Ragged Heroes: An Epic Fantasy Collection

by Andy Peloquin

  It was the lawman who was silent this time. He could feel his blood boiling a second time and damn it was strangely good to feel a feeling this strong two times in such a short period. However, he’d been fooled and that didn’t feel good. Not good at all.

  Cuda stood up once again, but this time the table did turn over. Anger flooded through him now, and he didn’t remember the last time something had gotten under his skin like this. He wanted to kill the closest living thing, and he wanted to do it in the worst way imaginable.

  “Splitter, calm down, now,” said the burned man, backing up with the rest of the bandits, their backs now at the very far end of the tent. “We can talk ‘bout this. I don’t know what’s got your drawers in an uproar, but we-,”

  “Don’t be callin’ me Splitter no more,” the lawman said, cracking his neck. “The name’s Cuda.”

  All the dirty bandits, bent over like scared animals, stared at him in disbelief. One of them sputtered and started to laugh.

  “You do realize that Cuda is a woman’s name, right, Splitter?” said one of the bandits in the far back.

  This got the rest of the bandits going. They roared with laughter, slapping their knees, wiping tears away, and one even fell over onto his side.

  “The great Splitter! His name is actuality Cuda! Who would’a thunk it? Ha! You missin’ something downstairs there, Cuda? You sure you ain’t no woman?”

  As the bandits toppled over each other in pure hysteria, Cuda walked over to where he'd accidently knocked his hat off the overturned table, grabbed it, dusted it off, and placed it onto his head. He cracked his neck one more time and turned to them in a wide stance. He let his fingers wiggle by his sides.

  When they’d all had their laugh and were catching their breaths, he said, “I’ll give you all one choice, an ultimatum. You have one chance to answer it. The right answer lets you go and be dumb fucks elsewhere with your hides still intact. The other option…well … that sends you to an early grave.” Cuda took a big breath. “Leave here. Never turn your heads back to this camp, and stay away from crime. Trust me, I’ll know if you do. This is your chance to live on with your pitiful lives… or…”

  Cuda paused here.

  “Err what, Cuda?” asked the burned man, taking a few brave steps forward. “What will you do? Last time I did the summin’ up, there’s around twenty of us and, uh, just one of you.”

  Cuda smirked, twirled some saliva in his mouth and spat it across the room into the bucket of chili that was still stewing over a hot fire.

  “Or I just have to kill you all dead.”

  Chapter 5

  They sprung at him from all directions, screaming at the tops of their black lungs. The lawman let his whip drop from his overcoat sleeve into his palm. He felt the familiar roughness of the rope and couldn’t help but feel alive in that moment.

  He popped his wrist from the side of his hip, sending an eyeball skyrocketing to the celling of the tent, where it hung from a single sticky red string. He popped his wrist again, and the bottom lip of some poor soul flicked said eyeball, and the gore chandelier fell and rolled on the ground.

  A few more successful pops of his wrist were all he got before the rest were around him. Punching, biting, and slapping was all they were good for. None of them had it in their right minds at that moment to draw their swords. No, they wanted to hurt him, but they wanted to feel that hurt through their skin, not through the steel of a blade. That’s how much they hated the lawman.

  One of the bandits had grabbed onto his leg, which was a bad idea, for Cuda brought his knee up into the poor man’s nose, shattering it then and there. Another man came at him, but was no man at all on account of one of her dirty breasts flopping out of her even filthier overshirt. He front-kicked her hard in the chest, sending her flying backward. He followed this up with a pop of his whip, opening up a mighty large hole in her neck.

  Finally, the men had realized they could get nowhere with just punching and hollering. They drew their swords and made for him. Cuda did the same, pulling out his shortsword in his left hand and his whip in the other. He flicked his wrist and disarmed one man while shoving the tip of his blade into the ear of another. Soon, however, they were too much for him.

  One of the bandits had flanked him somehow and was busy chopping at Cuda’s overcoat with a dull, rusty blade. It took three chops before the sword cut through the tough fabric and sliced his back something good.

  Through gritted teeth, Cuda swung around, sliced through the neck of the flanker, and returned to face the others. He stabbed his shortsword into the gut of one of the bandits but found misfortune when the man fell over, ripping the sword from his grasp.

  Armed with nothing but his whip, Cuda spotted the burned man trying to get through the rest to have a go at the legend. The man’s face was red and filled with rage, having seen his brothers and one sister taken care of in such a quick manner. He was ready to end this man of law once and for all.

  Cuda, forgetting about the others for a second, rammed through the crowd, taking a few sharp pricks to his side, and grabbed the burned-face man’s neck in his free hand. He dragged the sputtering man to the cooking chili, kicked over the bowl, and lowered the clear side of the man’s face towards the fire.

  “Nooo! AHHHH!” screamed the man, his hands releasing his sword as he tried to keep his face from the fire.

  Too bad for him that Cuda was much stronger. The smell of burning flesh mixed with the screams of the man was downright horrifying, even for the lawman doing the inflicting.

  The rest of the bandits backed away as Cuda finished the job of searing the side of the man’s face. He died right there, cooking over the fire. Blood sizzled out of his ears as Cuda let him fall over. The rest of his body went ahead and caught on fire, too.

  The bandits, realizing what sort of beast they'd just awakened, tried to flee, but Cuda would have none of it. He beat them to the door of the tent and kicked at them until they were stuck inside and him outside. It wasn’t long before the rest of the tent had taken the flame.

  The bandits tried their best to sneak under the smoking tent but Cuda was there with his whip, cracking it and snapping off any fingers that tried to pull up the material. On the other side of the tent was his ever-so-faithful Bella, who was quick to prance on any unlucky bandit who had made it out of the fire.

  After a while, it was too hot for Bella or the lawman to stand so close to the tent. However, it didn’t matter too much on account of all the screams having gone silent.

  “I warned them, Bella. I sure did.”

  Bella snorted.

  “I gave them the option of freedom which was too good fer them, but I still did it. And you know what they did?”

  Bella replied with another snort.

  “That’s right. They made fun of my name. That’s the worst law they could'a broken.” Cuda spit on the ground. “Damn sure hurt my feelings they did.”

  Chapter 6

  Using the light of the fire, Cuda found Titan’s choulo prints with ease. He chose to leave Bella at the tent, figuring he’d be quicker and much quieter on foot. Still though, it took him a few good hours before he’d reached the meeting point of Titan and his so-called scout.

  “That ain’t no scout at all,” Cuda said under his breath, hiding behind the thick trunk of a metallic mactus tree. “That’s two damn lies Titan’s done told me, and that’s two too many.”

  The light from the moon revealed that the scout wasn’t a scout at all, but another lawman in the flesh and blood. Cuda could tell just by the clothes the man was wearing. It was the classic lawman outfit, complete with shiny red boots and red hat. Cuda wore none of that mess, as it just wasn’t him. Plus, he thought the outfit made a fella look like some sort of jester.

  The other lawman moved a bit, revealing yet another shadowed person. This one, however, was on his knees and looked to have been dragged here against their will. The worst part was, from this distance Cuda, wasn’t within earshot
and that meant just one thing.

  He’d have to get within earshot.

  “Take her and you’ll be set. Trust me. If there’s one thing that fucking mayor loves, it’s this lousy creature,” said the other lawman, kicking at the person.

  “Is that any way to treat a lady?” Cuda asked, stepping clearly now into the light of the moon.

  The creature the other lawman was talking about was a creature alright, and the most beautiful creature she was. Her long red hair, having been recently curled before bed, moved with the breeze and looked so graceful in contrast to what was happening around it. Her face was pale and looked as though she didn’t spend a whole lot of time outdoors.

  “Splitter!” exclaimed Titan, spinning around and looking guilty as hell with that damned toothy smile of his. “I didn’t hear you show up! What a surprise this is. You’ll have to meet my acquaintance. This is-,”

  “I know what it is he is,” said Cuda. “He’s this town’s lawman.”

  “That’s right, buck-o, and I suggest you turn your tail East and head back where you came from. Me and Titan here still have some unfinished accounting to take care of.”

  “Now, see that’s where you’re wrong, lawman… What is your name again?” asked Cuda.

  “It don’t fuckin’ matter what my name is. Like I said, you turn around and get yer—”

  Cuda dropped his whip and popped it in the single fasted pull he’d ever had done. In fact, it was more than just one pop, but two! And what perfect aim. Two eyeballs rolled to his feet, both of them staring up at him wide with surprise.

  It took a while for the other lawman to figure out what just happened. He couldn’t really see all too well anymore, and that was enough to disorient just about anybody. Cuda flinched a bit when the man started hollering like a damn lunatic. It was just embarrassing to see another man of the law fall like he did and roll side to side like a child.

  “Splitter, we can talk this through!" Titan said. "It dudn’t have to be like this. It’s my family, ya see? They’re hungry and this was the only way to really get this damned town to listen!”

  “What family, Titan? Pretty sure they’re ash right about now.”

  The wide smile of Titan dropped instantly and he looked more severe than he ever had looked. In fact, he looked downright angry. “They told you, huh?”

  “You was right about them. They wasn’t too bright.”

  “All dead?” asked Titan.

  “All dead,” confirmed Cuda.

  Titan let out a breath, and a whip of his own dropped into his hand.

  “I can tell you’ve been out of practice there, Splitter. Unlike you, I’ve been practicing every damn sun-cycle! I could light a match without moving her an inch!”

  “You can’t expect to beat the one who taught you, Titan. I know all yer moves and tricks.”

  Titan chuckled, which was hard to hear over the high pitched screams coming from the lawmanm bleeding all over the place. “Guess we’ll have to find out now, won’t we, Splitter?”

  Titan came on him fast, whipping his whip like Cuda never had seen before. It took everything in the lawman to match this man’s agility and accuracy. Their whips popped and licked at each other in the air, sending yellow sparks rolling onto the ground.

  On about the fifteenth crack of their wrists, Cuda felt an intense burn on his cheek, followed by some of the worst pain he’d felt in a long time. He tried his best to ignore it, but around the twenty-first snap of his wrist, he felt one of his fingers get plucked right off. Boy howdy did that sure as the four hells are cold hurt like a motherfucker.

  Cuda was wrong when he thought he’d seen every trick in the book. Titan had somehow figured out a way to spin the tip of his whip around his and yank the haft straight out of his hand. The two of them just stared at each other for the longest of times. Cuda was starting to feel like done meat right about now.

  “I sure hate to do this to you, brother," Titan said, "but you leave me no choice. Sure was good knowin’ you 'n all. But don’t you fret a bit, I’ll be seeing you on the other side one of these years.”

  The bandit pulled back his hand and was readying himself to finish the job with a quick whip pop straight to good ole Cuda’s throat. The soon-to-be-dead lawman found himself wishing he were back in his cozy jailhouse, whistling tunes and dreaming about the sun-cycle where he and Bella could just sit back on a porch somewhere while he picked at the strings of an instrument. Maybe he would have written his own song or two? Looks like he wouldn’t have that chance.

  However, when he was just about to dismiss the thought of him and Bella enjoying a quiet day at the jailhouse, the image of his smiley face arose in his head, giving him just one last idea.

  He broke a record that moon-cycle. Him pulling out that toothpick of his had to have been his fasted draw yet. Either that, or the motion of him moving to his overcoat had taken poor ole Titan off guard.

  With a flick of his thick fingers, the toothpick zoomed through the air, and right into Titan’s wind pipe, where it stuck.

  The ex-second-in-command dropped both whips as he tried his best to dig out the pick, his dirty fingernail’s scraping desperately at his throat. A few seconds later and the man was on his side, wheezing real bad. Cuda walked over to him and bent down real low.

  “Spli… tter…” wheezed Titan.

  “The name’s not Splitter no longer. I retired that name along with the life of banditry.” Cuda grabbed his whip and stood himself straight. He stared directly into the face of the moon and said, “Nope. The name’s Cuda and I’m a man of the law.”

  Cuda picked up his boot and crushed poor old Titan’s head, right into the ash, sending him on his way to meet his family. If he even had a family, that is.

  Chapter 7

  The town of Hitsholuh executed the unlawful lawman of theirs. Executed him right instantly, sending his head a-flyin right into the middle of the streets. He sure did deserve it, that was true, but it was funny to see the fat mayor Voftin pull off the execution himself. Cuda never would have thought the man capable of such a barbaric thing.

  As Cuda trotted off, he started to re-think his decision to deny the mayor’s request that he take his beautiful daughter’s hand in marriage. She was real pretty and all but… she was awful young, too, and that just didn’t seem too right to Cuda. Nope. Better he was alone.

  One other thing that sure was killing him was the fact that he’d forgotten to ask about that damn gem. Perhaps they would have shared some of their spoils with him, but oh well, he was a good sun-cycle’s ride away from Hitsholuh now and didn’t much feel like turning back around.

  That moon-cycle, Cuda thought he’d get himself some rest. Bella had walked off somewhere looking for some crawling treats her fat ass didn’t need. The lawman had forgotten to pull off his pack from her hindquarters and therefore had no pillow to rest his head on.

  Oh well. He’d just have to use his hat.

  However, no matter how much he tried maneuvering the damn thing, he always felt something hard pushing on the back of his noggin. Was he just destined not to get any damn shuteye?

  Cussing up a storm, Cuda threw the hat sideways and saw something queer and peculiar sticking out from under the ash. He dug and dug until a little more of the strange object revealed itself.

  It was crystal clear and likely the most beautiful thing he’d ever set his eyes on. The way it sparkled with the moonlight every way he turned his head made it darned hard for him to look away.

  This was the gem the bandits had been looking for. The town of Hitsholuh hadn’t been lying after all. They hadn’t had the gem because it had been here all along.

  That next morning, Cuda damn sure near forgot about the gem before heading on his way. However, he did remember and dug it out with the help of dear ol' Bella.

  He remembered this story with fondness as he kicked up his feet on his desk at the jailhouse, which was empty and quiet. Just the way he liked it.

  He strumme
d his newly-bought used twelve-string instrument, which was a little more difficult with one less finger, and sang out a few verses he’d come up with within a few hours. They sounded alright to him.

  The breeze felt mighty fine as it tickled the whiskers on his face as it blew in from the open door. Finally, he’d found a use for that damn heavy gem.

  It made the perfect doorstopper.

  The End

  If you’re totally into re-visiting this awesome world again, visit me at http://www.StevieCollier.com for more information!

  If you’re super cool and like super cool stuff like Free short stories and chances to win epic loot, go to: http://www.StevieCollier.com/FreeLoot

  About the Author

  Well hello there! My name’s Stevie Collier and I’m an American Fantasy Author who just graduated University with a degree in Business and a degree in French.

  When I’m not writing dark and high fantasy, you can find me at the gym pumping iron or running with my spoiled white Siberian Husky named Spartacus.

  I grew up with way too many creative ideas in my head and so I had to make a decision. Either I sit and write down all my stories… or allow my brain to explode fantasy all over the walls.

  Read More from Stevie Collier

  www.StevieCollier.com

  Heart of a Shadow Child

  Brandon Barr

  Blood poured from the side of Llani’s head, staining her golden hair a dark crimson. Savarah watched from the shadows, peering at the girl’s opponent, a tall lithe five-year-old named Jakk. The boy held his knife up over his head, poised like a serpent as he maneuvered sidelong, circling the girl, hungry to strike again.

  Jakk and Llani’s faces were lit by torches held by thirty Glory Watchmen. Isolaug himself had come to the tournament today and was perched on the Divine King’s shoulder, watching the two fighters vie for placement in the third round of skirmishes.