Island Skye

by Fox Brison

  Fucking idiot.

  I headed straight back to the island, the whole way my mind reeling and my heart breaking. My phone chirped a few times, the Bluetooth connection interrupting the music, but I paid it no heed. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, especially not Natalie or Sara. I’d spent the last few months terrified she was going to say goodbye, for her to say that a fling was all she wanted. For most of the summer I’d been in shock that she’d chosen me, me, the geek, the chunky plain girl from the council estate. Why was she kissing Harriet? Were they together? Was I about to be dumped again? And why hadn’t she told me about the transfer? Why hadn’t she shared her greatest moment with me? And then I realised why.

  I was just a fling and she was just playing me until her knee got better.

  I still remember the day she announced to her family she wanted to play soccer professionally, that one day she would play for England and then follow in her idol’s, Kelly Smith’s, footsteps and play in the United States. She was fifteen, but I’d seen the gleam in her eye, the same gleam I got when I talked about St Cuthbert and going to Durham University. So it wasn’t a complete surprise when she achieved the first part of her dream because I recognised determination when I saw it.

  The second part of her dream was within a fingertip’s reach and it shouldn’t have surprised me she was grabbing the brass ring.

  And leaving me behind.

  ***

  The decision was remarkably easy. Pride made it simpler than I thought it would be. I did after all, hate confrontation; I would run from her before she had the chance to tell me I was a mistake, that I was simply a roll in the hay and meant nothing to her.

  “Hey gorgeous,” Natalie grabbed me about the waist and kissed my neck. I was still staring out of the small kitchen window. I’d seen her sauntering down the street, whistling, hands stuffed in her pockets. Not a care in the world. Again she’d taken my breath away. But this time it wasn’t because she was all sexy and stunning in her linen shorts and turquoise polo shirt.

  No.

  This time it was because she was a sex sociopath, fucking random women with neither compunction nor guilt. Making women fall in love with her before breaking their hearts. She’d just ruined my life, and she was dancing in the street.

  And let’s not forget the whole, ‘it’s been fun, but oh by the way, I’m off to America, see ya later’ thing.

  “Burton went well?” I asked.

  “More than well. I can increase my training and then back to full fitness. I’ve made a great recovery!” She tugged me back into her hips and rocked a little. “How about coming to help me celebrate.”

  “I can’t,” I said.

  “Can’t?” Natalie replied. “Don’t tell me Sara managed to weasel her way into another dinner invite?” Her sharp teeth tugged on my ear lobe, before her tongue licked around the edge. “We’ll probably have time, I can be quick.” She rocked again and I closed my eyes praying to god I wouldn’t start crying.

  “I can’t because I’m going back to Durham tonight. I’ve been offered a promotion. It’s huge.” I allowed delight to colour my words.

  “Promotion?”

  “Yes. Promotion. They were so excited with my draft thesis I was offered one on the spot. I need to go back and discuss my new contract, job spec. things like that. I might even get the chance to guest lecture at other universities.” It was all lies of course, but she didn’t know enough about my career to call me on it.

  “Okay…” Natalie stepped back. “Okay, well, I can be packed and back in half an hour.”

  “Packed?” I kept my tone light and confused. “Oh Natalie, did you think I was? Oh sweetie, it’s been fun, but it’s back to reality now.” I patted her cheek and ignored the shaft of pain piercing my heart, the shaft of pain I saw mirrored in her eyes. “I’m pleased your injury has healed well, good news all round.” I headed for the bedroom and picked up my pre-packed case. The rest of my things I would collect from the cottage when I knew Natalie would be gone from the island. “I just wanted to say goodbye.” I kissed her, for the last time and went into the bathroom for my wash kit. I heard the front door slam. Natalie hadn’t put up much of a fight, which spoke volumes.

  I drove over the causeway and stopped at the place where it all started. The wooden hut was innocuous. A gateway waiting for me to return, when I knew my broken heart could stand returning to the place and the person I thought would be my home.

  Sometimes a girl just can’t get a break.

  Chapter 32

  Natalie

  Nat, Mam’s worried about you. She says you haven’t called, or even answered any of her texts.

  Sara

  I’m just not in the mood.

  Nat

  Are you packed?

  Sara

  Yep. Have you…

  Nat

  She’s ignoring my calls. I can’t believe she just up and left. I honestly thought she loved you, Nat. I guess everything caught up with her, her Dad dying, the whole America deal. It’s why I kept avoiding talking to her about it. Maybe one day she’ll realise what she’s given up.

  Sara

  What? America deal? Sara? What the fuck have you done!

  Nat

  What do you mean, what have I done?

  Sara

  Did you tell Skye about Boston?

  Nat

  Well, yes, she knew about it though.

  Sara

  Not from me she didn’t!

  Nat

  Shit but she sounded so excited about it. Nat, I’m sorry, I thought she knew. Hell I even said about us coming to visit the two of you!

  Sara

  Fuck. No wonder she ran. I should have fought for her, but I was so hurt that she just seemed to brush me off without giving a damn. When she heard about America she must have thought I was stringing her along until I got a better offer.

  Nat

  Nat, don’t blame yourself.

  Sara

  I don’t, I blame you! Okay, that’s not true it’s just Skye doesn’t think she’s worthy of having anyone’s love. Did she tell you what happened after her mum’s funeral? Her father beat the shit out of her and she ended up in hospital. How the hell does someone come back from that?

  Nat

  She told me, but only recently. Are you going to call her again?

  Sara

  I’m not sure there’s any point. I tried, Sara, I really tried to show her I loved her, tried to make her see how special she is and that she deserves all the happiness in the world. It obviously wasn’t enough. It hurts so much. Jesus, can you believe I’m crying – again.

  Nat

  Chapter 33

  Skye

  I hated change.

  I had been back in Durham for two weeks and I was a dervish working all hours of the day and night until the last word was typed onto my glowing blue screen. I avoided thinking about anything except St Cuthbert and the comparison with modern day religious figures and cults. I barely slept, I barely ate. I certainly hadn’t answered any of my phone calls, not the ‘what the hell’ ones from an irate Sara, not the ‘are you alright’ ones from Michael and Tara.

  I took another big slug of the red wine that seemed to be never ending. It was a miracle worthy of St Cuthbert himself. Almost as big a miracle as Natalie Jeffries falling in love with screwed up Skye Donaghie. Ha! The devil on my shoulder returned and was having a field day. His angelic counterpart could do nothing but agree. As if. As if you could get the girl. As if a girl as perfect as Natalie could seriously have wanted to be with you. Not when she could have Harriet Davis, she of the limber body, faultless complexion and impeccable taste.

  Robbie and Angela were shocked when I knocked on their door and even more shocked when I burst into tears. They didn’t ask any questions, well Robbie didn’t. He left me and Angie with a bottle of wine and took the boys to Cameron’s.

  Angela was gobsmacked when I told her what Natalie had done even though she tried to hide it. I c
ould feel the censure pouring off her and I knew one day she’d have her say but, thankfully, she recognised today wasn’t the right time. So she listened whilst I got drunk and put me to bed when I got sick. The next morning the boys hugged me which brought about more tears. I said goodbye and went to see Cameron before he went to work. He’d had a heads up from Robbie, so it was a swift hug and a “we love you, Skye,” before he made me coffee and we chatted about Gemma and how much she was like me when I was little.

  It was with a heavy heart I returned to Durham. A place I loved. My sanctuary. The place that rescued my soul.

  I only hoped it would do so again.

  ***

  The furious pounding on my door matched the pounding of my hangover. I looked around my living room. Shit. It was a mess. Actually it was a pig sty. The knocking was growing more incessant and insistent so I dragged myself from the sofa and looked through the peephole.

  Sara.

  Yeah, right. There was no way I was going to speak to her. I turned to return to the sofa and more self-indulgent wallowing.

  “Open this bloody door, Donaghie, I’m not leaving.” She sounded frustrated. Okay, so I dumped her sister before she had a chance to dump me. Big deal. I wasn’t the one who lied, I wasn’t the one who cheated.

  So why the hell was I the one feeling so bloody awful?

  I knew Sara was stubborn enough to stay there as long as it took, so I decided to get it over with. I opened the door and walked away without even greeting her. She followed me into the kitchen, and when she tried to speak I held up my finger to keep her quiet. The coffee machine was thankfully finished its automated percolation and after a couple of aspirin and a huge glass of water, I poured two cups and turned to face her.

  My best friend.

  My best friend who looked like she wanted to throttle me.

  “I’m sorry you found out about America that way, Skye, but why did you finish with Nat? She wanted a future with you, you could have worked it out.”

  Should I tell her about Burton? About Harriet? About me driving home in such a state I could barely remember it? About me throwing my favourite dress in the bin because every time I looked at it, it reminded me of what I had lost?

  Nah.

  “It was time,” I shrugged. “She had her career mapped out before she’d even left school and I wasn’t in the picture. End of.”

  “You were, Skye. She wanted you to go with her. Please believe me.”

  Honestly, I’d had a lifetime of me being the bad guy and I was sick of it. Sara and our friendship was probably finished anyway, I had, after all, broken her sister’s heart. Yeah. That I doubted. “I went to Burton,” I said softly. “I was so excited for her I even packed my blue dress for the celebratory meal.”

  “The midnight blue one? Wow. Bringing out the big guns, huh?”

  “I wanted it to be special. Natalie had been there for me so much this summer, I wanted to be there for her too.”

  “Natalie didn’t say she’d seen you in Burton.” Sara was frowning and took another sip of her coffee. “What happened, Skye? I know you too well to believe you wanted a promotion over what you had with Nat.”

  “When I arrived I went down to the training grounds; they had an open session with Sky Sports. Natalie didn’t see me, she was otherwise occupied.”

  “Occupied? Oh, with the interview?”

  “It was good, wasn’t it?” I digressed for a moment. I had watched the interview a million times, tormenting myself. In it she said how happy she was to be joining the Boston Breakers, just like Kelly Smith had, to help grow the NWSL in Europe. Sky also announced a deal to show twenty of the league’s games too. It was a big deal, brought about, in part, by Natalie going over there.

  “She’s a natural.”

  “She had Marianne Williams eating out of her hand. She has more charm and charisma in her little finger than most people have in their whole bodies, doesn’t she?” Sara just nodded, letting me go on. “But no, in answer to your question, she wasn’t occupied with the interview when I got there. She was occupied with Harriet Davis.”

  “Ohhhh.” Sara nodded. “Now I get it.” She didn’t seem too perturbed.

  “Yes I saw my girlfriend, the woman I love, the woman I was about to give everything up for, with her tongue down another woman’s throat.”

  “No, you didn’t. As usual you jumped to conclusions. What you saw was Harriet Davis ambushing Nat. What you saw was Harriet Davies’ tongue down Nat’s throat, not the other way about. She told me all about it on the phone, she was so angry. Yes, the two of them were an item, and I use that in the loosest possible of terms. They had a friends with benefits arrangement that Natalie finished literally a week after meeting you on the island. That’s right, she was that smitten with you.”

  I couldn’t get past the ambush part. What the hell had I done? “So Natalie wasn’t cheating on me? She wasn’t playing me? I wasn’t just a summer fling whilst she recovered?”

  “God no, is that what you thought?” I nodded, numbly. “Dumbass.” Sara said softly.

  I nodded again. I had leapt to all the wrong conclusions, thought the worst about Natalie when all she’d ever done was shown me her best, and sabotaged the greatest relationship I’d ever had, or was ever likely to have.

  “So what now?” Sara asked me.

  Had anything really changed? Natalie was still going to America, and I was still a lecturer at Durham University. I couldn’t ask her to give up her dreams, it wouldn’t be fair.

  I shrugged.

  No, nothing had changed except instead of my heart breaking because I was angry and thought I’d been played, my heart was breaking because I was an eternal pessimist incapable of allowing happiness into my life.

  Chapter 34

  Skye

  “So you’ve finished?” Michael was staring at the document, a document which had taken me the better part of two years to complete.

  “Yep.” I should be happy, should be ecstatic. This document was going to make me a doctor. This document was going to justify all the decisions I had made, good and bad. This document…

  I began to cry.

  “Hey, shh.” Michael sat next to me and took my hand. “What is it? Natalie?”

  I gulped. “Sara said Natalie wanted me to go with her, but for how long? How long until she grew bored of me? How long until she found someone prettier, or someone with less hang ups?” The words were chasing each other seeking Michael’s approval.

  He wasn’t giving it.

  “De you love her, Skye?”

  “I do. I love her so much. But playing soccer in America is a big thing for her, the chance to help improve the league, to be part of a growing sport. And the endorsements, the sponsorship deals will set her up for life. She’ll have more chance of a career after she finishes too, there’s far more coaching opportunities over there. Nearly every college and most high schools have high quality girls’ soccer programmes. How could I ask her to turn that chance down and stay here with me?”

  He looked at my tear streaked face. “You have some hard questions to ask yourself, Skye, and the first is: can I live my life without her? The second should be what is the most important thing in my life? Is it Durham and teaching… or…? And finally, you need to think about where you want your life to go. Once you’ve answered those three, everything else becomes easy.”

  “I have a question for you,” Tara placed a glass of wine by my side and sipped hers. “Why does she have to give up her dreams?”

  “Haven’t you heard a word I said?” I asked somewhat harshly. “There isn’t the future after football for her here, she’ll be set for life playing overseas.” I spoke to Tara as if she were an idiot. Hadn’t she heard what I’d been saying? “Her career is on the up and I-”

  I looked up at her raised eyebrows, suddenly realising what she and Michael were intimating. Subtly. Okay, less than subtly. Sometimes I needed a brick thrown through my ordered stained glass window of a life.r />
  “I have contacts in Boston, I’m sure they’d be delighted to have someone of your calibre teaching there for a semester or two. You’re still on sabbatical, you’ve finished your thesis and you have the Beeb offer on the table. Skype is a marvellous invention, as is the ability to email documents instantly.” Michael smiled.

  “I-” But I could.

  Couldn’t I?

  ***

  The peninsula on which Durham Cathedral and Castle are built is surrounded by the River Wear and there is a leafy riverside walk which circles the island. Many tourists and students use it, either to view the city from another angle, or as a short cut to and from the library and departments located on ‘the hill.’

  I walk it to think.

  Summer was over, my work was done, and my heart was breaking into a million little pieces. Six months ago my dream was to finish my thesis and to return to Durham and my lecturing.

  Six months was all it took.

  Change terrifies me, but in those six months, everything changed. Nothing was the same. Not even the thrill I got as I stood looking up at the cathedral sitting atop the verdant green of the trees that offered protection from the elements. I heard the slapping of oars and the call of the stroke as an eight passed by on the river.

  I acknowledged that it was the terrifying paralysis brought about by change that held me back, that stopped me from believing in Natalie.

  The rain started. Again.

  It matched my mood. It hid my tears.

  It washed away my indecision.

  Chapter 35

  Skye

  I pulled my suitcase along the veranda of the apartment block, the fall colours (already I was thinking more American) a riot of reds and golds. It was so beautiful. Boston was so beautiful. I was glad Natalie had signed for this particular team. I didn’t really fancy living in Seattle. I might as well have stayed in the north east, there was so much rain. I was stalling. I knew I was stalling. I was doing everything but what I came here to do. I took a deep breath.