.Shewasmetat

  theairportbyamaninhisfifties.Hewasabaldingwithanordinary,blandface punctuatedbyafewwrinkleswhichexhibitedhisage,andanuntidymustache

  whichwasmostlygrey.

  In fact there was nothing distinguishing about him to Amanda, except the fact that he had a clear fondness for Mickey. It was if she had done something he could never adequately repay her for. Or maybe he knew she was the only outstanding-looking woman that would ever pay him any attention in life—her

  long, flowing chestnut brown hair accentuated in places by lighter-coloured highlights,hersmooth,goldenskinwhichencasedawell-proportionedbody,her pert face that had a neat, straight nose, hazel eyes outlined by incredibly neat eyebrowsandfullishlipswhichseemedjustrightforkissing.Allcontrastedwith his mundane appearance. She looked more like a poster girl for a Brazilian carnivalthananyonewhowouldkeephimcompany.

  HetookMickeyandAmandatowherehelived.

  Amandathoughttheywouldnevergetoutoftheairport.Itwasthefirsttimeshe had traveled. It was an aweful experience. The flight was not bad, a couple of dips and lurches in the twin prop plane. Amanda survived the flight without seeing her breakfast a second time. But the experience with immigration and customs was a nightmare. It seemed they asked Mickey a thousand questions.

  Someofthestuffwaspersonalandeveninappropriate,Amandathought.

  Mickeyhadtoshowthemoneyshehadonher,thentheyweresenttoaroomfor furtherquestionsandthenotionofastripsearchwasbandiedaboutbetweenthe officersintheroom.Finallytheyabandonedthatthought.Amandawasreadyto gobackhome.TheyeventuallyexitedthearrivalloungeandAmandasuckedin

  thefreshairoffreedomwithgusto.

  IgnatiusArthurseemedlikearegularoldguyexceptthathehadgreatregardfor Mickey.Theychattedashedrovethemhome,andAmandastartedtorelax.She

  took in the foreign topography of Barbados’ tropical marine climate which contrasted with her homeland’s equatorial rain forest. She was immediately struckbytheactivityontheroads.Theywerebusy.Shewasalsostruckbythe numberofhouses.Theywereeverywhere.Thedrivetookaboutthirtyminutes.

  Theypulleduptoamodestbungalow,andAmandawasshowntoasmall,clean

  roomwithasinglebedinit.

  Amanda’sheartskippedabeat.

  MickeyremainedinearnestconversationwithIgnatius.

  “Youwilltakecareofher.Makesureshegoestoschoolandgetsaneducation.”

  “YeahIwilltakecareofshe.”

  Mickeysearchedhiseyesandfoundhiscentre.

  Shestaredintohim.

  “Makesure.Iwanthertohaveachance.”

  “ItellyouIwilllookaftershe.Iserious.”

  “Youwillnotlayahandonher,notafinger!”Henodded.

  “Understand?Imeanit!”Sheglaredathim.

  Henoddedagain.

  “Shewilldoallthedomesticchores.Everything.”

  “How’boutthefood,shecouldcook?”

  “ShecancookwhatweeatinGuyana.Idon’tknowifitwillsuityou.Butshe’s abrightgirl.Shecanlearn.”

  “Ihopeso.I’samandatlikemybelly.”

  “Remember.Notafingeronher.”

  Helookedather,hisbodylanguageconfirmingthathegotthepoint.

  “IgoinglookafteryouwhenyoucomeGuyana.”Ignatius’facelitup.

  “Listen Mickey. Don’t worry ’bout she. I ent no child molester. I jus’ want the place here nice. I tired payin’ out money and people teifing my things. I could trustshethough?”

  “Yes.Anytroubleyouletmeknow.Yougotmynumber.”

  “Sowehavingsomefunforthecoupledaysyouhere?”

  “Sure.Icameforfun.”

  Shewrappedherarmsaroundhimandhuggedhimclose.

  CHAPTERTWELVE

  For the first time in his life, Phil was stuck. He was really stuck. He was still angry,andhestillhadaplantodivorceJade.HisroadblockwasthatJadewas missing.Hefeltstuckuntilhecoulddealwithher,talktoher,shoutather.Why hadn’theheardher?

  Shelivedhereinthishouse.Philwasgoingoutofhismind.Wasthiskarmafor hisaffairwithAmanda?

  He called her cell again… straight to voice mail. The phone was off. Where is she?Shewastorturinghim.

  She had struck a mortal blow and she was twisting the dagger in his heart for effect. But why? He was climbing the walls. Never in his life had he been so powerless.

  Hedecidedtomeditate.Helastedfiveminutesbeforehegaveup.Hewasunable toquiethismind.

  HedecidedtogoforadriveinhisM3.Hewouldscouttheisland,checkfamiliar places.Hemustfindherandconfronther.Itwastheonlywayhismindwould

  evenbegintorest.Therewouldstillbealottodo…

  likegetadivorce.

  *****

  When Jade awoke she was disoriented. She did not know where she was. She felthungover,butsheknewsheonlyhadonedrink.Shewasnotfamiliarwith

  hersurroundings,comfortableastheywere.

  She was in a bed covered with Egyptian cotton sheets with a soothingly high thread count. Jade didn’t care much for the colour and pattern—bold red and browndiagonalbands—butitwassoft.Therewasanantiqueupholsteredchair

  offtotherightandanexquisitefootbenchjustinviewbeyondJade’sfeet.She wastryingtomakeoutthecolouroftheroom,butitwastoodark.

  Thenthepainregistered.Ratheritwassoreness—hervaginawassore.Jadefelt

  a sudden, overwhelming onslaught of rage, fear, revulsion, sorrow, and confusionallatonce.Shebrokedownandcried,thenshescreamedintothesilk pillowclosesttoheronthebed.

  Itwasafteranhourofsobbingthatshenoticedthesubjectoftheletterthathad gotten her into this mess in the first place. It was a photo of Phil enjoying sex withaveryattractivewoman.Underitwasmoreofthesame,likeasequential viewofthecuckoldingact,exceptinthelastone.Jimmywasinthatoneandso wasshe.Noonehadclothesoninthatshoteither.

  Herheadwasspinning.Itwastoomuch.Howcouldlifeturnonyoulikethat?

  EverythingwasgreatuntilshegotthatletterfromJimmy.Hewasanevilman.

  Infact,allmenwereevil.Herhusbandhadlowgradesinhismoralassessment.

  Shewasdonewithmen.Theymadehersick.

  Who the hell was that woman in the picture with Phil? Jade had no clue, no warningabouther.Howdidthathappen?Jadepridedherselfonbeingsharpand notlettinganythingpassher.Shealsopridedherselfonbeingagoodwifeand keeping Phil on track, not giving him any reason to lapse. He had no right to cheat!Whatkindofsickmanwashe?Shegavehimeverythingthathewanted.

  She was always there for him. The only time she was off track with Phil was when she was doing her Master’s degree and then that was only the last few months.Philcouldnothavestrayedthen?Washethatmuchofababy?

  ShewasgoneforthreeweekstodefendherthesisinEngland.Wasitthen?She recalled that he was a little funky when she had returned and she was a bit disappointed. She had expected him to share in the euphoria of her success. It wassuchabigdreamforher.Hehadseemedjustalittledistracted.Heclaimed itwasbecausehehadmissedhersomuch.Shegaveitlittlethoughtbecausehe bouncedbackquicklyandreallysharedinhercelebration.Heevenboughthera necklace as a graduation present. It cost as much as a second-hand car. Things werefineallthewaythroughuntilye
sterday.

  Thesorenessinhervaginaremindedherofherowninfelicity.Whatthehelldid thatsickmando?

  She was going to have herself checked out as soon as possible. She was not goingtoinvolvethepolicebecauseshewasnotsurewhathappenedandshedid notwanttheembarrassment.Thelessthatpeopleknewaboutit,thebetter.She

  wouldseeherdoctortoday.ShedecidedtocallPhiltolethimknowthatshewas alive.Shewasnotpreparedtosayanythingelsetohim.Sheneededtofindout forherselfwhatwasgoingon.Shehadalistofquestionsforhimwhenshewas ready.ShethoughtofPhilandshethoughtofJimmyandshewasconvincedthat menwerethemostevilcreaturesonEarth.

  *****

  Jadeleftthedoctor’soffice,notcompletelyrelieved.

  Shehadtowaitforthetestresults,butshefeltthatshewastakingchargeagain.

  Onethingwasclear:theaffairwasnotanaffair.Itwasoutandoutrape.Jimmy Cadogan had drugged her. Her doctor suspected that Jimmy had given her Rohypnol;hehadslippeditinherdrink.Itwasknownasthedaterapedrug.It took effect in fifteen to twenty minutes, and commonly the victim experienced anterogradeamnesia—theyforgotwhathappenedafteringestingthedrug.

  That snake. I could kill him! Jade thought. But death without torture did not seemlikeenoughpunishmentforthecrime.WhatshouldshedowithPhil?That

  waseasy:castratethedog.Heclearlywasn’tdrugged,unlessitwasViagra.She knewPhil.HedidnotneedViagra. Yepcastratehisass,justlikeadog.Shehad gotten him to bank some sperm, though she was now not sure she wanted to motherhisoffspring.Theymayendupasdisgustingastheirfather.

  She hadn’t spoken to him yet, and the day was wearing on. It was early afternoon.Hemustbegoingoutofhismind,callingeverywhereandunableto

  findher. Serveshimright,thefucker.Shesmiledtoherself.Hisagonysomehow gavehersomereliefandevenmoresatisfaction.AnythoughtofcontactingPhil disappeared,atleastforthetimebeing.Shewasheadedtothebankandtoher lawyer.Shehadtotakestockofhersituation.ShewasgoingtomakePhilpay, butitwasnotgoingtobeeasy.Philwasafighter.Heknewhowtowin.Butshe knew him well, better than anyone else. She knew his strengths and his weaknesses.Shethoughtsheknewthemall,butthenshehaddiscoveredanother onelastnight.