Sensational

by Janet Nissenson

  Ben gave her a warning look. “Your career – not to mention your life – could come to a grinding halt if you get kidnapped. And if you weren’t acting like a spoiled, immature brat right now you’d realize that this decision was made to protect you, not hold you back or punish you. But I guess it’s too much to ask for you to be grateful for once, instead of going on another of your rants. Let me give you a little unsolicited career advice, Ms. McKinnon – grow up. Because the next boss you have might not be quite as accommodating about your tantrums as I’ve been.”

  She stood frozen in place at his outburst, his words hurting her more than she would ever reveal. “I can’t believe you just said that to me,” she whispered, her fists clenching and unclenching repeatedly from distress.

  “It needed to be said,” Ben replied solemnly. “You’re a law unto yourself most of the time, Lauren, you run roughshod over everyone you meet, and have little to no respect for authority. It’s time you realize that you can’t always have things your way or expect everyone to always bow to your demands.”

  “Really?” It was all she could do not to spit at him, or kick him in the knee, or let loose with a torrent of swear words in mingled French, Italian, and Spanish. “Well then, Ben. If we’re getting stuff off our chests today, then maybe this is a good time to tell you a few things that have needed to be said for a very long time.”

  He crossed his arms over his abdomen, returning her stare without blinking. “Be my guest,” he invited. “In fact, I’m shocked at just how long overdue this is. Say what’s on your mind then.”

  “What’s on my mind,” hissed Lauren, “is that I was a stupid, naïve fool to ever invite you into my home, and even more so to let you in my bed. I trusted you, confided things to you that I’ve never told anyone else, and the way you betrayed me was beyond belief. When you left the way you did – without a word or a note or even a fucking “hey, it’s been fun, babe, catch you later”, I told myself that if I ever had the bad luck to see you again I’d either kick you in the balls or call you every filthy name I could think of. Or maybe even both.”

  Ben spread his arms wide. “Go ahead. I’m sure you think it’s the least I deserve.”

  She eyed him warily. “Are you trying to imply that you don’t think you deserve it?”

  He smiled faintly. “Well, you’ll never know the answer to that question until you finally give me a chance to tell my side of the story. So, tell me, Lauren. Are you finally ready to listen?”

  Lauren hesitated, her heart pounding so fast that she struggled to take a breath. This was it, she realized dizzily. The moment when she could finally learn why he’d left her five years ago, why he’d broken her heart and left her bitter and disillusioned, unable to place her trust in any other man again. All she had to do was say the word. But there was still one thing she needed to know before she agreed.

  “That depends.” She looked down at her boots for several seconds, willing herself to ask the question. “If I listen to whatever half-assed explanation you’ve cooked up, will it make a difference?”

  Ben’s brow furrowed in confusion. “A difference? To what?”

  “To us,” she clarified, lifting her gaze to his. “Will my knowing why you left change things between us?” Her voice lowered to a whisper. “If you tell me, and I accept your explanation, then what about – Elle?”

  His expression immediately became closed-off, almost as though he hadn’t given his girlfriend a single thought until just now. “What about Elle?”

  She refused to look away, to lose her nerve at such a critical moment, and blurted out impulsively, “Would she be out of the picture? Would you – leave her?”

  He shut his eyes, whether it was to concentrate or because he didn’t have the guts to look at her a second longer. “Lauren,” he pleaded. “That should have nothing to do with it. You need to hear the truth no matter what.”

  Hear heart felt like it was being smashed into a million tiny pieces – something she had once vowed would never happen again. And yet here she was, willingly setting herself up for some of the worst pain she’d ever known for a second time.

  “Just answer the question, Ben. Yes or no. If I – forgive you, tell you that I understand why you left, does that mean we’d be back together? That Elle wouldn’t be a part of your life any longer?”

  Ben slowly opened his eyes, and the sadness and regret she read in them brought an unwelcome shimmer of tears to her eyes. “No,” he replied hoarsely. “That’s not what it would mean. I couldn’t just do something like that, wouldn’t - ”

  Lauren held up a hand. “That’s enough then. And pretty much what I figured you’d say. So thanks but no thanks, Ben. Under the circumstances I’m better off not knowing your reasons. You’ve obviously moved on, and so have I, so let’s just leave it at that, okay?”

  “Lauren. Don’t.” He reached out a hand to her but she scuttled away as though he was a poisonous snake.

  “I’ve got to go,” she mumbled, unwilling to stay here with him a second longer, horribly afraid she’d do something undignified like cry. Or beg. Worse. “After all, I’ve got a trip to Utah to get ready for, don’t I?”

  She didn’t look back as she left, closing the door as she did so – both literally and figuratively – on Ben Rafferty.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Late September – San Francisco

  “I look ridiculous. This is way too much makeup. And I swear I’m going to break an ankle in these shoes. I’m warning you, Jules – you’re going to have great big ugly bunions in less than five years if you keep wearing these things.”

  Julia sighed. “Can’t you just deal with it for one night? You look amazing, Lauren, and there is no way I’m letting you wear jeans and boots tonight. I want to have a fancy dinner party, and you’ll stick out like a sore thumb if you don’t cooperate. Tell you what. We’ll ask Nathan what he thinks.”

  Lauren made a rude noise. “Gee, let me guess. I’d say the way he constantly drools over your tight skirts and stilettos means that he’ll approve. And tell me again why you’re so fixated on having this be a dress-up party. Why couldn’t we just order in some good Chinese food and a few six packs of imported beer?”

  Julia shuddered delicately. “First, because your idea and mine of “good” Chinese food would be worlds apart. Second, you know I don’t drink beer. Neither do Travis or Anton. And I can’t say for sure about Ian but I’d be shocked if he did. Wait until you meet him, Lauren. I swear if I hadn’t met Nathan first, I’d be making a serious move on Ian.”

  “Does Nathan know about this?” teased Lauren. “How much is it worth to keep your secret? Like, maybe swapping out these heels for some flats?”

  Julia shook her head. “No way. Especially since I don’t own any flats. At least none that I’d ever allow you to wear with that dress. And Nathan would never take you seriously. He knows I’m crazy about him. Now hold on. You’ve already smudged your eyeliner. Stop rubbing your eye or I’ll smack you.”

  “I’d like to see you try,” challenged Lauren, but she stood obediently still while her sister grabbed an eyeliner pencil – she figured Julia had a couple of dozen of them – and went to work repairing her makeup.

  She’d allowed herself to be talked into attending this dinner party at her sister’s flat during a weak moment. These past few weeks had been rough ones for her, and she was looking forward to hanging out with her sister and their best friend Angela for a few days. Not that being with Angie was going to do a damned thing to cheer her up, given the deep depression her girlhood friend had sunk into over the past few years. But maybe focusing on someone else’s sorrow, and trying to cheer them up, would help her to forget her own problems.

  Problems. Lauren scoffed at the very idea. Normally, she simply did not allow herself to have problems. All her life she’d been able to bully, argue, bluff, or charm her way out of anything that could have remotely been perceived as a problem. She had a near-perfect life, should have been happy
and content with the way it had all turned out.

  Except that she hadn’t been truly happy for more than five years now. And any sense of contentment she might have known had disappeared the moment Ben Rafferty had unexpectedly re-entered her life almost a year ago.

  After that awful scene in his office several weeks ago, she’d gone out of her way to avoid him. During the trip to Utah – which had actually been more enjoyable that she had expected – she’d relied on the other members of her temporary crew to check in with headquarters. And since her assignment in Utah had ended a full week before her regular crew’s trip to Brazil, she had flown directly to San Francisco a few days ago. She had arranged to participate in the planning session for their next assignment via video chat, and for once Ben hadn’t argued the point. Thankfully, she had a longer than normal break coming up, and wouldn’t have to see Ben the Bastard until early November. And maybe by then she’d stop hurting all over, as though she had tumbled down the side of a cliff and ripped her flesh to shreds while breaking every bone in her body at the same time.

  “Hey, are you okay?”

  Lauren gave herself a little shake, forcing herself out of the funk she tended to slip into all too frequently these days.

  “I’m fine,” she assured Julia, squeezing her sister’s hand reassuringly. “Except that my feet already hurt in these stupid shoes, and I look like a clown with all of this makeup.”

  Julia slid an arm around her twin’s waist and urged her to look at their reflections in the full length mirror mounted to the inside door of the bedroom closet. “Do I look like a clown?”

  Lauren studied her sister’s gorgeous, perfectly made up face – the big green eyes expertly shadowed and lined; the high, sculpted cheekbones emphasized with a discreet application of blusher; her full lips glossed over in a bold shade of red.

  “No,” replied Lauren a bit sullenly.

  Julia gave her a little squeeze. “Well, considering that you and I look exactly the same – and since I’m wearing more makeup than you are – then if I don’t look like a clown you can’t possibly look that way, either.”

  “Fine.” Lauren threw up her hands in surrender. “We both look hot. Maybe we should try to fool Nathan, make him think I’m you. Remember how we almost fooled Sam once?”

  “It was this close to working, and then you had to ruin it all by laughing,” recalled Julia. “But you won’t be able to fool Nathan so easily. He, ah, knows me a little more intimately than Sam ever did, and, well - ”

  “Yeah, yeah. TMI, sis,” warned Lauren. “Now, if you’ve finished dressing me up like a Barbie doll, I could really use a drink.”

  Julia laughed. “You look much hotter than any Barbie doll I ever had. And why do my things always look better on you than they do on me?”

  The sisters were the same height, and had almost identical builds, though Julia carried about five extra pounds and was softer and curvier than the leanly muscled Lauren. And while Lauren did have some nice things of her own – dresses, skirts, silk blouses, heels – she kept most of that stuff at Aunt Maddy’s apartment. Julia had wrinkled her nose in distaste when she’d seen the contents of Lauren’s duffle bag, all of it casual and far more suited to the rock climbing and white water rafting she’d done in Utah than attending a fancy dinner party.

  Lauren supposed the outfit her sister had bullied her into wearing looked nice. Certainly the blush pink Alexander McQueen corset dress and nude Manolo Blahnik patent leather stiletto sandals looked expensive, classy, and sexy at the same time. She gave herself a wry smile to realize she’d pretty much described Julia’s entire wardrobe with those three words.

  Nathan emitted a low whistle as the twins emerged from the bedroom. He was just uncorking a bottle of champagne, and filled three flutes before handing two of them to the girls.

  “To the two loveliest ladies in San Francisco,” he toasted gallantly. “And before you ask, Lauren – yes, I can definitely tell you apart so don’t try and prank me.”

  Lauren smirked at him. “Aw. Spoilsport. But no worries. I don’t think Julia would have been too happy if you’d really mixed us up. She was never thrilled about sharing her toys with me, were you, sis?”

  Julia scowled. “Maybe that’s because my dolls and stuffed animals usually wound up being beheaded, dismembered, or otherwise maimed. And Nathan isn’t a toy.”

  Nathan slid an arm around her waist and nuzzled the side of her neck. “Ah, but you do like to play with me, don’t you?”

  “Ugh.” Lauren grimaced as the two of them began to canoodle right in front of her. “I hope you two don’t plan on making out all night, especially since you’re expecting company any minute now. Ah, saved by the bell.”

  The first guests to arrive were Julia’s boss – and Nathan’s business partner – Travis Headley and his significant other Anton Nguyen. Lauren had met Travis back in June during a lunch out with Julia. That momentous lunch had also been the first time she had met Nathan, and she had quite deliberately baited him with the announcement that she was taking Julia out clubbing to troll for hot guys. Nathan had been almost seething with barely suppressed rage, had tracked them down at a club the following evening, and then basically claimed Julia as his own. He’d promptly broken off his engagement to his former fiancée, and had wasted little time in letting everyone know that he and Julia were now together.

  It had occurred to Lauren more than once that perhaps she should have employed similar tactics with Ben. Oh, he had certainly witnessed her playful flirting with any number of other men, but everyone knew that she didn’t have anyone serious in her life. What would his reaction had been if he’d been led to believe she actually did have a new, steady boyfriend?

  But she hadn’t wanted to resort to tricks or innuendoes to get Ben back. He’d made his choice, and had chosen to stay with Elle. She was probably good for him, reasoned Lauren, provided him with stability and calm, things that Lauren wouldn’t be able to offer. She was admittedly wild and impulsive, had trouble sitting still or staying in one place for very long. And while Ben had told her very little about his childhood, she knew he had been a loner most of his life. Perhaps with Elle he’d finally found what he had been missing all these years – a stable home, a regular routine, the promise of a family one day.

  And then, because the very thought of Ben one day marrying Elle and having children together filled her with unbearable sadness, she bolted down her flute of champagne, refilled it, and breezed over to greet Travis and Anton.

  Travis, like Nathan, had worn a suit and tie, his wheat blond hair giving him a very youthful appearance. He gave Lauren an exuberant kiss on the cheek before introducing her to his partner.

  The dark haired, half-Vietnamese Anton was far more flamboyant in both his dress and mannerisms than the more subdued Travis, and he greeted Lauren as if they were old friends.

  “Hello, gorgeous,” he enthused. “Wow, look at the two of you! When Julia told me you were identical twins, I didn’t think you’d look – well, identical. Except for the outfits, of course. Though it’s a bit of a fashion role reversal, don’t you think? I mean, I was told that Lauren is the naughty twin, but it’s Julia who looks positively devilish tonight.”

  Lauren had thought rather the same thing earlier when Julia had set their outfits out. It was admittedly ironic that Lauren was wearing the blush pink dress – even though her boobs were pushed up to a rather amazing display in the tight fitting corset styled bodice. Her makeup was also in soft tones – silver gray eye shadow, pale pink cheeks, rose glossed lips.

  Whereas Julia was wearing screaming, sultry, lipstick red – a lacy, strapless Dolce & Gabbana number paired with bejeweled bronze stiletto sandals from the same designer. Her makeup was bolder, darker, more dramatic, capped off with the vivid carmine lipstick.

  Lauren grinned at Anton, sensing a kindred spirit. “Well, I wanted to wear jeans and boots like I usually do, but someone can be very pushy when she sets her mind to it. Though I swear t
hese shoes will not be remaining on my feet for the entire evening. I’ve got a pair of flip flops stashed nearby.”

  Anton laughed. “Oooh, you are a feisty one, aren’t you? But, sweetie, where’s your date? Don’t you dare try and tell me a gorgeous thing like you doesn’t have a dozen different guys on the hook at a time.”

  She shook her head. “Nah. Men are too much trouble. I’m here solo tonight.”

  “Maybe for now,” said Julia slyly. “We’ll see how the evening pans out.”

  Lauren gave her sister a warning look. “Jules, don’t start, okay? You are not going to fix me up with – what’s his name again? Evan? Ira?”

  “Ian,” corrected Julia. “Ian Gregson. And he’s Nathan’s best client, so please do not embarrass us tonight.”

  Anton gasped. “Omigod! Ian Gregson – the Ian Gregson – is going to be here tonight? Travis, you bad boy, why didn’t you tell me? I would have worn something more befitting a visit from royalty. And smoking hot royalty to boot.”

  Travis shook his head. “Ian is not royalty. He’s just – very British. And a little stuffy. But he’s also a hunk, Lauren. And single. And very, very rich.”

  Lauren rolled her eyes heavenward. “Yeah, so I’ve been told. Multiple times. I will try very, very hard not to embarrass you, Jules. Or drool.”

  But the latter promise proved extremely difficult to abide by when the man himself walked into Julia’s living room a few minutes later, presenting his hostess with an expensive bottle of wine and a beautiful bouquet of fall flowers.

  Julia had tried to warn her – “he’s got this aura about him, this charisma, and when he walks into a room everyone sits up and takes notice. He’s just – overwhelming. Powerful. Trust me, you won’t be immune either.”

  Lauren could count on one hand the number of people who had intimidated her over the years – two of her martial arts teachers; her father, at least on those rare occasions when he’d really set his foot down; and now this tall, broad-shouldered, and spectacularly handsome man. With his dark hair, tanned skin, and rugged but refined features, Ian Gregson looked like a movie star or a diplomat. And even though she wasn’t normally attracted to a man who wore a suit, she also wasn’t blind or half-dead, and had to admit that he wore the dark blue pinstriped suit very, very well. He was, as Julia had said, overwhelming.